momto4kiddos
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Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Jul 1, 2018 12:42:39 GMT
I got married very young and we had nothing starting out. So we pretty much started on an even playing field and built from there. These days I feel like people don't marry as young and maybe not even marrying, but rather living together.
My adult kids are at home, saving money (for down payments for the most part.) One kiddo has been dating a girl for a year. He's a very strict saver...probably borders on cheap, lol. But he has a goal and he's focused. They are both young, the girlfriend a little younger than him so things could change. She's a spender, she was raised in a house where they didn't save, probably never had enough money to even save. ds brought up that her family had concerns about her paying towards a house he might own, which is part of why i'm curious. The other part is my dd who i'll get to. Anyway long story short is they're young, who knows what will happen in the year to 2 before he's got enough money. She's currently not saving towards anything and would really like for him to just get an apartment. My only advice to him was when you buy a house make sure you can afford it on your own because you never know what will happen. I don't see him putting anything in her name if they're together unless she has part of the down payment.
This I guess is what really got me thinking. dd has gone out on a few dates with a guy who recently bought his own home. She lives at home and has been saving with the intention of likely buying at some point down the road. So I thought, what if this got serious? How do young adults handle these types of situations where one may already have a house, one might buy a house, but the SO isn't really invested in participating with the investment?
I know these types of things must come up so i'm wondering how people handle these types of things.
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Post by dudleypippen on Jul 1, 2018 12:50:38 GMT
When DH and I started dating I had just purchased a home. He moved in after a couple of months, giving up the lease on the house that he shared with roommates. It was a little bit scary for him because he knew that if we broke up he would potentially have very short notice to move out, so it was a leap of faith. We also talked about it and decided that while we were living together he would contribute towards the utility/cable bills but he did not pay me rent so that he could pay off some credit card debt he had acquired before we met. My income was a good bit more than his and I bought the house with the expectation of covering the mortgage payment myself, so I was fine with the arrangement. That was 10 years ago, so I would say it worked out for us  |
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Post by littlemama on Jul 1, 2018 12:57:25 GMT
Until there is a marriage, only one person should buy the house, in my opinion. Only exception would be a very long term relationship- way more than two or three years.
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snyder
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Post by snyder on Jul 1, 2018 13:23:26 GMT
What ever is decided, do keep really good records. Brother had sold his house, had about $35,000 equity. Married a gal that owned a home with about $12,000 in equity. When they married, they were going to sell her home and buy one together. They looked, but the market just wasn't right, so they decided to keep her home and fix it up. Brother sunk abut $30,000 into the home. Divorced 3 years later. She want the house free and clear 100%. Nope, brother had records of all that he put into the home. She didn't have the money to pay his portion of the equity back, so the judge order them to sell the house and she had to give him $30k. Had brother not had records, it probably wouldn't have turned fairly for him. I think also that is why pre-nupts are more popular today than ever before.
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quiltz
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Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Jul 1, 2018 13:48:58 GMT
Always get legal advice before investing into a property with someone else.
A domestic agreement will put everything in writing, with a legal sign-off. The best money spent on a long-term relationship and also for a marriage, especially if a 2nd marriage.
It seems like there is money galore for the wedding celebration. Take away some money & spend it on a good family lawyer.
Also note that any will, POA, POF are void once you are married. Most people have a new will, POA, POF (finances) prepared but will sign them when they sign the wedding certificate or shortly afterwards. Domestic agreements continue to be valid after marriage.
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georgiapea
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Post by georgiapea on Jul 1, 2018 13:58:45 GMT
My youngest grandson was with the same girl for 5 years and they bought a house, we thought, together. Wrong, her name only, her mother as co-signer. They just split up and he's sacrificed time working on that house that could have gone toward his med school grades.
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GiantsFan
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Jul 1, 2018 14:24:37 GMT
DH and I purchased our first house together two years before we married. We weren't engaged or had even discussed marriage at that point. That was 20 years ago.
