iluvpink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,288 
Location: Michigan
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Post by iluvpink on Apr 11, 2018 21:49:06 GMT
I'm soon going to temporarily deactivate my FB account and avoid certain threads here and other places. It's nearing time for prom, graduation ceremonies etc. And for various health (physical and mental), and learning issues my dd will not be graduating with her class this year or attending prom. She's doing much better than she was a year ago and she WILL graduate, just next year. She's doing online classes through her school to complete her classes and will finish next winter or spring. She *could* walk with next year's class but has no interest. I'm sad that she's missing out and honestly I'm sad that we won't be seeing our daughter do these things either. I know it's the getting the degree that matters but we so wanted to see her walk across the stage.
I dread seeing all the kids out and about around town getting their pictures taken, going to dinner before prom etc.
I know it shouldn't matter but I'm still sad. I get the letters about volunteering or donating to Project Graduation and I just toss them. A few weeks ago dd posted a picture on Instagram and talked about this. She's doing a lot better with it than she was so that helped. But I'm still sad.
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,123
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Post by rickmer on Apr 11, 2018 21:58:19 GMT
i am sorry. that is tough. i am not sure of the backstory but hoping your daughter will likely have lots of other experiences to come that, as a parent, you will cherish. try not to let it get to you.
do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
(((hugs)))
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Post by dewryce on Apr 11, 2018 22:02:59 GMT
I'm sorry, and it does matter. These are life experiences you wanted her to have and she may not have them. It's normal to be sad. And I think stepping back a bit from all of the exposure is an excellent idea. I'm very glad she's doing better and I hope her progress continues! Be gentle with yourself.
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Post by sleepingbooty on Apr 11, 2018 22:18:14 GMT
If it's any consolation (probably not), prom + walking with one's class + the mere idea of a graduation ceremony do not exist in most countries, including mine. And I'm a millenial! We just went to school, went to take our exams with our anonymity number in a different high school (so that you can't be graded by your own teachers to keep things equal and fair), waited at the other school's gate for the results to be published on the big day, picked up a piece of paper and got our national diploma sent to our home several months later.  Ah, good ol' cynical Europe! What matters is your daughter getting better and getting on with her life. Some rites of passage are not needed to feel like we're growing up and moving on to a new phase in life. I understand your disappointment but it's just a cultural thing, nothing more. Deactivate or ignore social media for a while. This prom and graduation season too shall pass. Sending your daughter all the best in the pursuit of her degree and improving her health! |
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Post by femalebusiness on Apr 11, 2018 22:24:15 GMT
My favorite thing to do in times of disappointment is to think that in years to come this will be long over and not even a blip on my radar. Looking back on things that bothered me I have found this to be true.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Apr 11, 2018 22:33:34 GMT
I totally understand!
My dd will (hopefully) graduate next year from an online school, but due to anxiety and other challenges, doesn't want to attend graduation.
I told her that I would still like to have cap and gown photos of her, so I will take her to a studio that can do those.
It's hard, as a mom, working all these years to help your child toward a goal, and things not going to the pretty plan we made.
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Post by workingclassdog on Apr 11, 2018 22:38:35 GMT
My favorite thing to do in times of disappointment is to think that in years to come this will be long over and not even a blip on my radar. Looking back on things that bothered me I have found this to be true. Very true!! This could happen at any milestone and years later it didn't matter..... I remember being so worked up about something at my wedding... and due to circumstances it didn't happen... I don't even think of it now.. just the fact we still had a beautiful wedding and one aspect of it doesn't even register now.... Hang in there mamma... I know it is hard. |
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,707
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Apr 11, 2018 22:43:08 GMT
Be kind to yourself, which is what I see that you are doing.
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Post by mikklynn on Apr 11, 2018 22:53:55 GMT
I'm sorry. Of course you are sad.
I hope you and your DD will celebrate her successes. I'm so glad she has pressed on, when it would have been easier to quit.
