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Post by Really Red on Dec 8, 2018 15:03:21 GMT
So it's party season again. I've been divorced almost 10 years now and have been to so many parties. The first few years went great - in fact, all the way until last year was great. Then things have gone downhill. Last Christmas, I was invited to a very, very large party. I knew many of the guests, but there were easily over 150 people there. Everyone was gabbing in groups and I walked up to a few, but it was pretty clear they were not interested in talking with me. I'm not shy and it was surprising. It was a group of the "elite" in our town and I chalked it up to one party. Over the summer I went to a wedding and I knew 3 people. It was miserable. Everyone was in couples and I couldn't talk to the three people I knew the entire time. I chitchatted with people here and there, but mostly it felt perfunctory. I get that at weddings you want to talk to your family and people you don't see that often, so I chalked it up to that and decided I'm never going to another wedding where I don't know too many people. Now it's party season again. I have two parties I'm invited to tonight. I know people at the parties, but everyone is a couple! I looked at the evite list and I don't know a ton of people at the one and I do know more at the second. I really have to put in an appearance at both. Now I'm a pretty gregarious person. I can usually talk about anything to anyone, but those two parties were very, very miserable experiences. I think I feel self-conscious because everyone at those parties (and these tonight) are "beautiful" people and after this miserable year and 25 extra pounds, I don't feel beautiful anymore. I feel old, awkward and single. I don't want to feel like that anymore. But this first party I have to walk into I don't know too many people and I have to be pretty early so I can get to the second party. I don't know if anyone I know is going to be there and I don't want to not go and cave to my stupid fears. So single people, how do you deal with this? And married people, if you see a single person at a party, can you please talk to them or introduce them to people? I can't imagine I'm the only one who feels reticent and meek. Update:Well, I am glad I went and I had a great time. The biggest reason was because I had an incredible hostess. I don't know the woman who invited me very well. She's a good deal younger than I and really a friend of a friend. I walked into a house filled with maybe 60-70 people and found her to say hi. Both she and her husband immediately greeted me and were warm and friendly. They introduced me to people, even though they were incredibly busy. They made me feel like they really wanted me there even though they had SO many people there as well. I had so much fun I never made it to my second party  There were a lot of single people there and I also made sure to talk to them as well. Thank you all for encouraging me!! |
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Post by cindyupnorth on Dec 8, 2018 15:16:36 GMT
I'm jealous you get to go to so many parties! We have one, and it's usually sucky. It's hard to talk logging for 3 hours. I would embrace your wiser, single, quirky womanhood! I love talking to women like that, and I'm married. Why would I want to talk to the same old people? The only reason, usually, I am standing or with my hubby is because I don't know anyone else, or I am shy,leary about talking to others I don't know well. I say embrace YOU. do YOU. If it doesn't feel right, go on to the next party. Have fun!
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ashley
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Post by ashley on Dec 8, 2018 15:30:41 GMT
Yes!! I’ve had somewhat similar experiences over the past few months... people keep telling me to go to social events by myself so I can meet people, but so far in my experience this is not how this works. I too am very conversational and outgoing, but no one really wants to hang out and talk to the woman by herself. I went to a wedding a couple weeks ago and it was zero fun at all, despite me smiling and being social and talking to who I could throughout the night. The best thing I could say afterwards was that I looked amazing and the venue was really nice. |
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trollie
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Post by trollie on Dec 8, 2018 15:37:14 GMT
I agree with cindyupnorth except for the jealousy of having to attend so many parties. I am super friendly, but am a home body and like spending my down time at home. I am married but really enjoy talking to lots of different people and often get super distracted at events with lots of people, so I'd talk your freaking ear off if we met at a party. Hope you have a great time tonight, Wear something you feel comfortable in and rock the extra 25 pounds. I have gained too, but don't seem to be able to do much about it and refuse to worry about it. |
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Post by mikklynn on Dec 8, 2018 15:38:17 GMT
Thank you for the reminder to reach out to singles. I did that at our annual holiday work party about 10 years ago and made an amazing friend. Danny was standing all alone at a high top table during the social hour. He's from another division, so I did not know him.
I know I tend to hang with my closest coworkers at our party, which is next Friday. I'm going to try harder to talk to singles, especially since I am going alone this year.
