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Post by miranda on Mar 20, 2019 1:35:40 GMT
Longtime marriage between snorers so there are separate bedrooms necessary for a good night's sleep. As you can imagine not so great on the sex life. Between that and a busy household sex isn't happening much.
Honestly I feel like i'm the initiator most of the time and i'm frustrated by that too. There is no affair, I know/have access to his schedule or he's here.
Anyone else experienced the separate bedrooms and how do you keep your love life alive? Code words or some signal you might have that indicates interest? Works for me to just wander in for a visit (you know men are usually easily interested), but he doesn't seem to do that - I think mainly because he's not sure of my interest level especially since I go to bed earlier and am out the minute my head hits the pillow. Think we need a little creativity here or something.
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Mar 20, 2019 1:40:50 GMT
Get checked for sleep apnea. Both of you may need a cpap. Earplugs.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Mar 20, 2019 2:12:15 GMT
I’d fix the snoring 1st. Sleep study. Either of you over weight? Deviated septum, etc
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Post by freecharlie on Mar 20, 2019 2:15:10 GMT
We sleep in the same bed and dh's medication makes sex pretty much nonexistent.
Is it possible to schedule a date night? Or sleep with earplugs or elevate heads or something?
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Post by ~summer~ on Mar 20, 2019 2:20:10 GMT
Do you want to sleep in the same bed? For that and for health reasons I would address the snoring first.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 26, 2024 23:36:28 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2019 2:42:22 GMT
Like the other peas have said, get checked out. In the meantime, do either of you have a tv in your room? If so, perhaps the both of you can wind down and relax in the same bed before returning to your respective beds. Hopefully that will allow for more opportunities for the mood to strike.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 26, 2024 23:36:28 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2019 6:05:35 GMT
We have been married 40 years now. For 25 of those years, or maybe more, we have slept apart. I’m a night owl, he likes to go to sleep at 8 pm. He likes to get up early & worry about his business... I like to watch tv until late thendrag my self out of bed.
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Post by gar on Mar 20, 2019 8:49:17 GMT
Talk to him about it. Ask if he's unsure of your interest levels. Suggest that you'd like more intimacy. Sort it out together.
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Post by Patter on Mar 20, 2019 10:27:44 GMT
DDs husband snores SO loud that when I stayed with them last week, I could hear him in the room I was sleeping. Their door was closed, and I still heard him. We purchased her Bose Sleepbuds, and she truly no longer hears him!!!!!!! She was not sleeping well at all but now sleeps wonderfully. I highly recommend the Sleepbuds.
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Post by miranda on Mar 20, 2019 10:43:05 GMT
Do you want to sleep in the same bed? For that and for health reasons I would address the snoring first. I'm hesitant to say I want to sleep in the same bed. Ideally I guess it would be nice, but to be honest I sleep so much better by myself. I've never been a fan of earplugs, honestly they scare me a bit because i'd feel cut off from something going on in the house (unlikely but possible break in, kid issue, etc.) Sleep study done, no issue. Yes could lose a few pounds. dh will sleep propped up some if we are away and that helps, but I find I don't sleep as well. I realize a big stumbling block is not being in the same bed and not going to bed at the same times. It seems like we almost need to set something up, but that isn't going well. |
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anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,827
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Mar 20, 2019 10:59:10 GMT
I 2nd the talk about it solution.... does he know how you are feeling??? Just straight up say... I want you to come to my room more often.. I dont want it scheduled but I do want it weekly or twice a week or whatever... but I think you have to actually say the words..
