Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2018 22:40:32 GMT
My youngest brother and fiancé live about 3 hours away and we have a good relationship. He texted me last night asking what I was making for dinner tonight. They’re down for the Christmas holidays, his fiancé has a ton of family here too so they’re usually all over the place when they come down. It was his way of inviting themselves for dinner and I was fine with it.
We had planned to have just a quiet evening at home watching a Christmas movie with our teens and eating appetizers for dinner. But I figured maybe I’d change the menu if they were coming so I said enchiladas and I figured we could watch a movie after they left.
He texted me an hour ago just to say that he was inviting our mom too. Well that changes everything. If she’s invited then She’ll have the expectation that I invite my other brother. Suddenly I’m entertaining on an evening where we just wanted to chill before the slew of gatherings start next week. Plus with the extra additional people I’d have to make a double batch of everything for food which is more work.
I texted him back and said I hadn’t really planned to do a big family thing today. But it was fine If he had already invited her, I wouldn’t make him uninvite her if he already said something to her. Now he won’t respond, he’s irritated that I would even think to decline having mom come too. He doesn’t get how adding people to this totally changes my evening.
He knows I don’t have much of a relationship with my mom. She’s a narcissist and I try not to engage. Spending Christmas Day with her is more than enough for me. He’s the baby of the family and blind to mom’s
Manipulative tendencies. I’m always the bad person where mom is concerned. And ftr my dad is already in Belize for the winter but she stayed back until after Christmas by choice. Long story short but they might as well be divorced already.
So now I have no idea who’s coming for dinner and today is our only day with nothing planned (on purpose) and now that’s being changed on me.
In hindsight I should have told my brother that we had plans for tonight and not accept his self invite, but I figured having just the two of them over wouldn’t be too big of a deal.
Thanks for letting me vent. I don’t expect everyone to understand why I feel annoyed.
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Post by SockMonkey on Dec 22, 2018 22:53:09 GMT
Oh, I totally get it. I would be annoyed, too. You're kind for letting him invite himself in the first place. Him inviting your mom, especially when I'm sure he KNOWS y'all aren't that close, is shitty.
I'll validate you.
Best of luck getting through the holidays. I know it's not all fun and light for everyone, and often it's complicated. I hope you get some time to be with your people and relax.
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julie5
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Posts: 3,611 
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Post by julie5 on Dec 22, 2018 22:54:59 GMT
Oh yes that would be irritating. I value my quiet family time at home. My oldest daughter is loud and the general tone shifts when she comes out. I love her but it’s not relaxing to have her over.
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
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Post by used2scrap on Dec 22, 2018 23:21:57 GMT
I totally understand how it shifted and shifted again and now it’s unrecognizable. I would do your best to try and keep the evening as close to your intentions as possible. When mom complains, just reiterate you weren’t planning on company tonight. Hang in there!
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 14:41:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2018 23:25:48 GMT
I don't blame you! I had add on's for Thanksgiving from family who extended the invitation to others. Um, what about consulting the host first?  |
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Post by 950nancy on Dec 22, 2018 23:47:26 GMT
I completely understand. Sometimes you need a minute to breathe. I had 18 things on my to do list before we left for Florida. We usually take a before Christmas quick trip, so planning is crucial. I was feeling pretty good about everything I have crossed off with only tomorrow to prepare and my youngest calls and asks if I would go Christmas shopping with him for his gf. Yes, because I adore her, and I don't want him buying the first thing he sees at Walmart, I will go. We actually had a fun adventure and I thoroughly enjoyed my time with him, so he's getting a pass this year. Next year I will start asking about Christmas gifts in June.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Dec 23, 2018 0:03:49 GMT
It's annoying when plans are out of your control, but it sounds like it's complicated by the fact that you and your mom have a strained relationship. Maybe it won't go badly and you will end up enjoying the impromptu evening.
My irritation today is price stickers. I spend most of the year complaining because stores no longer put prices on items so it's hard to know what something actually costs. Until I start wrapping Christmas presents and then I'm all... when the heck did stores start gluing price stickers to everything that have to be scraped off in tiny little pieces?!? Sheesh.
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moodyblue
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Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Dec 23, 2018 0:08:13 GMT
I get it. I like my downtime and things can be crazy at this time of year. The days/evenings when you can have a relaxed quiet time at home are precious.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Dec 23, 2018 0:20:49 GMT
Irritating!
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paget
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Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT
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Post by paget on Dec 23, 2018 0:24:23 GMT
I 100% get it and validate you. Ugh.
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peaname
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Post by peaname on Dec 23, 2018 0:31:12 GMT
Totally
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FurryP
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To pea or not to pea...
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Post by FurryP on Dec 23, 2018 0:34:38 GMT
You have a right to be annoyed. I would be too.
