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Post by donnab on Dec 23, 2018 5:13:21 GMT
How do you live separated but still together? We can’t afford to live in 2 different places without paying a lot of bills off first. We don’t have separate bank accounts either. We can do that but how do you split expenses? We have one child with lots of medical bills and now that Jan 1 is coming our deductible will start all over again. We also have lots of bills to pay off. If we shared a bank account I would put any extra towards the bills but how do you do that if separated? Does it make sense to split credit card bills and loans in half and then we are each responsible for paying our share? This is so confusing and scary. My children are 19 and 21 so we don’t have to worry about about basic care although my 21 year old has lots of expenses we cover due to her illness.
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Post by twistedscissors on Dec 23, 2018 5:27:42 GMT
My ex lived with me for several months after we divorced while his house was being built. We just agreed on which bills we each were responsible for, separated bank accounts and each paid our own things. Some bills were easy to decide, I paid my own car payment, insurance, cell phone etc. He paid his own same type bills. We split the bills that were “house” bills like I paid electric and he bought groceries. I paid water bill and he paid garbage pick up. Then when he finally moved out I just picked up what he had been paying.
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 16:25:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2018 5:32:27 GMT
For now, perhaps the easiest is to open up new bank accounts for each of you while also keeping your joint account. You can use the joint account to pay all the expenses from and each agree to deposit a set amount into it each week/mo.
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dald222
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by dald222 on Dec 23, 2018 8:33:40 GMT
I am sorry that you have to do this
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Loydene
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Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
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Post by Loydene on Dec 23, 2018 12:48:20 GMT
Bills incurred while you are married aren't "split" -- your current creditors can hold you both liable for payment of the debt. So, the sooner you separate your accounting, the sooner you won't be liable for his spending. Don't use current credit cards -- neither of you should use current credit cards -- each of you should get new credit in your own name as a single person.
And see a lawyer .... that should have been said first. Protect your financial health for the future -- see a lawyer.
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Post by mikklynn on Dec 23, 2018 12:49:10 GMT
I would figure out what your income is for each of you. If you make 40% of the total income and he makes 60%, then you pay 40% of bills and he pays 60%.
I would set up separate bank accounts for each of you, but keep the existing joint checking account. You each put your share in the joint account, enough to cover the shared expenses. The rest goes in your personal accounts. Pay all bills together, so both of you know the status of the bills.
I would make sure I started keeping some money of my own. I would also open a credit card in my name only. After you both do that, shred the joint credit cards, so he can't run up more joint debt. You don't have to pay off the balance, if you have one, just shred the cards.
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Post by christine58 on Dec 23, 2018 12:50:25 GMT
Find a lawyer
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Post by lisae on Dec 23, 2018 13:14:39 GMT
Are you divorced or intending to divorce? In NC, you have to be legally separated for a year before you can divorce. I don't think your plan would constitute a legal separation at all. I agree with christine58 you need to consult an attorney even if you decide to stay married and just live separate personal lives for the time being. Sooner or later you are going to want to divide things and a consensus between the two of you now might help you out a lot in the future. |
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Dec 23, 2018 13:37:39 GMT
The answers for you really depend on how your separation is structured. Are you legally separated? If so, you must already be working with an attorney and that would be who you need to ask. If you aren't legally separated, then the two of you have to figure it out -- and if you're divorcing, there's probably a reason for that. My ex made the process ridiculously difficult. To protect yourself and your daughter that depends on the two of you, I'd strongly recommend working with an attorney to get this set up correctly. You may save yourself a lot of heartache and financial distress down the road.
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Post by donnab on Dec 23, 2018 15:22:00 GMT
Thank you! We are not legally separated at this time. Right now we are walking the fine line but I’d like to get started on paying bills off so we have the financial means to separate easier in the future. This is not ugly. It would be amicable. We both make about the same amount of money but can’t afford each of us living on our own quite yet.
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Post by hop2 on Dec 23, 2018 15:37:31 GMT
If your not legally separated you are both still responsible for all bills & debt.
It’s something you need to work out when you get legally seperate.
In the mean time I’d get a seperate bank account that was your own and just put what you need to into the joint account.
Ex& I still have a joint account for the kids college expenses it’s writren in our divorce agreement. Medical expenses are technically 53/47 but I’ve usually paid 50% because it’s been snallbills and it would be change. The one bill that was large I only paid the 47%.
