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Post by paperamy on Sept 5, 2018 22:37:01 GMT
So I gotta vent. I’m at a conference out of town for work. Four other people from my company are here, none of which I report to. We flew in yesterday, the conference started at 1pm today. I worked from a coffee shop from 7am until noon, because my department cannot function while I am out of town. I attended my first session from 1pm to 4pm. There was a “Welcome reception” from 5-6 but I decided I’ve been working all day, I’m hungry, and tired so I walked down the block to have a nice quiet, work-free early supper. At 5:15pm, I get an email from one of the men on the trip. No body to the email, just the subject of “We are at the reception. Come down.” Number one, it’s a reception with cocktails and appetizers and I was hungry. Number two, I’ve worked all day, a random man who is nowhere near my supervisor doesn’t get to tell me what I do “off the clock” “We are at the reception. Come down.”  |
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Post by 950nancy on Sept 5, 2018 22:40:07 GMT
"Sorry, been working since7 am. Need my down time." Sometimes people just see the day that they have had and assume you have had the same. They just need to be reminded.
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Post by cmpeter on Sept 5, 2018 22:40:57 GMT
My first thought would be that he's on his phone and being succinct and inviting you to come down. I wouldn't view it as an order. If you want to join, join. If you don't then I think it's perfectly fine to say "I'm grabbing an early dinner and calling it a night".
That being said, I'm always glad I went out with colleagues on these types of trips. It's a good opportunity to network and bond. Typically we would go to the reception and then go out to dinner after together as a work group.
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Post by workingclassdog on Sept 5, 2018 22:41:46 GMT
I would just assume maybe they didn't want to leave you out.. I would have just said 'no thanks, I have plans or I'm tired'..
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Post by busy on Sept 5, 2018 22:41:52 GMT
I think maybe you're a little hangry  Yes, he certainly could have phrased it more politely but I wouldn't assume his intent was to be rude or bossy - just informative and brief. Lots of people like emails where all the content is on the subject line, so they get the whole message in a notification. When I travel for business, and there are others from my company at the same event, even if there is no reporting relationship between anyone, it's the norm to meet up at those kinds of functions. It was the same at my prior company too. It don't think it's crazy for them to think they'd see you at the reception. |
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Post by Zee on Sept 5, 2018 22:42:35 GMT
I would take it as an invitation, not an order. You're free to go or not.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Sept 5, 2018 22:43:01 GMT
I would assume that he is inviting you to come down to the reception, not demanding that you do so.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856 
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Sept 5, 2018 22:43:53 GMT
I don’t view it as an order...more of a “hey this is where we are..you should drop by”
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Post by workingclassdog on Sept 5, 2018 22:45:34 GMT
Even though he is my superior, my boss can send messages that sound RUDE RUDE RUDE.. but they are not. He has a super busy schedule with over 700 employees under him plus prisoners. So his answers are always, short and direct. He told me people even complained about it... but when you are on the go, there is no time for please/thanks/bye byes... they are yes, no, thx. And he is a nice guy.
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Post by 50offscrapper on Sept 5, 2018 22:51:14 GMT
I assume they didn't want to leave you out. I wouldn't take it any other way. Might be good to train someone on your team to handle things when you are gone. A conference is one thing, but you shouldn't have to work while you are on vacation.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 5, 2018 22:53:03 GMT
You all are probably really right...I was tired and hungry...I personally would never be so short with someone, so it just rubbed me wrong and I’m sure I took it wrong. I’d rather type a few more words to ask someone something rather than using the minimum characters, even when I’m on my phone. Thanks for keeping me in check.  |
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Post by 950nancy on Sept 5, 2018 22:54:52 GMT
Even though he is my superior, my boss can send messages that sound RUDE RUDE RUDE.. but they are not. He has a super busy schedule with over 700 employees under him plus prisoners. So his answers are always, short and direct. He told me people even complained about it... but when you are on the go, there is no time for please/thanks/bye byes... they are yes, no, thx. And he is a nice guy. Last week my boss compared me to a Roman slave. I chose to see the humor in it, as I am sure he intended, and told him he sounded like the turtle, Crush, on Finding Nemo. He said he'd never seen the movie. Great, I never memorized Latin phrases. We're both super smart. |
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Post by 950nancy on Sept 5, 2018 22:55:35 GMT
You all are probably really right...I was tired and hungry...I personally would never be so short with someone, so it just rubbed me wrong and I’m sure I took it wrong. I’d rather type a few more words to ask someone something rather than using the minimum characters, even when I’m on my phone. Thanks for keeping me in check.  |
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Post by katiekaty on Sept 5, 2018 23:22:56 GMT
Sorry that email just sounds like a this is where we are, come join us.
