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Post by Dixie Lou on Mar 6, 2018 23:10:58 GMT
Every so often I have to write a post about how miserable I am. I know that everyone has life thrown at them. I keep getting hit with it over and over. I make plans on how I will kill myself. I don't think I will do it but I have a way. I hint really hard to a few people in my life that I am in trouble. I am afraid to talk to my psychiatrist because I am afraid he will take away my medicine if he knows I may use it to kill myself.
Here are my issues: 1. My dad and his wife are getting a divorce. My dad was quite well off and made good financial decisions until a few years ago when he became sick. He lost a lot of his mental abilities because of pain and also from aging. His wife has spent most of his/their money (he made his money before they married.) She began making decisions and he would follow along. Now he is living with me. That on its own is not a huge deal. I am very close to my dad and want him to be happy and cared for.
2. My grown daughter who also lives with me (for free while trying to pay off bills) is extremely upset that he is there. She has to share a (very nice, recently renovated) bathroom with me because he requires his own bathroom. He is always there and she says she has no time to de-stress. Her bedroom is very small, and so is his though it's a little bigger. When I bought this house last summer it never occurred to me that anyone but I would be living there. I would never have chosen this house if I would have had a family. It's big enough for maybe two people. She works full time and I work full time, opposite hours. I see her on Saturday and Sunday mornings and that's about it. Friday nights she is usually off also. She has few friends in our area as she recently moved back after graduating college. Her plans have always been to pay off some bills then go back to the area where she went to college and she will go to an esthetician school. Apparently there are none good enough in this area. My daughter complained over and over and over about how hard having my dad here with her is. It's harder on her than anyone else.
3. I already suffer from severe depression and anxiety.
4. My dad is losing his mind (could it be pain or Alzheimers or what?). He shouldn't be driving. Some days he is totally alert and doing well and others he is confused, hurting and needs help with getting dressed. Yesterday he couldn't remember who that girl was in my house that brought him the ibuprofen. (my daughter) He talked about the woman who owned the house he was staying in (that is me) and that he wanted to move in with me but I am too far away. Like I said before, he lives with me now. Today he is better. I took his keys last night because I was so worried about him driving today.
5. My divorce was final about a year ago. I am so sad. I miss the man I married but not the man I divorced.
6. There are getting to be some serious issues about my house that may need repair. I've only lived here since August.
7. My stomach is tight and hurting all the time. I just want to cry and scream. I want to run away. There is much more going on in my life than what I said above but that's the new stuff that came about a couple of weeks ago.
8. My dad's wife is dragging her heels on getting the house cleaned up to put on the market. She thinks my dad is going to pay her alimony but once we get him settled in a retirement home he won't have any money left for her. I have no idea where she is going to go but I really don't care. He shouldn't have to be worrying about his retirement years. My brother will probably be supporting him financially before long. My brother and I have been going over to the house every weekend the past three weeks to help get things packed. It's like she has turned into a hoarder. And she is STILL ordering stuff she can't pay for off of Amazon. We got five boxes on Saturday when we were there working.
I am sorry for all of the complaining. There is so much more and it's so complicated. I can't articulate how I feel. I just want to die.
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Post by flanz on Mar 6, 2018 23:16:28 GMT
I'm sending you love and hugs. Wish I could fix it all... PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE CALL THE SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE!!
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.
1-800-273-8255
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Post by gar on Mar 6, 2018 23:16:52 GMT
I’m so sorry. I don’t know the number in the USA but can you call a crisis line? You don’t need to be planning to kill yourself right now to call.
I’m sure your meds wouldn’t be taken from you - that would be self defeating but maybe they need to change. I hope together we can help you through this very difficult time ((hugs))
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Post by Basket1lady on Mar 6, 2018 23:16:54 GMT
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It sounds like you really need to talk to your psychiatrist and come up with a treatment plan together. You don't have to do this alone.
When your DD complains, remind her that she's living there for free and has the option to move out. Your father does not. I wish you some peace and resolution to your problems.
