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Post by luvmygirls on Mar 6, 2018 21:32:29 GMT
I have three kids ages 20, 17 and 13. When my older two were little and I didn’t work, I did all sorts of things with them. Now that I work, I am just too tired at the end of the day to run around with my 13 year old. We do things on the weekends, but that’s just not enough. I feel so bad that I’m older, work full time and just don’t have the desire to run around in the evenings. My 13 yo doesn’t complain and my older 2 do help during the week when I need them to take her places, but I still feel so terrible. Can anyone relate?
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,517 
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Mar 6, 2018 21:34:59 GMT
*raises hand*
My kids are in a similar age range, and the "baby" doesn't get as much out of me as the others did. It's just one item on my loooooong Mommy Guilt List.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 6, 2018 21:37:54 GMT
I think all moms have some guilt about differences in how they treat their kids. My DD is outgoing, she's a lot like me, she often shares things, she asks me my opinion, we relate easily. My son is quiet, he is moody, he has a hard time opening up, he's not the type to seek advice or employ it. I have to sneak things in with him.
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Post by stingfan on Mar 6, 2018 22:06:48 GMT
If you're spending time with her on the weekends, I wouldn't sweat it! Weeknights are for homework and after school activities. We never do much else during the week either and it never occurred to me that we should. 😕
I have two older and two younger kids. When I start to compare how I've treated them, I try to remember that they're just having different experiences. The youngers are having time and adventures with older siblings that the olders never could have experienced. And there's value in that for them.
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peaname
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,389
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Post by peaname on Mar 6, 2018 22:53:07 GMT
Mine are 9, 11, and 16 and I can foresee that happening already! We read several books to our first every night when he was little but by the time the youngest came along he only got one short one. But fortunately they are pretty resilient and they have the advantage of having older siblings to spend time with. Don't sweat it. We do the best we can.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 23:15:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2018 22:58:20 GMT
Yes. I have a lot less energy/patience. Mine are 18,16,14. Sometimes I feel like I’m short changing the youngest. Other days I feel like I’m forgetting the middle one. And the oldest one and I don’t have a relationship. Yes. I feel like a crappy mom.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 23:15:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2018 23:29:30 GMT
well, let me tell you--I was a sahm for the entire time the oldest two were home. I got a job when the other two were still at home. The youngest got the least time with me. Now that they are all married and have children of their own, my relationship with the youngest is the best. It's "good" with all four of them, but the best with the youngest and the oldest! The second one and third one live the furthest away now, so that factors into it I'm sure. I DID try to schedule my work so I could still go to their sports games, and special events, but sometimes it wasn't possible.
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,036
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Post by used2scrap on Mar 7, 2018 0:59:41 GMT
Yep I totally understand, mine are 16, 13, and 8, and the youngest has had a totally different experience than the others. So much mommy guilt...
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Post by laureljean on Mar 7, 2018 1:22:56 GMT
That's how life is, though. Love does not depend on a child having the same experience as a sibling.
Don't beat yourself up. Your child feels loved by the way you relate to him/her. Not what your life circumstances are.
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Post by malibou on Mar 7, 2018 1:33:58 GMT
My family growing up had this dynamic. A few years ago my 3 sisters, my mom, and I were chatting and this came up. My little sister, age 46, was all kinds of confused when my mom suggested she got ripped off. Through her eyes it was all she really knew from 6th grade on, and she didn't remember anything that caused her to compare or question. It just was. She recounted fun weekends with my mom. Once the last of us older kids was out of the house, my mom did all kinds of cool things, like staying overnight at a hotel in town, in the winter, that had an indoor pool, and my sister's best friend got to come along. That would never have happened with us older kids, but we have our memories too.
I was the sister closest in age to my little sister, as I was graduating high school, I could already see the beginnings of how different it would be for her. I thought she was gonna have it made.
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Post by canadianscrappergirl on Mar 7, 2018 15:11:33 GMT
I think all mom's have guilty at various times.
I know I have!
I think I had more time and patience with my younger ones and felt guilty but also had less energy and enthusiasm lol.
Don't be so hard on yourself our kids are never as disappointed in us as we are with ourselves!
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Post by redshoes on Mar 7, 2018 16:41:46 GMT
I think the mom guilt is normal...she probably doesn't think about it like you do. Can you leave work early one day and pick her up from school a couple of hours early to go do something just the 2 of you, like get an ice cream or mani/pedi, etc? Or take a vacation day the next time school is off for 1 day and plan something for just the 2 of you. A couple of weeks ago, my daughter was out of school so I took off and we drove 1.5 hrs to Waco to see Magnolia Market...it was great to just take our time shopping, have lunch together and get back home around normal time we would have been home anyway.
I also have a mom/daughter journal that we exchange periodically. It's just a plain spiral notebook. I write just a couple of sentences and maybe a question and leave it on her bed. She does the same whenever works for her. It's not an every day thing, but it's easy and convenient and a way for us to stay connected.
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pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,920
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Post by pilcas on Mar 7, 2018 17:12:41 GMT
Earning a living is a reality. I have worked full time throughout my children’s childhood. My husband took my son to his sport practices 2x. Week, I took my daughter. We went to games and did other things on the weekends. We had very nice family vacations. I feel no guilt whatsoever. Thanks to my working they live in a nice home and have had many advantages. Had I not worked We would not have been able to afford many of the experiences they have enjoyed.
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Post by Linda on Mar 7, 2018 17:27:35 GMT
my kids are 26, almost 18, and 11. They've each had a different childhood. And at different times, each of them has felt like they had been gypped in one way or another (and except for my middle child - who has middle child syndrome, lol, they've all felt they've had benefits as well that the others didn't.)
When my oldest was small (under 7), I was a working single mum but we spent a lot of time together on weekends and evenings and he had a ton of experiences that the others didn't because we lived in a city with excellent public transportation and it was just him and me. He was also homeschooled 4-6th grade (I was a married WOHM and then a SAHM then) and had a lot of experiences through that. BUT we were poorer than church mice back then and most of his experiences were free ones.
When my middle child was small, she was tagging along on her brother's homeschool field trips and then was homeschooled herself for K-3. We were still working poor and when she 8 we moved from the outskirts of a small town to a very rural area which meant we could no longer walk places (and we put her in public school). She's had some awesome experiences in high school though including a trip to Europe.
My little one was never homeschooled and doesn't remember small town life so she grew up hanging out at home, mostly by herself during the day (before school-age) but tagging along to big sister's GS events on weekends. I volunteered in her classroom (as did big brother) which I couldn't for the older ones and she's had more experiences but busier parents (and tireder ones). Life will change for her next year when she becomes the only one left at home.
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