DD comes out of that equation this may when she graduates her bachelors degree
What to think about when you make your agreement
Who pays what % - it’s not always 50/50 and isn’t nit ( at least here ) tied to custody but to income &income disparity.
Ending dates/events when does each expense end? It varies per stare and per divorce agreement.
Repairs who is responsible who can say no- you want to have veto power over unnecessary ‘repairs’ like painting etc but you don’t want him to veto necessary repairs like heat/ roof/ refrigerator (this was important for me because Ex wanted to do all sorts of paint/carpet etc that wasn’t necessary and I could simply say no. I’m nit paying half that.
Define the heck out of child expenses- clothing, medical, school, extra curricular, if your child has unusual medical needs have thatclearly defined. INCLUDING the value of daily medical care. One parent should not be providing all of the daily medical care ( not parental care ) without compensation. Each parent needs foster up tothat or the one left holding the bag will be overwhelmed.
Hugs - you can do this
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Dec 23, 2018 16:20:35 GMT
Repairs who is responsible who can say no- you want to have veto power over unnecessary ‘repairs’ like painting etc but you don’t want him to veto necessary repairs like heat/ roof/ refrigerator (this was important for me because Ex wanted to do all sorts of paint/carpet etc that wasn’t necessary and I could simply say no. Yep. My ex refused to pay for septic tank repairs during our separation. He said it could "wait." Ummmm, no dude. We can't hold it that long. Lol. And he lives in that house now still. You'd have thought he would have wanted to maintain the house in the best shape possible. This is not ugly. It would be amicable. I really hope for your sake it stays this way. But I would warn you that it may not. Too many of us have had that experience. Don't be too trusting. |
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Rhondito
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Post by Rhondito on Dec 23, 2018 16:27:24 GMT
shred the joint credit cards, so he can't run up more joint debt. You don't have to pay off the balance, if you have one, just shred the cards. That doesn't stop one person from calling the card company and having them send a new card. :/ |
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Post by mikklynn on Dec 23, 2018 17:32:09 GMT
shred the joint credit cards, so he can't run up more joint debt. You don't have to pay off the balance, if you have one, just shred the cards. That doesn't stop one person from calling the card company and having them send a new card. :/ True. I didn't think of that! |
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Post by Skellinton on Dec 23, 2018 17:38:49 GMT
shred the joint credit cards, so he can't run up more joint debt. You don't have to pay off the balance, if you have one, just shred the cards. That doesn't stop one person from calling the card company and having them send a new card. :/ Or online shopping. You need to cancel the joint credit cards. |
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Post by MichyM on Dec 23, 2018 17:48:01 GMT
In my opinion you need a legal separation. Find an attorney who is well versed in financial “stuff” or has someone they recommend, and sort out financially what the short and long term goals are. And how to protect yourself and your assets while working towards the common goal of divorce.
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rickmer
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Post by rickmer on Dec 23, 2018 18:35:19 GMT
we have been living together for a year in the same house. we use joint visa for family/kid expenses. we each have our own bank account and visa for personal expenses. we each pay 50% of mortgage, insurance, utilities, etc. he makes 3-4x more than i do. get a lawyer. it's amicable until it's not. get legal advice so you are protected. better to have the information and decide on how you want to proceed rather than find out later "i wish i had known that before". there is a LOT i wish i had known before.  |
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Post by arrow on Dec 23, 2018 19:34:29 GMT
It could well be amicable but it could turn in an instant ............. says she who was locked out of her own house overnight. Ive never returned. He locked me out of bank accounts too.
Get separate accounts today. See a lawyer and get something sorted today. Do NOT assume things will remain amicable. Do what is best for you, protect yourself.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Dec 23, 2018 20:20:27 GMT
When I was in that position, I gave exH a list of shared expenses each month and divided them all in half. He then gave me his half, and I pad the bills.