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ashley
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Post by ashley on Dec 8, 2018 15:57:30 GMT
Oh, and I can guarantee that you’re going to look amazing and even though you won’t realize it, other people will. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 8, 2018 16:01:42 GMT
It's kind of funny you should say this because I'm invited to a party tonight and it's going to be almost exclusively single people. My DH the introvert doesn't want to go! So I called my friend who is single and social and invited her to attend with me. Truth is, I have plenty of time to talk to my DH, when I'm at a party I like to be social with others. So I leave him to his corner and go visit with everyone else.
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joelise
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Post by joelise on Dec 8, 2018 16:11:49 GMT
I’ve not got a lot to add because I’m part of a couple and go to very few parties that aren’t family parties, but I want to say that I hope you do enjoy the parties and manage to have a good time. I also like your reminder to speak to single people at these events which I will make a point of doing next time I’m ever in that situation. Let us know how things go.
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Post by Really Red on Dec 8, 2018 16:32:10 GMT
Thank you for the reminder to reach out to singles. I did that at our annual holiday work party about 10 years ago and made an amazing friend. Danny was standing all alone at a high top table during the social hour. He's from another division, so I did not know him. I know I tend to hang with my closest coworkers at our party, which is next Friday. I'm going to try harder to talk to singles, especially since I am going alone this year. Thank you mikklynn  And ashley too! jeremysgirl - I'm glad you invited a single friend to go with you, but you see that you aren't going by yourself, right? You don't have to walk in a door by yourself. And you can always walk over to the friend you brought with you to chat. trollie I'm going to try!! |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 8, 2018 16:40:09 GMT
Actually I invited her because she knows one of the cohosts and I thought she might like to mingle with other singles.
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pancakes
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Post by pancakes on Dec 8, 2018 17:18:03 GMT
If it’s any consolation, I’m married and get invited to a decent amount of parties where I know practically no one except for my husband and maybe only kind of one or two other people (for example, the bride and groom at a wedding).
It’s hard AF for me to socialize in these situations, esp when my husband is an extrovert and often (not on purpose) abandons me to do something or talk to strangers or whatever.
I dread random seating and wish party hosts would actually do assigned seats. For our wedding, I put a ton of thought into pairing people up, whether it was couples or singles or mixed, to put people that I felt would enjoy each other’s company next to each other. Or maybe put a more shy person next to a more talkative one to get things going.
I have pretty strong feelings about parties, ha!
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Post by mom on Dec 8, 2018 17:24:39 GMT
If it’s any consolation, I’m married and get invited to a decent amount of parties where I know practically no one except for my husband and maybe only kind of one or two other people (for example, the bride and groom at a wedding).
It’s hard AF for me to socialize in these situations, esp when my husband is an extrovert and often (not on purpose) abandons me to do something or talk to strangers or whatever. I dread random seating and wish party hosts would actually do assigned seats. For our wedding, I put a ton of thought into pairing people up, whether it was couples or singles or mixed, to put people that I felt would enjoy each other’s company next to each other. Or maybe put a more shy person next to a more talkative one to get things going. I have pretty strong feelings about parties, ha! This is my life, as well. I call my husband the "Prom Queen'. Anywhere we go, everyone knows him and from the moment he walks into a room, people are waving and trying to talk to him. No one ever forgets him. Me, on the other hand, no one remembers. I just blend in to the scenery. We ran into some of our old neighbors (from our old street). They knew DH immediately. Then they introduced themselves to me...nevermind we lived next door to each other for 4 years. LOL Nice... I hate parties. We have two this week and I would rather go to the dentist than have to go. DH? Oh he's excited! |
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ashley
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Post by ashley on Dec 8, 2018 17:41:06 GMT
Really Red, it was surprising to me how isolating walking into an event solo feels!! (Especially at certain places/times, like a bar or a show at a small venue... it is impossible not to feel as though it appears I’ve been stood up). I did not expect that at all. It’s nothing comparable to attending with a husband who’d rather not be there or wanders off by himself. Being with someone is never the same as being alone.  |
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Post by bc2ca on Dec 8, 2018 18:34:31 GMT
My social experiences are different from yours because couples rarely stick together at events I attend. Last weekend we were at a dinner/dance and DH and I separated almost immediately. There just aren't groups of couples moving around together. I'm sorry your are feeling blocked out.
Do you have a friend couple that you can arrange to arrive with?
