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Post by miranda on Oct 2, 2018 16:19:37 GMT
I'm quite certain that most people will find this abnormal, but the fact that my parents didn't makes me question it. Something brought it up today and I figured this was a good question for the peas to weigh in on.
I got A's and B's through 2nd or 3rd grade. Then I dropped sometimes to C's mixed in. This was completely unacceptable to my mother and she would ground me from TV and going out until the next term (Providing there were no C's that term.) The assumption from my mother was that I was smart enough to not get C's because I did so in the lower few grades. There was long ago before there was much testing done for kids underperforming.
This was long ago, i'm an adult, have adult children and it's not something that I dwell on or that i'd bring up to anyone at this point. It's mainly just a question to see what others think of it, is it as off as I think or not that crazy?
Editing to clarify - I was unclear, I was grounded for grades (C's) from probably 5th grade on. As in it was rare that I could watch tv or go out. It wasn't common then to be diagnosed with learning disabilities. I find it abnormal to keep someone grounded for many years without thinking there may be another cause. Nevermind is a C really that bad? Hopefully that is more clear. It was just something I always thought very off, but don't really think. Today a conversation made me think of it so I just wanted to see what do the peas think of this.
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Post by Skellinton on Oct 2, 2018 16:25:44 GMT
I don’t understand what you are asking. Are you saying someone brought this up to you as an adult?
Or are you asking if your mom grounding you from tv for getting lesser grades is abnormal?
First off, getting actual grades in first and second grade to me is abnormal. We got N, S and O until jr high. N was the bad one, I can’t remeber what it stood for. S was satisfactory and O was outstanding. Now kids get much more specific grading, but it boils down to not meeting expected standards, meeting standards and exceeding standards.
Getting grounded for what your parents viewed as less then grades was par for the course for me and my friends. Not in first and second grade, but certainly by third since it would have been because we slapped together a report or project and didn’t do our best work since that is when homework really began and our teachers and parents expected us to be more responsible and put effort into our reports, dioramas, etc.
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Post by Basket1lady on Oct 2, 2018 16:26:56 GMT
For a good student to suddenly drop their grades, I would suspect that either something was going on with that child’s learning, or the child wasn’t working up to their potential. If this was “long ago” as you state, your parents may not have known you struggled with a learning disability. (If you do—it doesn’t say in your OP, but you seem to infer it?)
Our house rule was that you had to try your best in school. If they came home with a poor grade and I knew they had zeros from assignments they didn’t turn in (we could see the online grade book), they did get grounded from screen time during the school week. They also had to do their homework with me at the table.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
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Post by scrappert on Oct 2, 2018 16:27:46 GMT
I am not getting the question either?
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Post by gar on Oct 2, 2018 16:31:18 GMT
Are you saying that being grounded for getting some lower grades doesn't seem fair because it could be due to the work being more difficult rather than because the child wasn't working hard enough?
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Post by gmcwife1 on Oct 2, 2018 16:32:11 GMT
For me it seems like typical parenting in the 70's or 80's before there was more testing done. So I wouldn't call it abnormal, just for me more of an older type of parenting.
My sister was not diagnosed with dyslexia until she was an adult. She got good grades before she learned to read, or in classes without a lot of reading. And not such good grades in other classes. Back then it was thought that she just didn't apply herself in classes she didn't like. Now we know differently.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Oct 2, 2018 16:36:34 GMT
I don't think that was abnormal. I know kids now who are punished for getting bad grades. For my DD, I do expect high grades, because I know she is capable. She wouldn't get in trouble for a C, if she had been working hard though. If she was blowing off the class, we'd have a nice long talk and probably involve a tutor.
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Post by myshelly on Oct 2, 2018 16:38:14 GMT
I don’t think it’s abnormal at all.
I was more than capable of making As, so I got in trouble if I didn’t make As. Seems fine to me.
I think the assumption is that if you aren’t making good grades you should spend less time watching tv and more time studying/working/reading. That makes perfect sense to me.