However, if they had ignored you, your post would be something like:
I can't believe this s---! I am at this conference out of town, had to work like 4 hours at a damn coffee shop, put four more in in a workshop and the other participants just went off and left me behind! No damn clue that I wanted to go eat and hang out with them, maybe network, get to know my associates form other departments, branches.....!
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Post by paperamy on Sept 5, 2018 23:24:08 GMT
Might be good to train someone on your team to handle things when you are gone. A conference is one thing, but you shouldn't have to work while you are on vacation. Unfortunately our department went from four to two in October and most of their responsibilities got assigned to me. For the past year, every-time I have addressed this, I’ve been assured they were almost final on hiring someone. Someone finally started last week, but he has no experience in our system and will be in training for awhile. On top of the increased workload, many of the high level executives lean on me for all their data requests. The reason why I worked at 7am this morning was because the CFO needed reports based on things she has never requested. And the CFO won’t ask anyone else for anything...even when our department was four members. Even with the lack of experience to our specific system, my new coworker seems extremely knowledgeable, so I’m hoping he’ll catch up quickly and take some of the pressure off of me. I don’t know the CFO will ever go to anyone except me, but hopefully, some of the lower priority tasks that I picked up since our department shrank will be assigned to him going forward, once he gets past the training phase. |
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Post by paperamy on Sept 5, 2018 23:25:20 GMT
Sorry that email just sounds like a this is where we are, come join us. However, if they had ignored you, your post would be something like: I can't believe this s---! I am at this conference out of town, had to work like 4 hours at a damn coffee shop, put four more in in a workshop and the other participants just went off and left me behind! No damn clue that I wanted to go eat and hang out with them, maybe network, get to know my associates form other departments, branches.....! No, it would not have been. |
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Deleted
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May 2, 2024 23:07:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2018 23:31:22 GMT
I think maybe you're a little hangry  Yes, he certainly could have phrased it more politely but I wouldn't assume his intent was to be rude or bossy - just informative and brief. Lots of people like emails where all the content is on the subject line, so they get the whole message in a notification. When I travel for business, and there are others from my company at the same event, even if there is no reporting relationship between anyone, it's the norm to meet up at those kinds of functions. It was the same at my prior company too. It don't think it's crazy for them to think they'd see you at the reception. This would be my work place as well. I'd take it as an invitation instead of an order. Some in my group are extroverted networkers. They love the receptions. I need a short time alone to regroup mentally and physically so I find a quiet place to eat dinner then go hit up the tail end of the reception... or head to bed early. Totally agree with the person who said some people keep very short so the whole thing shows up in a lock screen notification. Message back, a "thanks but not tonight." |
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,380
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Post by RosieKat on Sept 5, 2018 23:38:06 GMT
I think things like this are also where the differences between extraverts and introverts become particularly noticeable. Without knowing you, I'd assume you're at least introvert-leaning, and you wanted some down time on your own. I read the coworker's email as an invitation, as well (albeit brusque), with the unspoken message of "come hang out, it'll help you unwind and have a little fun!" I don't see it as not appreciating or understanding how long you've been working (although that is certainly possible), my gut instinct is that they're trying to actually make you happy.
ETA - but I'm also willing to concede that this may just be my uber-introvert talking out my rear end...
