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Post by christine58 on Apr 18, 2018 0:37:51 GMT
I'd wait. Dr. Google isn't always right.
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Apr 18, 2018 0:38:46 GMT
I say, in this case, don't borrow worry. If you are wrong, they worried unnecessarily. If you are right, what does them knowing a few extra days offer them?
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Post by mom on Apr 18, 2018 0:39:17 GMT
I would wait. No sense in worrying them more without the correct information.
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Post by nlwilkins on Apr 18, 2018 0:39:51 GMT
Prepare them. Think how you would feel. You would want a little warning. So tell them of the possibility. Then if thee is not another tumor, they have good news. If there is another tumor, they will have been prepared.
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Post by laureljean on Apr 18, 2018 0:41:35 GMT
I am so sorry you and your sister and her husband are dealing with this.
I get the impression that you are worried that they will not deal well with the possibility that there is a primary cancer somewhere else; that it will be overwhelming for them.
I work in healthcare and know just enough to be paranoid, and in my experience with family members facing health challenges, I am more helpful after they get "news", if that makes sense. I see my role as supportive, so even if I know there is more to what they understand, I just try to help them navigate their care and give them suggestions on what kinds of questions to ask.
It's a hard thing to do, because since we love them, we want to fix things for them. But in the end, the journey is theirs, and we can only be companions and guides.
My prayers are with you and your family.
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Post by missbennet on Apr 18, 2018 0:45:31 GMT
I would probably leave it for them to hear for themselves, if it comes up. You'll be prepared if the news is bad, there's maybe little benefit to their burden being any heavier right now, IMO.
ETA I hope the news is very good.
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 22:35:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2018 0:49:22 GMT
Wait. Until the doctors determine what type of eye cancer he has, you'd be needlessly feeding into their fear.
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 22:35:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2018 0:50:42 GMT
I immediately googled eye cancer and learned that most cancer in the eye has spread from somewhere else. Not necessarily. I know someone that lost one eye to cancer over 20 years ago and is as fit as a fiddle today. It was contained within the eye and no other cancer anywhere else. Checking with Dr Google isn't always a good idea  I would wait until his appointment with the Dr and he can explain what he's found. There are different types of eye cancer and you don't, at the moment, know which one he has. |
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 22:35:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2018 0:53:22 GMT
Be informed and ready to help them through this.
I would let the dr tell them. He is the one who knows the most
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Post by kristi on Apr 18, 2018 0:54:06 GMT
I would definitely wait. Spectrum or not, if I had a new diagnosis- the last thing I would want to hear is speculation that it spread from somewhere else.
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Post by jenjie on Apr 18, 2018 1:02:22 GMT
I immediately googled eye cancer and learned that most cancer in the eye has spread from somewhere else. Not necessarily. I know someone that lost one eye to cancer over 20 years ago and is as fit as a fiddle today. It was contained within the eye and no other cancer anywhere else. Checking with Dr Google isn't always a good idea I would wait until his appointment with the Dr and he can explain what he's found. There are different types of eye cancer and you don't, at the moment, know which one he has. Yes! Now that dotty mentioned it... my next door neighbor had eye cancer. Had his eye removed. He didn’t have cancer anywhere else. He is back to work. I wish the best for your sister and bil, this is hard news no matter who you are. Praying for them. |
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 22:35:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2018 1:04:03 GMT
Thanks for the replies. My inclination is that no way do I want to be the one to approach that topic with them until we know for sure. My other sister wondered if it would be beneficial to prepare them for the possibility. She is a social worker and tends to deal with emotional stuff better than me, so I wasn’t sure if I was being chicken or what. No, I don't think your being chicken at all, it's just that there are variables when dealing with cancer and not one size fits all. It's best you leave it to the professionals until you know more of what you will be dealing with. Hopefully it won't be any worse than what you know now but at least you have prepared yourself and you'll be in a better position to support them. No point in worrying them at the moment. |
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gsquaredmom
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Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Apr 18, 2018 1:07:17 GMT
Wait. They may need you help for decision making and need to be able to trust you to take info given by caregivers. If you guess based on little info, you may breach that possible trust and create unnecessary confusion and pain.
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Post by megop on Apr 18, 2018 1:25:55 GMT
My advice is deal only with what you know right now. Wait for further testing and deal with what comes. Trying to prepare for the worst when you don't really know is only inviting worry and angst that may not be necessary and only would buy a short time of what would be considered "dealing" when in reality, very little is actually concretely dealt with during that time.
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Post by dewryce on Apr 18, 2018 1:31:15 GMT
I'm trying to see what the benefit would be of them knowing a 'maybe' ahead of time.
You know their emotional reactions better than we do, do you think hearing it from one of you beforehand in the comfort of their own home would be better for them? Would it outweigh the extra stress of a maybe? I can see a certain personality type preferring to have their freak out out home, then be able to out it behind them and move on ready to tackle whatever comes at them. Then there's me. I'm paranoid about cancer and this possibility would leave me unable to function until I knew one way or another.
