I need a safe place to freak out, so here I am!

I've shared recently that my job is ending at the end of Jan. Until then, I'm on reduced hours as we basically run out the clock.

DH has been working steadily for our company, but there's just not enough work to cover all of our bills without my help. We have savings, so we're not in dire straits, but we will be if I don't find something soon.

DH has been looking hard for a permanent gig for the past year. Last spring we got taken in by a scam that still makes no sense. Luckily, we got out of it early, so we basically only lost 2 weeks work. 

Today's freak out is courtesy of DH's latest job possibility. He had interviewed over the phone and then in person for a job that would have been so ideal for him. Even with his worsening kidney situation, he could have done this job well. He had made it to the final interviews and they had called him Friday to let him know it was between him and 2 others. Today they let him know it's going to someone else.

This happens, I know. Something better is probably waiting down the yellow brick road, I'm sure. yada yada. I can't breathe today, though. If he couldn't get this job, which he was so obviously suited to, how will he get another? Was it his age? His residual stroke effects - stiff left side, slight speech slur? What???

Meanwhile, I'm not seeing much work that I might be a fit for and I honestly can't figure out how I can work out of home and commute and still handle the details of our business and DH's health. I just can't breathe. I can't even cry because DH will be home soon and he'll need/expect me to be his cheerleader.

I just can't breathe.

Marcy

update 9:30.  I want to thank y’all for the support and sympathy. I needed it so desperately. I’ve had a Xanax and a shower and I’m sitting here working on my resume with my DD remotely. Tomorrow will be better, I’m sureish. Lol. Love Y’all!

1/22. Today the shit kept rolling, but I really felt better able to handle it. My almost 4 yo oven freaked out this morning. Started shrieking and flashing an error code. I had no idea it could do that. I had to turn the power off at the fuse box to make it stop. When I turned the power back on, it started shrieking again, so I had to leave the power off u til it had cooled off. My mom almost shed a tear when she realized it had been her loaf of bread in the oven when it died. I went online to our neighborhood Nextdoor group and found a thread with applian repair recommendations and scheduled the repair for tomorrow 

next iopened up up the water bill and found out how much the broken pipe in the front yard was going to cost. Compared to what the last cost, this was peanuts. Big honking peanuts, but still much less. I emailed the repair bill to the water folks and they’ll work with me on it. Not sure how much they can knock off, but any amount helps, right?

so, much calmer today, even as I’m wading Thru it. I don’t usually freak out, but my shoulders can only carry so much. I am so grateful that I have y’all to listen to me whine. I can’t tell you how much it means to me.

thank you,
marcy