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Post by putabuttononit on Oct 3, 2014 17:18:11 GMT
(Long sorry)
Peas weigh in on situation we are facing. My daughter's friend is emotionally fragile and has been severely depressed, and was suicidal last year. She's doing much better but yesterday had a panic attack at school and had to go see the nurse.
My dd told me why she had the attack and showed me some twitter tweets from a crazy girl at school, who is in stalker-love with my nephew. They didn't date, his parents made him cut off all contact because they don't think she's stable.
Heres the connection: My nephew has a cute crush on my daughters friend, Saphie. They aren't a "thing" but this nutty girl got wind of it. She started a twitter attack on Saphie, and the words are shocking. This is public. Anyone can read it. "Yeah that's right Bitch, oblivious stupid bitch. I mentally shoot you in the head twenty times every time I walk past you"
Saphie and my dd decided not to be scared, and since my nephew had given his football jersey to Saph, she wore it to school yesterday. She shyly likes him back but they have been friends since six weeks old, so it's more a sweet friendship than anything else so far.
The twitter attacks continued, resulting in Saphie having the panic attack. She was glared at and the friend of the crazy girl muttered some stuff to her. Saphie tore off the jersey and had a hard time calming down until she'd called somebody to bring her another shirt to school. My dd got glares and mutters directed at her too, since she's the friend.
My dd shared all of this with me. She's very afraid for her friends emotional health. She said her parents know and may pull her out of school to protect her. Saphie in tears yesterday said she doesn't want anything to do with my nephew because it could get her killed. I said the school needs to know what's going on! My dd said a teacher (this gets complicated because its my nephews dad) said he would "take care of it" and he went to the crazy girls mom. Apparently he didn't go to the principal because he hates him.
The crazy girl, Karen, next tweeted "Trying to get me in trouble won't work, Bitch, my mom don't care and she's on my side."
Then that teacher, (my bil) called my dd over to him after school last night. He said "Make it stop" and she said "what? Are you you talking about Saphie?" And he said "Yes, make it stop now." My dd said "what can I do?" And he walked away.
I drove to town, which is not near us, and went to the police station and asked to talk to the school resource officer. I wanted to get educated. I see these threats as not just a school issue but a crime. And I'm not directly involved, and don't want to rush in to the school until I get the picture from the law enforcement side.
The officer was very professional and took it very seriously but said since she didn't use names he couldn't See how it would be pc (probable cause) He said go to the school.
I told my dd she would be the best one to talk to the principal. We have a lot of respect for him and are personal friends. I told her if she doesn't feel comfortable I would do it. I am very worried. This girl has made threats against my niece, my sister, and anyone close to my nephew. My sister took his phone so she could field anything coming from this girl. My nephew hasn't had a phone in three months. He doesn't go to the school but plays football there. He's not allowed any contact with her so this crazy stuff is especially insane because of its duration and not even being current.
My dh doesn't want us to go to the school. We are careful about showing up until we have exhausted all other things. There is so much drama when a parent goes into that principals office and shuts the door. I swear I wish he had a secret office off campus. I can't even call because the secretary's are all friends with this girls mom, etc.
This is a mess. A nightmare because even if I go there, Karen gets punished or expelled, Saphie could be in grave danger. Her fragile emotional health is a major consideration too.
Its Friday. Something needs to be done. What would you do?
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Post by littlemama on Oct 3, 2014 17:27:08 GMT
Think of it like this: You feel that someone may be in grave danger. You don't go to the school. Something happens. Could you live with yourself?
This is not something to be taken lightly, and if you are concerned about privacy, I would call the principal and ask to meet offsite.
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Post by putabuttononit on Oct 3, 2014 17:32:10 GMT
That's exactly it. Of course I couldn't live with myself. I've known Saphie since the day she was born, I was there at the hospital. I want to call but Karens mom works in the office. I do have an idea though, I can call and ask for the school counselor, who is the principals wife. I can ask her to privately have him call me.
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Deleted
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Jun 18, 2024 11:06:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2014 17:36:56 GMT
Something definitely needs to be done. I think if I were in your place, I'd start with the school and then go to the police if the school doesn't do anything.
I think cyber-bullying is much more complicated than just expelling/removing the main bully. There was a sad case here in Canada a few years ago about a girl who was being bullied... I don't remember the exact details or timeline, but she moved schools/tried to move on, and tried to kill herself. The bullying followed her to her new city/school, with kids bullying her because she was "so stupid she couldn't even kill herself right". I think she did ultimately succeed in suicide. It's a sad, difficult, complicated problem.
I'm not blaming the victim AT ALL but I think in addition to seeing bullies reprimanded/charged for their atrocious behaviour and abuse, the victims of bullying need some pretty good counselling and help, too. Not just to deal with the damage caused by the bullying, but to strengthen themselves and overcome their own issues.
