Need advice from military wives

In my experience, I found many support organizations when my husband was deployed. Every month, socials were held for the wives, traditionally organized by the top ranking officer's or NCO's wife, depending upon spouse's rank. I met many close friends through these gatherings and my friends were my main source of support. They became my family and we shared many holiday dinners together. I was also a part of an off-base church during deployment and found support there.

There was also a network of volunteers in place (called Key Volunteers in the Marine Corps, not sure of other branches), who were specially trained to handle the issues of deployment. They were each assigned a group of spouses and would call me regularly and make sure that everything was ok and could offer suggestions of resources for a variety of issues. In addition, every deploying unit leaves behind a team of active duty support personnel whose main responsibility is care for the families.

The military seems to be aware of the tremendous need for support and has many official programs in place. It does take a willingness to join in and a desire to reach out and ask for help, however. I wish you the best as you support her long-distance!

Usually, if they are living on a large post and the whole unit has been deployed, there is a family support group that plans and reaches out to families of deployed soldiers. She isn't alone and has probably been contacted or in contact with the FRG liaison of her husband's unit. It sounds like she is "homesick" and missing family which I can completely understand. I'm sure there are other wives/spouses that will be by themselves at the holidays so she might need to reach out to them and plan her holiday with her Army family. Please thank your daughter for her service as an Army wife…it is the toughest job in the Army. Many times we have to learn to pull up our big girl panties and deal with crappy situations after, of course, having a good cry and a little bit of a pity party.  It always stinks being far away from family.

ETA:  I agree with everything anniebeth24 said.   

My husband was Navy and retired last January. We never had kids but there was always LOTS planned for the families. When they were gone for the holidays they even specifically planned a Xmas party just for the kids. Gifts were obtained and handed out. Even some of the smallest commands did a night out for the wives as well with planned child care. I honestly can't imagine with as often as army bases deploy their troops that it's not a very well oil machine by now in regards to this. There will be lots of options for her and the kids to get out and join other families making videos for the guys, packing care boxes to send (probably soon actually!) and what not. She'll be fine! Not a true military wife until you've spent a Xmas (or a few!) apart from family/spouse. encourage her to take this time to do things with the kids that build traditions dad can be a part of through pictures, FB, video etc. (Many times the guys have the chance with their command to read a Xmas story on video for the kids too.)

I work with a military wife and there are many options available for military spouses of deployed persons.  Great opportunities like music lessons for the children.  There are also regional opportunities to learn what all is available and she may wish to attend one of those.

Yep, thank God for Skype and FaceTime.  We did the same thing 2 Christmases ago, with a very similar picture.     And don't forget, you can Skype with her and the kids.  DH was in Afghanistan two years ago and we Skyped from my parents' house and opened gifts with DH via Skype.  

Can you go to her?  Make that her Christmas gift.  She doesn't need another sweater, she needs a familiar face.  As great as all the organized activities are, waking up on Christmas morning without your spouse just sucks monkey vomit.  Sure, we can do it and we do, but it still is lonely.  I did travel home with both of my kids at that age, but every situation is different.

If she isn't already attending some of the activities for the spouses and kids left behind, I would encourage her to do so.  It sounds like she is transitioning from being an active duty mom to a dependent (what we call the family members of active duty members.)  So she may not know exactly what is out there.  Even if you do find a way to be together at Christmas.  It isn't a bunch of women in pearls and gloves standing around judging each other.  And in the Air Force, we would have a squadron activity, a group activity, a base activity, a church activity, a play group activity...  Surely one group would be welcoming, even if there is a crazy witch running another group.  Encourage her to reach out with one the Halloween activities.  There should be a lot coming up.  There should be several different play groups on post--check a few of those out.  She can get a feel for the group dynamics and find a good fit for her and the kids.

On Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day, she can do the inviting as well.  Other moms must be in the same situation there.  Misery loves company and the change in tradition and the increase in activity will make the day go quicker.  She doesn't need fancy china or a huge dining room.  Just paper plates and a turkey and ask others to bring a dish to pass.

I wish her well.  If she is in the DC area, she can come to my house for Thanksgiving.  The more the merrier!  

How can I forget the FaceTime and Skype??!! Lol we spend half of most holidays with one set up for my husbands east coast family to join us! Even taking them with us to my parents house for dinner lol I guess I forget because it feels so much like a regular visit now.

Military wife here... There were times when my husband was home over the holidays and we spent it as a family and times when he was not. Times I was able to go home and times I was unable to go home. What was the saving grace for me, and many others in my same situation was to have a sisterhood of other military wives in the same situation. More often than not, they were in the same command as my husband, so the times the troops were gone was the same and we leaned on each other. Literally, my sanity, and the sanity of some of those women, was saved by the close relationships we had. And they are some of the closest friends I've ever made. It doesn't have to necessarily be part of the "spouses club", but just the other wives or fiancee' of other members in the command or neighbors.

Is it possible for you to go out there to be with her and visit with the children?