sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Sept 24, 2014 17:36:54 GMT
This time, it's about an addict relative who is hitting rock bottom because family is getting better about NOT ENABLING.
It's really hard to say no, though, to pleas via telephone and text. I'm playing the 'what if?' game mentally right now, and would appreciate any support or insights.
I lost a brother 5 years ago, mostly due to addictions. There are a few more family members that are having similar issues. These are people that I've held as infants and watched play softball, attended school concerts, opened Christmas gifts with...
I hate how addictive drugs damage people and their loved ones!
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Post by sisterbdsq on Sept 24, 2014 17:45:44 GMT
My mother's husband has a heroin addict grandson. From what I have been told, he's not shooting it, but he is also insulin dependent (needle). It's been hard, but we all have faced he is going to die. His mother finally kicked him out of their home. He was killing their family. It's hard and my thoughts are with you, but what can you do? Ruin yourself helping someone who won't help themselves? Worry and wonder yourself into the hospital? Jump at every phone call? There comes a time to disengage, as hard as it is, and as heartless as some may think that is...walk a mile baby, and then come speak to me, KWIM?
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Sept 24, 2014 17:58:23 GMT
No tips, just lots of hugs.
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Sept 24, 2014 18:05:08 GMT
My mother's husband has a heroin addict grandson. From what I have been told, he's not shooting it, but he is also insulin dependent (needle). It's been hard, but we all have faced he is going to die. His mother finally kicked him out of their home. He was killing their family. It's hard and my thoughts are with you, but what can you do? Ruin yourself helping someone who won't help themselves? Worry and wonder yourself into the hospital? Jump at every phone call? There comes a time to disengage, as hard as it is, and as heartless as some may think that is...walk a mile baby, and then come speak to me, KWIM? My struggle is with the lies. I feel like I could be missing an opportunity to help because I can't know which claim is genuine. So I don't answer any requests for help now. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 27, 2024 3:06:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2014 18:08:15 GMT
I'm sorry. I can't imagine how difficult that would be. I think I'd be really torn and have a hard time.
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Post by rumplesnat on Sept 24, 2014 18:11:31 GMT
My niece started drinking at the age of 10 and it has escalated to meth, with everything in between. Add in prostitution and theft (both shoplifting and from family) to fund her habit. She's currently in jail for at least the 10th time and she isn't even 30. She has been in rehab numerous times and has a 3 year old that her mother is trying desperately to get sole custody of. Family has been trying to help her since the beginning, but it hasn't helped. We've had to wash our hands of her because we continue to get burned and we're now focused on protecting and working together to raise her little girl. There have been so many times that we thought she had finally hit rock bottom, but she hasn't yet. The fact that she is still alive is unbelievable. It's tragic.
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,534 
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Post by MerryMom on Sept 24, 2014 18:12:32 GMT
Unless the person is in rehab or finished rehab AND is working with maintaining sobriety, my answer to all requests/pleas/manipulations/lies is "No".
PERIOD.
It's hard many times, but I'm not going to be part of the drama or cycle or enabling, etc. etc.
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Post by sisterbdsq on Sept 24, 2014 18:25:28 GMT
My mother's husband has a heroin addict grandson. From what I have been told, he's not shooting it, but he is also insulin dependent (needle). It's been hard, but we all have faced he is going to die. His mother finally kicked him out of their home. He was killing their family. It's hard and my thoughts are with you, but what can you do? Ruin yourself helping someone who won't help themselves? Worry and wonder yourself into the hospital? Jump at every phone call? There comes a time to disengage, as hard as it is, and as heartless as some may think that is...walk a mile baby, and then come speak to me, KWIM? My struggle is with the lies. I feel like I could be missing an opportunity to help because I can't know which claim is genuine. So I don't answer any requests for help now. Here's what I told my mother...Four words I learned from Nancy Spungen (Sid & Nancy)...never trust a junkie. |
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blue tulip
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,983
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Post by blue tulip on Sept 24, 2014 18:28:50 GMT
My mother's husband has a heroin addict grandson. From what I have been told, he's not shooting it, but he is also insulin dependent (needle). It's been hard, but we all have faced he is going to die. His mother finally kicked him out of their home. He was killing their family. It's hard and my thoughts are with you, but what can you do? Ruin yourself helping someone who won't help themselves? Worry and wonder yourself into the hospital? Jump at every phone call? There comes a time to disengage, as hard as it is, and as heartless as some may think that is...walk a mile baby, and then come speak to me, KWIM? My struggle is with the lies. I feel like I could be missing an opportunity to help because I can't know which claim is genuine. So I don't answer any requests for help now. well, in my experience, it's all lies. everything. they will say anything and everything, play on your every emotion, to get what they want. big hugs to you. |
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
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Post by luvnlifelady on Sept 24, 2014 18:31:08 GMT
I watched as an addiction took over my SIL. She ended up walking out on her husband and 6 kids. Luckily my BIL is a stand-up guy and has really been a great single dad, but it's been hard on extended family too that has pitched in to help. Former SIL is is in/out of her kids' lives and it's very hard on them. BIL divorced former SIL and is now ready to get engaged to a lovely woman with two young girls. It's good to see him happy again.
As for your family member, I would refuse to help. Even without drugs being a problem, I see what years of help has done for my sister that lives with me...it's gotten her nowhere. She's nearly 55 and still dependent on others for money.
ETA: Oh yes, the lies are constant. You can't know what's true (if anything) in between all the lies. The sad part is when she lies to her kids or those of extended family. Hang in there!
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~Susan~
Pearl Clutcher
You need to check your boobs, mine tried to kill me!!!
Posts: 3,258
Jul 6, 2014 17:25:32 GMT
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Post by ~Susan~ on Sept 24, 2014 18:31:57 GMT
Sorry...(((HUGS)))
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Sept 24, 2014 18:33:53 GMT
HUGS! I know it is hard be stay strong.
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