Update on me and my life (warning, some TMI)

First the good news. Older dd, SIL and granddaughter moved out about a month ago. They found a very nice house that they are renting about an hour away. GD is in daycare full time and loves it (she's 4 by the way). SIL's job is, surprisingly, going very well, and he may even have an opportunity for a regular job eventually (he's working from home on a temp contract). DD just applied for and received a promotion! She started working for a vacation homes company 6 months ago and has been doing a bang up job as a housekeeper for them. She's now manager for the area that includes where we live and where she lives. We're very proud of her for that.

I think that's all the good news. I'm terribly worried about younger DD. Her health seems to be getting worse, and she is very very depressed and anxious. She is still in counseling. She'd been doing better. Not anymore. I'm concerned about hubby's health, but he refuses to see a doctor (he's having lots of upset stomachs). His elderly mother isn't doing well, which means lots of trips up to Vancouver to see her. 

My dog, Ben, was very ill last week. He stopped breathing briefly at the vet's. He has a very severely collapsed trachea. He's on meds, and I think he's gonna make it. We were all so sad because, of the three dogs left in our house, he is by far the sweetest. And he's very stoic. He's a love.

My health continues to be a huge problem. Warning, TMI about to happen. I have terrible hemorrhoids. I also have both constipation and diarrhea (at the same time, not alternating). This has been going on for over 2 months. I have 3-8 BMs daily and each and every one is now painful. I'm at my wits end. I've tried so many things to get rid of the constipation, but nothing has worked, and now I can't do anything because my poor tush can't take it. I'm going to end up having to go to a specialist, I think, which I couldn't dread more. 

I was recently in hospital for 6 days and nights. Got cellulitis around my implanted port. Had to have it removed. The IV antibiotics made my mast cell disease flare badly. I got a new PICC IV line. It now looks like I might have a slight infection around the PICC insertion site. So I'm on antibiotics again (I was also on them when I came out of hospital). My flares have calmed down, but I'm still dealing with nausea 5-6 days each week. I'm very very depressed and my anxiety is bad. I have zero desire to keep living like this. My only relief is sleep and I'm so freaking annoyed every day when I wake up. I feel bad even saying that as we lose people here who so very much wanted to live. But I wasn't born that way, I've never been like that. I'm just fed up of it all. I'm tired of hurting, tired of nausea, tired of not being able to do the simplest things without feeling like crap (going to the grocery store, for instance, usually ends with me feeling ill). I'm desperate to at least move out of this house if not away from Seattle, and hubby is dragging his feet on this. And I can hardly bear the sadness I feel constantly because of our younger DD. 

I wish my update had more good news and less bad. Sorry for that. And to the one or two people who in the past have made unkind comments, usually regarding my daughters: don't. If you can't say anything nice just shut up. Because I have zero fucks to give at this point. And I'm hurting quite enough.