NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Jun 11, 2018 23:59:34 GMT
refugeepea I wish you well *hugs* reading your post really spoke to me and I can relate.
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Post by hop2 on Jun 12, 2018 0:09:38 GMT
I've been dealing with my son's untreated bipolar issues for 3+years. After trying meds and therapy, he refuses to do so any more. He only tells ME about his suicidal, sad, lonely emotions. I realized a while back that I needed to share those texts with his dad, because he was all, "He seemed FINE when we were at dinner yesterday..." It's the worse kind of pain I can imagine to witness your suffering child. It has FUCKED. Me. Up. I wince when ever I hear his ring tone or text message notification. When I don't hear from him, it's a relief, but I'm worried. I've planned his funeral in my head dozens of times. I lie in bed at night praying for relief from the fear and sadness. For him and for me. He's super articulate about describing his symptoms. I feel closer to him than ever, but the cost of that is I ride his roller coaster of emotions, especially the depressed valleys. My friendships have suffered, because I just don't have the emotional resources to be there for them sometimes. I started taking antidepressants a few months ago. They help. Before that, I would feel like crying, but couldn't. Went over a year without crying. Because I can't show weakness when he is venting to me, or else he'll feel badly and stop. I can't fail him. I have to be strong for him. No one on this thread has mentioned NAMI. It's the National Alliance on Mental Illness Me, my daughter and ex-husband took a 12 week class LOADED with info and support for family/support people for the mentally ill. I think the class was called Family-to-Family. It was free, and I came away with a big fat notebook of info and resources, and several new friends who could commiserate because they had the same experiences. I can't recommend this resource highly enough. There are local city chapters, and the classes are run by volunteers, who most likely have family members with mental illness. And the class was operated in a kind and gentle manner. For example, the instructors frequently told us that we could 'opt out' of sharing or reading or participating during any specific time, no questions asked.
Class participants had varying experience levels in the mental health care system, and hearing that information was really helpful. People were sharing techniques for getting health care providers, for example, when the search engines online said no one was taking new patients. Talking about how social workers will sometimes be more forthcoming in a hospital situation than doctors or nurses.... stuff like that. People in my class were very open about their experiences and emotions. And hearing their stories... kind of like this thread-- my God, the things we are dealing with! It's totally made me look at random strangers differently. I know it's cliche that we don't know what other people are going through-- but man. I'm a lot more patient with odd behavior, rudeness, etc. It's like I'm wearing a lens of ... I don't know. Compassion? I tend to cut people slack now. Who knows what they have experienced, right?
ETA: I don't know if it's because it's volunteer-run, but the websites for NAMI aren't all cohesive and logical. All of the states aren't listed in the national site, for example. I found my local chapter by googling NAMI and my city and state. Another way you might find NAMI near you is looking for your county. I hope this is helpful.
Oh sharlag I’m so sorry. My DD also tells me all of her woes & bouts with her anxiety. Thankfully she has not been suicidal. She never tells her father any of this stuff I say I’m her ‘garbage pail’ where she feels safe dumping her stuff. And now that she is an adult and I am divorced I know she expects what she tells me to be in confidence so I can’t share with anyone. There are days I can help her with her load and days where it’s hard for me to deal with. I can’t inagine the load you are carrying! {{{{Hugs}}}} However, I hope you realize that it is a helpful thing for your son to ‘dump’ on you. My DD has thanked me several times after her anxiety is passed. I’m so sorry that it has been so difficult for you again {{{{Hugs}}}}
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Post by hop2 on Jun 12, 2018 0:12:42 GMT
Sometimes, I feel so guilty for just wanting to silence the phone and run away. Knowing that I can't do that and then feeling like a bad mom and support person. I'm with you on the emotional rollercoaster. I am the one who my son turns to when he's feeling so down and doesn't want to live anymore. I'm terrified of not being there that one time when he can't combat those feelings on his own. The consequences are so great. Hugs to all on this board who have mental illness and to all who are the support for someone who does. We all need to know we aren't alone. {{{Hugs}}}} cubby14 It can be such a load sometimes. Especially when your having issues if your own. It does help to have support for yourself too.
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Jun 12, 2018 0:18:17 GMT
Hop2 , I haven’t told him I’m sharing those texts with his dad. I feel guilty doing it, but need his dad to see what his son is saying so that he’ll understand the severity of the situation. It’s so hard to know the right things to do!
