mlana
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by mlana on Jul 1, 2019 19:02:24 GMT
home?
I've shared the many extra things I do to keep my husband going with his CKD, so I thought I'd ask this.
I love to cook, do crafts, garden, make my home look nice, etc. I do take a lot of enjoyment from doing these things. But many of the daily chores that I do, like cooking every day or cleaning the kitchen or watering plants when it's really hot, are not particularly enjoyable every day. I do them anyway, because they have to be done, same as every other woman does, right?
When my kids were growing up, I didn't do much cooking on the weekends. I made sure there was something they could make into a sandwich or rice bowl, or something they could snack on, but I didn't actually cook 3 meals a day. Any cooking I did was pretty much just because I wanted to try a new recipe or technique. We had a generous food budget, so we ate out a lot on the weekends.
Now, we mostly eat every meal we have at home and I do all of the cooking. This means on the weekend, I have to cook at least twice, usually 3 times a day. If my mom is here, she insists on cleaning the kitchen after I'm done and DD will usually do it if she thinks about it. DH no longer thinks he should have to do any chores, including the ones he agreed to do, so when it's just us, I cook and clean. Because of this, I spend a lot of the weekend in the kitchen.
I didn't feel well a couple of weeks ago, but no one offered to go heat up the things I had in the fridge. Instead, they expected that if I didn't have it ready, we were going to get take out. Our budget didn't allow for that and they got really pissy about it. When I pointed out that I normally cooked every day whether I wanted to or not, my DD was absolutely gobsmacked that I considered this to be a chore - she truly believed that I was just doing this because it was my idea of fun! I could tell she was completely taken aback that I wasn't thrilled to be cooking for them. (DD is 24, a college graduate, and live on her own - not a kid!)
Since then, I've been thinking about the way I look at the things I do around the house.
I don't think in terms of doing research on DH's illness - I think I spend time fooling around on the computer.
I don't think that trying a new recipe to increase the variety in DH's diet - I think I played in the kitchen.
I don't think I raised herbs to make our food safer and more palatable, I think I dabbled in gardening.
See what I mean?
Without ever thinking about it, I've lowered my self-worth by not giving myself credit for the JOBS and WORK I do around the house. My family didn't do this - I did. Over the years I've taught them that only when I'm working on something that directly affects our company am I actually 'working.' the rest of the time I'm doing 'Mom Stuff' or working on a hobby.
I didn't realize just how this affected me until I realized how hard it is for me to watch instructional YouTube or Lynda.com videos during the day. Even though I am watching them to learn new job skills, I have a hard time sitting on the bed with the video playing on the tv and working along on my laptop. In my mind, this is something I should be doing at night since it's for personal enrichment and personal enrichment falls under something selfish, not family. I'm doing this so I can get a good paying position, but my mind doesn't want to accept that line of thought. I have really had to think about it to change my approach so I can do this without feeling very guilty.
How do you separate what you do for fun, for personal enjoyment, from what you do as the person who runs your household? When does a hobby or fun thing become a chore that time spent on it should be considered 'working' time and not 'me' time?