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Post by papersilly on Mar 6, 2018 23:24:53 GMT
My daughter complained over and over and over about how hard having my dad here with her is. It's harder on her than anyone else. here is so much more and it's so complicated. I can't articulate how I feel. I just want to die. i'm sorry but i think it's harder on you and your dad than your daughter. your dad is ailing and soon he will be living in a facility. he has lost his resources and i'm sure it hasn't been easy to live in a home that is not his. you, have been through a divorce. you are also not feeling well and the home that was supposed to be just for you is accommodating two other people. i think your daughter should be glad she has a place to live. she should not complain about how hard things are on her because her ELDERLY and AILING GRANDFATHER needs to live there right too. as for you, i hope you find comfort and peace in your life. i hope you find some relief in your situation and don't have any more thoughts of dying. don't let your mind go there.
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Post by destined2bmom on Mar 6, 2018 23:30:52 GMT
Huge hugs and prayers to you! We are all here for you; so vent away.
Please talk to your psychiatrist about your feelings. He can put you on different medications that can help you.
Talk to your daughter about how you feel and tell her to put her big girl panties and get over herself. Tell her how you feel about your feelings of self hurt. Stress it to her.
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CeeScraps
Pearl Clutcher
~~occupied entertaining my brain~~
Posts: 3,829
Jun 26, 2014 12:56:40 GMT
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Post by CeeScraps on Mar 6, 2018 23:31:21 GMT
I'm sorry you are going through this!
I'd take those amazon boxes and just ship them back!
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Post by destined2bmom on Mar 6, 2018 23:31:59 GMT
I'm sending you love and hugs. Wish I could fix it all... PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE CALL THE SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE!!National Suicide Prevention Lifeline We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. 1-800-273-8255This!!!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 14:28:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2018 23:36:39 GMT
This is what you are going to do right now:
Call the credit card companies and cancel them right now. Go on the amazon account and close it.
Tomorrow you are getting a POA and freezing his bank accounts.
Then as one of packs wife's bags, the other is changing the locks. Drive the wife to the nearest relative.
Remind your daughter , she could be sharing a bedroom and bath, with 5 other people.
Can your brother take your father for a couple of days?
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Post by christine58 on Mar 6, 2018 23:37:26 GMT
I don't think I will do it but I have a way. If you had posted this on Facebook, I would have reported that you need help ASAP. admin there has to be someway here to make sure Dixie Lou is safe NOW. I am very worried about your safety.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Mar 6, 2018 23:37:42 GMT
I want to say sweet and comforting things but all I can think about is how mad I am at your daughter in this situation. The way she is acting is unacceptable.
Please call and talk to your doctor. Have your medicine evaluated. (((HUGS)))
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 14:28:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2018 23:44:56 GMT
I can't add anything to what the others have said, other than to repeat--PLEASE call for help. Help IS available. and yes, tell your daughter to straighten up--right now!! sending prayers to you for peace and for help!!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 14:28:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2018 23:51:14 GMT
I'm sorry you are going through so much stress. You do need to mention it to your psychiatrist because you may need to have your meds adjusted or perhaps changed. That is not a bad thing, especially when the end goal is to make you feel better. With regards to your DD, she needs to button it up or move out. Your Dad raised you and you are giving back in his time of need. Your DD is just taking and complaining. Big difference. The next time she opens her mouth, tell her she needs to learn about something called compassion. Tough love, but much needed here. Next, cancel your Dad's credit cards. I agree with getting a POA now so that you can be the one that manages his affairs vs dealing with the cleanup. Good luck and don't try tackling everything all at one. Deal with one thing at a time. Right now, the easiest is to tell your DD to zip it. Next, book that appointment for your psychiatrist. After that, cancel the credit cards.
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,123
Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Mar 6, 2018 23:57:42 GMT
i am so sorry there is so much overwhelming you right now. the peas have given you good advice. the best thing you can do is ask for help from your doctor and try to get some kind of plan together so you can take some control back.
a heart-to-heart with your daughter is necessary. i can appreciate having your dad there may be difficult for her but she should be helping you and supporting you. you need her right now.
please don't give up... and the peas are always available to listen, brainstorm for solutions and offer support. (((hugs))) to you and i hope you get the support to get through this tough time soon.
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,398
Jun 25, 2014 19:28:04 GMT
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Post by RosieKat on Mar 7, 2018 0:46:03 GMT
I think you've gotten good advice here. I mostly just want to say I'm listening.
