When you are in the middle of a child and other parent

I'm sorry - you may find their relationship improves dramatically when they're not under the same roof.

So sorry!! Hope things are worked out soon!!

I'm sorry you are caught in the middle.

I do agree with Darcy Collins, things will improve when they aren't under the same roof.

Honestly, if DS is being supported by you, he should be working with your DH until he finds another job, IMHO. Nothing more motivating than working with or at something you hate to find yourself another job. 

I will also say that money is a motivator for working. I think often times teens/adults are getting their money elsewhere whether it be parents or social services so then are not motivated to work.

I started working at 14 because I wanted money, my parents didn't pay for brand name clothes or give me an allowance so in order to do extra fun stuff I needed money. I think a lot of people work because they need to not because they want to. Just thinking of course your son doesn't want to work, he will have to be shown that he needs to!

You can. You can take him off your phone plan and give him a cheap phone that he can pay as you go so he can still job hunt. It has to be his cost and problem for him to find motivation to change things.

When I was his age, I rode my bike or took the bus. My home to school was 10 miles and I preferred to ride because it allowed me to go on my schedule and not deal with transferring buses.

I've got a lazy son, too, and believe his only motivation to get a job on his own is the alternative is to work for DH.

I went thru this with my son.

DS started interning with our company when he was 14. I started paying him a few months later, about $10/hr for jobs where he actually did something, like moving or unpacking computers. I didn't pass these charges on to our customers even though having DS there to handle the manual work decreased the amount they were charged in hourly billing. I increased his pay as he met certain requirements, like certifications, until he was making as much as a seasoned tech by age 18.

As DS learned more and more, he reached the point where he wanted to argue with DH both at work and at home. The first time he did so in front of a customer, DH lost his shit when he got home. When everyone calmed down, we explained to DS that that could not ever happen again and, should it happen, he'd be suspended a week without pay. Of course it happened again and I did exactly what I said I'd do. Life got rough. Even if DS kept his mouth shut on site, he and DH would fight over how things should be done when they got home. DH had to stop and check every piece of work DS did because DS would decide to do it his way, not realizing that his way caused problems in the environment where the machine was going. Each time we found that he had not followed DH's instructions, I decreased his hourly pay or suspended him. Because we were hyper aware of the situation, our customers probably got the best cheapest service ever.

DS very badly wanted to move out but every time he got close to having enough saved, he'd blow everything on junk. He'd come home from his shopping trip defensive and ugly and he and I would go at it. I didn't realize he was taking his self-anger out on his little sister until I overheard him one day. I made him sign over his paycheck to me each pay period after that, giving him an allowance to live on. Within 2 months, he had enough saved to move out. Two months later, his online gf from CA moved across country to live with him.

Things got really sticky at that point. She was a shit stirrer and was constantly telling him how we mistreated him. We were paying him top dollar and paying for him to get all of his certifications. I made him pay for the re-tests after he blew his second chance at a certification and he refused. She egged him on to demand that we pay him what we charged our customers for his time. She had never held a job and had no clue about overhead or recouping investment on training costs. Plus, he was already making more than any local senior techs with degrees and years of experience.

He and DH couldn't be in he same room together without each demanding that I side with them on some truly dumb argument. I hated being in the middle of the two of them and then his gf was doing everything in her power to destroy our relationship. When they decide to move to CA, it was truly a relief.

DS discovered how generous we had been with his pay when he tried to find work in CA. Without the certifications we'd insisted he get, he wouldn't have even gotten his foot in the door. Once he got in, it has taken years for him to make as much per hour as we were paying him. Within three months of being out there, his gf was diagnosed with breast cancer, her third bout with cancer. DS grew up fast. He and DH started talking daily; I was still persona non grata because I had upset his gf when they lived here. I was ok with that-my heart and emotions were still bruised from his behavior.

More than ten years later, things are so much better. He and gf married and we went to the wedding. DS and I talk at least once a week and he has apologized more than once for his behavior. He and DH talk daily, something that my DH really looks forward to. Once or twice they've mentioned working together again and I've nixed that in no uncertain terms. Not going to happen as long as I'm involved or as long as I have to depend on the money they make to survive.

Hope your situation gets better soon.

Marcy