Marcy
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 0:05:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2019 19:49:27 GMT
home? I've shared the many extra things I do to keep my husband going with his CKD, so I thought I'd ask this. I love to cook, do crafts, garden, make my home look nice, etc. I do take a lot of enjoyment from doing these things. But many of the daily chores that I do, like cooking every day or cleaning the kitchen or watering plants when it's really hot, are not particularly enjoyable every day. I do them anyway, because they have to be done, same as every other woman does, right? When my kids were growing up, I didn't do much cooking on the weekends. I made sure there was something they could make into a sandwich or rice bowl, or something they could snack on, but I didn't actually cook 3 meals a day. Any cooking I did was pretty much just because I wanted to try a new recipe or technique. We had a generous food budget, so we ate out a lot on the weekends. Now, we mostly eat every meal we have at home and I do all of the cooking. This means on the weekend, I have to cook at least twice, usually 3 times a day. If my mom is here, she insists on cleaning the kitchen after I'm done and DD will usually do it if she thinks about it. DH no longer thinks he should have to do any chores, including the ones he agreed to do, so when it's just us, I cook and clean. Because of this, I spend a lot of the weekend in the kitchen. I didn't feel well a couple of weeks ago, but no one offered to go heat up the things I had in the fridge. Instead, they expected that if I didn't have it ready, we were going to get take out. Our budget didn't allow for that and they got really pissy about it. When I pointed out that I normally cooked every day whether I wanted to or not, my DD was absolutely gobsmacked that I considered this to be a chore - she truly believed that I was just doing this because it was my idea of fun! I could tell she was completely taken aback that I wasn't thrilled to be cooking for them. (DD is 24, a college graduate, and live on her own - not a kid!) Since then, I've been thinking about the way I look at the things I do around the house. I don't think in terms of doing research on DH's illness - I think I spend time fooling around on the computer. I don't think that trying a new recipe to increase the variety in DH's diet - I think I played in the kitchen. I don't think I raised herbs to make our food safer and more palatable, I think I dabbled in gardening. See what I mean? Without ever thinking about it, I've lowered my self-worth by not giving myself credit for the JOBS and WORK I do around the house. My family didn't do this - I did. Over the years I've taught them that only when I'm working on something that directly affects our company am I actually 'working.' the rest of the time I'm doing 'Mom Stuff' or working on a hobby. I didn't realize just how this affected me until I realized how hard it is for me to watch instructional YouTube or Lynda.com videos during the day. Even though I am watching them to learn new job skills, I have a hard time sitting on the bed with the video playing on the tv and working along on my laptop. In my mind, this is something I should be doing at night since it's for personal enrichment and personal enrichment falls under something selfish, not family. I'm doing this so I can get a good paying position, but my mind doesn't want to accept that line of thought. I have really had to think about it to change my approach so I can do this without feeling very guilty. How do you separate what you do for fun, for personal enjoyment, from what you do as the person who runs your household? When does a hobby or fun thing become a chore that time spent on it should be considered 'working' time and not 'me' time? Marcy I don't guess I've ever been able to fool myself that cooking was playing in the kitchen. I have a strong dislike for cooking, gardening and all that stuff. I can see how it lowered your value. I expected the family to help out instead of leaving me to do it all. Me time was reading a book because I wanted to. Not because it was relevant to anything anyone else was doing. I could sit down in the rocker, read and rock just because it was relaxing. Not because it benefitted anyone else. |
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Jul 1, 2019 19:54:57 GMT
On the other hand, looking at those things as enjoyable rather than boring chores and becoming resentful about it, probably helped you to enjoy life more. However, finding a balance and having the rest of the family appreciate you is important.
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Post by Pahina722 on Jul 1, 2019 20:12:56 GMT
I’m with voltagain. I don’t consider cooking, gardening, or researching on the computer to be fun things—just things to be done—and my family knows that. DH and I split chores, with more weighted to his side, so the issue you’re having has never cropped up for me. My hobbies are reading and yarn stuff. My crochet and knitting might result in a gift for a family member, but it’s still primarily for my relaxation! |
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Post by Zee on Jul 1, 2019 20:17:13 GMT
I have zero guilt about doing things just for myself, especially now that my kids are grown. I have a lot of alone time when I'm not working and if I didn't have things to do that I enjoy I'd be pretty miserable.
I do most of the household chores but no one thinks I do them for fun. I do them because I want it done right.(that's on me that I'm completely anal about how the cleaning, etc is done)
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rickmer
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Post by rickmer on Jul 1, 2019 22:44:16 GMT
Without ever thinking about it, I've lowered my self-worth by not giving myself credit for the JOBS and WORK I do around the house. My family didn't do this - I did. Over the years I've taught them that only when I'm working on something that directly affects our company am I actually 'working.' the rest of the time I'm doing 'Mom Stuff' or working on a hobby. i think this is self-inflicted a bit... not you, "us" in general. i never go around bitching "i have done 9 loads of laundry i would rather be watching netflix" so because i do things that have to be done, the perception is "well mom takes care of that, it's what she does". in recent years, i have let it be known i do not *love* cooking. i will make your favourite burritos cuz we gotta eat something, i love you and you love them.... but make no mistake, i am not REVELLING in the joy of making burritos. i joke that dinner every single day, 7 days a week, seems a bit excessive. i have noticed since i have let that be known, DD (18) and MDS (almost 14) will step up and do some cooking or i ask when planning to grocery shop "is there anything you would like me to pick up so you can make a dinner one day this week". that seems to prompt the thought process, if you KWIM? i would be hurt though if i wasn't feeling well and people thought i couldn't wait to jump out of bed and reheat food for them. like really?? |
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freebird
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'cause I'm free as a bird now
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Post by freebird on Jul 1, 2019 23:44:54 GMT
Several points...