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CeeScraps
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Post by CeeScraps on Jul 1, 2018 14:33:41 GMT
My dh had a house before we got married. I lived with him for 1 1/2 years in that house.
The spring before we married we purchased a house together.
I too would get legal advice before 2 single people purchased a house. I would also encourage them to document everything, although I can easily see this being forgotten.
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Post by busy on Jul 1, 2018 14:43:28 GMT
I have no problem with living together before marriage but I would never buy a house with someone to whom I wasn’t married. There are really just not legal protections in that situation.
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Post by katlaw on Jul 1, 2018 14:48:50 GMT
My friend is a paralegal so what she chose to do when she bought a house with her boyfriend was based on working with a lot of people who have split up and had to split their assets.
My friend is the saver. She had quite a bit of money saved towards buying a home. Her boyfriend is the spender and was able to come up with considerably less towards the home.
They wrote up a contract, signed and notarized, that states she invested $$$$$ and he invested $ into the purchase of their home. If they split up they sell the home and she gets $$$$$ and he gets $. Any equity above that gets split equally.
If they cannot sell the home for what they paid for it they take the loss equally, even if that means she gets $$$$ and he gets nothing back.
They are both supposed to be paying 1/2 the cost of living there though I believe she pays more because he lost his job and the jobs he has found since do not pay as much.
I bought a home with a boyfriend, neither of us would have qualified for a mortgage alone but we were in a long term, committed relationship. We later married and are still together.
My DS is 21 and bought his first home 1 year ago. I think about what he will do when he gets serious in a relationship, I don't want him to lose what he worked hard to buy. He is pretty good with his money so I am fairly confident he will protect his assets.
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seaexplore
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Post by seaexplore on Jul 1, 2018 15:07:39 GMT
My now DH and I, at 25 years old had nothing to start with. In 1999, we scraped together $20k and bought a lot. Built the house together using a construction loan with both our names on it. 4 years later we took out an equity line on the house and bought a second lot and got a construction loan and built a house. Sold the first house, paid off all the loans and owned our 2nd house free and clear in January 2004. We took out and equity line and bought commercial property in February 2004. In March we ran off to Tahoe to get married so we could legally not have to worry about who got what if something were to happen to one of us. We’re still together in that same house. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jul 1, 2018 15:28:23 GMT
DH and I bought our first house a couple months before we married, but we were together for four years before that. We knew we were in it for the long haul, and a long haul later we’re still together so it worked out for us. But of all the people we know our age that married around the same time we did, we’re the only ones still married to our first spouse. With us we went in together with basically nothing to start with though so there wasn’t a big disparity either.
I think if one person goes in with a lot more at stake it would only make sense to protect those assets especially if they’re not married. Things tend to get really ugly when couples break up.
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Post by padresfan619 on Jul 1, 2018 15:31:41 GMT
My best friend lives with her boyfriend and he owns his home. He drew up a legit legal lease and she pays rent (a very small amount) just to keep things on the up and up. We’ve talked and if they get married they will likely try to find a new place together so they can each start over somewhere new. He has some baggage at his current place, lived there with his ex wife, etc. but she isn’t willing to enter into the purchase of a home unless they are legally married.
