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Post by tallgirl on Jul 9, 2019 2:39:05 GMT
This is DD's second week of summer break. I just checked her screen time report for today and she was on her iPad, in one form or another, for almost 11 hours today. DH and I both work and DD is old enough to stay home alone but... Clearly she needs more direction to spend her time somewhat constructively. I don't mind some summer laziness, but this is too much. She plays soccer one night per week in the summer, but her major activity, dance, is on hiatus until September. I also don't want her having friends over when we are not around to supervise. Her older brother (14) is also home for the summer, but he is in and out of the house with sports practices, membership at the local golf course, etc. Those things don't interest DD. Please help me come up with some ideas for her. What are your tweens and teens doing with their time?
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Post by christine58 on Jul 9, 2019 2:41:28 GMT
Is there a local mom that might need some help with her kids a couple hours a day? Leave her a list of things to do around the house. That’s way too much screen time.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jul 9, 2019 2:45:27 GMT
What IS she interested in? Are there any other dance studios around that are doing summer classes? What about Yoga/pilates/gyortonics to help condition for dance? At that age, we let our kids pick what interested them and there's a million and one classes/camps around here that something would peak their interest.
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Post by grammadee on Jul 9, 2019 2:47:09 GMT
I think it depends on what she is doing during her screen time. My dgd's create videos and are involved in other creative activities on line.
I would leave her in charge of getting supper ready. She could use some of her screen time to search recipes.
Is there a hobby or craft that interests her? Maybe get her some supplies to play with?
Trade off with her friends' parents so that you could take their girls on weekend adventures and maybe your dd could spend time doing stuff with a family that has an adult in the home?
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Post by tallgirl on Jul 9, 2019 2:48:24 GMT
That's the problem - she is not interested in much. Which I totally don't understand, because I'm the type to have a million different hobbies. She is adamant that she does not want to go to a camp. I will also say she is the type to say no to everything at first - them usually comes around and enjoys herself after all.
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Post by tallgirl on Jul 9, 2019 2:50:24 GMT
I agree that some of her screen time is ok and productive - and she was listening to a Spotify list for some of that time while she was doing other stuff. But I also think she's spending too much time mindlessly scrolling and watching YouTube.
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Post by tallgirl on Jul 9, 2019 2:51:26 GMT
Hobby supplies are a good idea - now to find a hobby for her. We might need to make a trip to Michaels together one night this week.
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Deleted
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Apr 28, 2024 6:17:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2019 2:54:37 GMT
I agree that some of her screen time is ok and productive - and she was listening to a Spotify list for some of that time while she was doing other stuff. But I also think she's spending too much time mindlessly scrolling and watching YouTube. Even though she doesn't want to go to camp I think I would sign her up and send her anyway. To me, it sounds like she is very lonely. She is home alone. In the past couple of generations she would have spent those hours on the phone talking to her friends or out playing with them. But she can't invite them over (I do understand why!) and I'm guessing they are home alone too so they can't invite her over.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jul 9, 2019 2:55:23 GMT
That's the problem - she is not interested in much. Which I totally don't understand, because I'm the type to have a million different hobbies. She is adamant that she does not want to go to a camp. I will also say she is the type to say no to everything at first - them usually comes around and enjoys herself after all. While I understand her reluctance, the reality is there's really not that much a 12 year old who can't have friends over (which I totally understand) is going to be able to do to occupy her day - I assume she's also pretty limited on where she can go solo. I'd put her something structured.
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sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,583
Jun 27, 2014 14:04:01 GMT
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Jul 9, 2019 3:05:29 GMT
That's the problem - she is not interested in much. Which I totally don't understand, because I'm the type to have a million different hobbies. She is adamant that she does not want to go to a camp. I will also say she is the type to say no to everything at first - them usually comes around and enjoys herself after all. While I understand her reluctance, the reality is there's really not that much a 12 year old who can't have friends over (which I totally understand) is going to be able to do to occupy her day - I assume she's also pretty limited on where she can go solo. I'd put her something structured. I agree with this. I respect your rules though. We didn't allow many friends over at that age when they were home alone.
My dd has a pretty busy schedule with cheer. So on days she doesn't have practice, I really don't require much. I do ask that she does a few chores (take the dog out, dishes, etc). She is also working on her room this summer. She wants it redone (paint and decor). In order to do this, she has to clean it out. She has a loft bed and DH is planning on removing the desk part and putting a sitting area under there. So again, has to be cleaned out.
Is there a project like that she can work on a little each day over the summer?
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jul 9, 2019 3:07:55 GMT
I agree that she needs to go to a day camp.
She's technically old enough to be home alone, but that doesn't mean it's good for her. Just the isolation alone could depress her.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jul 9, 2019 3:12:38 GMT
I was always home with my kids during the summer, so I’m not much help. I will say that my kids were good students, involved in a lot of activities during the school year. The summer was a time to be lazy, recharge, and just do fun stuff. We didn’t really watch TV during the school year, so it was a special treat for my kids.