1. Tell your daughter that at 24 I had 2 mortgages, a preschooler and a newborn, a business AND I made most of my own meals without my mommy to bitch to.
2. When there's an expectation that I do something and when I do it, it's unappreciated.... I don't do it anymore. Watch me. I cook almost all our meals, fill my husband's plate and bring it to him every night. He ALWAYS says thank you with true appreciation, so after 11 years, I still do it. Once he tells me I need to make him a meal, gravy train will stop. Time to tell ppl to fend for themselves, there's sandwich fixings in the fridge. No take out.
3. I think the games you're playing in your head are backwards. Instead of "goofing off" doing stuff, you should tell yourself you're doing important work for YOU. Anyone that doesn't appreciate the important work you do, doesn't get to reap the rewards.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jul 2, 2019 0:57:10 GMT
I'll take it a step further. I am ill and I take care of my house and cook most nights. It would be impossible for me to hold down any job w/my situation. For many years I lived w/guilt that I wasn't doing enough and that I didn't have the right to enjoy myself, because I didn't work and couldn't do a lot of stuff around the house. My sil really brought it home. She said that she's amazed that someone who cannot eat cooks almost every night for her family and does so much for her kids. She thinks that is just awesome and really respects me for it. At the same time, she encourages me to do things that are enjoyable for myself. What am I gonna do, stare at the wall all day?
First, you need to give yourself a break. Then you need to allow yourself to enjoy things that you do. Playtime is crucial for a healthy mind, body and spirit. Your kids don't live your life. Only you know what you enjoy or not.
Be honest w/yourself and your family about what you do and don't enjoy and allow yourself the permission to do what you enjoy. Your dh is ill and that is a whole level of abnormal that many families don't face. My dh is my spouse and my caretaker. We have a well oiled machine here, brought on by years of practice. We really support eachother. I encourage him to take time off and enjoy himself and he encourages me to rest rest rest and also do small things that are enjoyable to me. However, I know that doesn't happen in every relationship. That makes a huge difference. You have to get comfortable inside your own brain and be OK w/what you contribute to the house and if anyone complains about it then give them a to-do list and let them walk a mile in your shoes.
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Post by nlwilkins on Jul 2, 2019 5:14:18 GMT
I hear ya loud! i was the homemaker for many years, cooking, sewing, cleaning. The buck stopped here. Sure, I could rope the girls into helping and even insisted upon it. But the bottom line was it was my responsibility to see that it got done. Then when the girls were on their own and hubby and I were on our own, it was just me. I did it all. Until one night I came home from grad school and found hubby washing dishes. The dishes had been piled up in the sink for days. I was not getting home til after ten and had to be at work by seven. So this night hubby decided to do the dishes. It took ALL NIGHT long for him but he did them. I was flabbergasted.
Fast froward to current times: I still get twinges when hubby helps out around the house at times. Basically, we clean house together til it is done. He cleans up in the kitchen I do the cooking and meal planning. But we go out to eat a bunch. It still is hard to sit still while he is working in the kitchen or he is helping out. I don't know if I will ever get over that funny feeling.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jul 2, 2019 5:43:36 GMT
Several points... 1. Tell your daughter that at 24 I had 2 mortgages, a preschooler and a newborn, a business AND I made most of my own meals without my mommy to bitch to. 2. When there's an expectation that I do something and when I do it, it's unappreciated.... I don't do it anymore. Watch me. I cook almost all our meals, fill my husband's plate and bring it to him every night. He ALWAYS says thank you with true appreciation, so after 11 years, I still do it. Once he tells me I need to make him a meal, gravy train will stop. Time to tell ppl to fend for themselves, there's sandwich fixings in the fridge. No take out. 3. I think the games you're playing in your head are backwards. Instead of "goofing off" doing stuff, you should tell yourself you're doing important work for YOU. Anyone that doesn't appreciate the important work you do, doesn't get to reap the rewards. Yes, this. For me it’s kind of the opposite. When we go out somewhere and DH enjoys a piece of pie that costs $4.00-$6.50 PER SLICE, I comment that my value just went UP, LOL. Same with cheesecake. Have you seen the cost of a whole cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory? It’s insane! Yes, I like to bake but there is a definite value in having those skills. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 2, 2019 10:47:22 GMT
This post is very timely for me. I'm struggling so much right now with depression. I do everything excluding lawn care and I am tired. I am feeling unappreciated. I am trying to figure out where to draw some boundaries. So everyone's posts are making me think about things.
