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Post by lesserknownpea on Jun 12, 2018 8:03:31 GMT
My DS inherited from me characteristics that get a person diagnosed as on the spectrum. Of course, 50 some years ago, a smart well behaved but dorky little bookworm wouldn’t have gotten any special help. And I didn’t. I muddled through, out of step with my peers, missing social cues, but still loved and respected within my own close circle.
Of my 4 kids, one son is like me. Our small town school 30 years ago took issue with many of his quirks, but never recognized his neuro atypicality, or offered suggestions. After he married, his wife began complaining and saying he was autistic. Then she left him for another man. ( who then quickly left her ).
This was a young woman with literally an 8th grade education, who complained loudly when DS and I would discuss history or science. But today, she called up DS in a super happy, triumphant even, mood, saying that DGD was just dx’d autistic. My granddaughter is 14, shy, bookish, and yes, similar to DS and me.
My question is why is XDIL so happy? I know the first thought for any good parent would be happiness at getting the help their kid needs. I wish I could believe this of her. You have to trust me, this is a woman always playing games, looking for an angle. Why is she suddenly thrilled to have her DD labeled with the very thing she despises in my DS?
I’m wondering if this gives her the right to demand certain things from the school or social services? I have no clue how this all works, as DS and I never got official diagnoses or any special services.
I’m thrilled if this knowledge will make life easier for DGD than it was for me. I just thought I was a weirdo and kept it all inside. And I would be beyond thrilled if XDIL has developed a recent respect for knowledge and an appreciation for people like DS and I. If you’d been through what we have with her, you’d see why this is hard to hope for.
Why is XDIL so happy with this?
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Deleted
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May 16, 2024 8:46:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2018 8:16:08 GMT
My DS inherited from me characteristics that get a person diagnosed as on the spectrum. Of course, 50 some years ago, a smart well behaved but dorky little bookworm wouldn’t have gotten any special help. And I didn’t. I muddled through, out of step with my peers, missing social cues, but still loved and respected within my own close circle. Of my 4 kids, one son is like me. Our small town school 30 years ago took issue with many of his quirks, but never recognized his neuro atypicality, or offered suggestions. After he married, his wife began complaining and saying he was autistic. Then she left him for another man. ( who then quickly left her ). This was a young woman with literally an 8th grade education, who complained loudly when DS and I would discuss history or science. But today, she called up DS in a super happy, triumphant even, mood, saying that DGD was just dx’d autistic. My granddaughter is 14, shy, bookish, and yes, similar to DS and me. My question is why is XDIL so happy? I know the first thought for any good parent would be happiness at getting the help their kid needs. I wish I could believe this of her. You have to trust me, this is a woman always playing games, looking for an angle. Why is she suddenly thrilled to have her DD labeled with the very thing she despises in my DS? I’m wondering if this gives her the right to demand certain things from the school or social services? I have no clue how this all works, as DS and I never got official diagnoses or any special services. I’m thrilled if this knowledge will make life easier for DGD than it was for me. I just thought I was a weirdo and kept it all inside. And I would be beyond thrilled if XDIL has developed a recent respect for knowledge and an appreciation for people like DS and I. If you’d been through what we have with her, you’d see why this is hard to hope for. Why is XDIL so happy with this? My guess, she is happy because she feels it validates HER opinion the child's father has autism. With a diagnosis your granddaughter is eligible for a variety of services and support through the schoolto help her learn to cope wiith society. I just hope the exdil doesn't think it will fix her dd (and thus your son could be fixed too) |
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Post by lesserknownpea on Jun 12, 2018 8:21:29 GMT