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Post by hop2 on Jun 12, 2018 0:28:03 GMT
Hop2 , I haven’t told him I’m sharing those texts with his dad. I feel guilty doing it, but need his dad to see when his son is saying so that he’ll understand the severity of the situation. It’s sonhard to know the right things to do! Yes it is hard to know the right thing to do. I’m not sure what I’d do if DD’s texts got worse. The anxiety and what goes with it comes out in many forms though and I know she has not told her father about any relationships and things like that so when her anxiety comes out like that I feel I have to keep her confidences. I treasure her openness to me on many subjects. I am not sure that her father actually knows her anymore she’s changed a great deal in college. Right now I can’t see me sharing with her father. Especially since I’m not exactly talking to my ex right now. But it is a difficult path and uncharterrd territory to ‘know’ What to do. I didn’t mean to say you were wrong in anyway. I just was sympathizing that the burden can be heavy when your child chooses you as a safe place to unburden. However you deal with that to get thru it is what you need to do
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Post by lauradrumm on Jun 12, 2018 0:40:29 GMT
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Post by lauradrumm on Jun 12, 2018 0:45:46 GMT
None of you all know me, Ive lurked on this site for as long as it has been open and on the original Two Peas for many years. I've gotten so many great things from coming here and with this topic I feel compelled to come out into the open and respond. I suffered with severe post-partum depression many years ago to the point of suicide. Finally asked for help and got it but not without lots of stigma that went along with it. But I really wanted to bring up how lacking our country is in the mental health care area. I live in a big city in Arizona. I have an adult son 26 who was diagnosed with Bi Polar disorder when he was 19. He has been resistant to medication since his first two tries a few years ago, Neither doctor was responsive to his complaints about the side effects etc. He quit and tried to deal with it on his own. As we all know that doesn't work. So for the last year I have been trying to find him a new doctor. Most of them around here don't accept insurance at all or if they do, they don't accept the one he has which is the only one he has access to. He works only part time but makes too much for medicaid so he is subsidized on the Affordable Care Ins. In our county there is only one company available and it is junk. But I digress, because I think insurance for all is so necessary. So for the last 5-6 months I have been on a hunt to find anyone who was taking new patients. I contacted 43 places and none were accepting new patients except through a hospital in patient referral. You only get admitted if you have actually tried to commit suicide. I was ready to start looking in the next biggest are which is 1 1/2 hours away, when I got a call from a good friend who also has bipolar and she asked her doctor if there was any way she would see him. Luckily she said yes, no insurance accepted. He's lucky in that we can pay. I spent most every day worried sick that I would find my son dead in his apartment. He lost hope many times that he would ever get the help he needs. Many people with mental illness and these types of road blocks would not get the help they need to be productive members of society. I see so many people say just get help if you're feeling suicidal or have a mental illness. If only it was that easy. I don't want any more families and friends to have to deal with the pain of a love ones suicide. I don't want those that can't afford the help to be those marginalized people we see all over. I want us all to help get rid of the stigma of mental health issues and to demand that there be more access to good quality care that is covered by insurance just like any other illness. The stress of dealing with this has brought up a lot of those old helpless feeling from long ago within me. Driving over to my son's place when I can't get hold of him, thoughts racing expecting to find him dead. I've felt very disheartened and helpless. Anyway thanks for propelling me to come out of lurkedom and post this. Michelle First let me offer you hugs and a huge thank you for supporting your son and for caring for others. I’m so angry with our country right now for not offering affordable insurance for all and for not offering better mental health facilities! Shame on America!
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Post by lauradrumm on Jun 12, 2018 0:50:30 GMT
I have situational depression. My dad’s passing was brutal on me. There are days I simply don’t want to get out of bed, but I do, and I go to work (late) and pretend everything’s fine, but it isn’t. I don’t talk about it because I’ve heard enough to know that most everyone’s reply is “still? That was 18 months ago, you should be over it” My DDs deserve a present mom. I’m trying to be in for them, but I just don’t feel like it sometimes. I know it will get better. My counselor says I’m almost there. Some days are truly great, and I’m full of energy and even laugh and enjoy the everyday moments. And then, a song, a tv moment, a rainbow, the little things that remind me of dad send me back to the hole and I just keep fighting. Big hugs to everyone. Grieving is a process that’s different for each of us. Be kind to yourself and go at your own pace.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jun 12, 2018 0:55:43 GMT
My truth is that life sucks and then you die. There is nothing I can do to change what's happening in my life. There's no use of going into details (especially on this board) of why it's not possible. Sure, therapy in theory is a good idea. Finding the money and time is another. I try to cope by avoiding people. Another pea said depressed people are good actors; I am not. I stay quiet. I've heard of resting bitch face, but I must have resting sad face. I get asked too many times if I'm okay when I'm around others.
