|
Post by PEAcan pie on Jan 7, 2019 1:59:47 GMT
Family of five.... kiddos 15, 10, 7
We budgeted $220. a week for groceries not including most cleaning/toiletries. Kids all play sports and have healthy appetites. They love salads/fish fruits/veggies so it gets pricey. I have a hard time sticking with the Grocery budget, my 15-year-old can eat A LOT!! Hubby and I are having a huge disagreement right now. He canceled the credit cards because we (mostly me) went over budget (mainly due to Christmas). Not happy about it and it has caused a lot of tension in our home.
The solution is using a Debit card (I never used one before). He signed up for one in my name and plans to put a limit.
My question is.... what would YOU consider a reasonable Debit card limit to be? This would include all entertainment (movies etc). Any Miscellaneous spending over the $220 weekly grocery budget. Field trips, dog food/pet grooming (two dogs). Cleaning supplies. Birthday party gifts. So basically what is a reasonable amount to spend monthly for a family of five outside of the $220.
I am a stay at home Mom (hopefully not for long, so over the money control) Husband is painfully frugal and I just don't think he "gets" how much it costs to run a household.
It has caused me to be depressed and I feel a loss of control. We are hardly speaking right now, so that is why I am posting here, to get some levity for the situation we are in.
thanks for any input...
|
|
|
Post by mom on Jan 7, 2019 2:14:08 GMT
There is no one who can tell you what amount is reasonable. You two need to seriously sit down and track what you are spending money on. Like SPECIFICS. How much are you paying for dog grooming? How much are you spending on groceries? Do you buy gifts every month? Or is June a month where you buy 8 gifts and none in January?
In my household, we use a zero based budget - meaning, every single dollar gets an assignment. So on payday, I know I only have 'x' amount for groceries, and if I go over then that money has to come from somewhere else (usually it comes from 'fun money'). DH and I don't argue about money because we both sit down and make the budget together. But at the end of the day, there is only so much money to go around. So if I want to spend crazy in one category, another category is going to suffer.
You should really look into Dave Ramsey.
|
|
|
Post by littlemama on Jan 7, 2019 2:15:03 GMT
He cancelled your credit card and signed up for a debit card in your mame that he is putting a limit on? That is some real control freak/abuser shit right there. Im sorry youre going through this.
|
|
|
Post by mygigiscraps on Jan 7, 2019 2:20:43 GMT
This would go over about as well as fishnet stockings in the choir at my house. We'd be doing all the grocery shopping, etc together until he understood how much it really costs.
Yes, there is only so much to go around. I understand that. But I don't see that amount of money going very far for that many people. Honestly, you both need to sit down and do some meal planning, then make a trip to the grocery store and see where you are at with expectations from both of you.
|
|
|
Post by busy on Jan 7, 2019 2:22:05 GMT
No. way. in. hell. would it fly in my home for either of us to unilaterally cancel credit cards and give the other spouse a spending limit on a debit card. That's extremely disrespectful and crossing a lot of lines IMO.
It's impossible for anyone here to know what a reasonable amount for your family - that's entirely up to you. Start with income, subtract the non-negotiables (mortgage, savings, utilities, etc.) and then allocate what's left amongst the discretionary categories (I consider grocery discretionary to a degree - obviously food is an essential but most of us can flex up and down there quite a bit).
You need to work *together* on this, not one of you making decisions.
|
|
|
Post by Darcy Collins on Jan 7, 2019 2:31:13 GMT
I think you need to take a big step back and regroup. Using credit cards for groceries is a problem (it doesn't sound like you're using cc for miles and paying them off every month). You need a real budget. What I or anyone else spends on groceries and other expenses is utterly irrelevant. YOUR income matters - your fixed expenses. Sit down and work through your income and expenses hopefully with enough left over for savings. You and your husband need to prioritize spending. What works for one family doesn't necessarily work for another. If he doesn't have a realistic view on what's needed for groceries, go shopping together - but I'll also say at the end of the day there's only so much money in the budget, so you may also need to find ways to economize - I don't know as I haven't a clue of your financial situation.
|
|
|
Post by teach4u on Jan 7, 2019 2:32:39 GMT
How much did you run up debt? Hundreds or thousands?
|
|
|
Post by bunnyhug on Jan 7, 2019 2:33:21 GMT
If my dh had a problem with how I was doing the grocery shopping (or laundry or whatever), I would very graciously bow out of that job and let him do it better ... if he spends some time meal planning, shopping and cooking, your dh will get a firsthand view of how much things cost ...
|
|
|
Post by canadianscrappergirl on Jan 7, 2019 2:39:18 GMT
He cancelled your credit card and signed up for a debit card in your mame that he is putting a limit on? That is some real control freak/abuser shit right there. Im sorry youre going through this. This!! I could not deal with any of fucking shit no way no how!
|
|
|
Post by mom on Jan 7, 2019 2:40:08 GMT
How much did you run up debt? Hundreds or thousands? Yeah, I am thinking we aren't getting the whole story. Not that what her DH is doing is right...but I suspect there are some deep financial problems going on.
|
|
|
Post by myshelly on Jan 7, 2019 2:41:34 GMT
There are a lot of issues here.
