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Post by teach4u on Jul 30, 2018 21:12:22 GMT
I don't want to overburden my college freshman. I don't expect full fledged emails or lengthy texts. I would like to know he 's safe and in his dorm.
One reason I can offer is that his college is on the Mississippi River. My sister's neighbor had a college age son that was found dead in the river. No evidence it was a binge drink drowning. If you know of La Crosse (he's not there- but in the area), you may be aware there have unexplained deaths over the years.
How often do you hear from your college student?
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Post by cbet on Jul 30, 2018 21:22:27 GMT
I know when my son went to Las Vegas for a week to meet up with a group of people that he worked with online but had never met, I asked him for a text each night just saying "I'm ok". I told him it was because I had seen too many episodes of CSI and that it was probably silly, but he could do that small thing for his crazy mom, right? He agreed (both that it was silly and a small thing to do) and sent one each night. If he was off at college, I wouldn't want one every night, but I don't think that once a week (maybe on Sunday night) is too much to ask.
And yes, I've heard of the unexplained deaths in that area. The biggest thing is that he go out with friends and stick with them so they can watch out for each other.
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MizIndependent
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Quit your bullpoop.
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Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
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Post by MizIndependent on Jul 30, 2018 21:23:34 GMT
Pretty regularly. My youngest and I have been snap-chatting every single day since she started school (currently have a 560 day streak going). My oldest is more of a once a week check in. Still, they respect that a mother is gonna worry so they keep in touch.  |
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Post by tommygirl on Jul 30, 2018 21:33:01 GMT
My ds checks in on Sundays. We also text each other during the week randomly if we have something specific to say.
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pinklady
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Post by pinklady on Jul 30, 2018 21:34:35 GMT
I’m not in college but I do text or call my mom every day to check in. It makes her feel better and it’s no bother for me so I happily do it.
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momto4kiddos
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Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Jul 30, 2018 21:35:24 GMT
Pretty regularly. My youngest and I have been snap-chatting every single day since she started school (currently have a 560 day streak going). My oldest is more of a once a week check in. Still, they respect that a mother is gonna worry so they keep in touch. Another who had a kid away who used snapchat very regularly. I wasn't worried about him as it was a small campus with lots of people he knew, but he often kept in touch with a snapchat. |
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Post by teach4u on Jul 30, 2018 21:37:41 GMT
Thanks for your input. I want to hear more than once a week but don't want to intrude. He'd probably send silly texts on his own, but I want a schedule in case I need it. I've seen and heard to often "when did you hear from them" and a week seems too long. Maybe once a week T or Wed an then Sunday night.
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tracylynn
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Post by tracylynn on Jul 30, 2018 21:38:04 GMT
I talk to my Mom every day - but we're friends (and I'm an adult).
In college, I would not expect to hear from a kid every day. With cell phones it's much easier of course these days, but I still wouldn't set those expectations. It's unfair.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jul 30, 2018 21:40:37 GMT
We have a signed contract with each of our college students. We provide, tuition, room, board, cell phone, and health insurance. In return, they have to maintain their grades high enough to keep their hefty merit scholarships, answer my texts within 6 hours, I need to hear their voice once a week, and they have to send a photo each week of something—their friends, dorm, homework, nature, a project—anything.
So far, it’s worked. We usually talk on Sunday when I’m making our dinner and before they go off to their own dinner (different time zones). If one has something going on (usually a study group), they text and we talk later or another day. We usually Skype and all four of us are usually on at the same time.
DS hardly ever calls during the week. dd was a freshman last year and I heard from her 1-2 times during the week. She bounces more thing off me and is more sensitive to me wanting to talk to her! As for the photos—I’m a photographer and neither of the kids are at all. I’ve gotten a lot of pictures of the snow and nastier walks, but also of DS’s engineering projects and DD’s art projects. I think the kids will like it later when they look back.
In addition I send funny photos, memes, pictures of the dog, etc during the week, just to let them know I’m thinking of them. DD usually comments on them and DS usually replies with one random letter. It works for us.
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pinklady
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Post by pinklady on Jul 30, 2018 22:05:53 GMT
Basket1lady What is the reason behind the random picture? I love the idea just curious how/why it got started.
