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Post by teach4u on Oct 8, 2018 21:38:13 GMT
My siblings niece died. I know extended family. If you have been through loss of young adult was it more meaningful to have people at visitation or day of service
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
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Post by scrapngranny on Oct 8, 2018 21:44:38 GMT
Going to either one shows you care and are thinking of the family. It don’t think it matters. If there is going to be a large crowd at the Mass, the visitation might be more intimate.
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Post by mom on Oct 8, 2018 21:48:27 GMT
Go to either one. People understand that sometimes you can't be at both services and appreciate you taking the time and effort to going to one.
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kate
Drama Llama
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Oct 8, 2018 21:54:12 GMT
If it's important to you to have a "record" of showing up, then you might want to go to the wake. You'll have a chance to greet the family in person, and there's often a guest book at the funeral home that you can sign. My grandmother (God rest her soul) pored over that guest book - it really made her happy to see how many people came.
If you're close enough with the bereaved that you'll be sure to speak with them (or sit with them) at the funeral, then either one is fine.
I'm so sorry for your family's loss.
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Post by teach4u on Oct 8, 2018 21:55:22 GMT
I have a hard time with words at tines like these and don’t have gift of gab. Boss offered bereavement t leave but I have one vacation day next day feel guilty taking both. However, I’d rather go to the mass.
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Post by teach4u on Oct 8, 2018 21:56:27 GMT
I’d sit with my parents and sister at mass.
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Post by gigi333 on Oct 8, 2018 21:58:57 GMT
You really don’t need to say anything, just turning up really is enough.
It’s horrifically difficult for families mine has been through it twice, but families are aware how difficult it is for people to go
No one knows what to say. And no words fix it. People really really remember who goes particularly to the wake.
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Post by bc2ca on Oct 8, 2018 22:02:40 GMT
I have a hard time with words at tines like these and don’t have gift of gab. Boss offered bereavement t leave but I have one vacation day next day feel guilty taking both. However, I’d rather go to the mass.Then go to the mass. I don't remember who was at FIL's service except DH's boss. We didn't expect him to be there but it meant an enormous amount to DH at the time when we realized he had come. |
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Post by teach4u on Oct 8, 2018 22:11:08 GMT
I’d sit with my parents and sister at mass.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Oct 8, 2018 22:31:33 GMT
Sorry for your family loss. Go to the Mass if that is better for you.
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Post by pierkiss on Oct 8, 2018 23:15:27 GMT
You can go to either. The family will just be happy you are there, and won’t care which part you go to.
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Post by destined2bmom on Oct 8, 2018 23:17:57 GMT
I am sorry for your family’s loss. I would go to the mass and send a Sympathy card.
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desertgirl
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by desertgirl on Oct 8, 2018 23:28:19 GMT
I have always gone to the church service instead of the wake. I much prefer it. You’d be with your folks and that’s an honor that you all came as a family.
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Post by papersilly on Oct 9, 2018 0:55:07 GMT
I hate sitting through a Mass so it would be visitation for me. It's much more casual and you don't have to feel like you have to stay for a long time if you don't want to.
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Post by nlwilkins on Oct 9, 2018 4:15:44 GMT
The visitation gets my vote. You will be able to touch base with all the family find out who is in need of a little extra support at this time and also be there to hold someone's hand or just stand beside them as they take condolences from other visitors. At the mass there is not as much interaction and the family members are perhaps a little more shielded. I found as an extended family member that just being there as a barrier when one is needed or a silent support is of great benefit.
You don't have to say anything, just be there, stand by a family member who seems to be lost or overwhelmed by well wishers as support. Or perhaps, make sure that those who need a seat get one or those who need a few minutes of privacy get it. Or just be the official tissue handler.
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Post by tripletmom on Oct 9, 2018 4:36:37 GMT
We had our daughter Alayna’s Celebration of Life followed by the receiving line with catered food. We had so many people come that the fire marshals blocked entrance to hundreds of people, unknown to us at the time. And I can’t tell you who all was there. I was heavily medicated. Not everyone got to sign the book because the line was so long. If someone told me they were there, I’d believe them.
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mlana
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by mlana on Oct 9, 2018 13:39:25 GMT
Either is fine, just be sure to sign the guest book. It may seem silly, but many families take comfort in the number of people who came to visitation or mass.
If your family sends flowers, make sure your name is on the card. Again, may seem silly, but doing thank you cards is the time that many families realize just how many people thought well of their loved one.
Marcy
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