My DS inherited from me characteristics that get a person diagnosed as on the spectrum. Of course, 50 some years ago, a smart well behaved but dorky little bookworm wouldn’t have gotten any special help. And I didn’t. I muddled through, out of step with my peers, missing social cues, but still loved and respected within my own close circle. Of my 4 kids, one son is like me. Our small town school 30 years ago took issue with many of his quirks, but never recognized his neuro atypicality, or offered suggestions. After he married, his wife began complaining and saying he was autistic. Then she left him for another man. ( who then quickly left her ). This was a young woman with literally an 8th grade education, who complained loudly when DS and I would discuss history or science. But today, she called up DS in a super happy, triumphant even, mood, saying that DGD was just dx’d autistic. My granddaughter is 14, shy, bookish, and yes, similar to DS and me. My question is why is XDIL so happy? I know the first thought for any good parent would be happiness at getting the help their kid needs. I wish I could believe this of her. You have to trust me, this is a woman always playing games, looking for an angle. Why is she suddenly thrilled to have her DD labeled with the very thing she despises in my DS? I’m wondering if this gives her the right to demand certain things from the school or social services? I have no clue how this all works, as DS and I never got official diagnoses or any special services. I’m thrilled if this knowledge will make life easier for DGD than it was for me. I just thought I was a weirdo and kept it all inside. And I would be beyond thrilled if XDIL has developed a recent respect for knowledge and an appreciation for people like DS and I. If you’d been through what we have with her, you’d see why this is hard to hope for. Why is XDIL so happy with this? My guess, she is happy because she feels it validates HER opinion the child's father has autism. With a diagnosis your granddaughter is eligible for a variety of services and support through the schoolto help her learn to cope wiith society. I just hope the exdil doesn't think it will fix her dd (and thus your son could be fixed too) That makes sense. Thx. Any yes, I pray XDIL will just honor my sweet DGD for the lovely person she is. |
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Deleted
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May 16, 2024 8:46:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2018 8:24:05 GMT
My grandson started services around 18 months. He had stopped talking/crying, didn't make eye contact, and had started some repetitive rhythmic behaviors. His educational help has been speech (making sounds) Language (using the sounds in meaningful ways) and Life Skills which is practicing social cues. He is 14 now, doing very well academically and doing ok socially. He has a small circle of friends.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Jun 12, 2018 8:50:47 GMT
My grandson started services around 18 months. He had stopped talking/crying, didn't make eye contact, and had started some repetitive rhythmic behaviors. His educational help has been speech (making sounds) Language (using the sounds in meaningful ways) and Life Skills which is practicing social cues. He is 14 now, doing very well academically and doing ok socially. He has a small circle of friends. I’m so glad this has worked so well for your DGS. I will look forward to seeing what help my granddaughter receives. Ah, the repetitive rhythmic behaviors. Brings back such memories. I wish he could have had professional help. Maybe his life would be easier now. |
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Post by pierkiss on Jun 12, 2018 12:16:10 GMT
I have never met anyone who was gleeful at hearing that their child has autism. And I say that as someone who has a whole lot of experience working with kids on the spectrum (as well as other disabilities). I can imagine hat there would be some relief upon hearing the news, For example, “finally, an outside source has validated all of my concerns I’ve had for years!” But not glee.
Having a diagnosis can allow you access to various therapies (ABA, OT, PT, speech, etc). It will also allow her to have an IEP put in place at school, which should address any areas she is having difficulty with.
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Post by Tammiem2pnc1 on Jun 12, 2018 13:04:00 GMT
When YDS was diagnosed I can't say we were happy, but I can say it was a bit of a relief to have a diagnosis and to be able to move forward in helping him. With his diagnoses did come some help in school with his IEP and therapy services. He gets OT, speech and social skills therapies and also a psychological councilor comes once a week to help with behavioral issues. Next year he is being moved out of regular classes and into life skill classes that will help him catch up with his reading delays. He is in an online charter school, so the transition to these classes will be an easy one.
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eleezybeth
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Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Jun 12, 2018 13:30:26 GMT
Validation, answers, opportunities for interventions, explanations, recognition that it is just not your lack of parenting skills and now, hope that DGD's life can be better. That help is available.
Sure, she could just be all over "I told you so" but honestly, when we finally got my DD's dx of ADHD and then DH's I felt glee! I felt hope! I felt relief! Was I happy that there had to be a dx? Naw, but that would just be wishing away all the behaviors anyway. That wasn't exactly going to work now was it? Having my kid dx'ed and my DH coming to the realization that "ohhhhhh, me toooooo! This makes so much sense!" has literally saved our marriage. I'm gleeful about that.