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Post by scrapmaven on Dec 8, 2018 18:38:18 GMT
I prefer to stay at home. Is it necessary to attend the parties? Do you want to attend them? Don't put yourself in a position where you will feel uncomfortable or judged. If the elite crowd or beautiful people don't like you then too bad. This isn't jr. high. Only go if you will enjoy yourself. Otherwise find something more fun to do w/your evening.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2018 19:25:46 GMT
The “wife” part of the couple doesn’t want you at the party! You are a threat. Beautiful , single , independent. What man wouldn’t want you. Hold your head up and “smile” like you own the he world!
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ginacivey
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Post by ginacivey on Dec 8, 2018 19:34:21 GMT
This is my life, as well. I call my husband the "Prom Queen'. Anywhere we go, everyone knows him and from the moment he walks into a room, people are waving and trying to talk to him. No one ever forgets him. Me, on the other hand, no one remembers. I just blend in to the scenery. i feel like this in social situations too my DH knows EVERYONE - i'm not Gina - i'm Keith's wife typically it might be why i'm so chatty here - in real i get talked over and ignored i'm going to make a point of finding people who feel left out or ignored and pulling them into my corner gina |
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Post by Zee on Dec 8, 2018 23:10:43 GMT
I don't ever get talked over or ignored whether I'm alone or not. I think it's how you present yourself that matters. Find something flattering to wear, have a glass or two of champagne, and jump into a conversation with your tablemates or whoever you're seated next to. Be animated even if it's completely fake at first--people tend to respond in kind when you're upbeat and friendly. Don't view them as "beautiful people", that implies that you are lesser and makes them the lions and you an antelope. You are every bit their equal in some way or another.
Just don't try too hard, not everyone you meet will be looking for conversation.
Or if that doesn't sound like any fun you could always just relax at home! Sometimes being "on" is tiring and I get just not feeling that into it.
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Post by dudleypippen on Dec 8, 2018 23:27:22 GMT
The “wife” part of the couple doesn’t want you at the party! You are a threat. Beautiful , single , independent. What man wouldn’t want you. Hold your head up and “smile” like you own the he world! Please don’t perpetuate the myth that married women are out to get single women and vice versa as we all fight over the menfolk. |
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Post by tentoes on Dec 8, 2018 23:47:17 GMT
I like to sit in the corner quietly with my husband. We aren't party animals. Most of our get togethers are either at our home, with just a few friends, with family somewhere, or with our church friends. We're kind of quiet I guess. But I like it that way.
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Post by Really Red on Dec 9, 2018 13:28:19 GMT
Updated in OP. BTT.
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joelise
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Post by joelise on Dec 9, 2018 13:36:04 GMT
Great update  |
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Post by Merge on Dec 9, 2018 13:48:20 GMT
I didn't see this yesterday - but I'm glad you went and had a great time! It's the job of the host and hostess to make sure everyone is meeting others and having a good time. I'm glad you had a good host and hostess this time!
(I don't know if this is a "thing" any more, but when I got married, we asked some favorite aunts and uncles from both sides to serve as hosts at the reception. They had the job of introducing people around and making sure everyone was comfortable and happy until we arrived at the reception - about a 30 minute delay as we stayed behind at the church for photos. The party was well underway when we go there and no one was sitting by themselves! LOL)
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Post by mikklynn on Dec 9, 2018 14:31:10 GMT
Great update!
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moodyblue
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Post by moodyblue on Dec 9, 2018 14:35:36 GMT
So glad you went and had a good time!
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flute4peace
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Post by flute4peace on Dec 9, 2018 14:39:15 GMT
What a great update! After the stressors of the past few months I’m sure it was nice to be welcomed so warmly, relax and have a good time.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Dec 9, 2018 14:50:31 GMT
How lovely that you had such a good time. And nice to hear that your hostess really did the 'hostess' thing -- that's often the key to a successful party.
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ddly
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Post by ddly on Dec 9, 2018 14:53:47 GMT
I’m glad you had a great time!!
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chendra
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Post by chendra on Dec 9, 2018 14:55:09 GMT
I'm so glad it all worked out and you had a nice time!
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Post by Zee on Dec 9, 2018 17:08:23 GMT
Great update!
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There were a lot of single people there and I also made sure to talk to them as well. 
And 