I have three good friends left but have made a decision to cut ties with them by the end of the year. I can't reciprocate and help them when they are having hard times because of my own issues. I'm happy for them and their successes, but it adds to my sadness that I'll never have anything resembling a normal life. The less I know about others around me, the better I can cope. I try to make it through the day by staying away from social media and limiting myself to very few threads on this board.
My word for the year is more. I'm trying to create more, read more, move more, and avoid people more. Basically keep myself busy so I can make it to nighttime and sleep.
(((Hugs))) Have you thought about finding acquaintances in similar situations that you find yourself in? It's really hard to feel like equal friends with people who live an easier, more carefree, fulfilling life than we do. I know, for my own well being, I have had to pull back from my brother this year. I told him about a couple of my kids' medical struggles and his response was to tell me how wonderfully his kids are, and how advanced and healthy they are. It was more than I could handle when my one kid was undergoing tests weekly at the children's hospital, and another needed to be taken to a therapy and a psychology appointment each week. And even as far as the peas go, sometimes I find myself needing to take a step away because I am so lacking compared to you all. I don't have a college education, and I work a dead end job that doesn't pay enough but it's all I can get right now. I was reading the vacation thread and I was just so bummed out. There will be no vacations for me. I can't make it a priority. But I want to! And even on the scrapbook board, I feel like a fraud. I'm mostly still scrapping with tools and supplies that I've had for a decade, back before I was a single mom and broke. It feels silly to even bother chiming in about the new collections when I know I won't be buying them. At most I treat myself to a sheet of Recollections paper here and there, and some stickers.
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Post by lauradrumm on Jun 12, 2018 1:00:16 GMT
My truth is that life sucks and then you die. There is nothing I can do to change what's happening in my life. There's no use of going into details (especially on this board) of why it's not possible. Sure, therapy in theory is a good idea. Finding the money and time is another. I try to cope by avoiding people. Another pea said depressed people are good actors; I am not. I stay quiet. I've heard of resting bitch face, but I must have resting sad face. I get asked too many times if I'm okay when I'm around others.
I have three good friends left but have made a decision to cut ties with them by the end of the year. I can't reciprocate and help them when they are having hard times because of my own issues. I'm happy for them and their successes, but it adds to my sadness that I'll never have anything resembling a normal life. The less I know about others around me, the better I can cope. I try to make it through the day by staying away from social media and limiting myself to very few threads on this board.
My word for the year is more. I'm trying to create more, read more, move more, and avoid people more. Basically keep myself busy so I can make it to nighttime and sleep.
I’m not sure if you mentioned whether or not you tried medication. Have you?
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Post by lauradrumm on Jun 12, 2018 1:02:34 GMT
Sometimes, I feel so guilty for just wanting to silence the phone and run away. Knowing that I can't do that and then feeling like a bad mom and support person. I'm with you on the emotional rollercoaster. I am the one who my son turns to when he's feeling so down and doesn't want to live anymore. I'm terrified of not being there that one time when he can't combat those feelings on his own. The consequences are so great. Hugs to all on this board who have mental illness and to all who are the support for someone who does. We all need to know we aren't alone. But you can take 15-30 minutes for yourself-you’re allowed and will be stronger for it. Please practice at least a small amount of self care. Hugs to you!
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Post by lauradrumm on Jun 12, 2018 1:03:53 GMT
My truth is that life sucks and then you die. There is nothing I can do to change what's happening in my life. There's no use of going into details (especially on this board) of why it's not possible. Sure, therapy in theory is a good idea. Finding the money and time is another. I try to cope by avoiding people. Another pea said depressed people are good actors; I am not. I stay quiet. I've heard of resting bitch face, but I must have resting sad face. I get asked too many times if I'm okay when I'm around others.
I have three good friends left but have made a decision to cut ties with them by the end of the year. I can't reciprocate and help them when they are having hard times because of my own issues. I'm happy for them and their successes, but it adds to my sadness that I'll never have anything resembling a normal life. The less I know about others around me, the better I can cope. I try to make it through the day by staying away from social media and limiting myself to very few threads on this board.
My word for the year is more. I'm trying to create more, read more, move more, and avoid people more. Basically keep myself busy so I can make it to nighttime and sleep.