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Post by Patter on Mar 20, 2019 12:39:34 GMT
Do you want to sleep in the same bed? For that and for health reasons I would address the snoring first. I'm hesitant to say I want to sleep in the same bed. Ideally I guess it would be nice, but to be honest I sleep so much better by myself. I've never been a fan of earplugs, honestly they scare me a bit because i'd feel cut off from something going on in the house (unlikely but possible break in, kid issue, etc.) Sleep study done, no issue. Yes could lose a few pounds. dh will sleep propped up some if we are away and that helps, but I find I don't sleep as well. I realize a big stumbling block is not being in the same bed and not going to bed at the same times. It seems like we almost need to set something up, but that isn't going well. I hate earplugs too but the Bose Sleepbuds don't work like that. My daughter also can't stand anything in her ears, and she doesn't even feel these. You can still hear the person, hear them talk, etc. You set the sound to the same decibel as the snoring. It then just blocks that and not the "goings on" in the house, etc. They really are a cool, cool concept and work. There are a few others here that have them and love them also. My hubby also has a pair and loves them too! |
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Post by mikklynn on Mar 20, 2019 13:53:51 GMT
Do you want to sleep in the same bed? For that and for health reasons I would address the snoring first. I'm hesitant to say I want to sleep in the same bed. Ideally I guess it would be nice, but to be honest I sleep so much better by myself. I've never been a fan of earplugs, honestly they scare me a bit because i'd feel cut off from something going on in the house (unlikely but possible break in, kid issue, etc.) Sleep study done, no issue. Yes could lose a few pounds. dh will sleep propped up some if we are away and that helps, but I find I don't sleep as well. I realize a big stumbling block is not being in the same bed and not going to bed at the same times. It seems like we almost need to set something up, but that isn't going well. We had a plan to always have sex on Saturday morning. This was after we had an empty nest, of course! Having a plan really helps. You can still be spontaneous at other times. |
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Mar 20, 2019 14:56:26 GMT
I don't think sleeping in the same bed is necessary... not if you're both more rested sleeping separately. But you do have to discuss the situation (wanting more intimate time) with him, and maybe you DO need to work out a bit of a schedule-- you go to his room on Thursdays, he comes to your room on Tuesdays-- 'relaxing' in your bedroom on Saturdays, something like that.
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Post by chlerbie on Mar 20, 2019 18:56:55 GMT
Sometimes having a "plan" is fun. We send each other texts and emails and kind of build it up during the day. (But we do share the same bed.)
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Post by needmysanity on Mar 20, 2019 19:04:06 GMT
We have been married and have never slept in the same bed. He snores (and it's not due to sleep apnea - he has been checked). I'm a light sleeper so ear plugs don't cut it. I freeze at night, he sleeps with only a sheet. I stay up late, he goes to bed early. Separate rooms work for us.
As far as being intimate...that hasn't been an issue with separate rooms. We visit each other often 
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421 
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Post by luvnlifelady on Mar 20, 2019 21:19:26 GMT
My parents had separate bedrooms for years and I think it’s much more common than people think. However, I also did it and I think it at least contributed to the downfall of my marriage. There were bigger problems than separate bedrooms but it just made it so that we really weren’t together, let alone communicated much at all.
We did have a codeword for sex but we also had teenagers and they were on to that pretty quickly.
Even now that I am a new relationship, it is ratger difficult for me to sleep in the same bed all night with another person. He snores and I think I might even snore and just different sleep schedules and sleep preferences and it’s pretty much almost guaranteed that I will wind up in the spare room at sometime during the night.
However, we at least start together every night.
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,313
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Mar 20, 2019 22:46:27 GMT
I've never been a fan of earplugs, honestly they scare me a bit because i'd feel cut off from something going on in the house (unlikely but possible break in, kid issue, etc.) I have worn earplugs since my 20s and I am in my 50s now. Started when I worked nights shifts as an RN and living in a busy apartment building. When I had my first child I did the whole sleep in the same room, no ear plugs. Crap that was awful. Third night home he was in his own room down the hall, and my ear plugs went back in. I never missed his cries. Any abnormal sounds woke me up, the ear plugs drowned out the white noise, the back ground every day noises. |
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,313
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Mar 20, 2019 22:48:21 GMT
We purchased her Bose Sleepbud So I saw this and thought I would love something like that. Then I realized what they were, ear buds with white noise. I wear ear plugs to drown out that kind of sounds. I don't like to hear any kind of repetetive sound when I try to sleep. |
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Post by Patter on Mar 21, 2019 10:06:10 GMT
We purchased her Bose Sleepbud So I saw this and thought I would love something like that. Then I realized what they were, ear buds with white noise. I wear ear plugs to drown out that kind of sounds. I don't like to hear any kind of repetetive sound when I try to sleep. Ha, ha. We LOVE whitenoise. I have a fan running on my face each night and separate "rain" on my RainRain app. Hubby then wears his sleepbuds.  |
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