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Post by hop2 on Jul 2, 2019 10:52:42 GMT
Several points... 1. Tell your daughter that at 24 I had 2 mortgages, a preschooler and a newborn, a business AND I made most of my own meals without my mommy to bitch to. 2. When there's an expectation that I do something and when I do it, it's unappreciated.... I don't do it anymore. Watch me. I cook almost all our meals, fill my husband's plate and bring it to him every night. He ALWAYS says thank you with true appreciation, so after 11 years, I still do it. Once he tells me I need to make him a meal, gravy train will stop. Time to tell ppl to fend for themselves, there's sandwich fixings in the fridge. No take out. 3. I think the games you're playing in your head are backwards. Instead of "goofing off" doing stuff, you should tell yourself you're doing important work for YOU. Anyone that doesn't appreciate the important work you do, doesn't get to reap the rewards. Yes. I literally stopped doing the things that everyone just assumed I’d do ‘because’ DD got it & began helping. The others not so much. Mind you I still at least made dinner 6 nights a week. I still grocery shopped. But I stopped picking up after other people, stopped dusting, etc. 3 times since my divorce ex has said he shouldn’t have divorced me & it occurred to me that maybe I should have stopped doing everything before we were divorced and maybe the appreciation for the things that were just ‘done’ would have come before he was left to fend for himself? I don’t really know, he might have just yelled st me done more instead. I think after this summer DS is finally having a light bulb moment. He’s living with ex whole on summer break & ex does nothing but nag him. |
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Post by sawwhet on Jul 2, 2019 12:55:32 GMT
I have zero guilt about doing things just for myself, especially now that my kids are grown. I have a lot of alone time when I'm not working and if I didn't have things to do that I enjoy I'd be pretty miserable. I do most of the household chores but no one thinks I do them for fun. I do them because I want it done right.(that's on me that I'm completely anal about how the cleaning, etc is done) I'm like this as well. My husband and I share chores. We are equal when it comes to cooking which is really great. But I don't feel guilty whatsoever for doing things that I enjoy. My family knows that I go for a power walk 5 days a week and do at home yoga on the weekends. I just tell them that it's yoga time, don't bug me unless the house is on fire. If everyone is at work (I'm off for the summer), I pretty much do whatever I want. My adult kids do their own laundry. One has been cooking for herself since grade school when she chose to be a vegetarian. We try to keep the main areas of the house tidy. I usually vacuum. They are responsible for their own spaces. I usually clean the bathroom which I hate but I get it done faster and better than the rest of them  Set some boundaries and don't be afraid to do things for yourself without guilt. Ask the rest of the family to prep a dish for Saturday night dinner or buy some prepared healthy food. Yesterday, my dh barbecued burgers and I bought a veggie platter, fruit platter and made a quinoa salad. Super easy, minimal effort. It's worth it some days. |
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schizo319
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Post by schizo319 on Jul 2, 2019 14:16:34 GMT
I do most of the household chores but no one thinks I do them for fun. I do them because I want it done right.(that's on me that I'm completely anal about how the cleaning, etc is done) I SO relate to this. DH will cook, and he's good at it, so that helps, but he literally couldn't care less if we live in a pig sty. I could've knocked is ass out when he came in whining about a 6 hour shift when I was barely 1/2 way through with a 13 hour cleaning/chore jag. |
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MerryMom
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Post by MerryMom on Jul 2, 2019 18:25:45 GMT
I finally figured out that people aren’t mind readers. There are people who are very clear they hate to cook whether through their words, the pained expression, or from the awful tasting food.
Perhaps your family thinks you like to cook or perhaps they thought you didn’t hate it. If my husband cooked 2-3 meals a day, I would think he got some level of enjoyment or satisfaction from it.
