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Post by 50offscrapper on Dec 25, 2018 20:46:30 GMT
I am pretty hurt right now. We had a big family event for Christmas and one of by BILs was wearing gobs of cologne, enough to fill a whole room. I asked him to please wipe some off or I would have to leave and he said no, so I left. I severe severely from fragrance induced asthma and I started having a full blown asthma attack. All the family members know this and they still wear cologne around me. Bottom line in my mind, they don't give a damn about me. So I left. I understand more people showed up wearing cologne and perfume.
I cannot wrap my mind around how you can wear something that could cause someone to stop breathing. They all know this. There isn't a doubt that they are not aware.
Anyway, am I wrong to feel hurt?
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Dec 25, 2018 20:54:23 GMT
No, you are not wrong.
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Post by flanz on Dec 25, 2018 20:58:34 GMT
You are not wrong!
I have the same issue, very strong respiratory reactions as well as severe headaches caused by perfume/cologne and some natural fragrances too. That is beyond horrible, that your family choose to ignore your reality. I would totally be hurt.
I hate the multi billion dollar fragrance industry with a passion... so many toxic chemicals that so many people are willing to fork over their hard earned money for.
love and hugs to you! Can you treat yourself in some way, if not today, then soon?
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Post by librarylady on Dec 25, 2018 20:58:37 GMT
You are correct in being hurt and to leave.
Unfortunately, I suspect the others think it is not a problem and you are just being sensitive.
Perhaps that person needs to become educated--and I'm not sure how you could do that.
They are the kind of people who would feed a child XXX because the child surely can't be allergic to XXX.
I'm sorry your relatives are ignorant.
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Post by jennoconnell on Dec 25, 2018 20:59:13 GMT
Many people suffer from asthma or allergies or migraines when subjected to strong scents. People who are pregnant or on chemo can also be very sensitive to smells. It would be so nice if the event host sent out a little message next year asking everyone in advance to please be considerate of others and refrain from wearing scented items (cologne, lotion, etc). That might prevent putting you in the awkward position of having to speak to anyone about it or having to leave. Even though I do not have asthma, I always appreciate an unscented event (and workplace).  I'm sorry you had to leave, and I hope next year is better! |
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lesley
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Post by lesley on Dec 25, 2018 20:59:51 GMT
If they are aware of how you react to it, I would say they are pretty selfish to go ahead and put it on anyhow. That being said, I enjoy wearing perfume most days, so I can see how someone might forget, and put it on anyway. But I can’t believe your BIL flat out refused to tone it down a bit - that is really cold.
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Post by mustlovecats on Dec 25, 2018 21:03:06 GMT
I think it’s hard to send an adult to the bathroom to wash up. But I have medically diagnosed chemical sensitivities (I got documentation for a workplace accommodation - point being I’m not just picky patty) and I also had a reaction yesterday in someone’s house where they were burning wax melts to cover a cigarette smell. I didn’t ask them to turn it off, I just left saying I didn’t feel well. I don’t know what the right thing to do would have been. Anyway I just sympathize, it’s difficult.
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Post by peano on Dec 25, 2018 21:03:44 GMT
People can be thoughtless and selfish for sure. I would be hurt too.
I don’t have asthma, but I went to a party last night and between a gazillion scented candles burning and fir-scented hand soap in the bathroom, the odors were just overpowering. There’s something to be said for just stepping outside on a winter night and inhaling. That smells way better to me than artificial evergreen.
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Post by 50offscrapper on Dec 25, 2018 21:18:01 GMT
Many people suffer from asthma or allergies or migraines when subjected to strong scents. People who are pregnant or on chemo can also be very sensitive to smells. It would be so nice if the event host sent out a little message next year asking everyone in advance to please be considerate of others and refrain from wearing scented items (cologne, lotion, etc). That might prevent putting you in the awkward position of having to speak to anyone about it or having to leave. Even though I do not have asthma, I always appreciate an unscented event (and workplace). I'm sorry you had to leave, and I hope next year is better! The hosts are always very considerate and won't even have candles because they know they affect me. They are hosting NYE. I can't put them in that position. As of now, I will not be attending NYE. Honestly, DH and kids can attend. I won't. I am hurt that someone's need for perfume/cologne trumps causing other person harm. Bottom line, I know all I need to know about how they feel about me. The hardest part is that I have known them for over 40 years and I have always felt loved. I am a cancer survivor 4 years now. The sensitivity happened after 2 years after chemo. The radiation damaged part of my lung. They all know that and that is why I am so hurt. Also, if I had forgotten. I would immediately apologize. No apology or anything. The same thing happened last night at a different family event. My nephew had tons of cologne. He borrowed a shirt and changed. But he knew I had problems. I texted him and asked him not to wear cologne today and he never even replied. Bottom line, I think when someone shows you who they are.... BELIEVE them. |
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Dec 25, 2018 21:21:45 GMT
You're not in the wrong.
