First Mother's Day after death of mom, how to help DH?

My mom died the day before Mother's Day. I was kind of glad to get that first one over with right away. When I am missing my mom I try to do something that reminds me of her - it might be using one of her recipes or gardening or even watching a show she liked.

DH and I have lost both his parents in the last four years and my Mom most recently at the end of March. (My dad passed away when i was a teen.) So this is our first mother’s day with none of our parents with us.

We’re not really big on visiting the cemetery on mother’s/father’s day, but we usually incorporate their memory into our regular celebration. (A toast at brunch, sharing stories etc.) This year in memory of my mom, I am planting a rhododendron in my yard as she loved the one she had in her yard. I have an urn of her ashes but I’m not ready to spread them anywhere yet but I’ve had friends do that on Mother’s/Father’s Day with their parent’s ashes.

I would ask your DH what he’d like to do. My DH really just preferred to be low key about it. My sister’s husband likes to get a mass at church in his mom’s name on or near mother’s day. DH’s brother likes to bring flowers to the cemetery.

I’m not a cemetery going person, I’m just not. I haven’t been back to the cemetery where my mom is since her service and that was almost seven years ago. I would much rather remember her in other ways, either by doing some of the things she loved to do or going somewhere she loved to go, looking at pictures in a photo album or scrapbook and remembering the fun times we had as a family, or telling my DD stories about her (DD was only one when both of her grandmas passed away).

I would also say to let your DH decide how he wants to handle it and just go with that.

I lost my mom about 16 year ago. Her birthday is May 13 and the same day as Mother’s Day this year. I ALWAYS plant pretty flowers for my mom on her birthday. She loved gardening and growing flowers. I look forward to it every year and really enjoy the process of picking out the flowers and then spending some quiet time planting them. I would ask your DH if he is interested in starting a tradition of honoring his mom in a special way.

It really depends upon the person. The first Mother's Day is hard. It took a few years before I was in the spirit and after several years I still get a bit sad. Though it's much better and I can be happy now.

It might be nice to incorporate a tradition that his mom would have liked. ITA w/going to a favorite restaurant or baking a favorite treat. Now I focus on my mil. Dh and the kids do their best to give me a nice day and I try and focus on that.

Mainly, just be there to listen. Frankly, I would just ask him how he's doing and what he wants to do about Mother's Day. It's hard, but w/your support and love he'll be OK.

Yikes.  Tell your DH you'll mourn her loss for as long as you like and he should just get used to it!   I remember seeing my MIL cry when she replaced the shelf liner in her hall closet.  She told me she remembered when her mom was alive and they put that in together.  I felt so bad for her and I know her loss was great even though it happened many, many years before.  It's funny, I don't really get sad when I think of my MIL now, but I do get sad when I think of my first boyfriend who died tragically when he was in his early 20's.  I don't get sad because I still have feelings for him, but because my sons are about the same age now and I cannot imagine the loss his parents must have felt.

This right here.  And be there for him. Make no other plans and just be there with him. Hold him and love on him and do extra special things for him all day long.  If he wants to talk you'll be there to do it and if he doesn't he will have your presence there and not feel alone.

Hugs to you, to him and to everyone missing their Momma's this Mother's Day. 

I can’t say really because I was relieved the first Mother’s Day after my mom died. We had a strained relationship, she had dementia and it amped up her mean factor, and I could purchase the exact gift she asked for and she would still complain.

But one idea I do have ( maybe For Saturday as opposed to Sunday ) My dad would find some lady who looked approximately his moms age and buy her meal for her. Usually breakfast. He & his mom had this thing about outsmarting each other in order to pay when they went out. It got really bad before she died where she would go sneak off to pay before even ordered. So after she died my dad would pick up another woman’s check and say I got this one mom.

So what kind of tradition did your DH have with his mon? Is it something he could alter to do for someone else?