Aside from that, if I was ill or not feeling well and I wanted someone to heat something up for me, I just ask for someone to heat something for me. Or I ask my husband to go buy me some diet cherry 7-up or UDF brand pineapple sherbet when I’m sick. Would it be great if he just did that ? Yes, but he doesn’t. I was resentful about that early on in our marriage because I would ask him what he wanted , but he didn’t reciprocate.
So now I ask for what I want in a nice way
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sharlag
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Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Jul 2, 2019 21:10:53 GMT
Nobody thinks I do housework for fun. I'm pretty upfront and gripy about them, and delegate whenever possible-- especially if it's clearly related to another person, like laundry or a restroom I don't use much.
No one would accuse me of being a cheerful household type person.
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 0:05:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2019 21:52:20 GMT
This post is very timely for me. I'm struggling so much right now with depression. I do everything excluding lawn care and I am tired. I am feeling unappreciated. I am trying to figure out where to draw some boundaries. So everyone's posts are making me think about things. As I recall, yours are all teens or young adults. Have them do everything. Seriously. You shouldn't be doing anything for them any more. They should be doing for you. But at least share. Everyone takes their day to be the one to prepare meals and clean the kitchen. They also plan their menus for the day before you shop. Even then relegate them to shopping too sometimes. Kids clean their own bedrooms, bathroom they use and do their own laundry. That leaves the living areas, yard and garage. You do them no favores in launching them into a world with little idea of what it takes to run a house. I know yours have some issues that make it more difficult but they still need to learn to do it. They have to learn how to navigate their issues with the rest of the things they will be expected to do. |
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mlana
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Post by mlana on Jul 3, 2019 8:53:55 GMT
Without ever thinking about it, I've lowered my self-worth by not giving myself credit for the JOBS and WORK I do around the house. My family didn't do this - I did. Over the years I've taught them that only when I'm working on something that directly affects our company am I actually 'working.' the rest of the time I'm doing 'Mom Stuff' or working on a hobby. i think this is self-inflicted a bit... not you, "us" in general. i never go around bitching "i have done 9 loads of laundry i would rather be watching netflix" so because i do things that have to be done, the perception is "well mom takes care of that, it's what she does". in recent years, i have let it be known i do not *love* cooking. i will make your favourite burritos cuz we gotta eat something, i love you and you love them.... but make no mistake, i am not REVELLING in the joy of making burritos. i joke that dinner every single day, 7 days a week, seems a bit excessive. i have noticed since i have let that be known, DD (18) and MDS (almost 14) will step up and do some cooking or i ask when planning to grocery shop "is there anything you would like me to pick up so you can make a dinner one day this week". that seems to prompt the thought process, if you KWIM? i would be hurt though if i wasn't feeling well and people thought i couldn't wait to jump out of bed and reheat food for them. like really?? This is definitely self-inflicted. LOL I meant this to be a post about the self-realization I had about how I think of these things chores, more than how my family thinks of them. If I believe this way then I’ve probably been talking about them this way so it’s logical my family also thought this way. LOL It wasn’t that they thought I should get out of bed and cook, they thought if I wasn’t going to cook that automatically meant we were eating out, a habit I have been trying to break them of for the past 4 years. I think they had got their mouths set on some particular takeout since they knew I wasn’t cooking and that caused the pissiness. Marcy |
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mlana
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Post by mlana on Jul 3, 2019 9:09:18 GMT
Several points... 1. Tell your daughter that at 24 I had 2 mortgages, a preschooler and a newborn, a business AND I made most of my own meals without my mommy to bitch to. 2. When there's an expectation that I do something and when I do it, it's unappreciated.... I don't do it anymore. Watch me. I cook almost all our meals, fill my husband's plate and bring it to him every night. He ALWAYS says thank you with true appreciation, so after 11 years, I still do it. Once he tells me I need to make him a meal, gravy train will stop. Time to tell ppl to fend for themselves, there's sandwich fixings in the fridge. No take out. 3. I think the games you're playing in your head are backwards. Instead of "goofing off" doing stuff, you should tell yourself you're doing important work for YOU. Anyone that doesn't appreciate the important work you do, doesn't get to reap the rewards. DD was gobsmacked because she didn’t realize I didn’t enjoy cooking EVERY meal. LOL I guess I had just never made a big deal out of it. Once she came back from college she did not take my cooking for granted. If