I would love to live in a world without bunches of artificial scents all over the place.
I get terrible headaches when I'm around people with perfume and cologne, or strong scented lotions. Or any time people liberally spray air freshener.
Honestly, I don't know why people think they smell good bathed in cologne.
I'm sorry he was so insensitive.
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Post by birukitty on Dec 25, 2018 21:24:03 GMT
You were not wrong in the slightest! I'm so sorry you have such an insensitive rude BIL, but you had every right to leave especially because your family knows about your fragrance induced severe asthma attacks. How inconsiderate and rude to you he was when he said "No" when you asked him to please wipe some off or you'd have to leave. I mean seriously, is it that much of a sacrifice to to go without wearing enormous amounts of cologne for one night?
I also have sensitivities to any non-natural chemical scents-perfume, cologne, laundry detergent, air freshers, hand lotion, shampoos and so on. If a scent is derived from nature I'm okay. If not it will trigger a migraine.
I truly do not understand the current trend of dousing yourself with so much cologne and perfume that it smells like you took a bath in it. In my day women would put perfume on like this-a tiny dab on each wrist and maybe a dab behind each ear. That was it. You couldn't smell her perfume unless you got very close to her. Most men didn't wear cologne at all-they wore aftershave for scent.
I recently flew down to Georgia and the man seated next to me on the plane was drenched in cologne. Sure enough try as hard as I could to only breathe out of my mouth I couldn't keep it up the entire flight, and I got a migraine. But that doesn't come close to you 50offscrapper having to leave your big family event for Christmas because of inconsiderate family relatives who could have easily laid off wearing cologne or perfume for one evening. I am so sorry.
Maybe next year consider sending out an email to all relatives and friends who are attending the Christmas dinner and remind them of your fragrance induced severe asthma and ask them to refrain from wearing scent for one night? Having a reminder right in front of them might help them to remember, just in case it's a case of them forgetting.
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Post by freecharlie on Dec 25, 2018 21:24:54 GMT
I dislike fragrances that are overpowering and they cam cause allergic reactions and massive headaches.
I dont understand why those people think they smell good
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Post by ntsf on Dec 25, 2018 21:29:21 GMT
I think you are being disrespected. I have a hard time with scents.. and finally got my church to cut the easter lilies and use artificial flowers up front (I often am a reader in the service).. I wish the world was mostly unscented.
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 16:25:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 25, 2018 21:32:54 GMT
That is beyond rude!  I can't believe anyone would pull something like that knowing that another family member has a life threatening allergy. What an a$$. I'm sorry he did that and rather than risk being hurt again, start a new tradition and spend time with only those family members who appreciate and respect you. |
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Post by compeateropeator on Dec 25, 2018 21:54:09 GMT
I am so sorry.  Since your family is aware of your allergy I think that it was so wrong and so unloving. It is very disheartening when family members won't even make small adjustments for the health of another family member, especially during the season of giving. My young niece has pretty recently been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and we changed up a lot of things this year so that she could have a wonderful Christmas and not feel bad about some things. |
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dald222
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Post by dald222 on Dec 25, 2018 22:04:55 GMT
I am sorry he did this and you had to leave |
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peabay
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Post by peabay on Dec 25, 2018 22:15:25 GMT
The fact that they all know this is radiation related and that you're not just being high maintenance is pretty awful. Yes, you have the right to be hurt.
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Post by salem on Dec 25, 2018 22:15:36 GMT
I hate most perfumes/colognes because I react to them with terrible migraines, and honestly most don’t smell very good anyway. As someone else said, they used to be dabbed on a couple places, now it seems most spray a fog of it into the air and walk through it. Then it’s on everything they are wearing, their hair and exposed skin. Gross and just too damn much.
While I realize it’s “your” issue, it seems really insensitive that during a holiday get together that family members wouldn’t give the extra effort to avoid the heavy smells for one day, even after directly asking.
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Post by Leone on Dec 25, 2018 22:17:01 GMT
Maybe they wanted you to leave. I am sure you feel bad, I would. Be aware this will probably happen at the next family gathering. I doubt they will change their habits.
