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Post by paperaddict on Feb 15, 2018 23:51:06 GMT
I am so tired of trying to get pregnant and IVF. I just want hide underneath my bed covers and cry. It has been going on for almost 2 years and I am so exhausted from the injections, side effects from them, and just the sadness I feel everything I get my period. I am at work with a really bad headache and acid reflux. It is going to be long shift.
Any advice?
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casii
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,461
Jun 29, 2014 14:40:44 GMT
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Post by casii on Feb 15, 2018 23:56:03 GMT
I have no advice as I haven't been through it, but my middle DD currently is. You have my prayers and I will listen to your frustrations and offer support. My DD is starting to withdraw and her sister in law had a baby last fall so that's adding insult to injury so to speak. (((Big Hugs)))
P.S. Have you seen 'One Last Shot' on Netflix? It might be good to share with friends and family to give them even the smallest glimpse of what you're going through.
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
Jun 25, 2014 21:31:58 GMT
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Feb 15, 2018 23:56:03 GMT
I am so, so sorry.
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Post by dewryce on Feb 15, 2018 23:57:32 GMT
Oh, I'm so very sorry! Temporary advice? Can you listen to music? Do you have an upbeat co-worker you can chat with to take your mind off of it? Long term, I highly recommend a counselor that specializes in infertility. A support group was also recommended to me, but we never tried it as we found enough support through some amazing friends and family. We were lucky, that often isn't the case. Also, maybe take a temporary break if you are not racing time? Either way, a vacation with your DH to reconnect and have fun with each other that has absolutely nothing to do with children. Maybe an adults resort. Or go some place you won't be able to go for a long time when your treatments are successful. Institute date nights where you just get out and don't think about it. Make sure you have other goals you are working towards so you have something else to look forward to that isn't tied to having children. For example, DH is training for the Ironman and we are looking at all of the locations, planning vacations where he wants to compete through the years. I'm really sorry you're going through this, it's emotionally debilitating in a way I couldn't even begin to describe. Please feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat. (((Hugs))) eta: Thank you for the recommendation casii eta2: I came back to (gently) state that many of my suggestions were aimed at the goal of not letting this become your whole life. We did for a while and it was devastating. It will be hard, because I know how time consuming this is, and how very easily it can consume your every thought. But we are doing much better now that we are, very purposefully and with specific aim, working towards other goals. Redoing the house for us, keeping in mind our end goal, but not for the purpose of our end goal. Just bought season theater tickets to force us out of the house once a month for 8 months so we don't let the money go to waste. Personally, I had to ask my close friends and family to try and schedule things with me an not wait for me to schedule with them I they hadn't heard from me. I'm much more likely to get out of the house if other people are depending on me.
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Post by donna on Feb 16, 2018 0:09:14 GMT
I am so sorry you are going through this. My bil and his wife did IVF with their first child. It was a difficult time for them and hard for the rest of the family because it is so difficult to know what to do to support the couple going through infertility.
We are here to support you. Feel free to vent away with us. Hugs
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AmandaA
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,501
Aug 28, 2015 22:31:17 GMT
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Post by AmandaA on Feb 16, 2018 0:10:45 GMT
I agree with everything dewryce said above. It is hard and it is painful. It sucks. And you are entitled to all of the emotions that surround it. The only other thing not mentioned above that I found helpful was acupuncture. I was very lucky that my RE had an acupuncture practice that they worked very closely with (literally right next door). While I do believe that I had physical benefits from the treatment too, I found the treatments to be very peaceful and relaxing. Given that he specialized in reproductive acupuncture, I found him to also be a very therapeutic person to talk to without getting actual counseling. The folks in that office just got it. Take care of yourself too, whatever that looks like for you.
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Post by brina on Feb 16, 2018 0:12:50 GMT
I understand so well. My boys are almost 18 and it took 2 years of treatments to conceive them. It was another 18 months of no success when we turned to adoption for my daughter. It is horribly painful and demoralizing. I second finding a counselor. I am sorry.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 5, 2024 14:00:05 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 16, 2018 0:19:07 GMT
I only know a little of what you are going through. We never planned on 5 years between children, but that was nothing compared to what you are going through.
Hugs.
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Post by dewryce on Feb 16, 2018 0:19:08 GMT
I agree with everything dewryce said above. It is hard and it is painful. It sucks. And you are entitled to all of the emotions that surround it. The only other thing not mentioned above that I found helpful was acupuncture. I was very lucky that my RE had an acupuncture practice that they worked very closely with (literally right next door). While I do believe that I had physical benefits from the treatment too, I found the treatments to be very peaceful and relaxing. Given that he specialized in reproductive acupuncture, I found him to also be a very therapeutic person to talk to without getting actual counseling. The folks in that office just got it. Take care of yourself too, whatever that looks like for you. That was such a surprise to me! Even better than getting a massage in some ways.
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Post by jamiebohbamie on Feb 16, 2018 0:22:42 GMT
When I was struggling with infertility I found two girlfriends to vent to (we had a group chat)- it helped keep that negativity out of my marriage which can build up quickly. I also took to the elliptical at the gym and attended the different support programs at the clinic (per my husband's insistence). Acupuncture actually really helped because part of me felt like it had a physical bonus and gave me a boost but it was also relaxing. The things that brought me down were that I stopped reading, I didn't cut my hair or get manicures, etc. I forgot about the things I had enjoyed or that made me feel attractive.