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Post by MichyM on Sept 5, 2018 23:44:19 GMT
You all are probably really right...I was tired and hungry...I personally would never be so short with someone, so it just rubbed me wrong and I’m sure I took it wrong. I’d rather type a few more words to ask someone something rather than using the minimum characters, even when I’m on my phone. Thanks for keeping me in check. I completey agree with what the others said BUT...I could see myself reacting poorly to an email like that after a long day as well. And...I might do something stupid like send a short, snarky-ish reply without thinking it through - so consider yourself ahead of the game Hope you enjoy a nice quiet evening! |
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PLurker
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Post by PLurker on Sept 6, 2018 0:44:27 GMT
I think maybe you're a little hangry Yes, he certainly could have phrased it more politely but I wouldn't assume his intent was to be rude or bossy - just informative and brief. Lots of people like emails where all the content is on the subject line, so they get the whole message in a notification. When I travel for business, and there are others from my company at the same event, even if there is no reporting relationship between anyone, it's the norm to meet up at those kinds of functions. It was the same at my prior company too. It don't think it's crazy for them to think they'd see you at the reception.  eat a Snickers. But seriously, sometimes I hate texts. Succinct can come off as snarky, not caring or a multiple of different things. Hard to interpret sometimes. I would just take it as they wanted to let you know and include you. |
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Post by katlady on Sept 6, 2018 1:14:32 GMT
I just wanted to add that maybe the email was short and to the point because that is all he had time for. He could have had people around him trying to get his attention and he was rushed trying to let you know.
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Post by mikklynn on Sept 6, 2018 1:28:14 GMT
I totally understand you wanted some alone time. When I traveled for work, I looked forward to my evenings alone.
I'm glad you didn't get snarky with him, as I think it was innocent, too. I usually went out with co-workers one night and then did my own thing the other nights.
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Post by MsChiff on Sept 6, 2018 1:42:54 GMT
Might be good to train someone on your team to handle things when you are gone. A conference is one thing, but you shouldn't have to work while you are on vacation. Unfortunately our department went from four to two in October and most of their responsibilities got assigned to me. For the past year, every-time I have addressed this, I’ve been assured they were almost final on hiring someone. Someone finally started last week, but he has no experience in our system and will be in training for awhile. On top of the increased workload, many of the high level executives lean on me for all their data requests. The reason why I worked at 7am this morning was because the CFO needed reports based on things she has never requested. And the CFO won’t ask anyone else for anything...even when our department was four members. Even with the lack of experience to our specific system, my new coworker seems extremely knowledgeable, so I’m hoping he’ll catch up quickly and take some of the pressure off of me. I don’t know the CFO will ever go to anyone except me, but hopefully, some of the lower priority tasks that I picked up since our department shrank will be assigned to him going forward, once he gets past the training phase. Let's say the new guy's name is Fred. When the CFO comes to you with something, involve Fred in the resolution as much as possible. When Fred does a good job, be sure the CFO knows. The more the CFO hears what a good work Fred does, the more likely CFO will be to go to Fred with requests, especially when you are out of the office. SaveSave |
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Sept 6, 2018 20:26:47 GMT
In this day and age of technology, sometimes one's conveyance tone, attitude and intention is misunderstood.
Perception varies based on the sender and receiver.
Based on the context of the email/text...You believe the sender is being bossy and telling you what to do.
Based on the context of the email/text... I believe your colleague is including you, and is being thoughtful to make sure you know they are down at the reception.
You are tired, hungry and worn out from the days activities.....therefore you are done for the day and have no interest in networking and business socializing.
Your Colleagues however, despite the busy day.....are on board for networking and business socializing.
Everyone's functionality, expectations, stamina, limits and ability to convey a message are different. In this case no one is right, no one is wrong. It is simply a case of "a different approach and different limits".
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Post by librarylady on Sept 6, 2018 20:36:45 GMT
Several people, in their reply, said you should not have to hang out with them when you are on vacation.
I never viewed a conference as a vacation time. Yes, I might be in a new city and have some fun, but it was not a vacation.
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Post by mellowyellow on Sept 6, 2018 20:52:56 GMT
Even though he is my superior, my boss can send messages that sound RUDE RUDE RUDE.. but they are not. He has a super busy schedule with over 700 employees under him plus prisoners. So his answers are always, short and direct. He told me people even complained about it... but when you are on the go, there is no time for please/thanks/bye byes... they are yes, no, thx. And he is a nice guy. It's funny you should mention this. I do most of my business over instant messenger. The morning times are crazy busy and this lady that works for another company asks me...."Why are you so harsh?" I was completely blown away because we do use a kind of shorthand if you will....gm, ty, yw....stuff like that. She sent some wrong information so I just simply asked her about it and that's what she asked me. It literally bothered me all night because I always try to be super accommodating and professional. I did apologize to her because that wasn't my intention at all. I've also been in this business for 20+ years. I guess because I don't use exclamation points on everything and smiley faces that I'm harsh? Oh and the OP....I took that as an invitation too. Like...come on down...we are here! |
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eat a Snickers. 
