ashley
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,400 
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Post by ashley on Jul 29, 2018 13:34:50 GMT
Yesterday, July 28, is a holiday called Great Upheaval Day in one of our provinces; it also marks the day my ex-husband went out grocery shopping and didn’t come home for 24 hours because he was in another country, arrested and in prison for stealing two bottles of whisky. It also marks the official, public end of my marriage, and the start of a three-month downward spiral which ended with my ex a convicted criminal in two countries, homeless for several months, and now without a licence.
I’ve been thinking about Great Upheaval Day for the past few months... I wanted to mark it in some way but couldn’t really think of anything appropriate other than maybe going on my own whisky bender. I also struggled greatly with how to celebrate this date with my ex... send a bouquet of handcuffs? A commemorative blue prison jumpsuit? How does one tastefully remember the date of a first incarceration?
Anyway, I did none of those things and spent a quiet day at home with my four lovely girls.
I was disappointed no one I am close to said anything about it... they definitely knew. I didn’t expect a party, but I would have liked my mom, sister, or my only close friend to have said “this hard been a hard year for you, but you’ve done a good job”. Instead my mother reflected on how hard and shocking it was for her, and still is.
So, happy Great Upheaval Day to me. It was for the best, but it’s still sad and shocking, and I’m still processing stages of grief. In a year I’ve made, and observed, so many positive changes here at home. I fail daily, often hourly, but I am cautiously looking forward to seeing what good things happen over the next year.
And to anyone else who feels hopeless, and despairing, and trapped — whatever your situation may be — I can honestly claim that the pain and difficulty of making that really hard decision and change you know needs to be made is really worth all of the struggle. Nothing is harder than what you’re doing right now; nothing will seem harder than what you do to get there, but nothing is better than removing yourself from that burden that is not yours, as well as the peace and satisfaction of knowing that you’re life is worth it and is your own.
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Post by Linda on Jul 29, 2018 13:38:58 GMT
((((Hugs))) and prayers
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Post by cannmom on Jul 29, 2018 13:44:10 GMT
Wow! What a tough year. You are doing awesome just by getting through it. I hope this coming year brings great things to you.
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joelise
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,649
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Post by joelise on Jul 29, 2018 13:46:18 GMT
Well done for getting this far. Hopefully things will start getting easier from now on.
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valincal
Drama Llama
Southern Alberta
Posts: 5,635
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Post by valincal on Jul 29, 2018 13:46:41 GMT
Good job Ashley. What you’ve dealt with takes a lot of strength and your girls are lucky to have you as a mom. Take care.
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Post by KelleeM on Jul 29, 2018 13:47:08 GMT
I’m so sorry you and your girls had to go through all that. You’re a strong woman and a great role model for your beautiful family. Hugs.
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Post by miss_lizzie on Jul 29, 2018 13:47:59 GMT
Such powerful words. Thank you for sharing.
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Post by peano on Jul 29, 2018 13:49:02 GMT
I applaud your courage and wish you and your girls all the best.
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Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,978
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Post by Sarah*H on Jul 29, 2018 13:49:30 GMT
(((Hugs))) You've always been an awesome, strong person & mom but this last year has really demonstrated the core of what you are made of.
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Post by Skellinton on Jul 29, 2018 13:52:34 GMT
I am sorry that people near you were not vocal in their support of you, perhaps some didn’t want to say anything because they didn’t really know what to say or how to say it, not excusing them, but I hope that even though they don’t verbalize it they show you in other ways.
In any event, I am sorry for your past year, glad your girls have you to care for them and love them and show them such a wonderful example of courage and grace under pressure. I am glad you are noticing positive changes and I hope they continue and magnify this upcoming year.
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Post by jenjie on Jul 29, 2018 14:26:16 GMT
Ashley I’m so proud of you. It’s been a long, hard year. You have faced challenges you shouldn’t have to. And you’ve persevered.
I’m sorry the people in your life have not acknowledged this day. I wonder if they think they are protecting you? That you might not want it recognized. Most people are great at physical help. But emotional support is confusing. So many are afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, they say nothing. And then there are the doozies that you wish would have been left unsaid.
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Post by malibou on Jul 29, 2018 14:28:25 GMT
I'm so sorry your Upheaval Day turned into Upheaval Year. Glad that mess is behind you.
Wishing you a year of continued renewal.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 29, 2018 14:35:38 GMT
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I know how it feels to take two steps forward and one step back. I also know what it feels like when our loved ones let us down. Sometimes it is because they don't want to recognize the difficulties and feel that if they bring them up, they will be dragging us back into those same feelings again. And well sometimes we need them to acknowledge it and just flat out give us a hug for all the strife we've been through. Consider my post a long distance hug. It is amazing the power of a loving mother. We can do anything.
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maryannscraps
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,731
Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
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Post by maryannscraps on Jul 29, 2018 14:43:35 GMT
I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. Giant hugs from me and the kitties.
You're right -- life is messy and all we can do is keep trying to do the best for ourselves but the ones we love. It's never a straight path, and our dreams and hopes will change on the path. Stay strong, and I wish you all the best for the next year.
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Post by mustlovecats on Jul 29, 2018 14:44:17 GMT
Wow, that sounds like a terribly traumatic experience. You sound like a strong and capable person and I wish you all good things as you move forward.
