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Post by shanniebananie on Sept 29, 2014 16:31:12 GMT
We have had two separate incidences in the last few months with my 11 yr old son searching for porn on the internet. We had only given him access to the internet on his iPad mini about 6 months ago. I checked his history almost daily and found nothing out of the ordinary. I will add that I had set parental controls on his device but did not realize that YouTube could still be accessed without restrictions.
He went away to summer camp and a few days after he came back I found a history of searches for porn. Nothing horrible (naked women but no sex acts) but still nothing I wanted him to be seeing at this age. DH and I talked to him separately and very calmly told him it is natural to be curious but these searches could lead him down a worm hole to places that are very disturbing and you can't unseen them. We also talked about how these images and scenes do not depict relationships between two people who love each other and respect one another. DS was VERY remorseful and said that he didn't feel good looking at it.
So, we took internet access off of all the kids devices and password protected the rest of our phones and computer.
I knew he would still be curious but I didn't want to make it easy for him to get to, KWiM?
Well, 2 weeks ago DH and DS went away for the weekend and DH enabled the internet on the family phone (not a phone that is DS' exclusively but is shared between himself and younger sister if they need one) and his iPad mini because they were doing some research out of town. Well, DH never told me he did this and forgot to put the restrictions back on. See where I am going?
So last night I saw the family phone in his room and I took it. DS immediately started acting very nervous so I knew he had been looking. Mostly it was music videos, albeit with very sexy women with little clothing, but nothing horrible. However, there were lots of searches for naked women but the sights were age restricted. The history on his iPad had been cleared so who knows what he saw on that.
So, this morning DH again talked to him about how these images don't depict real life and it is just not appropriate to be looking at this. However, we told him it normal to be curious. It turns out a friend at school is telling him a lot about what he looks at on his own device at home.
So, where do we go from here? The internet is now totally taken off the family phone and their minis. My iPad had its password changed as well as my phone and I set up a kids account with parental controls on my laptop which the only way they can search the internet.
A few months ago I would have sworn my son would never do this but it happens. This a kid that still believes in Santa and sleeps with a stuffed animal. Believe me, they all get curious at some point.
So my question is, how do you handle this in your home? Check their history daily, no access at all, parental controls, etc?
What are the consequences if you find inappropriate searches or content?
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Post by Darcy Collins on Sept 29, 2014 16:38:57 GMT
We set up parental controls at the router level. You might consider it as our kids are only a bit older, and they need Internet access A LOT for school. It would be a pain to keep turning it on and off on the various devices.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846 
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Post by georgiapea on Sept 29, 2014 16:42:32 GMT
Gee, when I was that age I had to use the dictionary to find something sex related to satisfy my curiosity. Which I had in abundance. As long as he has friends finding 'good stuff' he's going to want to see too. Good luck with whatever you decide.
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msliz
Drama Llama
The Procrastinator
Posts: 6,419
Jun 26, 2014 21:32:34 GMT
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Post by msliz on Sept 29, 2014 16:45:20 GMT
So, we took internet access off of all the kids devices and password protected the rest of our phones and computer.
How old are your other kids?
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Post by mzza111 on Sept 29, 2014 16:46:14 GMT
It seems unfair to punish other kids for something your son is doing. Since it seems that he cannot stop searching for inappropriate things on the internet, then his privileges should be taken away. If he wants to use the internet, then it needs to be done sitting on the couch with you so you can closely monitor what he is doing. Period, end of discussion.
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Post by giatocj on Sept 29, 2014 16:48:16 GMT
This may be a HUGELY silly question, but how do you check history on the iPad? We just gave my grandson one and I haven't been able to figure that out on it.
Thanks!
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Post by rumplesnat on Sept 29, 2014 16:49:57 GMT
Been there. Done that. I hate the internet for this reason. A simple Google search for "boobies" brings up so much more unseeable things.
We have Mobicip installed on all of our son's devices. It helps a lot, but not 100%. My biggest concern and biggest focus whenever we have "the" talk is the false impression and expectations porn gives people.
We even have the Apple store locked down for app and music purchases. We unlock it to make a purchase once approved by us and lock it back down immediately.
The main thing we are trying to drive home is that it isn't that we don't trust him, but rather we don't trust the internet. An innocent and natural curiosity can spin horrendously out of control by a simple search and we need to protect him from the vile things that can be easily found by a curious child.