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,036
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
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Post by used2scrap on Mar 7, 2018 0:55:02 GMT
I'm so sorry you are dealing with so many issues at once and are in such a dark place. I struggle in this realm often, with so many overwhelming issues compounding. I hope you can know you are not alone, and that even when you can only get through a day, you are still moving forward. You are in my thoughts.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 14:28:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 7, 2018 0:56:58 GMT
How are you ?
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,618
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Mar 7, 2018 1:02:58 GMT
I just want to echo the advice to speak to your psychiatrist. That's what he is there for and he's not going to take away your medication, but he may change it because it's not working. You are right: you need help and he can give it to you. He's not going to leave you with no medication.
You are experiencing extreme stress right now - the situation with your father alone is a significant stressor. Add in the fairly new divorce, the problems with the house, your daughter - it's no wonder you're feeling stretched at both ends.
This is exactly the time to reach out to your psychiatrist. Please, please, please do so.
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on Mar 7, 2018 1:11:33 GMT
I'm sending you love and hugs. Wish I could fix it all... PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE CALL THE SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE!!National Suicide Prevention Lifeline We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. 1-800-273-8255Please call the above number!!! We care and are here for you, but you need someone who can help you more than we can here. Please come back and let us know how you are! You are a valued member of this community. (((Hugs)))
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,180
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
Jul 6, 2014 21:50:44 GMT
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Post by lesley on Mar 7, 2018 1:14:52 GMT
I think your daughter needs to be told just how much you’re struggling. And that her constant kvetching isn’t helping. To be totally clichéd about it, if she’s not part of the solution, she’s part of the problem, I know you probably want to protect her, but she is an adult, you are financially supporting her, at the very least she can physically and emotionally support you. Give her the chance to do so - maybe she isn’t aware just how bad things are.
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Post by jenjie on Mar 7, 2018 1:25:18 GMT
Our friends here have given excellent advice. I’m here to be one more voice of support and let you know you’ve been heard. Please please make a phone call if you haven’t already. Know that you are valued. Praying tonight for your tender heart.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 7, 2018 1:25:49 GMT
You need immediate medical attention. These aren't passing suicidal thoughts. You have a plan. This is not ok. Please go to the hospital. And it is very dangerous to lie to a psychiatrist. If they figure out your game they are going to drop you as a patient. The psychiatrist is the last person to lie to because they are the greatest sense of help.
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT
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Post by LeaP on Mar 7, 2018 1:26:26 GMT
{{{Hugs}}} Please call the number. Things will get better.
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,770
Location: Kentucky
Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
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Post by Kerri W on Mar 7, 2018 1:37:36 GMT
Please call your psychiatrist. He/she cannot help you if you aren't completely honest with them. They are not going to leave you unmedicated. The fact that you have the feelings you do, means your medication is not working and you need their help.
Can your DD go stay with one of her siblings or her father?
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Post by ntsf on Mar 7, 2018 1:38:55 GMT
we are sending hugs and saying.. please call...
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Post by refugeepea on Mar 7, 2018 2:14:09 GMT
I'm sorry. I feel the same way as you, but for other reasons.
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scrappinmama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,884
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Mar 7, 2018 2:39:02 GMT
I'm so sorry. Please know that it will get better and there is help. Call for help. Call your doctor. If you can't wait until tomorrow, call the suicide prevention line. Talking will help!
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Post by mikklynn on Mar 7, 2018 2:43:29 GMT
Please, call the hotline or go to the ER. I really feel for you and your difficult situation.
I'm glad you have shared your pain with us. We care.
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Post by scrapmaven on Mar 7, 2018 2:53:31 GMT
refugeepea , please don't feel like death is the only way out, because it's not. You can be happy, again, but you need help now. Do you have a psychiatrist or therapist that you can call right now? Dixie Lou , call your psychiatrist if you haven't already. Please get the help to become happy that you deserve. You will be happy, again. Right now it's just about dialing that phone.
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Post by jennrs on Mar 7, 2018 2:57:55 GMT
You do have a lot on your plate right now, but please know a lot of it is only temporary. Please call someone and get help, there IS help available for you. We all care about you and we are here to listen. But you need a real person right now to also help you. Please do it.
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