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Post by bc2ca on Jul 1, 2018 15:52:57 GMT
I got married very young and we had nothing starting out. So we pretty much started on an even playing field and built from there. These days I feel like people don't marry as young and maybe not even marrying, but rather living together. My adult kids are at home, saving money (for down payments for the most part.) One kiddo has been dating a girl for a year. He's a very strict saver...probably borders on cheap, lol. But he has a goal and he's focused. They are both young, the girlfriend a little younger than him so things could change. She's a spender, she was raised in a house where they didn't save, probably never had enough money to even save. ds brought up that her family had concerns about her paying towards a house he might own, which is part of why i'm curious. The other part is my dd who i'll get to. Anyway long story short is they're young, who knows what will happen in the year to 2 before he's got enough money. She's currently not saving towards anything and would really like for him to just get an apartment. My only advice to him was when you buy a house make sure you can afford it on your own because you never know what will happen. I don't see him putting anything in her name if they're together unless she has part of the down payment.This I guess is what really got me thinking. dd has gone out on a few dates with a guy who recently bought his own home. She lives at home and has been saving with the intention of likely buying at some point down the road. So I thought, what if this got serious? How do young adults handle these types of situations where one may already have a house, one might buy a house, but the SO isn't really invested in participating with the investment? I know these types of things must come up so i'm wondering how people handle these types of things. Both of these bolded things can't happen. I wouldn't advise either of my kids to pay toward a house they don't own or put someone's name on the title unless they have contributed to the purchase. |
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Post by hop2 on Jul 1, 2018 15:59:40 GMT
I have no problem with living together before marriage but I would never buy a house with someone to whom I wasn’t married. There are really just not legal protections in that situation. yes, there are, as long as both ( or more ) names are in the deed. If 2 investors buy a house they equally own it if one wants thier money out then the other can buy them out of the House needs to be sold. Same as any group of people investing in property. If a person contributes to the mortgage or upkeep of a house and their name is not on the paperwork that is when there are no legal protections. |
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Post by busy on Jul 1, 2018 16:12:44 GMT
I have no problem with living together before marriage but I would never buy a house with someone to whom I wasn’t married. There are really just not legal protections in that situation. yes, there are, as long as both ( or more ) names are in the deed. If 2 investors buy a house they equally own it if one wants thier money out then the other can buy them out of the House needs to be sold. Same as any group of people investing in property. If a person contributes to the mortgage or upkeep of a house and their name is not on the paperwork that is when there are no legal protections. I guess my point is that people tend to go into it thinking 1. They won’t split and so they don’t protect themselves, or 2. If they do split, it will be treated like divorce. Well, nope. There are things that they *can* do to better protect themselves, but you’re right - it’s just like co-investors. And in romantic relationships, most people have a lot more assumptions and trust and a lot less legal intervention than investors do. Two people in love often make objectively terrible decisions about buying/owning a home together and it comes back to bite them badly in the end. It’s also unlikely that co-investors live in the same home they own together. When partners who co-own a home split, at least one of them has to move out. What if that person now can’t afford to the down payment/deposit on a new place without getting their equity from the co-owned home? They may not be able to compel sale of that home to get their equity, so they may be in a world of hurt. And even if they did have some legal agreement drawn up beforehand that addresses that kind of situation, it takes time - and resources - to litigate. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jul 1, 2018 16:35:13 GMT
I have no problem with living together before marriage but I would never buy a house with someone to whom I wasn’t married. There are really just not legal protections in that situation. yes, there are, as long as both ( or more ) names are in the deed. If 2 investors buy a house they equally own it if one wants thier money out then the other can buy them out of the House needs to be sold. Same as any group of people investing in property. If a person contributes to the mortgage or upkeep of a house and their name is not on the paperwork that is when there are no legal protections. Two people (or more) can be on the title as tenants in common vs. joint tenants. My brother and my mom did that when they bought a house together. That setup allowed them to each own a percentage of the house and in the event something happened to one the other wouldn’t automatically get the other half. |
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Post by threegirls on Jul 1, 2018 16:41:38 GMT
I bought a house before I got married. He did not contribute towards the down payment. We moved into the house together and he paid me "rent" which I put towards the loan although I could have afforded the loan on my own. He also split the utilities with me. He figured he had to pay to live somewhere and he might as well give me rent money. We got married 10 months after I bought the house.
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uksue
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Post by uksue on Jul 1, 2018 17:14:39 GMT
My daughter and her boyfriend are about to exchange contracts on their first home . They have been advised by their solicitor on how the contracts are written - it can be 'joint tenants ' or 'tenants in common' here( tenants doesn't mean renting in this case .) in their agreement they each will own 50% of the property and the other half passes to them automatically if either were to die (God forbid!)