(((Hugs))) Have you thought about finding acquaintances in similar situations that you find yourself in? It's really hard to feel like equal friends with people who live an easier, more carefree, fulfilling life than we do. I know, for my own well being, I have had to pull back from my brother this year. I told him about a couple of my kids' medical struggles and his response was to tell me how wonderfully his kids are, and how advanced and healthy they are. It was more than I could handle when my one kid was undergoing tests weekly at the children's hospital, and another needed to be taken to a therapy and a psychology appointment each week. And even as far as the peas go, sometimes I find myself needing to take a step away because I am so lacking compared to you all. I don't have a college education, and I work a dead end job that doesn't pay enough but it's all I can get right now. I was reading the vacation thread and I was just so bummed out. There will be no vacations for me. I can't make it a priority. But I want to! And even on the scrapbook board, I feel like a fraud. I'm mostly still scrapping with tools and supplies that I've had for a decade, back before I was a single mom and broke. It feels silly to even bother chiming in about the new collections when I know I won't be buying them. At most I treat myself to a sheet of Recollections paper here and there, and some stickers. Remember we all sound better on paper than IRL usually
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jun 12, 2018 1:10:15 GMT
I've been dealing with my son's untreated bipolar issues for 3+years. After trying meds and therapy, he refuses to do so any more. He only tells ME about his suicidal, sad, lonely emotions. I realized a while back that I needed to share those texts with his dad, because he was all, "He seemed FINE when we were at dinner yesterday..." It's the worse kind of pain I can imagine to witness your suffering child. It has FUCKED. Me. Up. I wince when ever I hear his ring tone or text message notification. When I don't hear from him, it's a relief, but I'm worried. I've planned his funeral in my head dozens of times. I lie in bed at night praying for relief from the fear and sadness. For him and for me. He's super articulate about describing his symptoms. I feel closer to him than ever, but the cost of that is I ride his roller coaster of emotions, especially the depressed valleys. My friendships have suffered, because I just don't have the emotional resources to be there for them sometimes. I started taking antidepressants a few months ago. They help. Before that, I would feel like crying, but couldn't. Went over a year without crying. Because I can't show weakness when he is venting to me, or else he'll feel badly and stop. I can't fail him. I have to be strong for him. No one on this thread has mentioned NAMI. It's the National Alliance on Mental Illness Me, my daughter and ex-husband took a 12 week class LOADED with info and support for family/support people for the mentally ill. I think the class was called Family-to-Family. It was free, and I came away with a big fat notebook of info and resources, and several new friends who could commiserate because they had the same experiences. I can't recommend this resource highly enough. There are local city chapters, and the classes are run by volunteers, who most likely have family members with mental illness. And the class was operated in a kind and gentle manner. For example, the instructors frequently told us that we could 'opt out' of sharing or reading or participating during any specific time, no questions asked.
Class participants had varying experience levels in the mental health care system, and hearing that information was really helpful. People were sharing techniques for getting health care providers, for example, when the search engines online said no one was taking new patients. Talking about how social workers will sometimes be more forthcoming in a hospital situation than doctors or nurses.... stuff like that. People in my class were very open about their experiences and emotions. And hearing their stories... kind of like this thread-- my God, the things we are dealing with! It's totally made me look at random strangers differently. I know it's cliche that we don't know what other people are going through-- but man. I'm a lot more patient with odd behavior, rudeness, etc. It's like I'm wearing a lens of ... I don't know. Compassion? I tend to cut people slack now. Who knows what they have experienced, right?
ETA: I don't know if it's because it's volunteer-run, but the websites for NAMI aren't all cohesive and logical. All of the states aren't listed in the national site, for example. I found my local chapter by googling NAMI and my city and state. Another way you might find NAMI near you is looking for your county. I hope this is helpful.
First, lots of (((Hugs))) You're a strong lady. Second, I just wanted to say that I totally relate to being more patient and tolerant to other people's behaviors. Especially as my children have exhibited behaviors that I wish for others to look upon with compassion.
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Post by Merge on Jun 12, 2018 1:14:15 GMT
Hop2 , I haven’t told him I’m sharing those texts with his dad. I feel guilty doing it, but need his dad to see what his son is saying so that he’ll understand the severity of the situation. It’s so hard to know the right things to do! It's super hard. DD mentioned suicide for the first time on Saturday night, so I'm sitting there as she's sobbing trying to decide if it's better for me to just sit with her or for us to go to the ER. An urban ER on a Saturday night. We ultimately decided that sitting in that setting for several hours would probably not improve her outlook. She's doing better the past couple of days, but we have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow to see about adjusting her meds or whether we need to do something else ... As you said, it is so hard to know what to do. I'm afraid to let her out of my sight.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Jun 12, 2018 1:22:08 GMT
My truth is that life sucks and then you die. There is nothing I can do to change what's happening in my life. There's no use of going into details (especially on this board) of why it's not possible. Sure, therapy in theory is a good idea. Finding the money and time is another. I try to cope by avoiding people. Another pea said depressed people are good actors; I am not. I stay quiet. I've heard of resting bitch face, but I must have resting sad face. I get asked too many times if I'm okay when I'm around others.
