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Post by aljack on Oct 8, 2018 16:11:03 GMT
Divorce seems to bring out a slew of issues.
This isn’t me BTW as mine are all adults.
The daughter went to homecoming. One parent told daughter to be home by midnight since she was under their supervision for the night. Daughter decided she didn’t want to follow that and contacted other parent to stay out later. Daughter came home past curfew after supervising parent said, no be home at midnight. This is the second time she has done this while staying with that parent, stating the other parent said it was okay. The parent took her cell phone away.
Other parent came to the house demanding the phone back for daughter. Apparently it wasn’t returned and now involving the grandparents and threatening to contact police as phone is under grandparents contract yet registered in child’s name.
Can you follow? I just don’t understand why things have to get so out of control.
Is this the typical scenario most divorced parents encounter? It seems like a power struggle.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 11, 2024 6:10:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 8, 2018 16:16:43 GMT
This is the kid pitching parents against each other. Many teens do this even when their parents aren't divorced. The teen knows her parents aren't getting along, they're divorcing, this power play is an attempt to exert control.
The escalation of involving people that shouldn't even be involved is just drama for drama's sake.
Police won't do anything other than recommend they hand over the phone to the actual owner. This is a civil problem, not a criminal one. Therapy for the parents and teen is needed.
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Post by FuzzyMutt on Oct 8, 2018 16:17:05 GMT
It is a power struggle, and the one running the game is teen daughter. Shame on them all.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Oct 8, 2018 16:33:39 GMT
This would not be typical for us. The second she contacted the parent she wasn't staying with, we would be in touch with each other (I hope!). And it would be made perfectly clear to DD that this was not an acceptable course of action.
I pay for the her phone, and if DD's dad took it away, I would support him, BUT I would make sure I still had a way to contact her and vice-versa; either he would let her use his phone (hahaha) or he would cut off wifi and ask me to cut off data in order to leave her a phone to use for calls. I would expect the phone back when she came home, even if it was handed directly to me, and we would have to come to an agreement about when she could have it back.
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Post by aljack on Oct 8, 2018 16:39:55 GMT
This would not be typical for us. The second she contacted the parent she wasn't staying with, we would be in touch with each other (I hope!). And it would be made perfectly clear to DD that this was not an acceptable course of action. I pay for the her phone, and if DD's dad took it away, I would support him, BUT I would make sure I still had a way to contact her and vice-versa; either he would let her use his phone (hahaha) or he would cut off wifi and ask me to cut off data in order to leave her a phone to use for calls. I would expect the phone back when she came home, even if it was handed directly to me, and we would have to come to an agreement about when she could have it back. That’s wonderful that you two support each other in parenting. It certainly makes things easier. I don’t think it’s going to happen but would love to be wrong. |
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Oct 8, 2018 16:42:14 GMT
That’s wonderful that you two support each other in parenting. It certainly makes things easier. I don’t think it’s going to happen but would love to be wrong.
It has to be intentional, and it takes both parents on board. And it takes work. There are times I would love to be a smart ass and do something vengeful, but I don't because Ali is the one who would really be hurt.
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Post by Fidget on Oct 8, 2018 16:48:49 GMT
The daughter is playing the parents and the parents are fools for letting her run the show. They need to move beyond their hostility for each other and be cohesive parents. The daughter is clearly in charge. I don't think this is typical, at least I hope it's not...
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Oct 8, 2018 16:50:23 GMT
Sounds to me like they need a court intervention. Lawyers need to file documents stating that there will be fines/consequences for one parent undermining the other. If there is enough discord, a mediator is often the only way to go. I hope that the girl is just a stupid teenager (not intellectually stupid, but life stupid) and will eventually realize that her actions are going to only make it harder for her parents to get along as she grows up and wants them both at things like high school graduation, college graduation, her wedding, involvement with her kids, etc. She is intentionally driving a further wedge between her parents solely for her short term benefit. I hope the parents see this sooner rather than later...but if they are only looking for more reasons to be angry with the other parent, they are going to be blinded by it.
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,528 
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Post by bethany102399 on Oct 8, 2018 16:55:32 GMT
I don't know if she's just being life stupid, as kids that age can be, or if she's also angry about the divorce and using that to fuel her actions. Either way she's playing both parents and as long as they buy into it, and see it as an opportunity to be angry at the other then it's going to escalate.
I've posted here before about a family member going through a nasty custody issue with their ex. The crap I have seen happen is just unreal. Those of us on the outside can completely see how it effects the kids, but unless both parents are willing to actually parent with each other then it's open season. Unfortunately the kids are the ones being hurt the most.
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Post by christine58 on Oct 8, 2018 16:58:14 GMT
It is a power struggle, and the one running the game is teen daughter. Shame on them all. You got it... |
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Post by bc2ca on Oct 8, 2018 17:20:22 GMT
IME, this isn't a typical scenario. I have had divorced friends vent to me about frustrations with their ex and different parenting styles but never try undermine the other parent. Shame on the 2nd parent for approving a later curfew.
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flute4peace
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,757
Jul 3, 2014 14:38:35 GMT
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Post by flute4peace on Oct 8, 2018 20:09:00 GMT
I can totally see my former BIL instigating crap like this when my sister's kids get older.
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Post by mom on Oct 8, 2018 20:25:30 GMT
My DS2 tried to do something similar with me and my xDH. We don't get along --- xDH and I ---- but we were not going to be played against each other by our kid. The parents involved need to get ahold of the issue, now. It will only get worse as the daughter will keep upping the ante (not just staying out later, but to get her way on bigger issues).
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