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Post by anniefb on Jul 1, 2018 20:34:12 GMT
It's not just who buys the house - in New Zealand at least if a couple lives together 3 years or more (whether married or not), the principle is that property will usually be divided equally if they split up. The house and chattels are usually considered 'relationship property' regardless of who paid for them or when they were acquired.
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perumbula
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Post by perumbula on Jul 1, 2018 20:45:59 GMT
My advice to anyone in that situation is this: If you aren't paying toward the mortgage, you don't get to be on the deed. If you aren't planning a marriage together or at least a lifetime relationship, don't buy a house together. Just don't. It's too much of a headache. If one person owns a home before the relationship starts, then that person should pay the mortgage and maintenance and the utilities can be split equally. Do not put the other person on the deed until you are ready to put a ring on their finger. Buying a home is a long-term decision. It should be made by people who see themselves staying together at least until the end of the mortgage loan.  |
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Post by lisae on Jul 1, 2018 21:14:07 GMT
I built our home before we married. I had been planning and saving for as long as I can remember because I grew up in the homebuilding industry. It was my dream. I paid for about 90% of it. DH contributed an amount that was agreed I would not repay. His children would be coming to stay with us during the summer and that money was to make their guest room a little more private - something I probably would not have done on my own. He contributed another amount to the house that I wanted to repay although he would have been fine if I hadn't. I repaid the amount because I wanted the home to be mine no matter what happened. We did eventually marry. I considered it my house, our home.
I wouldn't be too heartbroken if your son's relationship with the girlfriend doesn't make it. My first husband was a spendthrift and it caused stress in our marriage. When you have a spender and a saver together, money will always be an issue no matter how much or how little of it there is.
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rickmer
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Post by rickmer on Jul 1, 2018 21:44:36 GMT
What ever is decided, do keep really good records. i second this.... we bought a house in 1994 and were already a common law couple. DH had an established credit rating, i was young and still worked in retail at the time so house was bought in his name. we were married 4 years later, had our first child in that house and lived there for 11 years total before we moved into our current home (all the equity accumulated applied to our second home). i worked full time and had built a good career, contributing all of my income in our life expenses just as he did. now, i am shocked that during our divorce proceedings he states i was his "tenant" for the first 4 yrs we had the home, i contributed nothing to the bills and claims i owe him $150k as an equalization payment for the asset he brought into the marriage. somehow it's on me to prove i was *not* his tenant and it's on me to prove that i contributed to payment of bills... 28 years later.  so whoever does what, make sure they keep track of everything. |
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kate
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Post by kate on Jul 1, 2018 22:29:18 GMT
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Post by questioning on Jul 1, 2018 22:45:40 GMT
What ever is decided, do keep really good records. i second this.... we bought a house in 1994 and were already a common law couple. DH had an established credit rating, i was young and still worked in retail at the time so house was bought in his name. we were married 4 years later, had our first child in that house and lived there for 11 years total before we moved into our current home (all the equity accumulated applied to our second home). i worked full time and had built a good career, contributing all of my income in our life expenses just as he did. now, i am shocked that during our divorce proceedings he states i was his "tenant" for the first 4 yrs we had the home, i contributed nothing to the bills and claims i owe him $150k as an equalization payment for the asset he brought into the marriage. somehow it's on me to prove i was *not* his tenant and it's on me to prove that i contributed to payment of bills... 28 years later. so whoever does what, make sure they keep track of everything. A thumbs up won't do here, we need the boiling anger emoji. ETA kate, I see you beat me to it! |
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Post by scrappinmom3 on Jul 2, 2018 2:52:54 GMT
My ds30 has been dating his girlfriend for a year. She is 35, never married and no kids. She owns her own house. He had been staying there on the weekends, but moved in full time in April. I know that she charges him rent (which she should)!.
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