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Post by Jennifer C on Dec 23, 2018 0:36:34 GMT
Yes I would be irritated that he invited a mom I try to avoid. And my brother would know it.
Jennifer
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 14:41:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2018 0:48:49 GMT
Good news, mom is not coming. I think my brothers fiancé talked some sense into him. They’ll be here in a few minutes.
Thanks for being my listening ear.
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Post by LilyRose on Dec 23, 2018 0:49:43 GMT
Totally irritating.
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Post by ~summer~ on Dec 23, 2018 0:58:19 GMT
Yes I’d be irritated
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Post by mikklynn on Dec 23, 2018 1:03:50 GMT
Yes, I'd be irritated. I'm glad it all worked out.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 23, 2018 1:20:38 GMT
Yes, irritated. Why, why, WHY do people feel it’s okay to 1) invite themselves, and moreso 2) invite OTHER PEOPLE on top of that to an evening that isn’t their deal to begin with? I come from a family of self inviters, adder onners, “just in the neighborhood” dropper byers (without calling first), so I totally get it. Most of the time it really isn’t a big deal and you just roll with it, but other times it really is just too much when you were planning on something completely different and were really looking forward to the original plan. Sigh.  |
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Post by quinmm14 on Dec 23, 2018 1:40:22 GMT
Yes, irritated. Why, why, WHY do people feel it’s okay to 1) invite themselves, and moreso 2) invite OTHER PEOPLE on top of that to an evening that isn’t their deal to begin with? I come from a family of self inviters, adder onners, “just in the neighborhood” dropper byers (without calling first), so I totally get it. Most of the time it really isn’t a big deal and you just roll with it, but other times it really is just too much when you were planning on something completely different and were really looking forward to the original plan. Sigh.  I think we have the same family. I mentioned at Thanksgiving that Christmas Eve this year is the first one that the kids have no obligations with other family members and are staying home this year that evening, which in turn meant that dh and I could have a quiet Christmas Eve together this year cause we were going to do gift exchanges earlier that afternoon. How the hell my sister-in-law interpreted that as an invite for Christmas Eve dinner at my house is still a mystery to me. She called last week asking what to bring, when I asked her what to bring to where she got huffy with me when I explained I didn't ever say I was hosting that night. She told me she had invited several other family members and a couple that are close friends to all the family. So now I've had to pay extra for a cleaning service and catering for a dozen or more people because it's too late now to uninvite all those people without looking like an ass. OP, yes. You are totally validated with the pissiness.  |
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PLurker
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Post by PLurker on Dec 23, 2018 1:42:53 GMT
I'm annoyed for you. Does that answer your question?
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Post by craftedbys on Dec 23, 2018 1:47:08 GMT
Yes, irritated. Why, why, WHY do people feel it’s okay to 1) invite themselves, and moreso 2) invite OTHER PEOPLE on top of that to an evening that isn’t their deal to begin with? I come from a family of self inviters, adder onners, “just in the neighborhood” dropper byers (without calling first), so I totally get it. Most of the time it really isn’t a big deal and you just roll with it, but other times it really is just too much when you were planning on something completely different and were really looking forward to the original plan. Sigh. I think we have the same family. I mentioned at Thanksgiving that Christmas Eve this year is the first one that the kids have no obligations with other family members and are staying home this year that evening, which in turn meant that dh and I could have a quiet Christmas Eve together this year cause we were going to do gift exchanges earlier that afternoon. How the hell my sister-in-law interpreted that as an invite for Christmas Eve dinner at my house is still a mystery to me. She called last week asking what to bring, when I asked her what to bring to where she got huffy with me when I explained I didn't ever say I was hosting that night. She told me she had invited several other family members and a couple that are close friends to all the family. So now I've had to pay extra for a cleaning service and catering for a dozen or more people because it's too late now to uninvite all those people without looking like an ass. OP, yes. You are totally validated with the pissiness. Oh hell no! You are not the ass, she is for going around inviting people, especially people who aren't even family! I would tell people that there IS no get together and you never agreed to host a get together. And tell Little Miss Social Secretary that if she wants to have a get together on Christmas Eve she can damn well host it herself. If there is anything the peas have taught me is No is a complete sentence and you don't have to do something you don't want to do, ESPECIALLY if you never agreed to it in the first place. Call her up, tell her that your family has other plans and she can have a Merry Christmas. |
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Post by femalebusiness on Dec 23, 2018 1:55:41 GMT
