Open Thread on Mental Health

None of you all know me, Ive lurked on this site for as long as it has been open and on the original Two Peas for many years. I've gotten so many great things from coming here and with this topic I feel compelled to come out into the open and respond.

I suffered with severe post-partum depression many years ago to the point of suicide. Finally asked for help and got it but not without lots of stigma that went along with it.

But I really wanted to bring up how lacking our country is in the mental health care area. I live in a big city in Arizona. I have an adult son 26 who was diagnosed with Bi Polar disorder when he was 19. He has been resistant to medication since his first two tries a few years ago, Neither doctor was responsive to his complaints about the side effects etc. He quit and tried to deal with it on his own. As we all know that doesn't work. So for the last year I have been trying to find him a new doctor. Most of them around here don't accept insurance at all or if they do, they don't accept the one he has which is the only one he has access to. He works only part time but makes too much for medicaid so he is subsidized on the Affordable Care Ins. In our county there is only one company available and it is junk. But I digress, because I think insurance for all is so necessary.

So for the last 5-6 months I have been on a hunt to find anyone who was taking new patients. I contacted 43 places and none were accepting new patients except through a hospital in patient referral. You only get admitted if you have actually tried to commit suicide. I was ready to start looking in the next biggest are which is 1 1/2 hours away, when I got a call from a good friend who also has bipolar and she asked her doctor if there was any way she would see him. Luckily she said yes, no insurance accepted. He's lucky in that we can pay.

I spent most every day worried sick that I would find my son dead in his apartment. He lost hope many times that he would ever get the help he needs. Many people with mental illness and these types of road blocks would not get the help they need to be productive members of society. I see so many people say just get help if you're feeling suicidal or have a mental illness. If only it was that easy.

I don't want any more families and friends to have to deal with the pain of a love ones suicide. I don't want those that can't afford the help to be those marginalized people we see all over. I want us all to help get rid of the stigma of mental health issues and to demand that there be more access to good quality care that is covered by insurance just like any other illness.

The stress of dealing with this has brought up a lot of those old helpless feeling from long ago within me. Driving over to my son's place when I can't get hold of him, thoughts racing expecting to find him dead. I've felt very disheartened and helpless.

Anyway thanks for propelling me to come out of lurkedom and post this.

Michelle

Christine58 Thanks for asking about my son.

We are taking things day by day, sometimes minute by minute. He has started on trying to find the right combination of medications and we both know it can be a long road to figure it out. I'm hoping that with our help and the help of the psychiatrist and counselor that he will be able to stick with it and be able to get to a place where he is healthy and happy and able to handle life. Its only been a week so its too early to tell of he'll stick it out.

Hugs to all peas with mental health issues, their family and friends that suffer from it as well. All of you matter to me and I would miss you if you weren't here.

I have anxiety and no one knows.

I've been offered a place on a 2 day course in work on Mental Health First Aid. You can bet your boots I signed up straight away. I've never heard of such a thing before. I can't wait to find out what it entails, and whether I've got a place on the course.

to you all.

I know what this is, living minute by minute. Literally, taking life one minute at a time and no more.



cubby14 - {{{Hugs}}} It's bad enough when you feel this way, but when you have a son (or daughter) that's in a desperate state, it's horrific. BTDT.


mustlovecats - {{{Hugs}}} - Me too. I have some very deep scars and some simple things get to me far more than they used to. It helps me just a tiny bit to realize I'm pressing on an old bruise somehow and that it's not something new to worry about. Then, I give myself permission to rest and allow myself to be distracted doing something quiet and low key. Bruises need to be allowed to heal.

I've spent most of today wondering how we as a society improve mental health in our communities.
My story is similar to Cubby14's only it's my daughter. Sadly today was the day her therapist told her go find someone else.
I am a domestic violence survivor who has PTSD, as do my kids along with anxiety and depression.
I have an in law who has made multiple suicide attempts and been on the phone with their kids while they were being looked for.
During my divorce my kids were court ordered into therapy within 2 months, that I asked for. It literally took 2 years to find someone to see them.

My history tells me that I don't matter and that I'm only valuable when I'm doing something for someone else. I know this is not true, it's just hard to turn that recording off. Just typing this out makes me tear up.


What I know helps on an individual level is self care, exercise, eating right, creative outlets, and connecting with other supportive people.

Hugs

I have situational depression. My dad’s passing was brutal on me. There are days I simply don’t want to get out of bed, but I do, and I go to work (late) and pretend everything’s fine, but it isn’t.
I don’t talk about it because I’ve heard enough to know that most everyone’s reply is “still? That was 18 months ago, you should be over it”
My DDs deserve a present mom. I’m trying to be in for them, but I just don’t feel like it sometimes.
I know it will get better. My counselor says I’m almost there. Some days are truly great, and I’m full of energy and even laugh and enjoy the everyday moments. And then, a song, a tv moment, a rainbow, the little things that remind me of dad send me back to the hole and I just keep fighting.

Big hugs to everyone.

All day I've been seeing posts on Twitter, FB and other social media directly those with suicidal thoughts to "get help" or talk to someone, etc. You know the ones. I think they are just disingenuous. Here's the thing, generally, in my opinion, when people are suicidal, they are not in a place to make a call. Depression is like that. It sucks you in and you don't even know where you are. Just some dark place where dark thoughts just swirl around you and consume you. Any reaching out needs to be much sooner. The problem with that is our knowledge of and treatment of depression/mental health is WOEFUL. A friend of mine recently spent over two months in depression recovery in a facility that costs $2,000 A DAY. They did genetic testing to figure out his medicine dosages. He had access to counseling that is just unheard of for the majority of people. Heck, I didn't even know that there was such a thing as genetic testing to determine the correct dosage for depression meds!! We need to start figuring out how to treat depression from the inside out and getting better help for everyone, not just those whose family's have an extra $60,000 laying around for intensive treatment centers.

I don't really know where I'm going with this, except to say let's talk to people with depression and let them know they can talk to us without judgment. Maybe let them know we'll help them get the help they need, whatever it is they need. (People doubled up at work to do my friend's job while he was out. His employer held his job for him. We got his lawn mowed. We babysat so his wife could fly to the center to visit him.) And, mostly, just let them talk and tell you what they need or don't need. Talk to people when they aren't obviously depressed too. When they can hear you! And, some people seem less depressed right before a suicide, because they've already made the decision. Maybe you'll bring up the awkward subject just when they need you to the most.

I have experienced anxiety after each of my pregnancies. I just wanted to stop the feelings. I did reach out to my mom and got help. Now I have chronic back pain. Some days I think I can’t keep going in this amt of pain. Knowing what it would do to my kids stopsme. My therapist told me that it affects the next 2 generations. So I continue to muddle through life the best way I can .

(((Hugs)))

I don't know if grief therapy helps or not. All I know is that grief doesn't own a calendar.