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hannahruth
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Posts: 2,616 
Location: Adelaide, Australia
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Post by hannahruth on Jun 12, 2018 13:37:43 GMT
Our DGS was diagnosed when he was very young - the support and services that he has received have been wonderful. He is now 10 years, attending main stream school, is interested in science, computers and loves reading. He has a small circle of friends that have been with him since starting in kindy.
Having a diagnosis have afforded him these services and without them I shudder to think of what his situation could be. As he was so young validation of his symptoms also confirmed to DD that 'mother really does know best' but that was not the motivation behind it.
It certainly doesn't make life any easier particularly as he has autism and no diagnosis does changes the issues he has.
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Post by jenjie on Jun 12, 2018 13:53:49 GMT
Validation, answers, opportunities for interventions, explanations, recognition that it is just not your lack of parenting skills and now, hope that DGD's life can be better. That help is available. Yeah. We don’t know your xdil motives or agenda. But for me and ds (his testing pointed to some other things) it’s like, OK there’s a REASON he does this, responds like that, refuses to do that other thing. It’s not just that he’s stubborn or lazy. With this new information we can meet him where he is and help him get closer to where he needs to be. |
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Post by Scrapper100 on Jun 12, 2018 14:20:58 GMT
For us it was validation that yes there is an issue. We went round and round trying to get s diagnosis so we could do what's best for our son. He was 14 when he was diagnosed. Now that we have the diagnosis we can get him some help with a school IEP and he is in a group social skills class. Since it was just this last school year we are still learning. We didn't really notice anything until 7th grade other than a few little quirky things. We thought it was ADHD and inquired about autism and were told no he is normal. After evaluations they just said he was possibly depressed and he started seeing a therapist who then led to us going outside of our insurance to get a diagnosis. The school also did some testing and confirmed it along with tons of other tests. Since his diagnosis it's obvious as we learn more. It's a relief to know how best to treat him and learning what will set him off. You have to change your mindset. There are certain things he will not be good at and something's he will have to work harder at but knowing the why will only help him. Best to know and find work arounds and finding the things he is good at much like anybody. While it's been hard and we aren't happy about it it is a relief to know why.
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,423
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jun 12, 2018 14:31:14 GMT
If she’s a nasty tool of a woman, she could be excited because she now gets gov money for her.
Otherwise, I would say relief and finally having a name to her quirkiness and help for areas she’s struggling in.
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Jun 12, 2018 15:08:23 GMT
she could be excited because she now gets gov money for her. How? Please tell me more. |
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MaryMary
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Lazy
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Post by MaryMary on Jun 12, 2018 15:11:56 GMT
I’m guessing her feelings/claims that your son is autistic were rejected? So she feels like this is validation for what she has been claiming for years.