Hell, I Googled something along the lines of "funny Friday images" one day to send a silly pic to my husband and one of the images that came up was of a couple having anal sex.
Repeat attempts/offenses will result in loss of internet privileges indefinitely. It sounds like your son has reached that point IMO. *hugs*
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Post by Marina on Sept 29, 2014 17:02:03 GMT
On my son's iPod touch we approve as needed specific sites on safari though you can download a parent control browser from the App Store. We removed YouTube as well. He can view YouTube on the laptop (parent controls) which is in an open area. No electronics in the bedroom. Computers have a password so we know when they will log on and we can be aware. Someone told me about the parent controls at the router level called open DNS which I want to check out.
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Post by LAM88 on Sept 29, 2014 17:09:36 GMT
We had this problem with one of my boys around this same age. I checked the iPad history and saw he had been looking at porn pics. Nothing bad, just naked women. We had a talk with him similar to yours...yadda yadda...he did it again. We told him he could no longer use the iPads without supervision, which temporarily solved the problem, but then when he turned 13 we gave him and iPhone with a warning about proper use. It wasn't long before I found sex movies on his phone so that was it. He admitted that he didn't think he could control his urge to look at porn so we removed internet access and he hasn't had it since (he's almost 15). When his phone had to be replaced recently I told him that I wanted to give him back internet access if he thought he was ready and he said he didn't think he was.  While I'm glad he was able to be honest with me, I'm also bummed that he doesn't have self control with regards to porn. I'm really torn on this because I sure remember sneaking peeks at Playboy and Hustler and Oui and whatever we could get our hands on, but what's out there is so much more graphic and out-of bounds than anything I was exposed to at that age. |
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Post by rumplesnat on Sept 29, 2014 17:14:07 GMT
We had this problem with one of my boys around this same age. I checked the iPad history and saw he had been looking at porn pics. Nothing bad, just naked women. We had a talk with him similar to yours...yadda yadda...he did it again. We told him he could no longer use the iPads without supervision, which temporarily solved the problem, but then when he turned 13 we gave him and iPhone with a warning about proper use. It wasn't long before I found sex movies on his phone so that was it. He admitted that he didn't think he could control his urge to look at porn so we removed internet access and he hasn't had it since (he's almost 15). When his phone had to be replaced recently I told him that I wanted to give him back internet access if he thought he was ready and he said he didn't think he was. While I'm glad he was able to be honest with me, I'm also bummed that he doesn't have self control with regards to porn. I'm really torn on this because I sure remember sneaking peeks at Playboy and Hustler and Oui and whatever we could get our hands on, but what's out there is so much more graphic and out-of bounds than anything I was exposed to at that age. This breaks my heart and hits home in so many ways.  |
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Post by maryland on Sept 29, 2014 17:38:25 GMT
That's scary! I have an 11 yr. old and she doesn't use the computer much (but she does sneak and watch Disney shows on her Ipod when she should be asleep)! We have 15 and 17 yr. old daughters and haven't seen any such thing with them. But they have their own computers, and pretty much just use them for homework. I think we have scared the crap out of them as to how much trouble they could get into with computers, phones, etc. so I hope they know better. But always good to keep an eye on what our daughters and sons are doing online.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Sept 29, 2014 17:42:59 GMT
That was about the same age we had issues w/ DS as well. It was somewhat innocent, searches like "Selena Gomez naked", all Disney stars. Our first step was a discussion similar to others: it's natural to be curious, but not acceptable especially at his age. It wasn't long before we discovered it was still happening. At that point we completely removed Safari from both his iphone and the iPad he shares with his (much younger) brother. Eventually we reinstalled those with restricted access. If he needs more access than that he has to use my computer (he doesn't have his own). As for checking up on him, it's random and unexpected (just the way I like it....keep 'em on their toes!), if we have reason to be concerned we check more often.
I'm not naive, I know he could still access some stuff if he wanted to and he might. That was about the age I started reading Judy Blume (and I don't mean the ones found in the kiddie section), it's almost a right of passage, we don't make it easy and we don't approve, but I'm not going to take away everything on the off chance he might find a loophole due to natural curiosity.
