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Post by candleangie on Aug 25, 2018 3:20:45 GMT
I can’t even. These two are so damn cute.  They’ve been friends a long time, worked at camp together. Her dad and I adore him. It’s a very good match. But. It’s a 10 year age gap. 19-29 WE don’t have a problem with it. They’re both adults, very aware of the age gap and the challenges that might carry. They’re in similar places in life. She’s a sophomore in college, he’s headed back to finish his degree, both studying to enter the same field (teaching). We’re finding that other people are pretty freaking judgmental though. What (if anything) do I say to these people? |
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Deleted
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May 13, 2024 5:52:32 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 25, 2018 3:24:08 GMT
They are adorable and I ❤️ his shirt!
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,703
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Aug 25, 2018 3:24:11 GMT
We’re finding that other people are pretty freaking judgmental though. What (if anything) do I say to these people? MYOB. |
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Post by katlady on Aug 25, 2018 3:24:36 GMT
I would just smile nicely and say that "they are happy together and we are happy for them" and leave it at that.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 13, 2024 5:52:32 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 25, 2018 3:24:52 GMT
Oh, and I say ...say nothing to the people. It's none of their business. 🙂
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Post by psoccer on Aug 25, 2018 3:26:12 GMT
Oh gosh, I think his shirt says it all. So cute!! They look happy so yeah...people can myob.
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Post by papersilly on Aug 25, 2018 3:42:42 GMT
I was 23 and DH was 33 when we got married. If anyone felt judgy about it, they didn't say it to our faces. 28 years later and I think we came out on top of that.
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MissChris
Full Member
Posts: 370
Jul 14, 2014 0:46:04 GMT
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Post by MissChris on Aug 25, 2018 3:47:44 GMT
I was 21 when I met my future husband, who was 9 years older than me at the time. We got married when I was 28 and he was 37 and never had any challenges that couples of a closer age gap don't experience. No judgments from anyone--only lots of love and support. And like others have said, LOVE his t-shirt!
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Post by scrapmaven on Aug 25, 2018 3:50:01 GMT
They look so happy together. They're going to have fulfilling and lifelong careers. He's a good man. That's what's important. Anyone who comments on it doesn't deserve a reply. Be happy that they're happy.
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,423 
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Post by tanya2 on Aug 25, 2018 3:53:02 GMT
I met my dh when I had just turned 20 & he was 29. We've been married 24 years now & never had a problem with it
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Aug 25, 2018 4:07:33 GMT
My youngest son is moving in with his GF, 10 years younger than him. What do I say? I’m happy that they’re happy.
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,419
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Aug 25, 2018 4:14:44 GMT
They're soooo cute together! I'd tell people that it's none of their business and to stick their nose in someone else life.
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Nink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,947
Location: North Idaho
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Post by Nink on Aug 25, 2018 4:34:37 GMT
My BIL was 13 years older than my sister. They were married for 42 years when she passed away.
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Post by prapea on Aug 25, 2018 4:45:49 GMT
I would love to answer like this but in reality I would just probably roll my eyes and walk away when people cannot mind their own business.
Them: “wow. There is a 10 year age difference “
You: “wow. Thank you Einstein”
Them: “You guys are ok with the age difference?”
You: “You guys are ok with butting into others lives?”
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Post by scraphollie27 on Aug 25, 2018 5:40:46 GMT
My DH and I are 10 years apart; I was 18 (he was 29) when we moved in together. We are celebrating 20 happily married years (24 together) this September and I’m glad to say that everyone kept their opinions to themselves so we didn’t have to have to battle others’ opinions about our relationship. Having said that, here’s my caveat paragraph:
Red flags need to be acknowledged in a relationship but an age gap shouldn’t be a red flag on its own unless it comes with a power imbalance or other dysfunction. In this case, loved ones need to speak up to protect their family.
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Post by candleangie on Aug 25, 2018 6:10:01 GMT
Yeah. We’ve talked about what pitfalls they might run into. It’s a big enough gap at just the right years that their growing up years were a little different, and he obviously has far more relationship experience than her. So far he just seems very sincere and sweet.
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,766
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Aug 25, 2018 7:21:34 GMT
What lovely smiles they have, the picture suggests a couple relaxed and happy in each others company.
I think that being close in age is not the key to a good relationship.
More important is their attitude to life, shared values, shared interests, etc. This unity will help them face the hills and valleys of life. Some people are older/younger than their years in their outlook.
There is an age difference between my DH and I, no one commented, I'm not sure how I would have responded if they felt they had the right to say anything. We are married over 25 years.