I have three good friends left but have made a decision to cut ties with them by the end of the year. I can't reciprocate and help them when they are having hard times because of my own issues. I'm happy for them and their successes, but it adds to my sadness that I'll never have anything resembling a normal life. The less I know about others around me, the better I can cope. I try to make it through the day by staying away from social media and limiting myself to very few threads on this board.
My word for the year is more. I'm trying to create more, read more, move more, and avoid people more. Basically keep myself busy so I can make it to nighttime and sleep.
(((Hugs))) Have you thought about finding acquaintances in similar situations that you find yourself in? It's really hard to feel like equal friends with people who live an easier, more carefree, fulfilling life than we do. I know, for my own well being, I have had to pull back from my brother this year. I told him about a couple of my kids' medical struggles and his response was to tell me how wonderfully his kids are, and how advanced and healthy they are. It was more than I could handle when my one kid was undergoing tests weekly at the children's hospital, and another needed to be taken to a therapy and a psychology appointment each week. And even as far as the peas go, sometimes I find myself needing to take a step away because I am so lacking compared to you all. I don't have a college education, and I work a dead end job that doesn't pay enough but it's all I can get right now. I was reading the vacation thread and I was just so bummed out. There will be no vacations for me. I can't make it a priority. But I want to! And even on the scrapbook board, I feel like a fraud. I'm mostly still scrapping with tools and supplies that I've had for a decade, back before I was a single mom and broke. It feels silly to even bother chiming in about the new collections when I know I won't be buying them. At most I treat myself to a sheet of Recollections paper here and there, and some stickers. Well I am too terrified to use my Cricut or learn my Silhouette but I am being buried with my Quickutz. It’s old fashioned and there are faster and easier ways to cut out alphabets but I love it! There are no scrapbooking police and only you need to see your layouts. Keep that in mind always. This is your hobby for you. We got lost about 10 years ago about tooting how great we were to get published and that did a lot of damage. Take back your hobby and you you are the best scrapper in the world. Yes, YOU!!!
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Post by mom on Jun 12, 2018 1:29:39 GMT
Hop2 , I haven’t told him I’m sharing those texts with his dad. I feel guilty doing it, but need his dad to see what his son is saying so that he’ll understand the severity of the situation. It’s so hard to know the right things to do! It's super hard. DD mentioned suicide for the first time on Saturday night, so I'm sitting there as she's sobbing trying to decide if it's better for me to just sit with her or for us to go to the ER. An urban ER on a Saturday night. We ultimately decided that sitting in that setting for several hours would probably not improve her outlook. She's doing better the past couple of days, but we have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow to see about adjusting her meds or whether we need to do something else ... As you said, it is so hard to know what to do. I'm afraid to let her out of my sight. Sending you big hugs, Merge . Years ago, I was super depressed and suicidal. I couldn't talk to my husband or my friends (even though they would have loved me too). I felt alone. My mom sat on the floor of my closet with me for over 4 hours, just rocking me and letting me talk and ugly cry. She made the decision that the ER would not be a good place for me (for various reasons). At the time I did not appreciate what she did for me. But looking back, that night was a turning point in my recovery from Depression. I didn't get better immediately but it was the starting point.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Jun 12, 2018 1:50:04 GMT
My truth is that life sucks and then you die. There is nothing I can do to change what's happening in my life. There's no use of going into details (especially on this board) of why it's not possible. Sure, therapy in theory is a good idea. Finding the money and time is another. I try to cope by avoiding people. Another pea said depressed people are good actors; I am not. I stay quiet. I've heard of resting bitch face, but I must have resting sad face. I get asked too many times if I'm okay when I'm around others.
I have three good friends left but have made a decision to cut ties with them by the end of the year. I can't reciprocate and help them when they are having hard times because of my own issues. I'm happy for them and their successes, but it adds to my sadness that I'll never have anything resembling a normal life. The less I know about others around me, the better I can cope. I try to make it through the day by staying away from social media and limiting myself to very few threads on this board.
My word for the year is more. I'm trying to create more, read more, move more, and avoid people more. Basically keep myself busy so I can make it to nighttime and sleep.
