I need advice on living with an addict!

Have you thought about private counseling to supplement the group? It may help.

I don't have any helpful advice but damn you have a lot on your plate. I hope you can get help and advice soon. (Hugs)

My ex husband is an alcoholic — I’m not sure how much that differs on a daily level from other substance addictions, but I wanted to give you a hug and my support anyway.

Even though I understood that addiction is a disease, and I understood this on a logical level, how I’ve come to understand it on a pragmatic level since we’ve separated is different. It might be a disease but I now realize it’s more like fighting an invisible, unpredictable, invasive demon. It is pervasive and changes everything. That addicted man was not the same man... his thought process was altered, his disposition changed, he was a diseased version of his previous self. That addiction altered everything about our lives because it was the all-consuming driving force behind everything he did. And it altered me too, because he was so desperate to hide his addiction he would manipulate me and went to extensive lengths to lie and deny and when his altered reality did not meet real life, he’d have to attack my sanity to defend himself. This meant living in an unstable environment where when I asked where our money was, I was told I didn’t understand how numbers worked — and really, any situation that didn’t make sense because it was the result of addictive behaviours was always turned into wild and unfounded accusations of how I was too stupid or unable to see the real truth that he was capable of understanding. And while it may seem easy when someone isn’t in that situation to stand back and say they’d never let that happen to them or tolerate it, addictions aren’t often acquired over night, and addictive behaviour seems to take practice and time. And all those days and times and nights I felt like I was going insane and felt helpless... well, I wasn’t insane and I wasn’t to blame, and I was only helpless in the sense that the person I thought I could trust and believe wasn’t really there as his complete and whole self, because this horrible monstrous demon was always there too.

Yes, go to Al-Anon. They should welcome you, and it can change your life. Stick with it for a while even if you aren’t sure about it.

And I’m sorry! It’s a tough haul.

YES ... get to al anon ... it will be hard and uncomfotable at first .. but you will learn so much 💔💜

I have no advice but just wanted to to give you a hug. ❤

I sat through exactly one Al Anon meeting. And that was it. I decided right then and there I was divorcing my ex. I will never live with an addict again. I love my children with all my heart, but I absolutely won't allow either of them in my house if there is alcohol or drugs abuse. I realized right away what it had done to me and my kids living with an addict. Go. Listen. Think about it long and hard. Hugs.

Al anon is what is available for us. They welcome all. Have been going for a few weeks now. One thing I have heard in the groups is that if this group is not working for you (you are not connecting to others) then try another group with different people until you find a group you connect with. Basically, don't give up! We are going to a meeting in a few minutes. There are also facebook groups that have a lot of people talking about things. This might help too. I never thought I would be going to these meetings. It is not easy! I have many emotions about this life change I have to make.

I'm sorry. Please protect yourself.

I have no advice, Sharla, but I'm thinking of you.

No advice other than to say AA helped my brother a great deal when he was struggling. There are several people in our extended families who had addiction issues and it is really hard to watch so I completely sympathize. Hugs Sharla, I hope you are able to find a group that is helpful for you.