Yes, irritated. Why, why, WHY do people feel it’s okay to 1) invite themselves, and moreso 2) invite OTHER PEOPLE on top of that to an evening that isn’t their deal to begin with? I come from a family of self inviters, adder onners, “just in the neighborhood” dropper byers (without calling first), so I totally get it. Most of the time it really isn’t a big deal and you just roll with it, but other times it really is just too much when you were planning on something completely different and were really looking forward to the original plan. Sigh. I think we have the same family. I mentioned at Thanksgiving that Christmas Eve this year is the first one that the kids have no obligations with other family members and are staying home this year that evening, which in turn meant that dh and I could have a quiet Christmas Eve together this year cause we were going to do gift exchanges earlier that afternoon. How the hell my sister-in-law interpreted that as an invite for Christmas Eve dinner at my house is still a mystery to me. She called last week asking what to bring, when I asked her what to bring to where she got huffy with me when I explained I didn't ever say I was hosting that night. She told me she had invited several other family members and a couple that are close friends to all the family. So now I've had to pay extra for a cleaning service and catering for a dozen or more people because it's too late now to uninvite all those people without looking like an ass. OP, yes. You are totally validated with the  That's horrifying! |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 23, 2018 4:02:15 GMT
Yes, irritated. Why, why, WHY do people feel it’s okay to 1) invite themselves, and moreso 2) invite OTHER PEOPLE on top of that to an evening that isn’t their deal to begin with? I come from a family of self inviters, adder onners, “just in the neighborhood” dropper byers (without calling first), so I totally get it. Most of the time it really isn’t a big deal and you just roll with it, but other times it really is just too much when you were planning on something completely different and were really looking forward to the original plan. Sigh. I think we have the same family. I mentioned at Thanksgiving that Christmas Eve this year is the first one that the kids have no obligations with other family members and are staying home this year that evening, which in turn meant that dh and I could have a quiet Christmas Eve together this year cause we were going to do gift exchanges earlier that afternoon. How the hell my sister-in-law interpreted that as an invite for Christmas Eve dinner at my house is still a mystery to me. She called last week asking what to bring, when I asked her what to bring to where she got huffy with me when I explained I didn't ever say I was hosting that night. She told me she had invited several other family members and a couple that are close friends to all the family. So now I've had to pay extra for a cleaning service and catering for a dozen or more people because it's too late now to uninvite all those people without looking like an ass. OP, yes. You are totally validated with the pissiness.  Sounds about right. Ugh. That would send me straight over the edge. There’s a reason why I don’t have a relationship (or much of one) with several of my siblings now that our parents are gone and I have no need to keep up any appearances anymore for my mom’s sake.  |
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ComplicatedLady
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Post by ComplicatedLady on Dec 23, 2018 4:38:47 GMT
Sounds like your mother manipulated your brother even though he doesn’t recognize it as manipulation.
I probably wouldn’t care if people invited themselves over, but my family is the type that would come over and be totally ok that we were in jammies, ordering pizza, and watching movies.
I may be off base though because my parents, my brother, my dh’s parents, and my dh’s siblings all live out of state at least 1-2 time zones away. They don’t just drop in—especially since they are all homebodies (except my mil who lives with us part-time and I adore her.)
So, I would be frustrated with high maintenance family who self invite—so vent away!
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smcast
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Post by smcast on Dec 23, 2018 4:40:53 GMT
Besides the self invite, they should've offered to bring something to eat.
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Post by grate on Dec 23, 2018 4:42:46 GMT
a much needed quiet night before the holidays messed up-- yes, you can be irritated
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Post by 950nancy on Dec 23, 2018 5:13:09 GMT
If I was going to call someone the day before I wanted to see them, the only thing I would be asking is if they wanted to meet us OUT for dinner. I can't imagine ever asking someone else to cook for me. Most of the meals I make just don't have enough food for 2-3 other people.
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 14:41:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2018 5:16:20 GMT
Thanks again everyone! They left at 9pm so we still had time to watch a Christmas movie.
It’s not exactly how I wanted my evening to go but we enjoyed hanging out with them. My brother is an extrovert with a genuinely good heart so I know he meant well. However, I am an introvert which is really hard for him to understand. And with all the functions we’ve had lately, I really really needed a quiet night at home, especially because tomorrow will be a long day with 13 adults and 18 kids ranging from 1yr -16yrs in a not big enough house.
But It worked out and I’m glad we still had time to relax with the kiddos.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2018 5:19:53 GMT
If I was going to call someone the day before I wanted to see them, the only thing I would be asking is if they wanted to meet us OUT for dinner. I can't imagine ever asking someone else to cook for me. Most of the meals I make just don't have enough food for 2-3 other people. Normally I would agree. A little history, He’s my little brother and he actually lived with us one winter because he was working in the area. I cooked for him during that time, we ended up growing closer than we had been. So it’s because of that familiarity that he feels comfortable inviting himself I think he sees me as a bit of a mother figure. (There’s about 15 years between us) I’m ok with him self inviting because it’s still familiar from when he lived with us. I just wasn’t prepared to do a big night of entertaining. |
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Post by roberta on Dec 23, 2018 5:26:33 GMT
Yes!
IMO no one has the right to invite someone to someone else’s house without prior ok.
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That's horrifying! 
