s/o - what were you thinking when you married your ex?

My state of mind when I married my first husband was needy/co dependent (I’m still like that but I recognize it now) and I couldn’t care for myself and he was a nice enough guy. He worked, didn’t drink or smoke, and wanted to make a family together. I didn’t love him. I remember our wedding day (it was pretty ghetto just us and our parents in the preachers office) I didn’t want to ride with him to the restaurant for supper. I don’t think I ever kissed him on the lips Married 9 years.

My state of mind with my 2nd, I had accepted his proposal because I truly believed it was a tragedy that I was a single mom. Like what could possibly be worse (thankyou asshole sister for helping with that mindset). About 3 weeks after we got engaged, he got fired from his job and was unemployed. So now mycrappy job was supporting not just me and my 3 kids but his lazy ass and horrible daughter. Somehow, he bought 2 cars in that time period (as of now he’s paying 4 different car loans that were repossessed!) he basically used reverse psychology on me, “I just KNOW you won’t wantto marry an unemployed loser” so naturally, we got married quicker than planned. I remember thinking that was a real bad idea but I squelched my gut, determined to look like I was happy to everyone who told me it was too fast. Married 4 years.

My 3rd husband? I knew I loved him 22 years ago when I dated him the first time. He broke my heart so when he came back for me, there was never a question of love, just how much shit I was willing to work through. I loved him on my wedding day, nothing felt off to me. We still have our moments, but now, I always to work things out. I can’t imagine looking at anyone else the way I look at him. If we did break up, I wouldn’t want to share my time with anyone else else.

He was my best friend and I loved him very much. We laughed all the time, and we wanted the same things - family, fun, travel. We had lived together for six years before we got married and were pretty sure of each other. It started going wrong about 15 years after we got married. I knew there were some problems, but for various reasons including my very poor health at the time, I didn’t address them. We stayed together almost another ten years and really kind of faded out during that time. Now I have the family, and he has the fun and the travel, but I think I got the better deal. 

Mine was a mix of feeling like it was the next step in my life. And the biggest? I was afraid that if I didn’t do it then, I would be alone. That I wasn’t good enough for anyone else.

It took me a long time to see what happened. We never should have gotten married, but I was just not smart enough and secure enough to walk away

I got pregnant and he convinced me getting married was the right thing to do.  I divorced him three years later.  The only good thing that came out of that marriage was my two DDs.  

Sadly, I knew better than to marry him.  In the beginning, my ex was really fun and enjoyed a lot of the same things as I did and was very generous in a lot of ways I thought were important - travel (mostly just so he could shop), clothes, jewelry, etc.  That means nothing if you don't have any substance behind it and you lie to me about the financial situation.  
We live in NH for a year.  Being from the South I was excited for the opportunity to see some great history - Boston, Maine, possibly going to Canada, etc.  Nearly every single weekend we drove the hour to Boston.... to shop.  Do you think we ONCE went to Boston Harbor?  Sure, we went to Portland, ME.... to go to LL Bean.  It was really ridiculous.  
He took some risks to open his own business which I was fine with but that left me to raise his son and later our daughter.  It was really hard to do that alone.  We just really grew apart and he became more of a friend to the kids than a parent.  It was really hard to be with him.  

I did get a beautiful daughter from him but that was it.  I wanted more kids which we did talk about before the marriage but I was really lucky to have gotten this one child.  I am still resentful about only having the one child but it just wasn't in the cards for me.  

My husband was married before. He got married when he was 18 and just graduated high school to a 24 y/o women who had been married 2x. She was his first and his parents “wouldn’t “ let him live with her. She spent most of their marriage in a mental hospital and he left her when he woke up to find her standing over him with a knife. They were married 18 months. The divorce turned very nasty.

We met, married and had son. We were able to sneak around to get get a great job in another state ( the bitch that lived with his brother would tell her every job interview my husband had, and she would that employer). We didn’t tell anybody we were leaving until we had the moving truck packed and it was gone. We didn’t tell them who the job was with until he started work.

She is still a nutcase and has been married a couple of more times. Fortunately she has no children.

Interesting question even more interesting answers- Hugs ladies!