Does she like to read? What if you both read the same book, or even the whole family? I used to do that with my MS aged kids and they loved making me read a book THEY were interested in. And I like the idea of her planning a meal and helping you cook it. At that age, I didn’t let my kids use the stove when they were home alone, but I did allow microwave use. But even more importantly it will give you an excuse to spend time together in the evenings and give her a good skill base. I also had a friend who paid her DD to scan their family photos one summer.
I like the idea of a camp, even if it’s only for a week. Why not see if she has a friend who wants to sign up as well and then you can share carpool duties with her parents.
What I would not do is assign her a bunch of chores while your DS goes off and does his thing. I think it’s fine to assign chores, but make it equal. Boys need to clean bathrooms and fold laundry, too.
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Jul 9, 2019 5:33:20 GMT
I will disagree with the no friends rule, that's just too long for a 12 year old to entertain herself with no screen times. I allowed my daughters BFF to hang out here as much as she wanted if my daughter was going to be alone all day. They were allowed to walk around the block, jump on the neighbor's trampoline, ride the golf cart etc. The only thing my kids and their friends have to be in high school before they can be the pool with no adult home. By then they can drive themselves to the lake and jump in anyhow. She needs more human interaction during the long days.
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Post by calgaryscrapper on Jul 9, 2019 5:47:03 GMT
Is she interested in babysitting? At that age I enjoyed the income I earned from babysitting, taking care of lawns, caring for peoples pets, newspaper routes etc. I also washed laundry (a wringer washer) etc.
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Post by ~summer~ on Jul 9, 2019 6:06:30 GMT
My kids are slightly older, but when they were that age (and still) they either had to go to camp or do a sport that required multiple hours per day. Once they were in high school they also had to do classes (basically they had to be 'occupied' or out of the house most of the day, because otherwise they were online (yes times have changed!))
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seaexplore
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Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jul 9, 2019 6:09:28 GMT
If you have xfinity, you can turn off the WiFi to her device.
Leave chores to do, reading to do, practice math, science investigations, art projects. She can send you pictures of completed stuff and you can turn the WiFi back on.
If she’s on data, figure out how to shut it down.
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Post by ~summer~ on Jul 9, 2019 6:14:04 GMT
oh yeah, that is another thing we did during the summer, we shut off the wifi during the day....Summers with 3 kids was HARD but I absolutely hated them being online most of the day. You gotta do what you gotta do!
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Deleted
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Apr 28, 2024 6:17:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2019 7:35:04 GMT
practice math, science investigations, Really? On summer break? Maybe you can loosen the no-friends-over rule a little. I mean, how much damage can 12yo girls do? Just let them hang out; face to face social interaction is what kids her age need. I agree about getting her to make dinner. I do that with my teens on Fridays, when both DH and I work out of the house. They come up with a recipe, get the ingredients if needed and cook.
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Post by Bridget in MD on Jul 9, 2019 10:59:17 GMT
I have an almost 14yo DS and he's on his ipad ALL THE TIME. Drives me nuts. There is more to life than reruns of the office and Parks & Rec. During the school year it's easier to crack down bc he's in sports and Boy Scouts (and his grades are great), so I get he needs a break, but damn.
We've gotten him software for him to make and edit his own videos, but he hasn't really worked on it. So we've signed him up for a few sports camps, which helps him stay active and try new things. Plus he's in Boy Scouts and he didnt go to BS camp (we were on family vacation when our troop went) so he is supposed to be working on merit badges every day (we are talking 1 task a day, not a whole MB).
I am not a huge fan of cutting the wifi/data off - bc if I force it off, it seems like when its back on, the lure/pull is even stronger. Plus, when they leave home, how is that going to teach them limitations? But... giving them all access all the time doesn;t seem to be teaching them either unless we are around hollering at them to get off the damn ipad!
As a working mom, I feel your pain. Like I said, we are doing sports camps for now (which requires me to work from home in the mornings until I can drop him off, and DH to leave work a little early to pick up, but our team leads are very understanding). In August, the sports camps will be over, so I do worry about all ipads all the time, so I may have to cut/limit wifi/data at that time. We have encouraged him to go to the pool or call a friend to play basketball or tennis, but he just isn't really interested....
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Post by trixiecat on Jul 9, 2019 11:15:21 GMT
We have a YMCA in our town. When you are in the 7th and 8th grade you can be a CIT (nonpaying) and then once you hit 16 you start getting paid. You dont' have to work the entire summer and can pick your weeks. Something to consider for next summer.
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Post by Merge on Jul 9, 2019 11:59:29 GMT
I think it’s a lot to leave a 12 year old home by herself with no access to friends all day and expect her not to spend that time on the screen. That’s a loooong time to be locked in the house by yourself day after day.
I think I’d enroll her in day camp that aligns with her interests whether she likes it or not. As you said, she will probably end up liking it.
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Post by kitkath on Jul 9, 2019 13:41:48 GMT
Let her have a friend over and have a rock painting day. Find out what the local Facebook rock hunters page is called and paint rocks and hide them.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2019 13:50:41 GMT
Dance is never on hiatus. There are on going classes at most studios and there are summer intensives.
