scrappington
Pearl Clutcher
in Canada
Posts: 3,139 
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Post by scrappington on Dec 8, 2018 2:47:45 GMT
My husband died 9 years ago on Dec 22. And his 50 the bday would be this coming Dec 29. Dec is usually an emotional month for me.
He was 10 years older than me and I'm about to be older than him. He only had 39 Christmas's and I'm about to have 40. He hated Christmas so it's ok. I have been with my current husband for 8 years now.
In May my boss died and his wife I work with everyday is living thru what I did nine years ago and she asks me a lot of stuff and it has just brought up a lot for me and has made it all so real for me again.
My DH is great he lets me talk about it. He knows I get a little emotional around the dates and I have a thing with numbers so it makes it harder for me. When I turned 40 this September it just hit me. I'm about to be older than him.
I'm a very private person when it comes to emotion. I don't show it and I don't like bringing down other people. My friends have so much going on in their lives right now that I just don't want to share. DH works afternoons so he won't be home for another couple hours so I have time to regain my composure before he gets home.
I havent been to the cemetery in a long time and my boss talks about going and talking to her husband and seeing her pain just makes it all so real for me. It feels like it happened yesterday.
I relive it every year the moments and the events that happened that night when dh1 died. He died of an anerizem suddenly and collapsed at home on a Sunday night after watching the finale of survivor. I blocked out a lot of the evening but with all that I have been around this year it's so vivid now.
Thanks for letting me share getting it out there has made me feel better.
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trollie
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by trollie on Dec 8, 2018 2:51:05 GMT
((((HUGS))))
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Post by cindytred on Dec 8, 2018 2:51:56 GMT
Sending hugs.
Cindy
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Post by calgaryscrapper on Dec 8, 2018 2:58:19 GMT
{{{hugs}}}
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Post by quinlove on Dec 8, 2018 3:02:11 GMT
Sending hugs and love. ❤️
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Post by Basket1lady on Dec 8, 2018 3:16:57 GMT
I’m sorry that you are dealing with this. She is fortunate to have your help navigating her new life.
My mom died at 46. That whole year that I was 46, I sort of held my breath. Every birthday now, I see a life my mother never had. It’s hard and I don’t think it’s that unusual to think of the extra years we have been given.
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Post by leftturnonly on Dec 8, 2018 3:17:55 GMT
He was 10 years older than me and I'm about to be older than him. My husband was older than me and he died suddenly, too. When I got to be the same age he died, it hit me really hard. Don't feel bad if you feel bad. Some of us are just programmed to react that way. |
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Post by jenjie on Dec 8, 2018 3:33:27 GMT
I’m so sorry. 😢 big big hugs to you. I could feel your pain in your words because I recognize it.I’m glad your dh understands. Thank you for walking alongside your friend at such a difficult time.
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Post by alsomsknit on Dec 8, 2018 3:44:45 GMT
((((Hugs))))
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Post by ntsf on Dec 8, 2018 3:50:20 GMT
hugs...take care of yourself!!
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sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,596
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Dec 8, 2018 3:56:54 GMT
I have no words but just sending lots of hugs!!
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 8, 2018 4:04:38 GMT
I can say I kind of know what that’s like. One of my siblings died unexpectedly at age 21. Turning that age made me hold my breath too. My dad passed away at 56 and I’m 51 now. It weighs heavily on my mind at times that when he was my age he probably had no clue that he would be dead in five short years. It’s hard. I’m glad your DH is understanding and I hope being able to talk about it with him and to get it out here, helps.
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scrappington
Pearl Clutcher
in Canada
Posts: 3,139
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Post by scrappington on Dec 8, 2018 4:07:27 GMT
Thank you everyone. Thanks for sharing your own stories as well.
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Post by katlaw on Dec 8, 2018 4:14:59 GMT
I am sorry you are feeling sad. Grief always seems to sneak up on me when I don't expect it. Years later something reminds me of people I have lost and it is like it just happened again. My father passed away on July 1, 1990 - Canada Day here. For years the sound of fireworks would instantly remind me of that day. I did not go to Canada Day celebrations for a lot of years. They always made me weepy.
My DH and I are both older than my brother lived. It hit both of us very hard when that happened.
Hugs to you. You are lucky to have found a supportive husband. It is probably hard for him to see you sad.
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Post by scrapmaven on Dec 8, 2018 4:19:46 GMT
Don't be afraid to share w/your friends. Yes, they might be going through some rough things, but friendship is about making room for those who you love. Let your friends get you through this rough patch as you have been doing for them. This will get much better, but right now you need some love and reassurance, too.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 10, 2024 7:00:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2018 4:20:09 GMT
I get sad when I think about my first boyfriend who died tragically. I never really felt sad when thinking about him over the years. It wasn't until my sons approached/reached the age that he was when he died that it hit me how his parents must have felt losing their son. I'm sorry it's a sad time for you.  |
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on Dec 8, 2018 5:16:48 GMT
(((Hugs))) - I am so sorry for your loss. Come here and talk to us any time you need to.