Debt. Using credit cards beyond what you can afford. Not knowing how much you spend. Your husband trying to unilaterally make decisions/control the money.
Budgeting is not plucking a random number out of the air to spend every month.
You need to sit down, look at your income, your bills, and the amount of money left over after bills. Budgeting is making a plan for that money.
Start tracking your spending to see what you spend in a normal month on those categories. Then sit down look at income and expenditures and figure out where you can cut back. Make a plan to live off cash and eliminate the debt, then do away with the credit cards if you can’t resist spending on them.
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on Jan 7, 2019 2:46:41 GMT
Debt or not, your DH needs to do the meal planning and grocery shopping for a month.
I don't think $220 per week for groceries plus toiletries and cleaning supplies is reasonable for a family of 5. DH and I spend about $100 per week for just groceries.
|
|
|
Post by canadianscrappergirl on Jan 7, 2019 2:46:59 GMT
Regardless of whether its a huge CC debt or peanuts coming in and being a controlling dick isn't going to work either in my opinion.
People screw up with money but treating them like a child isn't going to help her feel like she can change her spending if it has been an issue.
I hope you can get things resolved.
I'd have a hard time feeding 3 kids on that budget.
|
|
Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,768
Location: Kentucky
Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
|
Post by Kerri W on Jan 7, 2019 2:48:54 GMT
I think you need to take a big step back and regroup. Using credit cards for groceries is a problem (it doesn't sound like you're using cc for miles and paying them off every month). You need a real budget. What I or anyone else spends on groceries and other expenses is utterly irrelevant. YOUR income matters - your fixed expenses. Sit down and work through your income and expenses hopefully with enough left over for savings. You and your husband need to prioritize spending. What works for one family doesn't necessarily work for another. If he doesn't have a realistic view on what's needed for groceries, go shopping together - but I'll also say at the end of the day there's only so much money in the budget, so you may also need to find ways to economize - I don't know as I haven't a clue of your financial situation. Agree. Be realistic. And no, it would not be acceptable for my DH to tell me that he was going to give me a budget and it was all going to be his decision. But my father did have to say that to my mother because she so grossly overspent and snuck money out of accounts that she quite literally almost put my dad into financial ruin. It was a desperate situation. None of us know if that is the case here or not...please get some counseling for your marriage.
|
|
|
Post by leslie132 on Jan 7, 2019 2:51:11 GMT
Years and years ago I had a similar fight with my husband. It was UGLY. The only man to ever tell me what to do was my Dad and I wasn’t letting my husband get away with it.. We had a blowout and it was very tense for a while. He wanted our credit card bill at $$$$ and I assured him it couldn’t be done. (We had a great salary and he eventually backed off and I slowed down) We pay our bills off every months so I thought we were all good.
Fast forward to today. He lost his job and is no longer making a good salary. I am still in charge of paying for things and let me tell you.....I would weep tears of joy if I could have that budget that he threw in my face years ago. It would be easy street. I wish with all my heart we could have had a civil discussion and I would have tried harder to make the spending less. We should have had a much larger savings than we did.
I think he is completely in the wrong for how he is acting. Make no mistake.....COMPLETELY wrong, but if I read you spend $220 on groceries every week than I agree there has to be ways to trim the fat. I have a family of 5, and we eat healthy and we are not even close to that weekly cost. It seems steep. It isn’t easy, but if you watch ads, cut coupons, have a meatless night,and buy meat:fish on special, you could probably drop a couple hundred dollars off your grocery spending.
