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Post by craftedbys on Jan 7, 2019 2:14:52 GMT
I have learned a valuable lesson the last few days.
As women and caregivers we don't always make ourselves a priority and tend to put other people's needs before our own and our own health.
As I have posted before, I have have spent the last two plus years taking care of my elderly parents while still taking care of my own family. Mom passed about 17 months ago, and I have been taking care of my 91 year old dad since.
He didn't need a huge amount out care, but I did his cooking, shopping, light cleaning and maintained his health appointments and meds.
I pretty much made him and DH and the kids my priority and let my own healthy habits slip, including taking my prescribed medications.
On Wednesday night my chest was hurting and we thought it was heartburn because it worsened when I lay down.
I still felt bad on Thursday and at lunch my Dad suggested I go get seen at an urgent clinic if I couldn't get into my own. So I drove myself to get seen, thinking I just had some sinus issues.
When they took my blood pressure they immediately told me they were sending me to the ER and did an EKG to see if I was ok to drive or of they were going to call an ambulance.
I drove myself and spent the rest of the afternoon and evening in the ER with them trying to get my pressure down. They sent me home with an order for a stress test the next day, but it couldn't be done because my BP was too high when they took it before the test.
I have spent the last few days trying to rest and get my blood pressure under control and it is still high. Of course worrying about this is not helping. And being on bedrest is keeping me from helping my Dad move into his Independent living apartment tomorrow.
This has been a huge scare for DH and I and a wake up call for me. Dh is insisting that I make my health a priority, eating better, going to the gym, and most importantly, taking my medication correctly.
So my word of the year has changed to ME. I have to put myself and my health first for a change.
So even if you are not a caregiver for any one other than your family, please take care of yourself. As the saying goes, you have to put your oxygen mask on yourself before you can help others.
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AmandaA
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by AmandaA on Jan 7, 2019 2:20:48 GMT
So sorry to hear about this health scare and stress on top of stress. I recall you posting about the situation with you dad and hope that this move will be positive for everyone. I am happy to read that you are making yourself a priority.
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Post by lisae on Jan 7, 2019 2:25:57 GMT
Taking care of parents is so tiring and stressful. I'm glad you are making yourself a priority and that your husband is supporting your efforts.
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cakediva
Drama Llama
Making the world a sweeter place one cake at a time!
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Post by cakediva on Jan 7, 2019 2:26:05 GMT
Oh my goodness what a scare for you!
You're right, we often don't care for ourselves and we should, or there will be a price to pay.
Sending get better soon thoughts!
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Post by jenjie on Jan 7, 2019 2:27:51 GMT
Oh my! I’m so glad you’re ok. How scary!
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Post by mikklynn on Jan 7, 2019 2:52:35 GMT
I hope you get your BP under control.
I could not agree with you more.
2018 was my year of self care. I am a caregiver to DH, plus help with my parents parents and MIL. And, I work full time. I plan to continue in 2019.
I also hope your dad loves his new living situation.
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Post by canadianscrappergirl on Jan 7, 2019 3:01:51 GMT
I went thru something similar to this last year almost a yr ago to the day actually! I went to Emerg with 220 over 110 or so BP and chest pain. Looking after a elder parent or sick child or SO is so hard and it's hard to carve away that time for yourself but so important. I hope you will take that time to rest and recharge!
I'm definitely doing some of that this year!
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Deleted
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May 9, 2024 22:09:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2019 3:02:31 GMT
Scary! Glad you went in to be checked!
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Post by papersilly on Jan 7, 2019 3:21:06 GMT
Hope you feel better soon, OP! Good PSA. And the part about the oxygen mask----my doctor said the exact thing to me years ago!!
My good friend's mom was the caregiver to her dad when he good sick and was dying. At the same time, she took care of her mentally disabled niece. She put them ahead off herself, always. After the husband died, she went in for a routine tests and her colonoscopy revealed cancer. She just had her surgery and we are waiting to hear the cancer stage.
Women, we do have to take care of ourselves! Those suspicions that seem benign, may mean more. It is not selfish to take time for our health. We are all busy but we must make the time.