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Post by christine58 on Jul 29, 2018 14:45:31 GMT
Yesterday, July 28, is a holiday called Great Upheaval Day in one of our provinces; it also marks the day my ex-husband went out grocery shopping and didn’t come home for 24 hours because he was in another country, arrested and in prison for stealing two bottles of whisky. It also marks the official, public end of my marriage, and the start of a three-month downward spiral which ended with my ex a convicted criminal in two countries, homeless for several months, and now without a licence. He went to prison for stealing whiskey?? You've had a tough year...bravo for your for coming out the other side. |
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,517
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Jul 29, 2018 14:56:12 GMT
Happy Upheaval Day to you! Congratulations for remaining standing.  |
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Post by sawwhet on Jul 29, 2018 14:56:32 GMT
Good lord, that's a crazy story. "Happy" Upheaval Day!! Throughout a terrible ordeal, you've been strong, courageous and a great role model for your girls. Offering a great big hug and continued support to you and your beautiful girls.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
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Post by Mystie on Jul 29, 2018 15:18:31 GMT
You have always seemed to me to be someone who is good at living life intentionally and creating a life you can enjoy. I'm so sorry for your time of Upheaval and the grief and stress it has caused, but I have no doubt you will keep moving forward with grace and purpose. Good for you!
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Post by missbennet on Jul 29, 2018 15:27:22 GMT
I laughed at this, in a knowing, bitter way - it's just so ridiculous. Thanks, mom! Wow, you have been through some shit this past year. I'm glad you posted this, and I hope you can feel the satisfaction of having survived it with what must have been an imperfect support system (see above). The problem of handling things well is that people believe you are JUST FINE and therefore they can tell you about how hard your struggles have been to watch. It's a real challenge you know, watching you put your life back together.  I hope you can see the wee humor in this and it helps? Either way, good for you getting through it and I firmly believe what you said here: And that a new and peaceful, happy life is what will result. <3 Happy Upheaval Day, She Who Upheaves and Persists |
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Post by Chips on Jul 29, 2018 15:28:22 GMT
Sending you peace, love and (((hugs))).
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Post by destined2bmom on Jul 29, 2018 18:13:16 GMT
Hugs and prayers to you and your girls for getting through this past year. It will get better as time goes on.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 8:46:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2018 18:16:14 GMT
I also struggled greatly with how to celebrate this date with my ex... send a bouquet of handcuffs? A commemorative blue prison jumpsuit? How does one tastefully remember the date of a first incarceration? I'm confused by this, why would you celebrate this date with your ex? Sorry to hear you've had a difficult year, I hope it's all onwards and upwards from here. |
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Post by gar on Jul 29, 2018 18:20:19 GMT
It's tough when people who should acknowledge those things, don't  Power to you for how far you've come - I hope the next year is way better for you  |
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Jul 29, 2018 18:30:24 GMT
Tough year, but you are a tough lady, because you made it through! Be kind to yourself! Enjoy the rest of you day with your girls!!
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jul 29, 2018 18:31:15 GMT
I also struggled greatly with how to celebrate this date with my ex... send a bouquet of handcuffs? A commemorative blue prison jumpsuit? How does one tastefully remember the date of a first incarceration? I'm confused by this, why would you celebrate this date with your ex? Sorry to hear you've had a difficult year, I hope it's all onwards and upwards from here. I think she means celebrating that turning point where you find the strength to do what needs doing and move on from that no matter how uncertain the road ahead is. ashley I think of you and your kids often and I’m so glad you came back here. It has definitely been a difficult year for you! You have so much talent and I always enjoyed hearing about the crafty things you were working on. Wishing you only the best, and much smoother sailing ahead from here on out.  |
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Post by librarylady on Jul 29, 2018 18:33:16 GMT
Sounds as if your mother thinks all is about her. I am reminded of a son who told his mother he was getting a divorce and she immediately went into an outburst of, "How can you do this to me?"
I would guess your other friends felt uneasy about recognizing the day--not sure how you would react to the comment on a day that certainly was an upheaval to your life.
Tip of the hat to you--you have made it thus far, and will survive.
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Post by cindytred on Jul 29, 2018 18:41:04 GMT
And to anyone else who feels hopeless, and despairing, and trapped — whatever your situation may be — I can honestly claim that the pain and difficulty of making that really hard decision and change you know needs to be made is really worth all of the struggle. Nothing is harder than what you’re doing right now; nothing will seem harder than what you do to get there, but nothing is better than removing yourself from that burden that is not yours, as well as the peace and satisfaction of knowing that you’re life is worth it and is your own. Wiser words were never written. I am proud of you and the changes that you've made. You are a survivor. Happy Great Upheaval Day to you. Cindy |
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Post by hop2 on Jul 29, 2018 20:28:00 GMT
Hugs
You have survived a lot. I’m glad to see you seeing the positive things that are happening!
I’m 8 months from my divorce - I don’t have a ‘day’ that I can point to where it all went wrong. I tried to mend it right up until the paperwork was filed and the judges gavel cane down. But like you I think it’s for the best in the long run. Not easy, but I’m moving forward.
Hugs
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jul 29, 2018 20:38:29 GMT
(((Hugs)))
You are a strong lady who is there for her girls, and that's all that matters.
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I hope you can see the wee humor in this and it helps? Either way, good for you getting through it and I firmly believe what you said here:
Power to you for how far you've come - I hope the next year is way better for you 