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Post by bc2ca on Jun 12, 2018 15:32:01 GMT
My DS inherited from me characteristics that get a person diagnosed as on the spectrum. Of course, 50 some years ago, a smart well behaved but dorky little bookworm wouldn’t have gotten any special help. And I didn’t. I muddled through, out of step with my peers, missing social cues, but still loved and respected within my own close circle. Of my 4 kids, one son is like me. Our small town school 30 years ago took issue with many of his quirks, but never recognized his neuro atypicality, or offered suggestions. After he married, his wife began complaining and saying he was autistic. Then she left him for another man. ( who then quickly left her ). This was a young woman with literally an 8th grade education, who complained loudly when DS and I would discuss history or science. But today, she called up DS in a super happy, triumphant even, mood, saying that DGD was just dx’d autistic. My granddaughter is 14, shy, bookish, and yes, similar to DS and me. My question is why is XDIL so happy? I know the first thought for any good parent would be happiness at getting the help their kid needs. I wish I could believe this of her. You have to trust me, this is a woman always playing games, looking for an angle. Why is she suddenly thrilled to have her DD labeled with the very thing she despises in my DS? I’m wondering if this gives her the right to demand certain things from the school or social services? I have no clue how this all works, as DS and I never got official diagnoses or any special services. I’m thrilled if this knowledge will make life easier for DGD than it was for me. I just thought I was a weirdo and kept it all inside. And I would be beyond thrilled if XDIL has developed a recent respect for knowledge and an appreciation for people like DS and I. If you’d been through what we have with her, you’d see why this is hard to hope for. Why is XDIL so happy with this? You are hearing this news secondhand through your DS's filter. Did your DS object to his DD being tested or resist the idea for years? If your XDIL was fighting with him to get her tested, then I do understand her feeling vindicated by the diagnosis. Although she isn't on the autism spectrum, it took almost 4 years of fighting to get DD fully diagnosed. I still remember the mixed emotions of getting the good news/bad news. Your XDIL is happy because the diagnosis will give your DGD access to services and accommodations and that is a good thing. |
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Post by katlaw on Jun 12, 2018 15:50:32 GMT
Why is XDIL so happy with this? Will your XDIL get a tax break for this? Here there is a tax break in the form of a disability tax. |
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Post by christine58 on Jun 12, 2018 15:57:03 GMT
she could be excited because she now gets gov money for her. How? Please tell me more. SSI... |
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Post by mustlovecats on Jun 12, 2018 16:06:11 GMT
How? Please tell me more. SSI... Only if their household income is under the threshold. |
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Post by Basket1lady on Jun 12, 2018 16:59:02 GMT
I suspect that your xDIL is feeling validated. That the divorce and non-success of the marriage can now be pinned on your DS rather than her.
DS was diagnosed at 12. For us, it was validation that something was there. For him, it was a game changer. Suddenly he had validation for the way he thinks and feels and how he copes with it. It made him more willing to work on his social skills and bridge the gap in his skills.
For us, it made us more accepting of his small circle of friends. It made us more confident as parents and advocating for him. And it made us feel like there was a direction to move for help.
DS is 21 one, a senior in college, studying electrical engineering. He's much more social now that he has found his people. I always suspected that he would do better in college than HS, as he was never one to see the point in the silly antics of his peers. In college, with other engineers, he can talk math and physics and computer programs and they understand. And reply back. He spends Saturday nights in the Engineering computer lab and is as happy as can be.
Would it make me happy. No, not at all. But his diagnosis gave him (and us) the confidence to say that it's ok to be an uber geek and have 2-3 good friends. He does need some support dealing with transitions, but mostly we just talk about them, timelines, and how to break it down. He's still the one to go to job fairs and will be working on grad school applications this fall. But he will also FaceTime me and ask how he looks and if his tie works with his shirt and does he need a haircut. And that's ok. Sometimes it's good to get some validation from your mama!
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eleezybeth
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Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Jun 12, 2018 17:09:07 GMT
How? Please tell me more. SSI... Interesting. JMO, but I don't think the child actually would qualify based on what GMA/OP has said. There are ways to qualify but it starts with, "The child must have a physical or mental condition(s) that very seriously limits his or her activities." Based on above, the mental condition has not seriously limited her activities. She still goes to school, can communicate, etc. I have worked with very high functioning ASD children and very low functioning ASD children. The extremes are just examples, but a child attending school and communicating would not be considered "seriously limited." Now... I could have been convinced if you had said medicaid but again the rules on parental income would apply. |
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scrappinmama
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Posts: 4,877
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Jun 12, 2018 17:18:54 GMT
I can only speak from my experience having 2 autistic sons. We suspected my oldest had autism around 2. The pediatrician gave us the runaround, blaming it on our bilingual home (Dh taught him Spanish and English words). My son was finally diagnosed in kindergarten. I wasn't happy. I was relieved that someone finally acknowledged what we had suspected 3 years ago and couldn't get the pediatrician to listen. I still remember though, the first time his teacher told us when he was 3 that she thought he was autistic. I cried. I was at work when I got the call, and my co-worker ran to my office because she heard me and thought someone had died. So no, I wasn't happy.