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Post by Pahina722 on Jul 30, 2018 22:07:02 GMT
DS and DH play the same PS4 game online several times a week, chatting with headsets on. At the end of every session, I quickly get on to hear DS’s voice. Other than that, we generally call him once a week to get a more in-depth conversation. And he frequently texts questions (how do I cook X? Which of these sketches do you like better?) to me during the week. We have no set schedule because it hasn’t been necessary.
I was also influenced by DH’s stories of his mother’s daily calls to his sister the whole time sis was in college. It sounded so over the top intrusive and hovering that I swore I would never be like that.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jul 30, 2018 22:07:30 GMT
My daughter is still in high school but she spends a month with her Dad every year not in the US. So I tell her I want a text from her every day.It takes no time and I don't think its too much to say good night. She usually texts me a lot more than that..but if she's busy I get a good night.
Part of the reason its important to me is so that she is used to it for college.
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ellen
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Post by ellen on Jul 30, 2018 22:12:17 GMT
I hear from my daughter more during the week than on weekends. She texts here and there during the week and usually calls us a couple times a week. She is pretty pumped about her nursing clinicals and likes to tells us what she's been doing. We don't call her usually. On weekends we only hear from her if all of her roommates have gone home and she's bored.
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Post by teach4u on Jul 30, 2018 22:21:43 GMT
This thought came partially from the Tibbetts case: what if her brother, boy friend, or someone else were harassing her and she chose to leave but didn't want to be "found" now? Authorities could state it's a right to privacy not to be found but verification was made she was in fact alive.
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Post by teach4u on Jul 30, 2018 22:23:31 GMT
Wrong thread couldn't delete
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Kerri W
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Post by Kerri W on Jul 30, 2018 22:28:11 GMT
We have never had a schedule for our college students. We did meet their roommates and exchange numbers in case there was an emergency/unexplained absence and explained we would like a call if they had any concerns.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jul 30, 2018 22:55:51 GMT
Basket1lady What is the reason behind the random picture? I love the idea just curious how/why it got started. In HS, time and time again they would do aomething or be somewhere and express regret that they never took any photos. It’s partially my fault. I was the varsity team photographer and the parent who took the photos for the theatre and was frequently published locally. So both kids’ major activities were covered. I knew they would never takes photos in college. I made it part of the contract hoping they would comply at least some weeks. But really, they are both pretty good about it. And have some fun photos of their time at school. |
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scrappinghappy
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Post by scrappinghappy on Jul 30, 2018 23:06:32 GMT
So call me anal but so far moms and kids have been more than happy to oblige, dads too with a teeny eyeroll here and there  When we are checking in to the dorm room, I always introduce myself to the other family and say I have always done in the past and am happy to give them our numbers in case of emergency only. They are usually thrilled and reciprocate. In fact I have two very good friends that are actually moms of roommates from years ago. My kids text us everyday. Sometimes just a pic or a howdy. They do it when walking between classes or during a free moment. Sometimes it's a pic of food or campus. Either to me, dh or a family group. |
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CeeScraps
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~~occupied entertaining my brain~~
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Post by CeeScraps on Jul 30, 2018 23:23:35 GMT
I hear more from my dd when she is at school than when she's at home.  She texts a lot. It's little things, just a lot of little things. |
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Post by hop2 on Jul 31, 2018 0:05:17 GMT
I send them a Snapchat daily I can tell when they have viewed it. I know thier phone is still active and within the vacinity of thier finger. Lol I convince myself that means they are still alive, so far I have been right.
DD texts me nearly every day and calls 2x a week. I did not ask her to this is on her own
DS calls when he needs something or texts if he thinks of it.
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Post by auntkelly on Jul 31, 2018 0:08:48 GMT
I didn’t have a set check in schedule w/ my kids, but they knew that if I texted them and didn’t get an answer back w/in three or four hours, I would start texting every few minutes until they answered me.
I had no problem reminding them that the main reason I paid for their phone was so that I could communicate w/ them. The fact that they could use their phones to play games, chat w/ friends, etc. was just a bonus.
My kids knew that it was fine to answer “can’t talk now.” The important thing was that they answered my texts w/in a reasonable time so that I knew they were okay.
I texted my kids or they texted me every two or three days.
A lot of the texts between my son and I were nothing more than me saying “doing okay” and him replying “yes.” Thankfully, he is a lot more chatty now that he is older.
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Post by Linda on Jul 31, 2018 0:23:03 GMT
following this as I send DD18 off to college in 3 weeks. She has been good in the past about sending me FB messages and photos when she's been travelling and I suspect/hope that'll continue. I don't expect many actual phone calls but we're not a phone call sort of family.
