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Post by rrp23 on Oct 3, 2018 15:39:11 GMT
My manager, who happens to live by me, is an overly critical person, and hard to please. I accept it when it concerns my work, but then she even criticized the route i drive to work, because she thinks its easier dealing with traffic her way. So, now i cant even drive to work right. 🙄 Its ridiculous. I have self esteem issues to begin with, and i dont know how to deal with people like this. Im not leaving my job because i like it, despite this.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Oct 3, 2018 15:41:30 GMT
Not acceptable. Tell her you are checking on your DH's girlfriend!
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Post by mikklynn on Oct 3, 2018 15:43:11 GMT
That would make me crazy.
I would just smile politely and change the subject.
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Post by annabella on Oct 3, 2018 15:44:46 GMT
I noticed my co-worker makes a sandwich for lunch everyday and leaves it on her desk until lunch time. I finally commented on this because I thought it was unsafe for her and that it should be refrigerated. I was nervous saying anything because we're not close, but sometimes you have to assume people are just trying to make a helpful suggestion. I think you should try her driving route so you can report back why it's not better. lol
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Oct 3, 2018 16:01:14 GMT
This is not about her, this is about you. Repeat after me, "Her opinion of me is none of my business."You let her in your head and blame her for your "lack of self esteem." While she may be critical, she may also just be helpful but you are standing in the way of accepting her words as kind and sincere. Now - I full know I can not hear her tone or attitude, but if you want help on how to deal with it? My advice is get your own house straight first. Your self esteem is your self esteem. Build some boundaries around your beliefs regarding yourself and move on. What she is saying about you is an opinion. Why are you giving her expert status in your head about a route to go to work? Is she saying "Hey - stupid - you can't even drive to work right?" Or is she saying, "I figured out a route I prefer better because of less traffic, you should try it sometime." Is she prodding and joking with you and saying, "Ha! I beat you again! I'm telling you my route has less traffic, give it a shot sometime." Or you could just say, "I know your way may save me some time but I like my drive because it is habit and I like seeing building XYZ."
When someone is critical of me, it means I have something to learn. I can shut down and close my head to feel sorry for myself that I was not a picture of perfection. Or, I can learn. I accept every single bit of feedback given to me through the lens of is this meant for me to grow or is this an opinion. Your opinion of me is none of my business but if you are providing me an opportunity to grow, I will take it. And sometimes the feedback is horrible and growth worthy. If I need a pity party, I take it. I don't surround myself with yes friends so I call the brutal ones and they remind me that life isn't fair and I'm not perfect and I've been given an opportunity for growth. Then, I can choose to act. It is my choice to let the not so helpful comments stay in my brain. What I usually do is turn them into great stories! Ha! Or interview questions - give me an example of a time when you worked with someone who was difficult or critical.
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peabrain
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by peabrain on Oct 3, 2018 16:06:14 GMT
My manager, who happens to live by me, is an overly critical person, and hard to please. I accept it when it concerns my work, but then she even criticized the route i drive to work, because she thinks its easier dealing with traffic her way. So, now i cant even drive to work right. 🙄 Its ridiculous. I have self esteem issues to begin with, and i dont know how to deal with people like this. Im not leaving my job because i like it, despite this. How did she say it? I guess I would say "I'm so glad that route works for you." |
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Oct 3, 2018 16:09:32 GMT
I don't think I have ever had a boss who I couldn't have responded back with, "I tried that way, but I like XYZ better about the way I took today." or "I know what you mean. I like to change it up so I don't get bored."
As a manager, I am convinced that some people are looking for me to say negative things, so they read everything I say with a negative light. You may really have an overly critical boss, but since you mentioned self-esteem, I would consider whether you might be finding criticism in a good-natured comment.
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 3, 2018 16:19:07 GMT
I noticed my co-worker makes a sandwich for lunch everyday and leaves it on her desk until lunch time. I finally commented on this because I thought it was unsafe for her and that it should be refrigerated. I was nervous saying anything because we're not close, but sometimes you have to assume people are just trying to make a helpful suggestion. I think you should try her driving route so you can report back why it's not better. lol I have to wonder about the sandwich situation. I know they have ice packs for kids' lunches now, but I brought a sandwich to school almost every day of my life (all different kinds even with mayo) and never got sick. My kids did too. I'd tell my manager I have driven both ways and I picked the shorter route. You can stand up for yourself without being confrontational. |
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peabrain
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by peabrain on Oct 3, 2018 16:49:12 GMT
rrp23, I'm also queen of replying sarcastically to people for instance..."Well, taking my route allows me more time in the car by myself to better deal with difficult people."