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,396
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Post by RosieKat on Apr 11, 2018 23:01:25 GMT
It's truly hard when life doesn't work for our kids the way it does for "everyone else's" kids. (Obviously, it doesn't work that way for everyone, but it sure seems like it sometimes.) It's OK to grieve and process it how you need to. Celebrate when the day does come, and rejoice in the special things about her. And realize that what you're feeling is utterly and completely normal.
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Post by ntsf on Apr 11, 2018 23:11:25 GMT
I never went to prom or did any of the "senior" stuff.. and it doesn't bother me and never did I don't think it will matter in later years. never went to graduation in college either.. graduated in year of apathy.
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Post by malibou on Apr 11, 2018 23:33:49 GMT
I never went to prom or did any of the "senior" stuff.. and it doesn't bother me and never did I don't think it will matter in later years. never went to graduation in college either.. graduated in year of apathy. This is me too, exactly. |
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Post by refugeepea on Apr 12, 2018 0:20:43 GMT
I'm soon going to temporarily deactivate my FB account and avoid certain threads here and other places. It's nearing time for prom, graduation ceremonies etc. And for various health (physical and mental), and learning issues my dd will not be graduating with her class this year or attending prom. She's doing much better than she was a year ago and she WILL graduate, just next year. She's doing online classes through her school to complete her classes and will finish next winter or spring. She *could* walk with next year's class but has no interest. I'm sad that she's missing out and honestly I'm sad that we won't be seeing our daughter do these things either. I know it's the getting the degree that matters but we so wanted to see her walk across the stage. I dread seeing all the kids out and about around town getting their pictures taken, going to dinner before prom etc. I know it shouldn't matter but I'm still sad. I get the letters about volunteering or donating to Project Graduation and I just toss them. A few weeks ago dd posted a picture on Instagram and talked about this. She's doing a lot better with it than she was so that helped. But I'm still sad. Just know you aren't the only one. There will be no senior photos for my son and no junior prom for my daughter. I'm actually relieved that never happened because she has no friends and kids are mean. I've been hit with the reality college is probably no longer an option for her because she's unable to complete the ACT test. It's not being envious, just very sad. The more I stay off Facebook, the happier I've become. I stopped following people associated with my son. Now that he's moved on from school, I don't need to know what his former friends and parents are doing. Sometimes you do what you can to make it through the day. I know it's me that has issues and not proud parents posting about their kids. |
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GiantsFan
Prolific Pea
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Apr 12, 2018 0:27:23 GMT
I never went to prom or did any of the "senior" stuff.. and it doesn't bother me and never did I don't think it will matter in later years. never went to graduation in college either.. graduated in year of apathy. Ditto this. And 30+ years later and I can honestly say that I don't regret not doing any of that stuff. |
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kate
Drama Llama
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Location: The city that doesn't sleep
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Apr 12, 2018 0:28:21 GMT
I'm sorry. I think femalebusiness hit it right on the money: this will probably not even be on the radar in 20 or even 10 years. I remember being distraught about some dumb thing in high school, and my mom said, "Just remember, for some of these girls, this will be a high point in their lives. You have much bigger and better things ahead of you!" It is hard to go through the stuff in the moment, though. Hugs, Mama! |
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on Apr 12, 2018 0:33:31 GMT
(((Hugs))) I understand, having gone through a similar situation with one of my children. Twelve years later, things are much better - not perfect, but much, much better! Hope you can look back on this one day and see that things are better for you and family.
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janeliz
Drama Llama
I'm the Wiz and nobody beats me.
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Post by janeliz on Apr 12, 2018 0:34:30 GMT
It’s perfectly understandable that you feel like it matters. I know I would be feeling the same way. ((Hugs))
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Post by mom2jnk on Apr 12, 2018 0:40:01 GMT
I am so sorry. Sending you lots of hugs and understanding. It is so hard and you can feel so alone.