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Post by rumplesnat on Oct 3, 2014 17:37:41 GMT
Then that teacher, (my bil) called my dd over to him after school last night. He said "Make it stop" and she said "what? Are you you talking about Saphie?" And he said "Yes, make it stop now." My dd said "what can I do?" And he walked away. What does this mean? I'd be at the school and calling the superintendent to make them aware. Get screenshots of the online harassment, too. Where are Saphie's parents? |
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Oct 3, 2014 17:41:36 GMT
Do what the School Resource Officer at the Police Station said to do. Our school has bullying policies, perhaps yours does as well. If you believe someone to be in danger I think you should report it. You may want to take notes as well. Good luck. Please report back.
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smartypants71
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,722 
Location: Houston, TX
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Post by smartypants71 on Oct 3, 2014 17:41:38 GMT
Besides *maybe* pulling her out of school, what are Saphie's parents doing? THEY should be up at the school getting to the bottom of it. And your BIL saying "make it stop?" WTF?
I think everyone involved needs to be talking with the principal, and if that gets you nowhere? Then keep going up.
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Post by putabuttononit on Oct 3, 2014 17:47:46 GMT
My dd took screenshots of all of the tweets.
Saphie's parents and I aren't close, but used to be. My dd said they know "everything" but I'm not sure what Saphie has actually told them.
I don't know what my bil meant. We surmise that he knows my dd is somewhat popular and has a strong leadership personality. But he is the adult teacher, it's not something she can "fix" on her own.
He should have taken this to the principal.
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Deleted
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Jun 18, 2024 11:06:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2014 17:49:37 GMT
I don't understand why YOU aren't taking this to the principal or filing a complaint/whatever? Why all this tip-toeing around with getting other people involved to pass messages to their husbands?
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Post by putabuttononit on Oct 3, 2014 18:00:11 GMT
Mainly because I have a dd who shares the things with me that are going on in her life, openly. I don't want her to close down because I overreact or bring things down on her head. If you have teens you will know this difficult balance. I absolutely want results but I want to be wise about it, and thought I'd ask for other parents input before acting in case I'm overlooking something, being in the midst of it. I definitely will take some sort of action today. I just want to go about it in the best possible way.
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Post by rumplesnat on Oct 3, 2014 18:01:40 GMT
I wouldn't be tip toeing, either.
Girl's mom works in the office and that intimidates you from going there? Oh, hell no. Is she a bully, too? And the counselor is the principal's wife? Your BIL, a teacher who should be protecting children, is putting this back on your daughter as her responsibility to fix?
This school sound like a batshit crazy web of batshit crazy.
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Post by Sam on Oct 3, 2014 18:10:05 GMT
If your daughter has chosen to share with you, it's probably because she knows she can't (and shouldn't have to) deal with this on her own. Sit with her and tell her what you think you should do, which is..
1/ Speak to the friend's parents (which would have been top of my list before anything else given her fragile mental state) and the fact that I am sure you'd want to know and would be happy to have concern shown to you if you did know. IF I knew as her Mother, I'd have been contacting you already to find out what the heck was going on, so don't assume that because a third party tells you they know that they do.
2/ Talk to the principle out of school as you said that he is a personal friend if you are too concerned about office gossips to do so in school time.
I do believe that in many cases teenagers should be the ones making the decisions and taking responsibility but not that this is one of those.
If you discuss this openly with your daughter I'm sure she would agree with you, especially given how concerned she is about her friend.
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Post by putabuttononit on Oct 3, 2014 18:12:41 GMT
For a bit of humor too good to be true, it's the elem school that has the bat problem. Real bats. Flying around. One smacked the principal in the head.
But yeah, there's some crazy stuff at the high school.
(sorry forgot to include the quote I was responding to with this comment. See above about bats)
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Oct 3, 2014 18:36:07 GMT
Instead of going directly to the school, I think you should talk to Saphie's parents and provide them with the evidence of bullying. They may not know what is going on and they are in the best position to advocate for their daughter.
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
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Post by LeaP on Oct 3, 2014 19:05:14 GMT
I would start at the school. Our school had grade level councilors who could escalate as needed. There were a few instagram bullying incidents but I don't much about them since my daughter was not involved. I just happened to be at the school when the parents were there to talk to the Vice Principal. In my experience, the school took all bullying very seriously.
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Post by cmpeter on Oct 3, 2014 19:23:44 GMT
I have a dd that shares with me too. Our general agreement has always been that if someone is in danger, I do something (call the parents, call the school, call CPS, etc.). She knows this and it hasn't shut down the communication.
I would have called the principal and Saphie's parents right away. If I was Saphie's mom I would have been calling the other girls parents right away. If you mess with my kids, you mess with me. I don't care if that causes drama, I want my kids to know I have their backs and if their friends need me to be there for them, I have their backs too.
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Post by putabuttononit on Oct 3, 2014 19:31:38 GMT
Tweets today so far:
"I'm not the jealous type but when it's mine it's mine. End of story"
"I hope you're lonely tonight Bitch"
"If I act crazily out of anger it's because I just love you"
"Hate feeling like somebody is drifting away, when you all you want is for them to stay"
Saphie told my dd she's resisting the temptation to go on twitter at all today, and she's "holding up okay, won't let her get to me again like that"
I'm waiting for the lunch period at school to be over, then calling.