She can dog walk! Rover is a good place to get started.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2019 14:42:17 GMT
What doe you want her to do with her time? I hear you don't want excessive screen time; but why? As a parent what do you value instead of screen time? I confess to letting my kids play all the video games they wanted when they were 10-18. What I found was over time the screen got less interesting IF they have other options.
I have no idea what options you have. Once a week soccer seems odd to me. When my kids played they have a daily practice and a game on Saturday. Closing dance seems odd too. Is there a different dance program she could join that continues through the summer?
I don't agree with saddling her with a lot of chores because you want her home alone. Nor do I agree with putting a lot of academic work on her. This is her vacation and she is a kid still. Screen time is taking over the phone time teens in the 60-80 spent.
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Post by worldwanderer75 on Jul 9, 2019 15:13:01 GMT
I would add some screen time limits on her devices. I have to do this with my older kids or they are sucked down the vortex for hours at a time. My daughter that is about that age has a list of things she must do every day before screen time (when we are at home for day or morning - there have been lots of days when we aren't): Practice piano for 25 minutes, do a chore of my choosing, exercise for 30 minutes, read for 30 minutes and work on a project she has for the summer for 20 minutes. That seems like a lot but it's less than 2 hours of her total day. I wouldn't necessarily give her more chores but give her some structure to make sure she isn't lounging around all day. I'm all for summer laziness to some extent but don't want my kids to think that they have no expectations.
Can you find her a summer camp? My daughter is going to a 1 week sleep away camp and then she is volunteering as a camp counselor for a week for a STEM camp my younger kids are going to. She isn't thrilled about being a counselor but I told her I'd pay her $100 to do it and she got more excited.
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Post by Linda on Jul 9, 2019 16:19:00 GMT
My 12 is at summer camp this week - Mounted Archery - but when she's home, she builds lego, draws/colours pictures, reads, listens to music, watches way too many Star Trek episodes, plays Minecraft and Lego Jurassic World....she's on screens more than I would prefer but ...she doesn't have any friends to hang out with and her siblings are 19 and 27 so not playmates. She also plans and cooks dinner once a week and is helpful-ish around the house
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seaexplore
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Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jul 9, 2019 16:21:18 GMT
practice math, science investigations, Really? On summer break? Not like hard core. Maybe 10-15 min of multiplication/division review to keep it fresh. Science investigations don’t have to be structured. They can do flower collection and dissection, mix milk and food coloring, mess around with bubble solutions to see what formula is best. Just do random stuff. My own kids (and my junior high students) love creating stuff with engineering challenges. There’s tons of project ideas online. Glue gun, scissors, cardboard.
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seaexplore
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Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jul 9, 2019 16:28:53 GMT
Maybe you can loosen the no-friends-over rule a little. I mean, how much damage can 12yo girls do? Just let them hang out; face to face social interaction is what kids her age need. As a teacher of this age group..... drinking, sex, drugs. My students talk. I hear ALL about what happens and what they get into. Not saying OP’s kid will get into that but the more kids you have over, the more likely poor choices are to be made when adults are not present,
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Post by freecharlie on Jul 9, 2019 16:30:22 GMT
I let my kids have friends over and go over to friends houses.
Is there a neighborhood pool you could be members of? A library nearby?
Hell, when I am home alone I often have a lot if screen time
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Post by tallgirl on Jul 9, 2019 17:10:20 GMT
What I would not do is assign her a bunch of chores while your DS goes off and does his thing. Thanks for this - I totally agree. I want to keep her busy, but I don't want her to view it as punishment. When you are in the 7th and 8th grade you can be a CIT (nonpaying) and then once you hit 16 you start getting paid. This is awesome - but we don't have that at our YMCA (maybe it's because we're in Canada?) I do agree that doing what she can now to build skills for future summer jobs is a great idea. She is going to be cat sitting toward the end of her summer break, and we've talked about putting fliers up on community mailboxes to advertise/search for more of the same type of work. She LOVES cats. Let her have a friend over and have a rock painting day. Find out what the local Facebook rock hunters page is called and paint rocks and hide them. Great idea - hadn't thought of this one before. What doe you want her to do with her time? This is a good question. I suppose that I feel like when she's on Instagram and Youtube, she's watching other people live their lives rather than living her own. I want her to find a hobby or learn a skill or do something that is productive. I want her to find something that brings her joy. I think Youtube keeps her entertained, but I don't think it will bring her the kind of life long joy that finding a hobby that makes you truly happy does. I know that's a pretty far out ask for summer break, but I want her to at least explore some of what is out there. Screen time is taking over the phone time teens in the 60-80 spent. I do agree with this and I am OK with her texting her friends as much as she wants. Practice piano for 25 minutes, do a chore of my choosing, exercise for 30 minutes, read for 30 minutes and work on a project she has for the summer for 20 minutes. What kind of project is she working on? A lot of people are suggesting that I should relax the friends coming over rule, and I'm going to do that with some of her close friends that we know well. DH is home for lunch every day, and I'm home for lunch about half the time, which does break the day up for her. She'll be spending time with both sets of grandparents in the coming weeks, and we are traveling as a family for a couple of weeks in August, so I know this will be the toughest part of the summer to manage with her. Thanks for everyone's input, I truly do appreciate it.
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