DS18 struggled with anxiety, depression, and attachment/adoption issues for years until we finally enrolled him in a wilderness program and then therapeutic boarding school. He graduated high school from his boarding school last November and is working towards stability and adult life, but I "unfriended" lots of people from my FB feed and my daily life two years ago because I just could not bear soccer season, dances, school events. We are coming up on graduation for his class next month. I don't want to see those images. Walking away from it all was what I needed to do to keep functioning day to day. It was one of the best choices that I made during that tough time.
Allow yourself to grieve the loss of those milestone events. It's okay to be sad. Our kids' journey will be different from the norm, but that's okay too. I am so glad that your DD is doing better and will graduate. Celebrate her path, all the little positive steps.
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,030
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Post by scrappyesq on Apr 12, 2018 0:42:57 GMT
I totally understand. Stepping back from exposure is probably a good idea.
As an aside I did all of the things on time but it took me 10 years and 4 schools to graduate college. You never know what path may end up being the right one.
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Post by verdepea on Apr 12, 2018 2:10:02 GMT
Awe...I am sorry. It's the missing out on the traditional rights of passage that stings. It's natural to grieve these misses events.
I lost my middle daughter when she WAS going. When my other children experience rights of passage I think about her. I see Facebook posts of friends who are her age that knew her. They are finishing the 8th grade and moving on to high school. It's still hard 12 years later.
What you are feeling internally is normal and I am glad you have a safe space to share those thoughts. You will be okay.
I wish your daughter simply happiness and that she feels good with her chosen path.
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Post by freecharlie on Apr 12, 2018 2:57:41 GMT
I'm soon going to temporarily deactivate my FB account and avoid certain threads here and other places. It's nearing time for prom, graduation ceremonies etc. And for various health (physical and mental), and learning issues my dd will not be graduating with her class this year or attending prom. She's doing much better than she was a year ago and she WILL graduate, just next year. She's doing online classes through her school to complete her classes and will finish next winter or spring. She *could* walk with next year's class but has no interest. I'm sad that she's missing out and honestly I'm sad that we won't be seeing our daughter do these things either. I know it's the getting the degree that matters but we so wanted to see her walk across the stage. I dread seeing all the kids out and about around town getting their pictures taken, going to dinner before prom etc. I know it shouldn't matter but I'm still sad. I get the letters about volunteering or donating to Project Graduation and I just toss them. A few weeks ago dd posted a picture on Instagram and talked about this. She's doing a lot better with it than she was so that helped. But I'm still sad. Just know you aren't the only one. There will be no senior photos for my son and no junior prom for my daughter. I'm actually relieved that never happened because she has no friends and kids are mean. I've been hit with the reality college is probably no longer an option for her because she's unable to complete the ACT test. It's not being envious, just very sad. The more I stay off Facebook, the happier I've become. I stopped following people associated with my son. Now that he's moved on from school, I don't need to know what his former friends and parents are doing. Sometimes you do what you can to make it through the day. I know it's me that has issues and not proud parents posting about their kids. I know you didn't ask, but don't rule out college because of the ACT. lots of kids go to a community college or trade school and they don't need the ACT. If she then wants to go to a 4 year, they won't care then either. They just loom at the transfer credits. Fwiw, I had extremely high sat and act scores, but my gpa sucked. I went to cc, then to university and finally to graduate school where I got a 4.0. My ds has the same gpa issue I did due to lack of doing homework. His scores aren't nearly as high as mine. I'm disappointed we won't be doing college visits and I can't brag about where he gets accepted. But damn It, he is a good kid and a great son and if it takes him a while to find his path. I am okay with it. I'll celebrate his friends accomplishments as well. |
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Post by nancydrew on Apr 12, 2018 3:04:39 GMT
I can totally relate and sympathize with you. At the beginning of her senior year, my DD was diagnosed with Lupus. She really struggled. She missed a lot of school due to not feeling well and dr appointments. She ended up going to a alternative school where she actually ended up graduating early. She spent her senior prom in the hospital. That was 8 years ago. She did struggle for a long time but is now back in college with a 4.0 grade average. Hang in there. It does get better.
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Deleted
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May 15, 2024 21:46:46 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2018 3:15:43 GMT
Our school district calls them super seniors. My friend's son spent 2 extra years in high school.