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tiffanytwisted
Pearl Clutcher
you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
Posts: 4,538
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Oct 3, 2014 19:40:47 GMT
I agree w/pp - your daughter came to you because she even if she doesn't realize it, she wants you to do something. If she really wanted to keep it a secret, she wouldn't have told you.
I also agree - no more tiptoeing. If you want to avoid other people finding out, ask the principal for an appointment after the office staff has gone for the day.
And I agree that it is Saphie's & your nephew's parents who need to be handling this. If they aren't aware of what's going on, then I think you need to share w/them all that you know, but the only thing you should be going to the principal and/or police with is what's happening to your daughter. Technically, she's the only one who is your responsibility.
However you decide to handle it, good luck.
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Post by Sam on Oct 3, 2014 19:55:04 GMT
Tweets today so far: "I'm not the jealous type but when it's mine it's mine. End of story" "I hope you're lonely tonight Bitch" "If I act crazily out of anger it's because I just love you" "Hate feeling like somebody is drifting away, when you all you want is for them to stay" Saphie told my dd she's resisting the temptation to go on twitter at all today, and she's "holding up okay, won't let her get to me again like that" I'm waiting for the lunch period at school to be over, then calling. Finally. Did you speak to the girl's parents as well, or will you put that off until after lunch? I hope all goes well and the results are 'right' for all involved. |
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Post by scrapsotime on Oct 3, 2014 20:06:34 GMT
Tweets today so far: "I'm not the jealous type but when it's mine it's mine. End of story" "I hope you're lonely tonight Bitch" "If I act crazily out of anger it's because I just love you" "Hate feeling like somebody is drifting away, when you all you want is for them to stay" Saphie told my dd she's resisting the temptation to go on twitter at all today, and she's "holding up okay, won't let her get to me again like that" I'm waiting for the lunch period at school to be over, then calling. She sounds a bit stalkerish, also. |
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Post by christine58 on Oct 3, 2014 20:12:11 GMT
Here in NYS we (and other states too I think) have the DASA policy. www.p12.nysed.gov/dignityact/ I thought it was a federal mandate but I guess not. This girl's parents need to know---need to go to the police. NOW |
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Post by BeckyTech on Oct 3, 2014 20:29:53 GMT
BLOCK THE CRAZY GIRL ON TWITTER! Yes, I'm shouting, cut her off from your daughter, her friend, and nephew. Here is how to block a twitter account. When the crazy person opens a new twitter account, block that one and the next one and so on. Your daughter and her friends can also go private on Twitter. |
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Post by BeckyTech on Oct 3, 2014 20:32:42 GMT
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2014 20:56:08 GMT
Your daughter attends this school? I thought you homeschooled?  |
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Post by putabuttononit on Oct 3, 2014 21:07:54 GMT
Your daughter attends this school? I thought you homeschooled? We have always homeschooled until this year, her senior year. We let her choose. I was happy that she took weeks to decide, but finally she decided she wanted to try to make it to honors choir and audition for state choir. She has been on the basketball team for years and is a starter, so has a lot of friends there. My younger dd is still home educated. |
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Deleted
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Jun 18, 2024 11:06:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2014 21:25:40 GMT
There is so much wrong with what you have said here, that I don't even know where to start. Someone (hint: the principal) at that school needs to step up and act like a competent adult. He needs to put a stop to all the rumor-mongering, gossip-spreading and game playing-amongst the adults. No wonder all this is going on with the kids. If he can't or won't step up, then someone needs to go to district administration or the school board. And WTH? with your BIL, and him telling your daughter to put a stop to this? Is he the newphew's father?  I'd say it's time to stop tip-toeing around everyone and confront the issues head on. And ITA with those who said that the friend and nephews parents need to be involved. |
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Post by **Angie** on Oct 3, 2014 23:07:37 GMT
Call the cops. Cyber bullying isn't just a school issue, unless the other girl is only doing it at school. And even if she is only doing it on school property, I repeat: whomever is Saphie's guardian needs to call the police. Now.
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Post by BeckyTech on Oct 6, 2014 21:51:37 GMT
putabuttononit, did the kids block the girl on Twitter and do you have any updates?
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
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Post by scrapaddie on Oct 6, 2014 22:27:45 GMT
Good advice here, but I want to add that you should never have involved Bil. Teachers do not have the training or the authority to deal with this and he should have referred it to someone who does... Counselor. Principal. I also cannot believe you hVe not talked to the parents. While you are tiptoeing around, this child Is suffering!
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
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Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Oct 6, 2014 22:57:05 GMT
I agree w/pp - your daughter came to you because she even if she doesn't realize it, she wants you to do something. If she really wanted to keep it a secret, she wouldn't have told you. I also agree - no more tiptoeing. If you want to avoid other people finding out, ask the principal for an appointment after the office staff has gone for the day. And I agree that it is Saphie's & your nephew's parents who need to be handling this. If they aren't aware of what's going on, then I think you need to share w/them all that you know, but the only thing you should be going to the principal and/or police with is what's happening to your daughter. Technically, she's the only one who is your responsibility. However you decide to handle it, good luck. I agree with Tiffany. This is Saphie's parents' problem. Tell them what you know and then back out of it. |
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