Oh, and one thing I did after my third miscarriage while waiting for my D&C- I went to Colorado and stayed with family but during the day I was alone. I walked and walked and walked. I had breakfast alone. I had lunch alone. I walked some more.
I know it's the worst. I know how angry you are and how devastated. I know the frustration. It sucks. It really sucks.
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AmandaA
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,501
Aug 28, 2015 22:31:17 GMT
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Post by AmandaA on Feb 16, 2018 1:01:36 GMT
I love hearing that several others had acupuncture incorporated into their treatment. I never expected to leave the treatments feeling so refreshed and at peace. It really felt like a win-win. I have no idea where you live paperaddict.... but if it is something that you might consider, I am happy to ask my acupuncturist if he knows of anyone in your area that specializes. I suspect he would be pretty well networked in the field, as he is a coauthor of published research on the topic. I happen to have an appointment with him tomorrow if you want to pm me or leave it here.
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Post by Linda on Feb 16, 2018 1:04:57 GMT
((((Hugs)))) and prayers.
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Post by izzyscraps on Feb 16, 2018 1:37:13 GMT
Infertility was the hardest thing my husband and I have had to go through. Hands down. 10 years, 4 miscarriages and 5 babies lost before we the doctors finally figured out what was going on and we were able to have our first. You are grieving and hurting. Let yourself do it. My husbands breaking point was out last miscarriage. He found me in the bathroom. On the toilet, holding a piece of toilet paper with what looked like a tiny baby in it. Sobbing. He told me not anymore. He was done. That he and I by ourselves was enough for him. I asked him to let me try one more time.
Infertility sucks. I hate it. I wish no woman had to go through it. I don’t know if you want prayers, but Ill be praying for you! (HuGS)
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Post by mom on Feb 16, 2018 1:40:20 GMT
I am so, so sorry. I hope your shift goes by quickly so you can go home.
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Feb 16, 2018 2:13:45 GMT
I'm sorry you are riding this train. IVF was a very lonely experience for me. Nobody understood why we were doing IVF. Why we "couldn't just be happy with what we had." You know, the 7 years it naturally took to conceive DD#1 on our own while these people asked "when are you having kids" on repeat... yeah.Yet, they would throw in the "you aren't getting any younger." I had to find a support team. An unlikely group actually who let me be irreverent and sad and happy and then of course a rapid shift back to sad. If I can give you any advice it would be allow yourself to grieve. I find that people think having hope means they can never be sad. That's really complicated. So I encourage you to grieve, let it go, get it all out, and be honest about how much it sucks and yet how hopeful it can be.
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Post by dewryce on Feb 16, 2018 2:23:26 GMT
Oh izzyscraps I just want to give you a big hug. I'm so sorry for all of your hurt and absolutely thrilled at your success! I have known the fear of going to the bathroom, afraid of what you would find, but never had to suffer like that. I'm so sorry.
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Post by ~Sherri~ on Feb 16, 2018 2:54:11 GMT
My heart hurts for all of the peas going through infertility. We had no problem getting pregnant with our first DD. It took us 8 years and 3 miscarriages to finally have our second DD. There was only 1 specialist in our area at the time. With each miscarriage, a part of my heart died along with the baby.
Now our second DD is going through infertility issues. My heart hurts so much for her and our SIL. All of their friends have babies and keep asking them when they are having a baby. They are both very young, 22 and 23, so that will hopefully work in their favor. They are going to their second specialist and hopefully with find some answers. I wish they could do the IVF but it is way out of their budget.
As a Mom, my heart hurts so much for my DD. I just want to make everything okay for her. She knows what her daddy and I went through to have her. It gives her hope for a baby of their own someday.
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Post by 950nancy on Feb 16, 2018 3:05:47 GMT
I agree with everything dewryce said above. It is hard and it is painful. It sucks. And you are entitled to all of the emotions that surround it. The only other thing not mentioned above that I found helpful was acupuncture. I was very lucky that my RE had an acupuncture practice that they worked very closely with (literally right next door). While I do believe that I had physical benefits from the treatment too, I found the treatments to be very peaceful and relaxing. Given that he specialized in reproductive acupuncture, I found him to also be a very therapeutic person to talk to without getting actual counseling. The folks in that office just got it. Take care of yourself too, whatever that looks like for you. My friend has been trying for five years. She had these with IVF. At 43, she is pregnant. OP, hugs and good luck. It just doesn't make sense.
