Divorced after 25 years

I might be completely off the mark here but I won't rush to find a new guy just yet. Find you first.

Want to learn to ball dance, fly a plane, speak a language then now's your time. Plan a trip even if you never go on it. Read all the books you meant to read.

I have heard of schemes where volunteers commit to phoning an elderly person living alone once a week so that they hear another voice and don't feel so isolated. Something like that might fit your schedule.

Try meetup.com. They have a lot of groups and a wide variety of interests. You can find groups in your area.

This happened to my mom. My parents divorced after 25 years of marriage. My brother and I were off to college. My sister was still in high school. My mom worked full time but didn't hang out with her co workers. She also didn't want to hang out with friends that hung out with my dad too.

She had to rebuild her social life. My mom found a church group that she became part of. After my sister left for college, she traveled the world with this group of friends. She volunteered. She found things to keep her busy. Her world really opened up.

I know you said you don't want to join a church and I totally understand that. But maybe you can find a book club or some other group. There are lots of interest groups on meet up.com.

Will you go to work full time or don't you need to? Work is a great place to meet people!

Yoga or a gym is a good place to start. BFF and I would go, my old Japanese teacher was there, her niece, a couple of other friends and then we were6 at yoga. That was fun. No men in sight and we just had fun. I didn’t meet anyone new but I did have a great time!

Spend some time dreaming! Brainstorm...write every bit of it down, even if it sounds crazy! Where have you always wanted to go but didn't have time or $$? Anything you've always wanted to do but put on hold because of xyz?

Now is a great time to put that stuff on a list and make a plan and start taking action to reach those goals....even if it is just towards one thing and even it it will take awhile. I think you need to find something that you will look forward to for you....

Congratulations. Did you sign the FINAL divorce papers or are they still pending? My divorce took a few years (4, I think). We were engaged in 1980, married by 1984, had 2 kids by 1990 and then final decree came in 2011 (began in 2007). I ended up with nothing but his debt after we were done, but I was relieved to end it.

It's a big change,even if you're thrilled about it. I met current DH and moved in with him and still felt that emptiness of my little family. You mourn it.

Definitely working out could help you focus and boost your ego. Do things to lift your spirit. Reach out to friends & family. It's a whole new chapter and I wish you the best!

Sometimes local community centres have classes etc. Ours also has a Senior’s group and they meet up for games, walks etc. The starting age is 50. Adverise your business in their flyer. Does your local Government pay Census takers? It’s a great way to get out a couple weeks a year. Take your dog for walks at dog parks.

I joine a gym after my divorce and it was great. It allowed me to clear my head and got me in shape at the same time.

Find some activity that interests you. Book club as mentioned. My SIL is taking a carving class at local college. I know someone who took an automotive class to learn how to do car upkeep. I belong to a blanket making group. In short--any activity that interests you in which you can talk with other adults.

Make a point to get outside the house at least 3 times per week so that you don't fall into the hermit mode.
Eat a meal with some other adult at least once per week.

I’m so sorry you are going through this.

Maybe sit down and make a list of hobbies or activities you are even remotely interested in, and then do a search online to see if there are any local groups you can join?

What interests you? Think about it and go in that direction.. I love your matter of fact approach, It’s very healthy. You will be ok, and I wish you the best.

I did this too and it really helped clear up a lot of the noise in my head. Funny enough, I also watched a lot of Friends as well; I suspect it was because it was just easy, mindless noise in an otherwise too quiet of a home.

Don't rush into anything; just breathe for awhile and start remembering who you are and what you like. Let yourself mourn a little - even if it did end on a bad note, there was something there for at least some of those 25 years and now the future looks a lot different than you had thought it was going to be for many of those years.

I'm sorry to hear about your youngest. My kids also had a very difficult time emotionally (it sounds like they were about the same ages) and I found counselling really helped them a great deal. They didn't go for long but they learned how to deal with all the changes and new people that suddenly became part of their lives. One pops back in every so often for a tune-up as he calls it. I'm just grateful they found something that worked for them.

Keep reaching out to people, here and in real life, even if just to say hi. I found it was pretty easy to go off grid and start wallowing and thinking too much about the "what ifs". Just walking around the block or making a new recipe would usually get me out of my head.