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schizo319
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by schizo319 on Oct 2, 2018 16:38:36 GMT
I was regularly grounded or punished for bringing home Cs. School came easy to me, so all As and Bs were attainable and my parents knew that - truthfully, I probably could've had straight As if I had *really* applied myself. When I was making Cs, it was because I was being lazy or slacking off. ETA: I graduated in 96 so this was 80s/90s
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psiluvu
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Post by psiluvu on Oct 2, 2018 16:38:38 GMT
My son is an underachieving but quite capable of getting good marks if he wasn't so lazy. He had a crappy report card at the end of grade 9. He doesn't get his PS4 back until his first report card of grade 10 in November. If all his marks are above 80 he will get it back. So far he is working hard and will getting great marks. So I don't think grounding and taking away screens is abnormal when there is no reason for bad marks except laziness.
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Post by papersilly on Oct 2, 2018 16:41:02 GMT
I got A's and B's through 2nd or 3rd grade. Then I dropped sometimes to C's mixed in. This was completely unacceptable to my mother and she would ground me from TV and going out until the next term (Providing there were no C's that term.) The assumption from my mother was that I was smart enough to not get C's because I did so in the lower few grades. There was long ago before there was much testing done for kids underperforming. I only wish my mom grounded us for C's. believe me, that would have been a dream punishment compared to what we got.
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Deleted
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May 11, 2024 14:03:14 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2018 16:51:08 GMT
I don't really consider taking away tv or not being allowed to play outside during a week night grounding if those things are a distraction from sitting down and doing homework or studying. Now if I saw a child struggling in spite of no distractions, then we'd investigate further. But based on just the info you provided, I wouldn't say it's necessarily abnormal.
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Post by miranda on Oct 2, 2018 16:58:36 GMT
I don't really consider taking away tv or not being allowed to play outside during a week night grounding if those things are a distraction from sitting down and doing homework or studying. Now if I saw a child struggling in spite of no distractions, then we'd investigate further. But based on just the info you provided, I wouldn't say it's necessarily abnormal. lol I agree with taking away distractions, checking homework, etc. The grounding was a punishment so the minute the report card arrived with a C there was no tv, no friends, basically hang out in your room until the next report card comes in 7 days a week, not just school days. I guess my feeling is if you have a kid grounded for years, maybe you'd consider extra help or something rather than the ineffective grounding.
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Post by Really Red on Oct 2, 2018 17:03:15 GMT
I got A's and B's through 2nd or 3rd grade. Then I dropped sometimes to C's mixed in. This was completely unacceptable to my mother and she would ground me from TV and going out until the next term (Providing there were no C's that term.) The assumption from my mother was that I was smart enough to not get C's because I did so in the lower few grades. There was long ago before there was much testing done for kids underperforming. I only wish my mom grounded us for C's. believe me, that would have been a dream punishment compared to what we got. <iframe width="26.62000000000012" height="6.980000000000018" style="position: absolute; width: 26.62000000000012px; height: 6.980000000000018px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none;left: 15px; top: -5px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_35108257" scrolling="no"></iframe> <iframe width="26.62000000000012" height="6.980000000000018" style="position: absolute; width: 26.62px; height: 6.98px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 1253px; top: -5px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_54136019" scrolling="no"></iframe> <iframe width="26.62000000000012" height="6.980000000000018" style="position: absolute; width: 26.62px; height: 6.98px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 15px; top: 287px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_88632931" scrolling="no"></iframe>
I am sorry papersillymiranda - your clarification stating it was YEARS of grounding does seem excessive. I think most parents would realize at some point that grounding was useless and something else must be at stake, regardless in which decade you grew up.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
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Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Oct 2, 2018 17:04:12 GMT
I think it's just different. I had a kid that we celebrated C's and another we punished for C's. The first one worked hard for them, the second was capable of more.
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Post by mustlovecats on Oct 2, 2018 17:47:34 GMT
For a child who is capable of A work but gets C’s because they don’t put in their best effort, a C is dismal. For a child whose best effort nets them a C, a C is worthy of praise.
I have one who should never come home with anything less than 100% on anything because that is their nature, so when they roll in with 80% on a test I know they didn’t understand the material enough or didn’t prep enough for the test, this child tends to be lazy and slacks because they think they are too smart to study. I don’t “punish” for that bad grade but I pull back on our schedule until we right it.