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Post by Basket1lady on Feb 16, 2018 3:08:59 GMT
Infertility was the hardest thing my husband and I have had to go through. Hands down. 10 years, 4 miscarriages and 5 babies lost before we the doctors finally figured out what was going on and we were able to have our first. You are grieving and hurting. Let yourself do it. My husbands breaking point was out last miscarriage. He found me in the bathroom. On the toilet, holding a piece of toilet paper with what looked like a tiny baby in it. Sobbing. He told me not anymore. He was done. That he and I by ourselves was enough for him. I asked him to let me try one more time. Infertility sucks. I hate it. I wish no woman had to go through it. I don’t know if you want prayers, but Ill be praying for you! (HuGS) I've been through this as well. It just sucks. I was lost. Add in all the wonky hormones from the treatment and it's just awful. I'm so sorry for those who suffered through all the fertility treatments. It is indeed a lonely road and every month is a death that you mourn. It took us 7 years to conceive DS and about $15,000, all on a 1st lieutenant and captain's salary. It was worth every penny. I always say that DS is my house, because it took the down payment money that we saved to pay for those drugs and treatments. DS is 21 now and DD is 18--both happy and healthy, although I never had another successful pregnancy. It was worth the wait.
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,410
Member is Online
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Feb 16, 2018 4:51:31 GMT
Sending big love. You feel what you feel. I have 2 kids. I've also had 3 single miscarriages, a miscarry of 3 combined with an ectopic which took my right Fallopian tube. The last mess was from fertility meds. Fertility meds are nothing to take lightly. They consume you. You are a slave to them. It sucks majorly when you're hoping for a positive and instead your period shows up. For us, we took a step back and re evaluated a 2 years in. After my ectopic, DH wanted to quit. I told him that I knew we had one more for us. 2 months later (and more meds) I was pregnant with my sweet boy, Do what you need to do for you and your DH. There's no one right thing,
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Post by epeanymous on Feb 16, 2018 4:59:03 GMT
I am really sorry. We dealt with this and between the stress and the IVF hormones, it was awful.
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Post by newfcathy on Feb 16, 2018 5:31:58 GMT
I am sorry for your struggles. The IVF drugs can really affect your mood, as if infertility wasn’t enough.
We had ds after a few months of tests and one round of Clomid. We then had two unassisted conceptions and lost both at about ten weeks. Clomid didn’t work again and we pg via IVF but soon knew that it wouldn’t last. I needed a third D&C. By then I was over 41 and decided to quit.
It was so difficult, the hardest thing that I had faced until my dad died and ds was diagnosed with ADD. I found a few message boards that helped with the grief.
I wish you peace.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,732
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
Aug 2, 2014 13:03:45 GMT
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Feb 16, 2018 6:52:25 GMT
Hugs from me and my 5 IVF cycles and 2 frozen embryo attempts.
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Post by paperaddict on Feb 16, 2018 9:35:40 GMT
Thanks to everybody so much for the support, wonderful advice, and kind words. I recently started acupuncture, and it does relax me. I definitely need to find a psychologist because I need therapy. The psychologist at my fertility clinic and I don't "click" . There is only one fertility Clinic in my city. I need to find a psychologist who has experience with counseling people with infertility issues. Infertility is hard to explain unless you are going through it, and even then, it is still hard to understand. I want to find some peace of any kind right now. It does not help that my birthday was less than a week ago. Just reminds me that this dream may not come true. What is more frustrating is that I never thought I would be so tortured by not having biological children. When I was younger, I thought that I would adopt because there are so many unwanted wonderful kids who need a home. Now, I am obsessed and upset with using donor eggs. When did I become so obsess with genetics??? I need to figure out to deal with all of it or come to some kind of peace with it. At our first IVF information session, the psychologist told us to not let IVF control our lives and to make other life goals and plans. But it is so hard to do this. I have to figure out other goals. But for now, life sucks. Thanks for everything. The Peas are wonderful.
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Post by mikklynn on Feb 16, 2018 13:13:53 GMT
I'm sorry. I can't imagine how difficult it must be. {{{hugs}}}
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Post by Really Red on Feb 16, 2018 16:41:11 GMT
Just many many hugs.
It sucks. It just SUCKS.
Remember that all these drugs are affecting the way you feel, as well. It's making your lows even lower. There's an infertility group (I think it's called Resolve) that is supposed to be very helpful. Sometimes it only helps to talk with people who've BTDT.
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Post by tkdmom on Feb 16, 2018 18:43:12 GMT
Hugs.I understand what you are going through. 15 IUI's and one IVF, 2 miscarriage. Finally became a mom through the miracle of adoption. For me it was more about becoming a mom. DS is the light of my life. I agree with the other posters on taking time for yourself. The Dr. I went to pushed me to do cycle after cycle with no break. Not a good choice in retrospect.
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Post by lemondrop on Feb 16, 2018 18:52:45 GMT
Sending hugs
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Post by peasapie on Feb 16, 2018 18:59:08 GMT
Please know how much support you have here. I had to take clomid to become pregnant, and 25 years later my daughter had in-vitro fertilization. I know how miserable she and I each were all the way through, with never a moment of calm. I encouraged her to see a therapist for strategies to remain calm and not to feel her own self worth drawn into it. Please try to do good things for yourself every day and remember that this is not something you can control, that you are doing your very best, and try to stay separate from the outcome because you are already doing all you can.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 5, 2024 14:00:05 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 16, 2018 19:09:09 GMT
My niece had to have injections for several months with IVF. Ended up with twins!! and about 15 months later had another baby without any help!! Good luck to you!!
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