(((Hugs))) Have you thought about finding acquaintances in similar situations that you find yourself in? It's really hard to feel like equal friends with people who live an easier, more carefree, fulfilling life than we do. I know, for my own well being, I have had to pull back from my brother this year. I told him about a couple of my kids' medical struggles and his response was to tell me how wonderfully his kids are, and how advanced and healthy they are. It was more than I could handle when my one kid was undergoing tests weekly at the children's hospital, and another needed to be taken to a therapy and a psychology appointment each week. And even as far as the peas go, sometimes I find myself needing to take a step away because I am so lacking compared to you all. I don't have a college education, and I work a dead end job that doesn't pay enough but it's all I can get right now. I was reading the vacation thread and I was just so bummed out. There will be no vacations for me. I can't make it a priority. But I want to! And even on the scrapbook board, I feel like a fraud. I'm mostly still scrapping with tools and supplies that I've had for a decade, back before I was a single mom and broke. It feels silly to even bother chiming in about the new collections when I know I won't be buying them. At most I treat myself to a sheet of Recollections paper here and there, and some stickers. If you feel comfortable PM me your address and I'll put together some scrappy things for you (no hard feelings whatsoever if you don't feel comfortable). I swear I'm not some weird stalker killer (although I'm guessing stalker killers say their not lol) I was in your shoes a few years ago and I know what it's like to have a hobby that you enjoy but can't shop for often. I wish you well.
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Post by Merge on Jun 12, 2018 1:57:29 GMT
It's super hard. DD mentioned suicide for the first time on Saturday night, so I'm sitting there as she's sobbing trying to decide if it's better for me to just sit with her or for us to go to the ER. An urban ER on a Saturday night. We ultimately decided that sitting in that setting for several hours would probably not improve her outlook. She's doing better the past couple of days, but we have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow to see about adjusting her meds or whether we need to do something else ... As you said, it is so hard to know what to do. I'm afraid to let her out of my sight. Sending you big hugs, Merge . Years ago, I was super depressed and suicidal. I couldn't talk to my husband or my friends (even though they would have loved me too). I felt alone. My mom sat on the floor of my closet with me for over 4 hours, just rocking me and letting me talk and ugly cry. She made the decision that the ER would not be a good place for me (for various reasons). At the time I did not appreciate what she did for me. But looking back, that night was a turning point in my recovery from Depression. I didn't get better immediately but it was the starting point. Thank you for sharing that. It's helpful to me to know. And I'm glad it was a starting point to healing for you.
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Post by lauradrumm on Jun 12, 2018 3:31:48 GMT
(((Hugs))) Have you thought about finding acquaintances in similar situations that you find yourself in? It's really hard to feel like equal friends with people who live an easier, more carefree, fulfilling life than we do. I know, for my own well being, I have had to pull back from my brother this year. I told him about a couple of my kids' medical struggles and his response was to tell me how wonderfully his kids are, and how advanced and healthy they are. It was more than I could handle when my one kid was undergoing tests weekly at the children's hospital, and another needed to be taken to a therapy and a psychology appointment each week. And even as far as the peas go, sometimes I find myself needing to take a step away because I am so lacking compared to you all. I don't have a college education, and I work a dead end job that doesn't pay enough but it's all I can get right now. I was reading the vacation thread and I was just so bummed out. There will be no vacations for me. I can't make it a priority. But I want to! And even on the scrapbook board, I feel like a fraud. I'm mostly still scrapping with tools and supplies that I've had for a decade, back before I was a single mom and broke. It feels silly to even bother chiming in about the new collections when I know I won't be buying them. At most I treat myself to a sheet of Recollections paper here and there, and some stickers. If you feel comfortable PM me your address and I'll put together some scrappy things for you (no hard feelings whatsoever if you don't feel comfortable). I swear I'm not some weird stalker killer (although I'm guessing stalker killers say their not lol) I was in your shoes a few years ago and I know what it's like to have a hobby that you enjoy but can't shop for often. I wish you well. I’d be willing to pitch in for sure! Let me know if I can contribute. I have way too much stuff!
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Jun 12, 2018 4:11:54 GMT
thank you so much for posting this. I remember watching him on Star Trek, and then he kind of disappeared. It's nice (well, not that he has these issues, but you know what I mean) to read his perspective on it; I can relate to a lot of what he wrote. Not about the famous part, lol, but about the childhood anxiety. I never thought anything of it, though-- it's just how it was. Now I know better, and that taking care of ME is as important as taking care of everyone else. (I just have to remember it.)