I feel like there’s a better way to encourage good grades than grounding and yes If a child is perpetually grounded for bad grades I would think something was wrong - either the child’s work ethic/habits or the parents’ expectation. But enforcing the expectation of grades is part of parenting that parents don’t always get right but usually approach out of a desire for their kids to be successful.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2018 17:52:13 GMT
Does it really matter now? I don't think many people were as aware of learning difficulties as they are today back in the 70s/80s. Grounding was a common punishment so no I don't think it was abnormal.
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Post by papersilly on Oct 2, 2018 18:07:19 GMT
For a child who is capable of A work but gets C’s because they don’t put in their best effort, a C is dismal. For a child whose best effort nets them a C, a C is worthy of praise. this is so true. in high school, i signed up to be a teacher's aide and helped a teacher fill out report cards. there was a student that constantly got D's but for effort, the teacher always graded him as excellent. i thought if the student was practically failing, he wasn't even trying. i finally asked the teacher how someone can consistently get a D and yet get the highest marks for effort. i'll never forget what she said (something to this effect) "some kids can try their hardest and never get past certain level. you have to reward their effort even if their achievement falls short.".
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Post by Linda on Oct 2, 2018 19:02:26 GMT
I think that years ago, that was a pretty typical parenting response. It's not necessarily the approach I use today- but as we know better, we do better.
My personal policy as a parent is that if you are doing your best (turning in homework, studying, asking the teacher for help, taking advantage of tutoring and/or study groups) then I'll be just as proud of an F as I am of an A - even prouder in fact, if that A came easy and that F involved hard work.
My kids are/were generally A/B students but not always. Sometimes their grades dropped because they couldn't be bothered to turn in homework, sometimes because they were in a class that was very very hard for them. If you're not turning in homework, then we instituted mandatory, parent-supervised homework/study time (and that tended to cut into screen time, lol). If you're struggling in a class, we encouraged talking to the teacher, going to before/after school tutoring if available, joining study groups with classmates (as available) etc...
DS took AP Calculus his senior year - he struggled SO much with it. He had a great teacher, he paid attention in class, he attempted all the homework, he met with the teacher before school for tutoring, he met with classmates every weekend to study together...he got a 15 on the first test - even the teacher was shocked at his low test scores. Let me tell you how excited we all were when he had pulled his grade up to a 50 by the end of 1st term. It kept going up slowly from there and he passed in the end with a low C. He didn't pass the AP test - and that was okay. He had done his best and we were proud of him.
My youngest has never once passed a spelling test - not once. Thankfully she's past the spelling test grades now but we strongly suspect that there's some sort of learning challenge involved there (the school doesn't disagree but her grades don't justify further testing to them - she's already on a dual IEP for communication and gifted). There's no point of punishing her for poor spelling grades (and if they negatively impacted her Language Arts grade, no point on that either) - I know she's studying, she studied harder for spelling than for everything else combined. We focus on work-arounds at this point (spell-check, dictionary, asking someone how to spell a word, asking someone to check written work for spelling errors).
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Post by chlerbie on Oct 2, 2018 19:12:14 GMT
I do think that punishment was harsh and didn't seem to help at all.
I was similar--I went from having straight A's to getting C's and even failing some classes in high school. My mom didn't really check my report card. I guess she assumed I was still doing great. I was bullied in high school and developed a "school phobia". I never told my family I was bullied because I was afraid that they'd think less of me or be disappointed. I'd stay home from school many days while my mother was at work. No one ever followed through and seemed quite happy to let me fall through the cracks. I remember one teacher just moved me into the back of the classroom. The funny thing is, I was the kind of kid that if someone were to call me on my actions, I'd start doing the right thing. My Honors English teacher held me accountable and I still got A's in her class. The only thing that ever happened was the guidance counselor called me into her office. I remember being excited that maybe someone was going to help me. She asked me if I liked school and when I said no, she said, "I don't hear many honors students saying that. Why?" And I explained it to her. She replied, "That's stupid..." and went on to say more, but after that, I didn't hear a word she said. Anyway, this long winded story is just to say that things were different then, and many schools just didn't bother when there was a "problem."