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Post by kels99 on Jul 31, 2018 0:48:51 GMT
I sent DD a text every night, just saying, "Good night. Love you!!" when I was heading to bed around 10:30 or so. She would reply with a message in kind. Sometimes it was right away, sometimes it wasn't until when she was actually going to bed later, but it made me sleep better. She'll start her sophomore year next month and I assume we'll have the same routine. Besides that, we probably texted 3 times a week and talked every couple of weeks.
DS, on the other hand, is going to be Jr in high school and I already know it's going to be like pulling teeth to get him to communicate regularly once he's off at school.
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Post by supersoda on Jul 31, 2018 0:50:27 GMT
Honestly, my kid texts a little too much!  I do think a daily check-in is a bit much. My college student thinks every few days is reasonable, even though we rarely go a day without hearing from her. She does keep Find My Friends turned on. It is her choice to keep it on, and we assured her that we respect her privacy. We really only use it when she is driving to and from school, but it's nice to know we could locate her if she went AWOL. But she's pretty much a goody-goody. I'm not sure most college kids would be cool with their parents being able to access their location at any time. |
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Post by bearmom on Jul 31, 2018 0:51:30 GMT
No set schedule, I would get texts a few times a week and a phone call most weeks. I do like the random picture idea though.......
When I feel like i haven’t heard from her I send her a text and ask a question.
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Post by Tamhugh on Jul 31, 2018 1:02:41 GMT
When my oldest went to college, he was moving from Smalltown USA to a not-so-safe part of a major city and I was so worried. I asked him to check in with me every day for the first week or so just to let me know he was alive. For the first two weeks of school I got a text every morning that said, "Alive". After that we talked once a week, but had random text messages. I worried a little less about my younger son when he went, because he had his brother to look out for him for his freshman year.
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psiluvu
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Post by psiluvu on Jul 31, 2018 1:17:28 GMT
I was sick for about a month last year just after dd started university. She checked in everyday and we kept up the habit sometimes it is a little as me texting her "GNGB" (good night and God bless) and she texts a heart back or sometimes I get a complete rundown of her day or whatever is going on in her life.
I had planned on being in touch twice a week but it worked out quite nicely
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mvavw
Full Member
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Jun 25, 2014 20:21:43 GMT
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Post by mvavw on Jul 31, 2018 1:27:43 GMT
No set schedule here, but we do talk/text pretty frequently. DS goes to school near NYC and is often in the city. Before he left for school, I asked 2 things of him. 1) Please always let me know if he's going into the city. 2) please always have a friend with you and look out for each other when going out. (Party,
Bar, etc.)
The first request was just an adaptation of our previous rule during hs- I need to know where he was and if his plans changed. Obviously, that's ridiculous for a college student, but I don't want to worry about things going on in NYC and him possibly being there. There have been times since he was away (2x I can think of immediately) where I was very relieved to know that DS was safe at school when there were things that happened in NYC. He does go into the city often and I fully support that. It would be awful for him to be so close to so many amazing opportunities and not take advantage of them.
The second rule came from what I think you may be referring to. I told him about all of the young men that go missing, especially in areas near rivers. It's also just common safety to be in a group or have at least one person watching out for you. I did it in a way to make him aware, not afraid.
When I was away at school, I was mugged at gunpoint. I went to a safe school. I wasn't totally street smart, but I did grow up in Brooklyn, so I wasn't totally unaware. I was lucky to have gotten through it, but never let it define my life. I realize that bad things can happen to anyone anywhere, and that is the approach I took- things can happen, we get through them.
I am fortunate that DS takes after his dad and likes to chat during his "commute" to class, so he does call a few times a week. If I don't hear from him for a few days, I'll send a text of something silly, or just a "Hi, I miss you" text.
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Post by Baseballmom23 on Jul 31, 2018 1:35:33 GMT
To add what everyone else said above, we paid DS's cell phone therefore Find My Friend was turned on and i could see where he was at. He went to school two states away. He was also good about texting one of us everyday and we heard from him on sundays.
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Post by txdancermom on Jul 31, 2018 1:47:30 GMT
With ds, I would get an email maybe once a week, if it went too long, I would text him (this was the era where you only had so many texts a month!).
dd called almost daily, sometimes several times a day!
Yes, I worried about both of them, but part of college is letting them grow up and find their way.
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