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scrappinmama
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Post by scrappinmama on Dec 25, 2018 22:18:22 GMT
They were being insensitive. This isn't just a "I hate cologne" thing. This is something that impacts your health! So sorry about the asthma attack. I have been struggling as well and just finished up a round of Prednisone. I hope you are feeling better now.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Dec 25, 2018 22:23:59 GMT
They were exhibiting assholian behaviour and they were being typical assholes by doing whatever they want. Offended I know is over used but I would have been pissed AF!
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NoWomanNoCry
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Dec 25, 2018 22:35:01 GMT
If these people aren’t people you see all the time maybe it slipped their minds and they wore it without thinking...in my experience once you have it on you really can’t wash it off..you just have to let it wear off.
FWIW: I hate when people put tons of perfume on.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 25, 2018 23:02:09 GMT
I think it’s hard to send an adult to the bathroom to wash up. But I have medically diagnosed chemical sensitivities (I got documentation for a workplace accommodation - point being I’m not just picky patty) and I also had a reaction yesterday in someone’s house where they were burning wax melts to cover a cigarette smell. I didn’t ask them to turn it off, I just left saying I didn’t feel well. I don’t know what the right thing to do would have been. Anyway I just sympathize, it’s difficult. How does this work? Does it mean that nobody wear you work can wear a scent? Or scented fabric soften? Soaps? Deodorant? How is that enforced? |
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Post by mustlovecats on Dec 25, 2018 23:20:11 GMT
I think it’s hard to send an adult to the bathroom to wash up. But I have medically diagnosed chemical sensitivities (I got documentation for a workplace accommodation - point being I’m not just picky patty) and I also had a reaction yesterday in someone’s house where they were burning wax melts to cover a cigarette smell. I didn’t ask them to turn it off, I just left saying I didn’t feel well. I don’t know what the right thing to do would have been. Anyway I just sympathize, it’s difficult. How does this work? Does it mean that nobody wear you work can wear a scent? Or scented fabric soften? Soaps? Deodorant? How is that enforced? My workplace accommodation includes things like having the cleaning team use unscented products in my pod (I’m a teacher), rather than their standard products. We don’t use any aerosol disinfectants in our pod (we use diluted bleach in the event of a disinfectant need) and we don’t use air fresheners in our pod. This is the formal accommodation. We have a gentleman’s agreement in our team that none of us wears perfumes or scented lotions, but this is not a formal accommodation. We don’t have an agreement about laundry soap or softener as I don’t find those to be a secondhand trigger (in the grocery store I do and can’t go down that aisle, i order those items online). I am not the only chemically sensitive person on staff so this benefits several people. |
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michellegb
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Post by michellegb on Dec 25, 2018 23:22:42 GMT
Maybe they wanted you to leave. I am sure you feel bad, I would. Be aware this will probably happen at the next family gathering. I doubt they will change their habits. Why would you say this? It's just mean. I would be hurt and I would have left as well. It's rude and thoughtless. Hugs... |
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anaterra
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Post by anaterra on Dec 25, 2018 23:30:20 GMT
My dh has asthma that comes on from strong scents... we have left many family functions due to some extremely offensive smells.. everyone has the right to bathe in perfume if they choose but we wont stay... also all the candles... why do people turn on different scents throughout the house... it's just too much sometimes...
I'm sorry ur family members suck... we have the same issue
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cycworker
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Post by cycworker on Dec 25, 2018 23:46:58 GMT
You were not wrong at all.
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Post by mikklynn on Dec 26, 2018 0:10:24 GMT
I'm sorry, he was a jackass. Of course you are hurt.
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Post by lisae on Dec 26, 2018 0:46:58 GMT
You are not wrong. I think their behavior is more insensitive than having a meal without having something someone on a special diet or with allergies can eat. At least you could stay in those circumstances. You had to leave to protect your health. There is no reason anyone has to wear cologne.
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Post by Zee on Dec 26, 2018 0:56:55 GMT
Maybe they wanted you to leave. I am sure you feel bad, I would. Be aware this will probably happen at the next family gathering. I doubt they will change their habits. Why would you say this? It's just mean. I would be hurt and I would have left as well. It's rude and thoughtless. Hugs... Because it kind of seems like they did? I'd be angry and done with them, if they truly all know about your asthma and didn't care. |
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I'm sorry you had to leave, and I hope next year is better!
Since your family is aware of your allergy I think that it was so wrong and so unloving. It is very disheartening when family members won't even make small adjustments for the health of another family member, especially during the season of giving.