1st: We were high school sweethearts. I knew our paths weren't going to go in the same direction. I was 18, graduated from high school with full time job/apartment/car. He was senior in high school, part time job, planned to go to local college in the fall. I broke up with him. My parents loved him dearly and gave me pure hell. Not a problem until I joined the Army in August but delayed entry had me leaving in end of November. My apartment lease was up in September and they wouldn't let me simply extend a few months, so I moved back to my parents house for that time. They continued to give me hell, insanely harass any guy I tried to date, downright ugly. To make the peace, I got back with the boyfriend planning to break up with him on my way out of town. He proposed a week or two prior, and I accepted the ring, again, appease everyone til I got out of dodge. I went off to the military. After the flurry of basic training, I got lonely and a little homesick. He visited. We got married downtown at the JP. He then told me he'd dropped out of college and joined the Army too. We literally left the JP's office, I took him to the airport and quickly filed for annulment. He fought it tooth and nail.. that was Divorce #1. Lonely and homesick.

2nd: Met super guy who was tons and tons of fun. All the same interests, we really just clicked. Everything was great for about 2 years, and we came to this thing that happened. We were both active duty military. He was finishing his enlistment and going to school locally (we were stationed an hour from his hometown.) I came down with orders for a year in S Korea. For those that don't know, being in a serious awesome relationship doesn't matter to the military, they have no obligation to keep you relatively close together. And, this was in 95, pretty much pre internet/cellphones/email/skype. Long distance relationships were much much harder I would think. But... If you're married, you'll likely stay in the same place. So, his parents were awesome, our relationship was awesome, so- we got married. I really was thrilled, and happy and optimistic, and I think he was too. We sped up the timeline, but we were clearly on that path. I went to Korea, came back, and felt something wasn't right. I was convinced he'd cheated on me, and he vehemently denied it. Within the space of about 8 months we decided to divorce. I later found (oddly without looking!) proof he'd cheated on me. Divorce #2 absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder apparently.

3rd: Another whirlwind. Girl meets Guy. Chemistry is great. Guy is a hopeless romantic and girl clearly has issues with being single Military AGAIN applies a little pressure here and there (and we wonder WHY the divorce rate is so high!) and we got married. I was so thrilled! And our wedding was absolutely non traditional and perfect for us. I will say I don't regret it. But man oh man was that a tough 8 years. I wish him the best and feel bad for his wife. But, it works for them. Divorce #3 clash of the titans.

I feel better knowing I’m not the only one with some of these issues.

I needed to get away from an alcoholic, controlling mom. I had no confidence or belief that I deserved much. Two guys were after me. I fell hard for the “ bad guy”, we became engaged, then he broke my heart. I knew at the time he was a bad idea, but, whew!was I smitten.

The other guy was there to pick up the pieces, and seemed like a kind, decent guy. I was not attracted to him, but I did not want to fall in love again after what happened to me. I figured we could make a good life together.

And we could have, if he had not been a two faced, spendthrift, selfish, sex addict.

I spent 34 years desperately trying to keep it all together until I realized I needed out, and the rest is history.

I got married right out of school to get away from my controlling and abusive dad. You know how they say a girl marries a guy like her dad......I thought I was marrying a guy who was exact opposite but turns out he was worse. Abusive, controlling, bi-polar alcoholic that threatened to kill me for years.

I love this thread so much. It was better than therapy for me. I think it’s simply because all of our reasons are similar. It makes me feel like less of a failure, because a forever marriage is what I wanted more than anything.

There are a lot of sad stories on this thread

Well I knew that we'd get divorced eventually. We got married because we had a baby together (definitely not love, I had very low self esteem when we met). I had been brought up as an only child of a single mom and always said I didn't want that for my kid. So when EX asked I agreed to get married and even willingly had another two kids. The idea was we'd stay together until the youngest was 18, but EX decided he wanted to be single again to find his "true love" when the youngest was 7. 10 years later we have a decent relationship and he's still looking for that "true love" (much to the chagrin of his girlfriend of 9 years who thought they'd get married as soon as I was no longer in the picture and instead is dealing with his wandering eye).

I should have listened to my brain. We were almost broken up then anyway. Shoganai (it can’t be helped).

Lust--I was determined not to engage in sex outside of marriage. I knew so many things were wrong for the marriage but thought love would cure all those ills. About 3 months before the marriage I realized what he was about (a paycheck) but I foolishly forged ahead.

The only smart thing I did was not to have children by him before getting out of the situation.
He would not keep a job and when I had had enough, he begged me to just have a baby and then he would keep a job to show me he could. HA!