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Post by misadventurous on Oct 3, 2018 17:25:34 GMT
My boss is like this. Her driving routes are better, her special rolling suitcase is better, her special speakers are better, her special headphones are better, pretty much anything that's brought up, she has the best thing/method. I just say, "That's great/cool/awesome/whatever! I just do what works best for me." Then move on to another subject.
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Post by anniefb on Oct 3, 2018 17:29:36 GMT
I know people like this at my work as well and would probably just say something like thanks for the suggestion I'll give it a go and then just ignore it  |
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Deleted
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May 12, 2024 7:03:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2018 17:38:59 GMT
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Deleted
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May 12, 2024 7:03:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2018 17:40:57 GMT
I noticed my co-worker makes a sandwich for lunch everyday and leaves it on her desk until lunch time. I finally commented on this because I thought it was unsafe for her and that it should be refrigerated. I was nervous saying anything because we're not close, but sometimes you have to assume people are just trying to make a helpful suggestion. I think you should try her driving route so you can report back why it's not better. lol Unless she's off sick all the time from eating lukewarm sarnies I wouldn't have said anything, some people (me included) hate cold bread. |
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Post by NanaKate on Oct 3, 2018 17:59:20 GMT
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Oct 3, 2018 18:09:32 GMT
I just oiled say that you drive the route you do to have some “me” time before work.
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Rhondito
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MississipPea
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Post by Rhondito on Oct 3, 2018 18:58:37 GMT
Just curious because I find her comment so odd - are you late to work? Like someone else mentioned, I wonder about how she phrased it and the context in which it was said.
If I were you, I wouldn't want to go the same route because I wouldn't want to risk being next to her the whole drive to work! Can you imagine the anxiety that would cause every day??
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
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Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Oct 3, 2018 20:41:08 GMT
I would ask her why she has an opinion on the matter, as until you get to work, she is not your manager. How does she know that you don't have errands to run?
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Post by verdepea on Oct 3, 2018 20:55:56 GMT
My old manager would say stuff like this. Sometimes oh that's nice is a sufficient answer.
She probably thinks she's being helpful, but it's really all about them. I call thise people MEME's, because everything is about (them). My coping method is to say to myself "Okay MEME, it's all about you." Then I give myself an internal smirk and let it go. It keeps me sane and I can keep my professional demeanor intact.
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Post by kiwigirl on Oct 3, 2018 21:00:28 GMT
Start arriving for work 30 minutes late every day, if she has a problem with that, tell her you're driving the route she wanted you to  |
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Deleted
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May 12, 2024 7:03:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2018 23:07:17 GMT
My manager, who happens to live by me, is an overly critical person, and hard to please. I accept it when it concerns my work, but then she even criticized the route i drive to work, because she thinks its easier dealing with traffic her way. So, now i cant even drive to work right. 🙄 Its ridiculous. I have self esteem issues to begin with, and i dont know how to deal with people like this. Im not leaving my job because i like it, despite this. How does her having an OPINION about the best route to work mean she is being critical of the way you go? Did she say you don't drive right or are you reading that into her words? I have a friend at work. Our offices are next door to each other. We live in the same neighborhood. We take different routes to work. It has never occured to me that her opinion on the best route was a criticism of my driving. If you have serious esteem issues you may need to learn to differentiate between real critism and an alternate opinion. I'm going to suggest therapy, seriously. Self esteem issues are your issues to deal with before you lose a job over it. |
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Post by rrp23 on Oct 5, 2018 12:10:57 GMT
Im not late to work. She asked why i go that way, because she thinks its too heavy with traffic, and its just easier her way. She comes across as being helpful, but it feels condescending in her overall tone, like hey, stupid, this is the best way! Everything we talk about becomes a debate about why shes right and im wrong. Im not interested in getting into a pissing contest over trivial things. I just dont get it.
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Post by janskylar on Oct 5, 2018 13:54:46 GMT
"Sometimes you come across as unnecessarily critical of things I do that have nothing to do with my job. In order for us to have a good relationship at work, I need you to stop insisting that your way is better than mine for trivial matters such as the route I drive to the office. It is making conversations with you uncomfortable for me."
If it continues, go to HR.
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YooHoot
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Post by YooHoot on Oct 5, 2018 14:16:13 GMT
A coworker asked how I got to work and the critiqued it when she used it. Bitch I didn’t tell you to drive that way...you asked. 🤷🏼♀️
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YooHoot
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,417
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Post by YooHoot on Oct 5, 2018 14:16:53 GMT
"Sometimes you come across as unnecessarily critical of things I do that have nothing to do with my job. In order for us to have a good relationship at work, I need you to stop insisting that your way is better than mine for trivial matters such as the route I drive to the office. It is making conversations with you uncomfortable for me." If it continues, go to HR. This!! |
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