If there was some research they could do so that they could come armed with questions that would be one thing. But it sounds like it could have come from one of several different cancers? If that's the case, until they know that how is research going to help them?
I'm sorry, and I hope it is the best case scenario. It's wonderful that you will be there to support them.
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Post by Zee on Apr 18, 2018 1:31:21 GMT
I would wait until you have the facts of the situation, no reason to add to their burden when you don't know for sure what's going on.
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Post by mom2samlibby on Apr 18, 2018 1:50:17 GMT
I have a friend, whose grandson has eye cancer. It was only in the eye. They removed the eye and he's been fine ever since.
I wouldn't warn them. I would wait until you know more.
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IAmUnoriginal
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Post by IAmUnoriginal on Apr 18, 2018 2:05:22 GMT
I wouldn’t warn them. As long as you and your other sister are aware of the possibility of bad news, you’ll be ready to support them through if the worst case scenario does happen. They don’t need to spend the time between now and the appointment worrying more than they already are, especially if they’d get confused and overwhelmed.
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Post by jumperhop on Apr 18, 2018 2:05:40 GMT
😢
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melissa
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Post by melissa on Apr 18, 2018 2:10:13 GMT
You can have metastatic disease to the eye, but there are also primary cancers of the eye such as melanoma and lymphoma. The most common metastatic cancers to the eye are lung and breast.
I imagine they are not using more specific language. When you go with them, I suspect you will be able to get more specific information and will know pretty quickly which it is.
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Post by Really Red on Apr 18, 2018 2:31:03 GMT
I'm sorry about the diagnosis, but I beg of you, PLEASE don't say anything. Unless I am mistaken, you don't 1) have all the facts and 2) aren't a doctor. You just do not know!! For every Google illness you can find, I can find one that says the opposite. Please let the doctor do their job.
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kate
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Apr 18, 2018 2:36:37 GMT
A member of my family had cancer in the eye. It was treated with a radioactive plaque, and the eye (including vision) was preserved.
I would not give them extra hypothetical stuff to worry about. I believe that withholding data about someone's health from them is wrong; however, in this case, it's not about BIL's actual health, but rather about something that could or could not be.
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Post by scrapmaven on Apr 18, 2018 3:16:54 GMT
Don't say anything. What you read on the internet isn't necessarily the case. Their doctor will give them the facts. I, too know someone who had ocular melanoma. I'm sorry that your bil is facing a scary diagnosis.
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Post by 50offscrapper on Apr 18, 2018 3:36:05 GMT
Wait.
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Post by ToniW on Apr 18, 2018 4:05:31 GMT
I'd wait. I also work with cancer patients and while you know best how they'd react to the doctor's visit, I'd wait. I wouldn't want them to worry if the news was not as bad but be there to support them if it was. I wish them the best and so glad they have family support.
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PrettyInPeank
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Apr 18, 2018 5:14:35 GMT
I'm trying to think what the extra speculation could better prepare them for, and I really don't see any benefit. All I can think of is additional mental stress.
Even if this were a family member of mine who was nuerotypical, I still wouldn't see a benefit of telling them a worst-case-scenario.
Unless they felt they were absolved of needing follow-up treatment or something, I would just wait.
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tracylynn
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Post by tracylynn on Apr 18, 2018 5:23:31 GMT
I have a sister that is on the spectrum who is not super high functioning, but she has held down a job her entire adult life. She got married a few years ago, and her husband is about the same level of functioning as she is. They just found out that he has cancer in his eye. They are both understandably devastated. I immediately googled eye cancer and learned that most cancer in the eye has spread from somewhere else. He is going to have an MRI at a clinic in Seattle, and afterwards meet with his doctor to get the results. (I’m going with them.) Our other sister and I have been trying to decide if we mention the possibility that this has spread from another area before the appointment, or if we just wait and see what the MRI says? My bro-in-law and sister are mostly concerned that he will lose his vision, I don’t think the thought of another tumor has even occurred to them. We can’t decide what is the kinder approach. Wait? Or prepare them? Don't guess. I have a close friend who's husband is going through this right now and it DID start in his eye. It has now spread to his liver and is not curable at this time. It very well could have started in his eye. And my friend hasn't lost his vision, so that's not a given. |
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craftykitten
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Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on Apr 18, 2018 6:42:47 GMT
I can't see any benefit to warning them of a "maybe". Stop googling! I'm glad you and your other sister are going to be with them for support. Sorry your BIL is having to go through this.
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 22:35:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2018 8:49:48 GMT
I would wait. I know of someone who had eye cancer and lived a long and healthy life afterward. It may have spread from elsewhere or it could be a primary tumor. No sense in getting them more upset about something that they may not need to deal with. They have enough on their plate right now.
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Post by mikklynn on Apr 18, 2018 12:07:07 GMT
No advice, as I can see the benefits of both ways of approaching this. I will say you and your other sister are so wonderful to be there for your sister and BIL.
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