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 16:25:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2018 23:17:48 GMT
How do you live separated but still together? We can’t afford to live in 2 different places without paying a lot of bills off first. We don’t have separate bank accounts either. We can do that but how do you split expenses? We have one child with lots of medical bills and now that Jan 1 is coming our deductible will start all over again. We also have lots of bills to pay off. If we shared a bank account I would put any extra towards the bills but how do you do that if separated? Does it make sense to split credit card bills and loans in half and then we are each responsible for paying our share? This is so confusing and scary. My children are 19 and 21 so we don’t have to worry about about basic care although my 21 year old has lots of expenses we cover due to her illness. THere is what makes sense but on the flip side there is what does your state laws say. Even though it is amicable right now does not mean it will continue to be. What "makes sense" may have little basis in the law. PLEASE SEE A LAWYER ASAP. In some states it isn't about having your financial life separated but you have to be physically separated; two household established. As long as you are still living at the same address you aren't separated in those states. It may be better to get the divorce moving forward then declare a bankruptcy on the financial stuff. Yes, it can impact your credit for the next 5-7 years but so will taking time to get it paid off. And since you have already accrued so much debt your credit has taken a hit, and there is no proof you or he can pay it off in a timely manner. Chances are you will end up using credit just like you have been and won't be any closer to being paid off in 2=3 years than you are today. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2018 23:46:14 GMT
How do you live separated but still together? We can’t afford to live in 2 different places without paying a lot of bills off first. We don’t have separate bank accounts either. We can do that but how do you split expenses? We have one child with lots of medical bills and now that Jan 1 is coming our deductible will start all over again. We also have lots of bills to pay off. If we shared a bank account I would put any extra towards the bills but how do you do that if separated? Does it make sense to split credit card bills and loans in half and then we are each responsible for paying our share? This is so confusing and scary. My children are 19 and 21 so we don’t have to worry about about basic care although my 21 year old has lots of expenses we cover due to her illness. This sounds too familiar! My ex began our Separation Agreement and had me served on my daughter's birthday (bad timing)--she turned 17 and we all went out to dinner. We also couldn't afford to live separately, so we lived under one roof. I thought it was all working out well. We were all friendly enough--no tension. The house was in my name alone. We had separate bank accounts; no credit cards. The only debt was the mortgage. Little did I know that as SOON as he began the Separation Agreement, he stopped paying the mortgage. Clearly in the Agreement, it was stated that he'd pay it until the children were finished with their college & possibly further education, and we'd decide which one of us would live there. I moved out of our bedroom when I realized it might have been leading him on to still sleep in the same bed. He wasn't moving out of there, so I slept on a pull-out couch in the den for over a year. Tried to make steps towards a full break.
My question is: Who pays the bills now? What is in the Separation Agreement? How long are you married? Are you able to at least bring the Agreement to an Attorney to look it over for you, if you have one? You NEED to speak to an attorney NOW to see what you should be doing.
*Separate your funds--open your own bank account, even if you keep the joint account! Put any $$ saved into that.
*Get a Separation Agreement in writing. If you have one already, get it reviewed by a lawyer, so that they could outline who would be responsible for what. It depends on variables: what State you live in, how long you're married, if you're both working, how much you both make, etc.................
*I wouldn't be agreeing to splitting ANY bills, even if they're jointly owned. If he makes more income than you do, he might have to pay you spousal support and support for children who need it for medical bills. *Don't agree to anything with him until you've spoken to an attorney, and just begin separating funds and personal items that are yours. Make a list of things you've accumulated together that you want to split.
I wish you the best of luck. I believed in my ex and thought we could handle it on our own, but he was a lawyer (I was a paralegal) and I trusted him. In the end, he had the house (MY house) in foreclosure and I didn't even know it. I did save my name by having a shortsale. Try to know where ALL of your papers are--your mortgage papers, insurance papers, his 401k or any investment papers--make copies, get account info, etc.......... It helps!!!!!! LISTEN TO THE PEAS-they've been through it. I wish you the best!
Lastly, my ex stuck me with IRS bills for the years that I was already moved out on. I never signed them, but it took a lot to make the IRS see that I didn't owe them. I'm disabled, on Medicare/Foodstamps. I left my 24 year marriage with less than nothing (except for the items that I was able to literally take out of the house!). My ex still hasn't paid past bills but he tells DD30 that he's "doing very well". He bought a brand new Volvo. Meanwhile she's living with me and DH (we're together for 10 years) and we're in bad shape. DH has cancer, he was disabled before that, and we NEVER planned on getting a bigger apartment for my kids............ My ex doesn't help out whatsoever. I understand that they're adults, but DD is special needs (bipolar). Still, he doesn't care and doesn't help and now barely calls either of our kids. I hope your situation ends better than mine! In the end, I'd find SOME WAY to have an attorney stand up for my rights! I wish I did that!! He shouldn't have been able to get away with what he did.
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