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Post by fashionista on Jun 12, 2018 4:43:16 GMT
I have situational depression. My dad’s passing was brutal on me. There are days I simply don’t want to get out of bed, but I do, and I go to work (late) and pretend everything’s fine, but it isn’t. I don’t talk about it because I’ve heard enough to know that most everyone’s reply is “still? That was 18 months ago, you should be over it” My DDs deserve a present mom. I’m trying to be in for them, but I just don’t feel like it sometimes. I know it will get better. My counselor says I’m almost there. Some days are truly great, and I’m full of energy and even laugh and enjoy the everyday moments. And then, a song, a tv moment, a rainbow, the little things that remind me of dad send me back to the hole and I just keep fighting. Big hugs to everyone. Take your time is all I can say. It won't be easy but take your time. Your children will understand maybe not now but they. My mom lost her dad when I was in middle school it was hard but I turned out normal. My husband lost his father a month before we became parents for the second time. The first year was the hardest year I have ever faced as an adult. The 2 years after that weren't as easy. But I have my husband back. I don't think you ever go back as the same person. It changed it him. But he is still himself. He laughs a lot more and smiles a lot more. Hang in there and surround yourself with people that will speak life into you. (I hope this all make sense. It's close to midnight here and I'm on team no sleep with a 3 month old)
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Post by fashionista on Jun 12, 2018 4:45:43 GMT
What scares you? I wore my mother's ring after she died and I took it off and put it in a safe place so I could organize my closet. I didn't want it to snag on my clothes. My father asked me where it was one day and I couldn't find it. (She had just died). That was Mother's Day 2016. He yelled at me. He accused me of selling it. I didn't know where I had put it and I was wrought with grief. That was Sunday. The following weekend I put the plan into action. The police caught me. I hate Mother's Day forever more. I lost my mother's bracelet on Wednesday this week. If you don't know what scared is, you haven't seen me now. Every minute of the day I sit here worrying is this the week it happens? Sister, take one day at a time and maybe one hour at a time. Surround yourself with people life giving people. Join a church. Connect with others because you're not the only one. And someone out there needs to hear you story so they can have hope. Love you
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Post by fashionista on Jun 12, 2018 4:51:53 GMT
My truth is that life sucks and then you die. There is nothing I can do to change what's happening in my life. There's no use of going into details (especially on this board) of why it's not possible. Sure, therapy in theory is a good idea. Finding the money and time is another. I try to cope by avoiding people. Another pea said depressed people are good actors; I am not. I stay quiet. I've heard of resting bitch face, but I must have resting sad face. I get asked too many times if I'm okay when I'm around others.
I have three good friends left but have made a decision to cut ties with them by the end of the year. I can't reciprocate and help them when they are having hard times because of my own issues. I'm happy for them and their successes, but it adds to my sadness that I'll never have anything resembling a normal life. The less I know about others around me, the better I can cope. I try to make it through the day by staying away from social media and limiting myself to very few threads on this board.
My word for the year is more. I'm trying to create more, read more, move more, and avoid people more. Basically keep myself busy so I can make it to nighttime and sleep.
Are you sure this is a good idea? What if they have the need to help you? What if that’s their purpose in the friendship? I have 2 BFFs who do this to me. They need to help me and they feel they get back this way when I cannot give. I want you to think about this. In your friendships do you have a “thing” you share and laugh hysterically? I have that with 2 of my other Bffs and honestly only we understand and it is like a language and it gives us never ending joy. Please ask yourself if you have a thing with them. Please. That could be the rope that anchors your friendships. Yes yes yes what she said
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Post by leftturnonly on Jun 12, 2018 10:28:06 GMT
my God, the things we are dealing with! It's totally made me look at random strangers differently. I know it's cliche that we don't know what other people are going through -- but man. I think it's why the politics of the last year and a half have really gotten to me. (General) you do NOT know what I am dealing with, so don't you dare tell me what I think or what I feel or what I should be doing. You (general you throughout this) don't know shit. An urban ER on a Saturday night. Some of those local clinics that have popped up everywhere are darn good. It wouldn't hurt to ask about those near you and keep the numbers and addresses where you can find them in a hurry. I can think of few places I'd want to be less than an ER in Houston on a Friday or Saturday night. I know, for my own well being, I have had to pull back from my brother this year. I told him about a couple of my kids' medical struggles and his response was to tell me how wonderfully his kids are, and how advanced and healthy they are. It was more than I could handle when my one kid was undergoing tests weekly at the children's hospital, and another needed to be taken to a therapy and a psychology appointment each week. And even as far as the peas go, sometimes I find myself needing to take a step away because I am so lacking compared to you all. I don't have a college education, and I work a dead end job that doesn't pay enough but it's all I can get right now. I was reading the vacation thread and I was just so bummed out. There will be no vacations for me. I can't make it a priority. But I want to! And even on the scrapbook board, I feel like a fraud. I'm mostly still scrapping with tools and supplies that I've had for a decade, back before I was a single mom and broke. It feels silly to even bother chiming in about the new collections when I know I won't be buying them. At most I treat myself to a sheet of Recollections paper here and there, and some stickers. I know what it is to have 2 children with life-threatening chronic conditions. It's incredibly difficult in no small part because no one else seems to understand what you are going through. It changes you for the rest of your life. Formal education has its pluses, but it comes at a cost that may not be justified. You have the ability to learn a heck of a lot on your own. If not having a college education is something you regret, begin to change that. Pick something you want to know more about, and dive in. Type it in to YouTube. Google it. Learn something - learn anything - just get started. You can watch videos and raise kids at the same time even if you can't enroll as a full-time student. Check out your local community colleges. Everytime I look at new scrapbook paper, I know I already have something either exactly like it in my old stash, or something close enough. In 5 years, no one will ever know that you scrapped with older supplies.