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Post by AussieMeg on Aug 25, 2018 7:58:04 GMT
That's exactly the ages my friend and her husband were when they started going out! They've now been married 26 years.......  |
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Post by gar on Aug 25, 2018 8:06:41 GMT
They look very happy  What do you say? Well I guess it depends if it's coming from a place of loving concern or nosiness. For people who genuinely have her best interests at heart you can say that they're aware of potential pitfalls but that they're happy and are prepared to work through any issues that may arise. For the others - whatever witty, cutting remark you choose  |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 13, 2024 5:52:32 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 25, 2018 8:25:56 GMT
I can’t even. These two are so damn cute. They’ve been friends a long time, worked at camp together. Her dad and I adore him. It’s a very good match. But. It’s a 10 year age gap. 19-29 WE don’t have a problem with it. They’re both adults, very aware of the age gap and the challenges that might carry. They’re in similar places in life. She’s a sophomore in college, he’s headed back to finish his degree, both studying to enter the same field (teaching). We’re finding that other people are pretty freaking judgmental though. What (if anything) do I say to these people? How do other people know about the age gap? If you are bringing it up, it seems you may have an unconscious issue with it. My daughter and her husband are 9 years apart but very few people are aware of it. So my wwtpd is, don't be the one to bring up the age gap, ever. And if someone knows them both and knows how wide the gap is just say who she dates is her business. DD and Son in law have been married 15 years now and have 4 kids. It is working just fine for them. |
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Post by bothmykidsrbrats on Aug 25, 2018 9:25:33 GMT
They are adorable, and he reminds me of a young Bob Seger. I would make their age difference off limits to inquiring minds. Say, I don't discuss my adult child's relationship or they are both adults, if you feel the need to answer. Enjoy seeing your baby girls face and heart smile. That is all that matters.
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Post by monklady123 on Aug 25, 2018 10:34:05 GMT
Well... my snarky side would be thinking something like "oh I didn't realize! Thank you for helping me with my math, it never was my best subject!"  But my mouth would just smile or say "yeah, it's fine" or whatever I managed to think of. Honestly, I think an age gap that big becomes less important as people get older. 19 is still young but she is an adult. It would be different if say she was 14 and he was 24... that would be a problem, in my opinion anyway. But the older one gets the less it matters. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 13, 2024 5:52:32 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 25, 2018 11:46:12 GMT
They are so cute!!!
So, they would not pass that silly made up dating age formula--- half your age plus seven.
And some people will be concerned not that there is a flaw with her for wanting to date a 29 year old man, but more what is wrong with HIM for wanting to date a teen (hardly any 19 year old women are ready to date guys that age). BUT!! once everyone knows their background and knows he is not a creep, they will be happy and if they are not......too bad!!!!
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sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,592
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Aug 25, 2018 11:54:49 GMT
They are the same age difference DH and I are. And they are at the exact same age we were when we started dating. Our b-days are about 2 weeks apart. He turned 30 and looked at me and said "Hurry up and turn 20. 19 & 30 sounds so bad."
We have been together 22.5 years, married 17.5. We have 2 teenage kids. Honestly, other than a few times (and I mean maybe 2 or 3) I wasn't able to get into a club, we really haven't had any issues that our ages or age difference played a part in. The only thing I think I would have changed is that I didn't ever live on my own. I moved from my mom's house into his house. But that's not a huge think, IMO.
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 25, 2018 12:02:10 GMT
I prefer the stink eye.
They look very happy.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 13, 2024 5:52:32 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 25, 2018 12:07:26 GMT
Very happy for you all.
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Post by chrissyc72 on Aug 25, 2018 12:13:37 GMT
It’s no ones business.
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Post by gar on Aug 25, 2018 12:19:05 GMT
But they’ll ask/comment anyway. |
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Post by Really Red on Aug 25, 2018 12:24:09 GMT
I am always flabbergasted at what people say out loud. I have two 21yo girls and if they dated someone 10 years older I would be surprised. What I wouldn't do - EVER - is discuss that with anyone and not with them. If I saw that one of my children's SOs was not treating them well, I would ask them a few questions, but their lives are their own and I raised them well enough to make good decisions.
My answer to anyone who has a critique about what my child is doing (this hasn't happened yet, but I'm sure it will come)? I love my child. He/She has made excellent choices of friends his/her whole life and I have no reason to think that is stopping now. However, even if it were, this is his/her life and his/her decision. Not mine.
Sometimes I think people talk to talk. You don't have to be mean about your response, just SUPER clear that 1) you support your child wholeheartedly and 2) it's not their business.
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Post by mygigiscraps on Aug 25, 2018 12:37:34 GMT
They are absolutely glowing. Even though it's no one else's business, there will always be some that butt in with their opinion. When that happens, I'd simply reply "We're delighted that she is so mature at her age."
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Refupea #1142