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Post by flanz on Jan 7, 2019 3:27:27 GMT
So sorry that you're going through this.. glad you're getting some good care now.
Thanks for this important PSA! (((HUGS)))
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Jan 7, 2019 3:37:05 GMT
One of my favorite sayings is "Self care isn't selfish, it's necessary".
Taking care of oneself is very important. You can't be your best self, if you don't take care of you.
Every day, I make sure I drink enough water (that seems to be my main issue), when I slack on water intake, my energy level plummets and as well as my skin suffers).
I am also making an effort to walk daily, and eat smaller portions. No snacking.
Glad you are getting medical care, and hope you feel better soon.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jan 7, 2019 3:49:51 GMT
Now that your dad is moving into an independent care apartment you can let some of his care go. Me time is essential and it's also essential that you take your meds on time each day. Little stuff like that goes by the wayside when you're taking care of the universe. Now you know that you are important and that you deserve time off and nurturing, especially from yourself. Use some of your energy to enjoy your life. Think of what will be fulfilling for you and just you. Give yourself permission to have Me time each day. It's important.
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Post by krcrafts on Jan 7, 2019 3:57:10 GMT
Such good advice and I plan to take it, however, if you are at a funeral, please don’t say to the the deceased’s family member, “We kept telling her to stop taking care of other people so much and take care of herself. I guess she didn’t do that.” Not the time nor the place especially if you havent seen the deceased person in YEARS and have never offered help.
This happened today at my mom’s funeral and quite frankly, I wanted to punch her in the face. Or tell her to leave. It’s quite hurtful when she really doesn’t know what happened anyway.
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Post by alexa11 on Jan 7, 2019 4:02:22 GMT
I'm sorry that you had to go through this but glad you found out. My 87 yr old mom has lived with me for the last 3 yrs. She's pretty self sufficient for the most part, but she has fallen 3 times- thankfully nothing was broken. Just having another person in my house ALL the time is stressful- no time to myself. And then there's the dog, who's old and needy-again thankful that I still have him. Anyway, my blood pressure had been slowly creeping up but it had done that in the past and would even out again. But one day it didn't. I went in for a pre-colonoscopy appointment and it was 188/112. I called my regular dr, went in the same day, and started bp meds. I'm very healthy- eat right, work out, not over weight- so I guess the stress finally caught up with me.
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Post by lucyg on Jan 7, 2019 5:35:37 GMT
Yowch! Take care of yourself now. I’m so glad your dad is moving to a facility where he can get help if needed.
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Post by KelleeM on Jan 7, 2019 8:55:23 GMT
I’m glad you went to the doctor and are prioritizing yourself. I hope your dad’s move goes well. Hugs.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
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Post by scrappert on Jan 7, 2019 14:01:26 GMT
Take care of yourself craftedbys! I hope you get your pressure down soon and you can start to focus more on you instead of stressing. This is a great PSA. I always say, take a moment and listen to your body. It will tell you when something is not right. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2019 14:19:01 GMT
Be well. Thank you for thinking of others (your family, us, etc) in the midst of your cares.
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Post by Tearisci on Jan 7, 2019 14:49:32 GMT
Totally agree with this. For years, I was the family caretaker and always put everyone before myself. Fast forward to 2018, I'm on the receiving end of a 20 year divorce, facing a thyroid disease and breast cancer. Luckily I have family to take care of me but I am now my top priority.
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Post by Really Red on Jan 7, 2019 14:54:42 GMT
Holy moly! Yes! Caregivers do not have it easy by any way, shape or means. Sorry you had to have this wake-up call.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 8, 2019 0:51:06 GMT
I'm glad that you're taking care of yourself now. Thank God hire you're okay. I'm DH'S caregiver & it has gotten tough this year. This is the first time that I've looked for help. I had 3 surgeries and am still recovering, so i had to focus on my recovery & then I could help DH with his cancer journey. I know that when I am not well, it's impossible to care for DH.
Hope you stay otn his healthy path and learn how to carve out even a little bit of time for yourself so that you're stronger to care for your dad.