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Post by hop2 on Jun 12, 2018 10:52:03 GMT
Hop2 , I haven’t told him I’m sharing those texts with his dad. I feel guilty doing it, but need his dad to see what his son is saying so that he’ll understand the severity of the situation. It’s so hard to know the right things to do! It's super hard. DD mentioned suicide for the first time on Saturday night, so I'm sitting there as she's sobbing trying to decide if it's better for me to just sit with her or for us to go to the ER. An urban ER on a Saturday night. We ultimately decided that sitting in that setting for several hours would probably not improve her outlook. She's doing better the past couple of days, but we have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow to see about adjusting her meds or whether we need to do something else ... As you said, it is so hard to know what to do. I'm afraid to let her out of my sight. {{{{Hugs}}}}
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Post by hop2 on Jun 12, 2018 10:53:20 GMT
(((Hugs))) Have you thought about finding acquaintances in similar situations that you find yourself in? It's really hard to feel like equal friends with people who live an easier, more carefree, fulfilling life than we do. I know, for my own well being, I have had to pull back from my brother this year. I told him about a couple of my kids' medical struggles and his response was to tell me how wonderfully his kids are, and how advanced and healthy they are. It was more than I could handle when my one kid was undergoing tests weekly at the children's hospital, and another needed to be taken to a therapy and a psychology appointment each week. And even as far as the peas go, sometimes I find myself needing to take a step away because I am so lacking compared to you all. I don't have a college education, and I work a dead end job that doesn't pay enough but it's all I can get right now. I was reading the vacation thread and I was just so bummed out. There will be no vacations for me. I can't make it a priority. But I want to! And even on the scrapbook board, I feel like a fraud. I'm mostly still scrapping with tools and supplies that I've had for a decade, back before I was a single mom and broke. It feels silly to even bother chiming in about the new collections when I know I won't be buying them. At most I treat myself to a sheet of Recollections paper here and there, and some stickers. Well I am too terrified to use my Cricut or learn my Silhouette but I am being buried with my Quickutz. It’s old fashioned and there are faster and easier ways to cut out alphabets but I love it! There are no scrapbooking police and only you need to see your layouts. Keep that in mind always. This is your hobby for you. We got lost about 10 years ago about tooting how great we were to get published and that did a lot of damage. Take back your hobby and you you are the best scrapper in the world. Yes, YOU!!! Thank you elannah that makes sense
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Post by scrappintoee on Jun 13, 2018 23:02:39 GMT
Huge ((( HUGS ))) to everyone!
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cubby14
Shy Member
Posts: 24
Jun 26, 2014 15:50:31 GMT
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Post by cubby14 on Jun 13, 2018 23:38:43 GMT
Just wanted to say thank you all for being so open and accepting on this thread. I felt compelled to share and am really glad I came out of lurkedom.
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Jun 13, 2018 23:44:27 GMT
I appreciate you starting it!
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Post by scrappintoee on Jun 15, 2018 23:08:04 GMT
Ugh My friend posted on facebook about a suicide at the middle school her daughter attends; one of the replies angered me . WHY can't some people understand that just because these teens had lots of friends, were busy with after-school activities, got good grades, etc. does NOT mean they didn't have depression / anxiety/ other mental illnesses.
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