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scrappinmama
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Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Jun 12, 2018 17:22:20 GMT
For the record, not every person with autism gets SSI. Mine do not. Once they turn 18, students with IEPs may be encouraged to apply. My son is 19 and has not applied. I'm hoping he will enter the workforce and have a full time job. He has an apprenticeship now and is doing well, so we're not ready to take that step.
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rickmer
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Post by rickmer on Jun 12, 2018 17:28:28 GMT
i don't have personal one-on-one experience with autism but my DD was diagnosed with an LD in grade 3. the psychologist worded it to me "I am going to give you the designation" like he was giving me a favour. i was devastated thinking "why is he saying this to me like that?? turns out, she was put on an IEP and the school was legally required to meet the criteria as outlined. she is now going to university with an 87% average in grade 12 we and going thru the process for her IEP to follow her to post-secondary education. cynically, i suspect ex-DILs excitement is based on some kind of disability benefit she feels she might be entitle to.  |
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Post by christine58 on Jun 12, 2018 17:45:38 GMT
Interesting. JMO, but I don't think the child actually would qualify based on what GMA/OP has said. There are ways to qualify but it starts with, "The child must have a physical or mental condition(s) that very seriously limits his or her activities." Based on above, the mental condition has not seriously limited her activities. She still goes to school, can communicate, etc. I have worked with very high functioning ASD children and very low functioning ASD children. The extremes are just examples, but a child attding school and communicating would not be considered "seriously limited." Now... I could have been convinced if you had said medicaid but again the rules on parental income would apply. And I have personally seen the opposite in my special ed classroom. I had a high functioning ASD qualify...kids with ADHD have qualified.... |
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Post by lesserknownpea on Jun 12, 2018 18:03:59 GMT
Only if their household income is under the threshold. This is quite possible. I hadn’t thought of that. |
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seaexplore
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Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jun 12, 2018 20:34:17 GMT
she could be excited because she now gets gov money for her. How? Please tell me more. Autism is a “disability” and thus the person is “disabled” and can collect SDI. |
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,423
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jun 12, 2018 20:37:57 GMT
Interesting. JMO, but I don't think the child actually would qualify based on what GMA/OP has said. There are ways to qualify but it starts with, "The child must have a physical or mental condition(s) that very seriously limits his or her activities." Based on above, the mental condition has not seriously limited her activities. She still goes to school, can communicate, etc. I have worked with very high functioning ASD children and very low functioning ASD children. The extremes are just examples, but a child attending school and communicating would not be considered "seriously limited." Now... I could have been convinced if you had said medicaid but again the rules on parental income would apply. You'd be VERY surprised who gets qualified. I had perfectly normally functioning students in RSP (we do a push in program at my site) and their parent gets SDI because of their qualifying for RSP. Seriously, the kid is TOTALLY normal and has NO disability at all but was qualified by a friend of the parent who worked in my district. No serious limitations there. |
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Post by lesserknownpea on Jun 12, 2018 20:44:28 GMT
Interesting. JMO, but I don't think the child actually would qualify based on what GMA/OP has said. There are ways to qualify but it starts with, "The child must have a physical or mental condition(s) that very seriously limits his or her activities." Based on above, the mental condition has not seriously limited her activities. She still goes to school, can communicate, etc. I have worked with very high functioning ASD children and very low functioning ASD children. The extremes are just examples, but a child attending school and communicating would not be considered "seriously limited." Now... I could have been convinced if you had said medicaid but again the rules on parental income would apply. You'd be VERY surprised who gets qualified. I had perfectly normally functioning students in RSP (we do a push in program at my site) and their parent gets SDI because of their qualifying for RSP. Seriously, the kid is TOTALLY normal and has NO disability at all but was qualified by a friend of the parent who worked in my district. No serious limitations there. XDIL ‘s father works for the school district. If there’s a way to get money somewhere, they’ll find it. And yes, DGD is not severely limited. |
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