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Post by refugeepea on Jan 8, 2019 1:00:12 GMT
I'm glad you are okay. I'm my children's lifelong caregiver. It's very hard to ask for help but I had to when I had back surgery. I still struggle with keeping up with medical appointments (time, distance, and money). I have been a lot less mentally stressed saying no, taking naps, and doing little things that make me happy. Summer sucks, so I try to get my me time during the school year.
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azredhead
Drama Llama
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Post by azredhead on Jan 8, 2019 1:02:56 GMT
That is no fun! And yes super scary! I am glad you listened to your body too. You know when things aren't right. I've learned that over the years.. even with complications. You have to know what your limits are and sometimes it's necessary to stop when you hit those limits and readjust etc.. but it's so hard to do. I hope you are feeling better. I think we also don't realize how much our bodies do take. It's hard to help others if you're feeling crappy or not would normally be. This time of year when it's going around with sickness it's hard to slow down! Hope you get some good R&R soon!
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Post by sawwhet on Jan 8, 2019 2:18:34 GMT
I'm so glad that your okay.
I'm also a long term caregiver. My son is disabled and for the past 25 years, I've been taking care of him 24/7, working during the day and taking care of my other kids. In between that time, I took care of a dying parent.
It usually takes me until the "overwhelmed" crying phase before I turn the ship around and start making myself a priority. I'm in that phase right now.
I have to be honest, I'm so done taking care of my son. As awful as it sounds. I love him to pieces but he's so difficult and can't be left alone. He often screams all night. Even when he's out during the day, I'm on my phone at work problem solving with his day program workers or phoning specialists. It's non-stop and there are no spots available indefinitely in residential care. Gotta keep going.
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Post by ToniW on Jan 8, 2019 4:40:09 GMT
Great PSA! I'm also going to have to use ME for my word for the year. Work stress, commitments, mom sick and MIL going downhill and both passing a moth apart. My BP has slowly been going up. Last week I put in my notice to retire. Today I called the ob's office to make an appointment for my well woman check. The last time I was there was 2014. I plan to call my ophthalmologist's office to make an appointment for a field vision test to see if I qualify to get my eyelids done. They have been drooping lower and lower.
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Nanner
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Post by Nanner on Jan 8, 2019 4:44:47 GMT
I'm glad you're ok.
I have also chosen the word "me" for this year. I'm always more concerned about making sure everyone else is ok and taken care of, and with my recent diagnosis, I am having a difficult time making sure I'm taking care of my needs first. It's a hard thing to do.
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on Jan 8, 2019 5:03:40 GMT
Such good advice and I plan to take it, however, if you are at a funeral, please don’t say to the the deceased’s family member, “We kept telling her to stop taking care of other people so much and take care of herself. I guess she didn’t do that.” Not the time nor the place especially if you havent seen the deceased person in YEARS and have never offered help. This happened today at my mom’s funeral and quite frankly, I wanted to punch her in the face. Or tell her to leave. It’s quite hurtful when she really doesn’t know what happened anyway. I’m sorry. That’s a horrible thing for her to say. My deepest condolences on the loss of your mother. My mom passed away recently and it’s tough. |
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Post by tracyarts on Jan 8, 2019 5:12:51 GMT
I'm having to learn how to do this.
I grew up with a mom who believed that chronic health conditions were weakness, self care was selfishness, and taking time to rest and recharge was laziness.
And then in adulthood came under the influence of people who live by inspiration memes and follow a mind over matter "the only limits are self imposed ones" philosophy.
I didn't do a single constructive thing today and felt so guilty over it. I'm conditioned to justify my existence by what I contribute. And at this stage in my life, there are days when I can't contribute much of anything.
It's very difficult to be okay with that.
Brain injury plus autoimmune disease plus medication withdrawal complications plus recovering from invasive medical procedures has knocked me completely on my ass. And it's all I can do to be awake 12 hours a day right now.
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Post by mrssmith on Jan 8, 2019 5:23:40 GMT
I was thinking of you the other day and wondering how your dad's move went.
I am sorry you had such a health scare and I hope all goes well with the stress test and getting your BP under control.
Hugs to all of you who do so much for others!!
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Post by mikklynn on Jan 8, 2019 14:49:44 GMT
craftedbysHow are you doing? I've been thinking of you.
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