I hope you can give it time and that he will realize he was way out of line. It sucks to have money disagreements. They make for a ferocious battle.
|
|
|
Post by teach4u on Jan 7, 2019 3:01:02 GMT
That is a lot a week. What do you buy? Even 5 pounds hamburger, a roast , tilapia, 3 mills, eggs aren’t $100. Can you shop at Costco?
|
|
|
Post by PEAcan pie on Jan 7, 2019 3:01:35 GMT
I think you need to take a big step back and regroup. Using credit cards for groceries is a problem (it doesn't sound like you're using cc for miles and paying them off every month). You need a real budget. What I or anyone else spends on groceries and other expenses is utterly irrelevant. YOUR income matters - your fixed expenses. Sit down and work through your income and expenses hopefully with enough left over for savings. You and your husband need to prioritize spending. What works for one family doesn't necessarily work for another. If he doesn't have a realistic view on what's needed for groceries, go shopping together - but I'll also say at the end of the day there's only so much money in the budget, so you may also need to find ways to economize - I don't know as I haven't a clue of your financial situation. Yes, we do pay off the credit card every month. He makes a very good income. However, we put a large amount away for retirement, college funds and one extravagant vacation a year. He is also frugal and a big saver.
|
|
|
Post by teach4u on Jan 7, 2019 3:02:06 GMT
That is a lot a week. What do you buy? Even 5 pounds hamburger, a roast , tilapia, 3 mills, eggs aren’t $100. Can you shop at Costco?
|
|
Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,978
Jun 25, 2014 20:07:06 GMT
|
Post by Sarah*H on Jan 7, 2019 3:02:09 GMT
Before you set a budget, I agree with everyone else that you need to have a real sense of what you are already spending on things. But even more than that, I agree with the suggestion that you need to encourage your husband to do the shopping with you a couple times. It may not/probably will not affect how frugal he is but it may change him blaming you for going over budget and make him more realistic about the budget. Conversely, having him there may cause you to realize that you are spending unnecessarily on some things (i.e. do you have a lot of impulse buys? Buy name brand when generic will work, etc?) And there could be some eye opening lessons there too. I once sent my husband to the store for paper towels and he came home with the sorriest, cheapest paper towels in the store but so proud of himself that he got a great bargain and that they were so much cheaper than the brand I buy. They disintegrated the first time he tried to use them and that was the end of that lesson. I'll add that I have done the shopping for the entirety of our marriage and even I am shocked by what some things cost these days - laundry detergent, toilet paper, etc. There is just no question that prices of necessities have skyrocketed in recent years and maybe he doesn't have a good sense of that. If you drag him to Walmart and he can see that the 30 pack of Charmin really does cost $18 or the large pack of Tide Pods costs $20, maybe he'll be more realistic about the budget. You can still buy a pair of jeans for what you paid in 1995 but the rate of inflation for dishwasher detergent in that same time frame seems like 2000% to me. Maybe you'll need to have a discussions about whether you're a Charmin or a Scott family or maybe you need to shop around more at places like Aldi (which has fantastic prices on fresh produce and fruit) or Dollar General. At any rate, these are things that you can better determine together if you approach this not as adversaries but as a united front trying to tackle a problem.
|
|
|
Post by PEAcan pie on Jan 7, 2019 3:13:08 GMT
That is a lot a week. What do you buy? Even 5 pounds hamburger, a roast , tilapia, 3 mills, eggs aren’t $100. Can you shop at Costco? I have always fed them whole foods...hardly any processed foods. We only eat hamburger meat with Tacos and they can polish off 3 pounds in one night. My 15 year old can eat pounds of fruit/veggies a day not including his proteins etc... They like Tilapia (prefer Salmon) but it takes a lot to fill them up (had that for dinner tonight lol) Kids eat salads nearly every day. Sorta my fault... we never skimped on meals and I always serve a 4 Course meal with fresh veggies and fruit. Heck, they beg me for Sushi. It really adds up. Kids are very active and have friends over weekly, which adds to the budget. We go through at least a dozen eggs a day. There are no weight issues, except for me lol, I could stand to lose 30!!
|
|
Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,978
Jun 25, 2014 20:07:06 GMT
|
Post by Sarah*H on Jan 7, 2019 3:18:34 GMT
So with that response, do you buy in bulk? If you go through 7 dozen eggs a week, shopping at a regular grocery store or even a discount store like Aldi does not seem like the best option.
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on Jan 7, 2019 3:23:19 GMT
3lbs of hamburger for tacos in one night is out of control IMO. What else is being cooking with the tacos?
If dh tried to put me on a budget, I would tell him to stick it.
There is no way to know how much per week I spend on field trips and such as they dont yove a schedule for the semester.
|
|
|
Post by busy on Jan 7, 2019 3:27:19 GMT
So with that response, do you buy in bulk? If you go through 7 dozen eggs a week, shopping at a regular grocery store or even a discount store like Aldi does not seem like the best option. Agreed - Cash & Carry or Costco seem like better places for you. I am particular about eggs, and always buy pasture-raised ones but we go through 1-2 dozen a week. It would cost $210/month just for eggs if we went through a dozen a day! I'm definitely a fan of whole foods and that's pretty much exclusively what we eat too, but you're going to have to get creative to do it on a budget for a family of growing kids. And 3 lbs of ground beef seems like an awful lot for a meal of tacos. What about cutting down on the beef and upping rice and beans.
|
|
bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,530
Oct 11, 2014 3:17:29 GMT
|
Post by bethany102399 on Jan 7, 2019 3:28:35 GMT
I'd agree with the others, do you have access to a costco/sams? Start doing things to stretch the meat you do use, add in beans to the meat when you have tacos. Buy in bulk and break it down.