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Post by disneypal on Oct 2, 2018 19:14:58 GMT
I'm not 100% I understand the question but...if it is about being grounded for getting below a "B" - yes, it was common when I was growing up. It was because if we got mostly As and Bs, and then a C popped in there, our parents would think we were spending too much time doing other things instead of focusing on our studies (which 99% of the time was true) - being grounded did help raise our grades back up because we spent more time studying/doing homework than watching TV. My parents were super strict when they grounded us, they could tell when we needed to focus more time on our studies.
So, depending on when/where you grew up, I'd say it was common to be grounded when you brought home poor grades.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Oct 2, 2018 20:13:01 GMT
My mom grounded me when I got a c as well. She said it was because I was capable of doing better. If that had been the result of me doing my best, she would have been happy with the c. I have the same attitude as my mom when it comes to my kids’ grades.
That being said, I WAS capable of getting good grades (and did 99% of the time—I actually think I only got a c one quarter in something) so it wasn’t that it was a common occurrence. So far my kids have all gotten good grades but I take the attitude that if they are doing their best, that is all I can ask for.
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 2, 2018 20:31:49 GMT
I remember being grounded from tv in elementary school in fifth grade. My mother took away my beloved Charlie's Angels. I probably wasn't doing my best though, but to be fair, my elementary school had a much harder ranking scale for percents than my kids did. Now a B would have been a C.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2018 20:34:48 GMT
Is your mom somewhat antisocial? Maybe she just didn’t want you going out or watching tv?
Are you sure you are remembering the extent of the grounding correctly? Sometimes a few weekends can feel like/be perceived as an eternity to a child?
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Post by vi on Oct 2, 2018 20:41:53 GMT
Wow! You did well in grades 1 - 4 and then was grounded from 5th grade on for C's. That is being grounded for 8 years. Your parents definitely did not check into your grades to see what happened. I hope you raised your own kids differently.
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Post by pierkiss on Oct 2, 2018 20:52:15 GMT
My mother was the EXACT same way. Anything less than a B was not tolerated and I was grounded until it was brought up on my next report card or mid marking period note home. No tv and no fun activities and no books (I was a serious bookworm in school and there was nothing worse than losing my books). Her rationale was always that I was too smart to get bad grades in any of my subjects. This became particularly problematic with math in high school. None of my friends had parents who reacted this way. It sucked. A lot. This took place from the late 80s up through the end of the 90s when I graduated high school
I chalk it up to my mom not wanting me to turn out like she did education-wise. She had horrendous grades in school (I found her hidden report cards, and she was lucky to graduate high school with those grades).
While none of my peers had parents who did this (that I know of), I don’t find it to be abnormal.
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AnotherPea
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Post by AnotherPea on Oct 2, 2018 20:57:07 GMT
I'm always surprised at the number of people that expect above average and exceptional grades from their kids. Far more than 50% of the population, which makes me wonder how grades are assigned.
As a teacher it seems to me that parents/students/everyone? expects that if basic requirements state students should be able to do ABC, and a child does ABC, then the child should get an A. Completing the minimum requirement means you got an A. Even if the average student is able to do ABC. In my class, students should be able to do ABCDE in order to get an A. They must be well above average.
Being a C student is something to be ashamed of, apparently. No one is allowed to be average any more.
In my own home, we punished our children if their grades dropped because they didn't do their part. If they forgot to turn something in, if they didn't study for a test, etc. If I knew they were struggling with a chapter and the resulting test grade proved it, they were okay in my book. They tried.
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scrapngranny
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Post by scrapngranny on Oct 2, 2018 21:13:04 GMT
If she grounded you for years and your grades didn’t get better, I would say grounding wasn’t working. Why did she keep using a discipline that wasn’t getting the result she wanted? You were either doing the best you could, or she wasn’t using the correct currency.
It must have affected your growing up years quite a bit, if it is something that still haunts you. I’m sure she thought she was doing the right thing. Parental norms are always evolving.
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zella
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Post by zella on Oct 2, 2018 21:51:06 GMT
Not being allowed out of the house or to watch tv for months on end time after time? Yes, that's abnormal. I think your parents were cruel. I don't think grades should automatically equal praise or punishment; it is effort that should count.
Did your decrease in grades suggest a learning problem? Not necessarily. Grading at the youngest ages tends to be very lenient.
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