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Post by FrozenPea on Sept 29, 2014 17:56:39 GMT
We have net nanny installed on his phone. We are installing it on the family pc as well. Our tablets are password protected and he can only use them when we are home & only in the living room.
He is 15yo and is actually ok with us doing this.
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Post by idahopea on Sept 29, 2014 19:00:35 GMT
Have you tried giving him a book that explains everything? We had a book called "It's Perfectly Normal" that explained everything and we made it available to our kids from a very young age. Whenever they had a question about body changes or things they heard at school that they didn't want to ask us about they had a good reference book to refer to. We had lots of talks too but I wanted sexuality to be a an open topic and not something that was taboo. Maybe your ds is looking for answers and isn't feeling comfortable asking you. Hope you find a good solution.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 18:50:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2014 20:35:57 GMT
OpenDNS has been one of the best parental control tools I've ever used. The accounts are free and OpenDNS keeps up with a populated list of "bad" websites so you don't have to do all the research. You can restrict open DNS to just the phone and the iPad. However, when your ISP/cable company recycles the modem every month your IP address may change so you have to make sure the restrictions stay intact - its just a quick maintenance job.
As a previous poster stated, some routers (not all) can restrict access on a per device basis that you normally plug in once and the configuration stays intact.
The more controls you put on devices the more managing you have to do.
Lastly, don't punish your child because he is curious. That is the best way to make him turn to others when he wants to ask the important questions versus coming to his parents. Punishment will scare him away. Idahopea hit the nail on the head - take the curiosity out of it. Find two good books that explain both male and female bodies and let him get the facts versus hearing about his friend's version of the story.
When you look at the websites your son has reviewed are they pictures of naked people or are they out-and-out porn? There is a difference.
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anniebeth24
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,551
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Post by anniebeth24 on Sept 29, 2014 20:45:41 GMT
I second the recommendation of OpenDNS. You can pick certain categories of offensiveness and they block those things from your router (porn, dating sites, lingerie, alcohol, racial hate). Doesn't help if your child has phone data access outside of the family router, however.
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Post by gale w on Sept 29, 2014 20:54:23 GMT
We use OpenDNS also. My kids do share a smartphone but it works from our router when it's in range so anything bad is blocked. When my son goes on weekend trips he has the phone but I have to trust that he will behave with it.
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Post by ntsf on Sept 29, 2014 20:54:36 GMT
I would also have a discussion about how a search for porn harms you in other ways...you get more spam, you get viruses, etc...bad from a moral viewpoint and a techie viewpoint. it would be sad if all devices had to leave his possession.....
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Post by gale w on Sept 29, 2014 20:55:16 GMT
OpenDNS has been one of the best parental control tools I've ever used. The accounts are free and OpenDNS keeps up with a populated list of "bad" websites so you don't have to do all the research. You can restrict open DNS to just the phone and the iPad. However, when your ISP/cable company recycles the modem every month your IP address may change so you have to make sure the restrictions stay intact - its just a quick maintenance job.As a previous poster stated, some routers (not all) can restrict access on a per device basis that you normally plug in once and the configuration stays intact. The more controls you put on devices the more managing you have to do. Lastly, don't punish your child because he is curious. That is the best way to make him turn to others when he wants to ask the important questions versus coming to his parents. Punishment will scare him away. Idahopea hit the nail on the head - take the curiosity out of it. Find two good books that explain both male and female bodies and let him get the facts versus hearing about his friend's version of the story. When you look at the websites your son has reviewed are they pictures of naked people or are they out-and-out porn? There is a difference. I installed the OpenDNS updater and it seems to fix that whenever there's a change. |
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Post by snappinsami on Sept 29, 2014 20:59:50 GMT
We used OpenDNS as well, and I've recommended it to a bunch of friends. Of course, it only helps when you're at home or the devices are connected to the wifi (and if your kids are crafty, they'll figure out how to turn off the wifi and use cellular data on the devices that have that option), but as far as wifi coverage, it's fantastic!
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While I'm glad he was able to be honest with me, I'm also bummed that he doesn't have self control with regards to porn. I'm really torn on this because I sure remember sneaking peeks at Playboy and Hustler and Oui and whatever we could get our hands on, but what's out there is so much more graphic and out-of bounds than anything I was exposed to at that age. 