Honestly, if you're at a point where you need to tighten your belts, then stop with the huge meals. they get what they get and that's it. You eat 2lbs of fruit, then no more until the next time shopping happens (though I have found the warehouse stores here to have a good selection of fruit/produce). I'd change expectations about how much food is available.
And I'd be having an adult discussion with your DH. If he's unhappy with the credit card debit, then you need to work it out together, and he gets to come shopping with you so he can put those frugal skills to work helping you get the best deals on food.
|
|
|
Post by PEAcan pie on Jan 7, 2019 3:29:50 GMT
He cancelled your credit card and signed up for a debit card in your mame that he is putting a limit on? That is some real control freak/abuser shit right there. Im sorry youre going through this. Yep... I agree. He is controlling and I have had it. We are not speaking But trying to work out some kind of budget and work past it.
|
|
gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
|
Post by gsquaredmom on Jan 7, 2019 3:30:05 GMT
You sound like a great mom! What a great diet they eat. I think you and your husband need to shop together and decide how you will continue to feed your family. It sounds like that 15 year old needs more calories. Peanut butter or almond butter and jelly or honey on a high fiber bread (for friends, too. It’s nice but not necessary to feed friends). Or add smoothies to his diet. My food bills spiked a lot when my sons became teens.
The control thing would really bother me. I understand he is frugal but he is not reasonable or fair.
|
|
|
Post by PEAcan pie on Jan 7, 2019 3:38:07 GMT
How much did you run up debt? Hundreds or thousands? It was thousands. However, it included dogs haircuts/shots/vet bill (which was at $400). Birthday party/gift. Xmas etc... I got a new Dyson Vacuum, nothing that was extravagant....such as expensive shoes/purse etc. Presents for our family/teachers/friends. At the time I did not realize how it was adding up, mainly because it was all practical or necessary things.
|
|
|
Post by PEAcan pie on Jan 7, 2019 3:41:55 GMT
So with that response, do you buy in bulk? If you go through 7 dozen eggs a week, shopping at a regular grocery store or even a discount store like Aldi does not seem like the best option. Yes, I need to shop more at costco, my concern is I walk out with a huge bill and then it seems like I did not save KWIM. I go there maybe every 6 weeks and it is at least $250. but that is papertowel, toilet paper, vitamins etc. Just some food. They are not super close unfortunately:( I will try this week to stop in and just concentrate on the eggs, meat only to save money.
|
|
|
Post by PEAcan pie on Jan 7, 2019 3:45:08 GMT
You sound like a great mom! What a great diet they eat. I think you and your husband need to shop together and decide how you will continue to feed your family. It sounds like that 15 year old needs more calories. Peanut butter or almond butter and jelly or honey on a high fiber bread (for friends, too. It’s nice but not necessary to feed friends). Or add smoothies to his diet. My food bills spiked a lot when my sons became teens. The control thing would really bother me. I understand he is frugal but he is not reasonable or fair. Awe thanks so much, very sweet. My kid's friends parents always are shocked at what they eat. One parent called me to thank me because my son encouraged her son to eat better and now he brings the same thing to lunch as my son lol. It is hard on the budget though...sometimes I wish he would eat more pasta or ramen!!!!
|
|
|
Post by PEAcan pie on Jan 7, 2019 3:49:08 GMT
So with that response, do you buy in bulk? If you go through 7 dozen eggs a week, shopping at a regular grocery store or even a discount store like Aldi does not seem like the best option. Agreed - Cash & Carry or Costco seem like better places for you. I am particular about eggs, and always buy pasture-raised ones but we go through 1-2 dozen a week. It would cost $210/month just for eggs if we went through a dozen a day! I'm definitely a fan of whole foods and that's pretty much exclusively what we eat too, but you're going to have to get creative to do it on a budget for a family of growing kids. And 3 lbs of ground beef seems like an awful lot for a meal of tacos. What about cutting down on the beef and upping rice and beans. I agree about the 3 pounds, it used to last for two nights and it was great. Then that changed about a year ago, we have very few leftovers. Funny thing is we have a can of black beans with this too!! I do need to get creative. My 15-year-old was eating an avocado a day, until a put a stop to just three a week. I don't think my Husband realizes how much has changed in the last year, now that they are getting older.
|
|