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Post by tentoes on Dec 8, 2018 5:37:22 GMT
I get it. My father was in his early 40's when he died, my mom in mid 50's. I will turn 72 on my next birthday. Both of my grandmothers were 73 or 74. I need to look that up so I don't worry about it for 2 years in a row. I remember they were both the same age though. Both grandfathers died in their 40's. I do get it. I think it's probably human nature to think of those things. So sorry for your pain ((HUGS)) to you
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Post by gmcwife1 on Dec 8, 2018 6:07:05 GMT
Sending you hugs  |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 10, 2024 7:00:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2018 6:56:12 GMT
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Post by AngieandSnoopy on Dec 8, 2018 7:00:40 GMT
I understand and I had it from my father AND my late DH. My father died from complications of MS when he was only 36, the 26th of November, the Monday after Thanksgiving. THis year was one of those years where the 26th was on Monday again. Well, the year I turned 36, the calendar was the SAME, Monday was the 26th.
Oh and it gets better, I'd left my sorry, lying, cheating, abusive first H five months earlier after a lousy 13 year marriage. Fortunately, no kids with him. I understand, I was a little freaked out with all the coincidences.
Three years later, I met a wonderful man and married him, found out you can be happy AND married. But he died 8 years later. He was 6 years old than me and I felt the same way you did when I got older than him. Then 10 years and 30 minutes after he died, my neighbor lost his wife. Boy, did that bring back deja vu grief. For two weeks, I'd wake up sad and suddenly realize it wasn't ME who'd just lost a spouse, it was the neighbor behind me.
Weird, I had sympathy grief every morning for 2 weeks. I also knew her mother who was my co-worker. I guess all the timing of everything just brought it to the surface. It was beginning to freak me out but after two weeks, it went away. I so get what you are feeling.
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Dec 8, 2018 7:00:57 GMT
Nothing but hugs, take care and vent away whenever you need us.
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artsydaisy
Full Member
Posts: 464
Jul 1, 2014 4:55:48 GMT
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Post by artsydaisy on Dec 8, 2018 7:36:19 GMT
I'm so sorry. Anniversaries are just hard. Your brain doesn't let you process all the grief at once so sometimes it hits you super hard and it feels like it's out of the blue, but it's completely normal. Be gentle with yourself.
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Post by gigi333 on Dec 8, 2018 8:21:33 GMT
If you ever want to chat send me a pm
I totally get what you mean about the numbers
My oldest cousin was 6 years older than me and now I’m 12 older than her when she died, I had a hard time with the numbers
My other cousin who was my very best friend in the world was 1 year younger than me, and now he is 9 years younger than me, I find it so difficult to process
My sister feels the same ain’t the ages,it’s really hard
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dald222
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,602
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Post by dald222 on Dec 8, 2018 10:56:34 GMT
I am sorry you have to deal with this  |
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Dec 8, 2018 13:36:10 GMT
(((Hugs)))
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Post by smalltowngirlie on Dec 8, 2018 13:42:03 GMT
My sister died suddenly at the age of 49, my mom died at 51, I am 50 now. Three birthdays in a row with some significance. Our family dynamic has changed so much with them gone. Holidays are not what I want them to be, but they are what they are.
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Post by Outspoken on Dec 8, 2018 13:59:37 GMT
I’m sorry that you have suffered such a loss. I am thankful that you are walking beside your friend and offering her a shoulder. My dad was 50 when he went to work and died suddenly. At the time, my mother was 48. She has no one that had been through anything like that before and she had 3 kids (grownish but none married). So, while she tried to help her kids deal, she had no one to help her. I believe it would have been so much better if she had someone to support HER. She is a strong woman and I am so thankful for her, but my dads death truly changed her. As death does to most people left behind to carry on. That was 26 years ago and I am approaching 50 now. You can imagine my fears.
I am also thankful you have found a loving and caring person to spend your life with.
Take the time you need to grieve and reflect. Everyone does this differently and you shouldn’t feel guilty for it. Hugs and prayers to you and your friend.
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Post by elaine on Dec 8, 2018 14:32:15 GMT
(((Hugs)))
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Post by mikklynn on Dec 8, 2018 14:43:20 GMT
I understand the flashback type stress. My DH has cancer and has been battling it over 11 years. But, when my sister's DH was diagnosed with the same cancer, those feelings of shock, grief, and fear all came roaring back.
It made it very difficult to support her. I admire you for being there for your boss's widow.
Take time for yourself to deal with those very real and normal feelings.
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