He went to graduation, nobody really cares about if you are not with the class you began with or not. Just that you graduate.
I would plan a nice trip to give motivation to finish up.
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 12, 2018 3:34:21 GMT
Would she want to take a graduation trip with you after she gets her diploma? Nothing says a graduation has to be the finale. I go to lots of graduations and the ceremony itself is not the best part. When I retired, I took my 20 year old to HP World and that was an awesome trip.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 15, 2024 21:46:46 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2018 3:38:10 GMT
You can unfollow everybody on your Facebook page, that way none of their posts show up on your feed.
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kelly8875
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,391
Location: Lost in my supplies...
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Post by kelly8875 on Apr 12, 2018 3:44:20 GMT
Focus on the fact that she’s doing better Keep supporting her and helping her get to each goal, that is so much more important that a Prom or walking a stage! Try not to get down about these events, because they really aren’t a big deal. Hang in there! |
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iluvpink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,288
Location: Michigan
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Post by iluvpink on Apr 12, 2018 11:38:57 GMT
Thank you everyone. Her 18th birthday is in two weeks and we are trying to make it extra special. We are going out of town for a couple of days, got a big fancy suite in a nice hotel and reservations at Ruth Chris (she loves a good steak). I'm also making reservations at a local place for just her and I to have tea and do some antique shopping. That should help. She is a VERY good kid. So sweet and a huge heart. All her teachers go on about what a nice, helpful person she is. She has a huge heart and I just wish kids her age would see it (she struggles socially as she is not in school anymore and she had so many absences/unable to participate in extra curriculars for all of her high school career that she was kind of forgotten).
I think I'm going to try and schedule a weekend trip to Chicago for her and I next year after she does graduate. I wish she would walk next year but she keeps saying no. I think it's because her 10 month younger cousin who excels in school is a year behind her in the same school and will be graduating with honors etc. But either way we will have to be there in the audience anyway so we'll see.
I know these are not big deals in the long run, but they are big rites of passage in the U.S. and in our area, high school grad parties are huge, so it's hard to avoid. I definitely will be unfollowing people on FB and/or deactivating my account. I think it's extra hard as I belong to one of those old Ivillage boards for kids born in April 2000 and we're all on a FB group or friends and I keep seeing all their accomplishments and well, it's hard. But we'll get through it. (((HUGS))) to everyone else who is struggling with similar issues.
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Post by elaine on Apr 12, 2018 11:41:43 GMT
It's truly hard when life doesn't work for our kids the way it does for "everyone else's" kids. (Obviously, it doesn't work that way for everyone, but it sure seems like it sometimes.) It's OK to grieve and process it how you need to. Celebrate when the day does come, and rejoice in the special things about her. And realize that what you're feeling is utterly and completely normal. Very wise words. Please take them to heart. (((Hugs))) |
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iluvpink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,288
Location: Michigan
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Post by iluvpink on Apr 12, 2018 14:44:41 GMT
It's truly hard when life doesn't work for our kids the way it does for "everyone else's" kids. (Obviously, it doesn't work that way for everyone, but it sure seems like it sometimes.) It's OK to grieve and process it how you need to. Celebrate when the day does come, and rejoice in the special things about her. And realize that what you're feeling is utterly and completely normal. Very wise words. Please take them to heart. (((Hugs))) Yes. I have some people validating my feelings. But my dh thinks I'm far too sensitive about it all. So I can't talk about it with him really. |
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peaname
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,389
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Post by peaname on Apr 12, 2018 16:01:31 GMT
My son isn't going to prom and even pictures of my own nephew at his prom made me feel a pang of...something. I think it would be healthy for you to deactivate or just stay off Facebook. It's such a farce anyway. People post a highlight reel of their life and nobody shares the reality. There are many people who have kids around my kids' age and unless I see their prom or grad pictures it would never cross my mind to wonder if they did either at all and if so whether it was on time or not.
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Ah, good ol' cynical Europe! 