I cooked, she cleaned. She showed her appreciation in a lot of ways. Now that she’s moved out, she does most of her own cooking. For 25 years of our marriage, DH cleaned up the kitchen when I cooked. He always insisted it was the least he could do. Of course, he had a very limited list of what he would actually eat and he was always ready to eat out, in part I think, just so he didn’t have to clean the kitchen. After his stroke I took over the clean up and DD or Mom splits it with me when they’re here. After his stroke, it became really important, both health and budget wise, that we eat at home. In the past he would gladly make food in the microwave, but he couldn’t have any of that food after. He got so befuddled trying to figure out what was on his diet, and it changed frequently, that I just did everything for him. He does thank me for every meal, but he’d still rather we could eat out more. You are right about the mind games. I have to stop referring to my research time as playing on the computer. I need to own that I was doing work that would benefit our family. Once I teach myself to think this way, I know they will start thinking this way, too. Like I said, this is on me - I’m the one who downplays the value of what I’ve done. Marcy |
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mlana
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Post by mlana on Jul 4, 2019 16:38:05 GMT
This post is very timely for me. I'm struggling so much right now with depression. I do everything excluding lawn care and I am tired. I am feeling unappreciated. I am trying to figure out where to draw some boundaries. So everyone's posts are making me think about things. I went thru something similar in 2010. DD quit kayaking so I was no longer getting up at 4:30 am 4 days a week. Getting less sun triggered my SADD and that, along with some other life events, sent me into a 6 month depression. I could barely make it downstairs to pay the bills once a month. Most of what I did normally either went undone or DD tried to do it. By the time Spring arrived and the depression eased, the house and our finances were in a wreck. When I was finally able to take an interest in life again, my family appreciated every little thing I did. Clean clothes hung up? You’d have thought I’d given them gold coins! Vacuumed? Huzzah! You’d think, when I saw how they fell apart without me to push them to do what needed to be done or without me doing what I do, that I would have seen the value of my contributions. But I didn’t. I went back to referring to my kitchen time as playing, my computer time as puttering, etc, so they went back to thinking that way, too. That was on me since they were very willing to show appreciation for all that I did then, just as they are willing to do it now. I’m the one who has to change my thinking. I need to recognize the value in what I do and I need to change the way I speak about it to my family. jeremysgirl Does your family not help when asked? Do they have their own chores? My family has always had assigned chores and, oddly, the only one who has ever really fought me on doing them is DH. I love him but he was lazy even before his stroke. Our family agreement was that everyone had until Sunday to do the nondaily chores and I wouldn’t fuss. But if they weren’t done by Sunday noon, I could put the hammer down. No one did any planned fun on Sunday unless the work was done. Looking back, I see the strain that that put on me since i still had to insist they do the chores and I had to remember to yell at them. Though I wasn’t doing the actual chores, I was still responsible for getting them done. I’m sorry you’re battling depression. That is a battle I do not want to fight again. Marcy |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 4, 2019 17:11:07 GMT
mlana my children always had chores. And then they hit the teenage years and mental illness became the way of things around here. I overcompensated. I have tried to meet everyone's needs. I have tried to be understanding. I have kept the motor running because my kids haven't been able to function in a very long time. And sometimes it's so far out there that it's just easier to clean up the mess than to fight about cleaning. The problem is that everything has caught up to me. And I'm trying so hard to keep everything going. And I have finally hit the wall myself. If I told you what I was living here, you probably wouldn't even believe me. And I can't handle it.
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mlana
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Post by mlana on Jul 5, 2019 2:05:25 GMT
mlana my children always had chores. And then they hit the teenage years and mental illness became the way of things around here. I overcompensated. I have tried to meet everyone's needs. I have tried to be understanding. I have kept the motor running because my kids haven't been able to function in a very long time. And sometimes it's so far out there that it's just easier to clean up the mess than to fight about cleaning. The problem is that everything has caught up to me. And I'm trying so hard to keep everything going. And I have finally hit the wall myself. If I told you what I was living here, you probably wouldn't even believe me. And I can't handle it. I’m so sorry you are going thru this. If you ever need a shoulder, please don’t hesitate to pm me. I haven’t gone thru exactly what you are going thru, but I have gone thru a depression. Take care, Marcy |
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