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Post by gmcwife1 on Jul 24, 2019 3:33:09 GMT
It is a different matter if the school doesn't allow certain students to not have cars because of parking issues. Or if a parent doesn't feel the student's car will safely make the trip from home to school and back. But, if you think no allowing your kid to have a car IN ORDER TO PREVENT THEM FROM LEAVING CAMPUS, you are delusional. I don’t understand the withholding of the car thinking. I trust that I’ve done what I can to encourage my dd to make good choices. I have to trust her. I actually do trust her and when she leaves the house I tell her to have fun and be careful. We have discussed that I know she is careful, it’s the other people (drivers) out there I don’t trust
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Gravity
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,230
Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
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Post by Gravity on Jul 24, 2019 3:35:50 GMT
My neighbor did not let her daughter take her car to college. Neighbor said her DD could borrow her roommate’s car if she needed one for some reason. That would be a big fat “No!” from this parent if my DD’s roommate expected to borrow her car.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jul 24, 2019 3:36:57 GMT
It's weird to me. My kids were all driving legally to school at 14.5 (directly to and from school only) . At 16 they had their full license and could go anywhere. They were actually driving some vehicle of some type way before they were 14 on the farm. They all went to college about 2 hours from home. They all took their cars. As freshmen, the parking was a LOOONG way from the dorm, so they really didn't use their cars that much. They didn't come home that often either. DS moved to college in August and said "see you at Thanksgiving" .. lol - and we really didn't see him that much until then. My kids all had a lot of responsibilities in their life long before they went to college. I never for one minute didn't trust them with cars or any other situations in life. I also pushed them to take charge of things in their life at an early age. They drove themselves to orthodontist appointments, etc. as soon as they hit 16. They were responsible for scheduling their appointments and keeping them too. Parents who micromanage every moment of their kids lives are setting them up to fail, IMO. I should have just kept reading as I agree with this!!
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Post by hopemax on Jul 24, 2019 3:45:04 GMT
"I'm not letting her take the car," may just be shorthand for a longer explanation that she didn't want to get into. I went to college 26 years ago (gosh, that sounds horrible), and only one person that I knew had a car and lived on campus, and he was rich. To keep a car on campus was prohibitively expensive for most people. So "I'm not letting her take the car" may mean "I'm not paying for her to keep a car." Or something else, maybe girl has already wrecked a couple (I had a friend who did that).
I had parents who "didn't let" me have my own checking account freshman and sophomore year. Every month, I had to go to the bank to get a money order to pay my phone bill. And pay $3 for the money order! I didn't understand it because I was "the responsible kid," and they never really put rules on me other than this. Junior year, I had a campus job and an off-campus apartment and because I had to pay rent, THEN I could get a checking account.
Still didn't have a car though. Too expensive for me to keep the car at the apartment. During the summers, when I had my campus job and wasn't going back home, I brought my car down and parked it at the house where my boyfriend (now DH) lived with his Grandfather. When I would need to drive back home, first I'd have to take a bus to get to it.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,630
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Jul 24, 2019 11:04:42 GMT
I didn’t have a car at college until I was a junior. We couldn’t afford one, and parking would have been very expensive. I took the bus home when needed. I guess people need to do what works for their families. Sorry. Wrong. If you don't have a car your parents are hovering, helicopter parents who micromanage your life and your children will live in your basement for the rest of their lives, never venturing beyond the front porch. Oh, wait. My kids didn't have cars and they traveled Europe alone and now live in major cities (hours from me) with real jobs and apartments and leases and their own insurance and don't ask me for a penny. Seriously people - enough with the "mommy wars." We all do what we can do the best we can. No one is doing this better than anyone else. We're all just scrambling to help our kids be successful. We all just define it differently.
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pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,936
Aug 14, 2015 21:47:17 GMT
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Post by pilcas on Jul 24, 2019 11:26:28 GMT
Yes to what you just said peabay. After much urging my 18 and 20 year olds just got their license this summer. We live in a big city and they take public transportation everywhere. Occasionally, they Uber. Believe it or not it is more affordable than maintaining a car. Their colleges do not allow cars for freshmen and they really don’t need it. My son can use all the local town buses for free, occasionally late at night he and his friends Uber. It’s what they are used to. Still way cheaper than a car.
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weedeepea
Junior Member
Posts: 62
Mar 22, 2018 23:42:06 GMT
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Post by weedeepea on Jul 24, 2019 12:36:43 GMT
I only think it's OTT because of the way it's worded-"I won't let her take her car.".. I was like 'really?, how come?' and she said something like "she doesn't need to have that freedom or need to go off campus"
If your kid is in college-they're an adult. Time to "let" them do what they decide. Now, I'm all for the idea that parking is expensive and she won't likely need a car, and all that. My DD is about to leave for university 2 hours away, in a big city, and she isn't bringing a car-but not because we won't "let" her. Because she doesn't want to and it's expensive and inconvenient, and she knows it.
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Post by jassy on Jul 24, 2019 12:40:25 GMT
I'm also with peabay on this, and I'm not quite sure why this thread is bugging me so much. LOL. We are a "no car at school" family, and the assumptions about that decision are pretty wrong.
Why is there the assumption that the mom is a micromanager just because she says her daughter doesn't need to leave campus? People are assuming that's equivalent to her saying she forbids or even doesn't want her daughter to leave campus. Can't it just mean "She doesn't need to leave campus - everything you can need is right there, it's great! Food options, entertainment options, clubs to join, intramural sports to play, you can mail a package, get prescriptions delivered to your dorm, get healthcare at campus health" This is all true at my sons' schools. Why take a car when it's unnecessary? They are still running their own lives and branching out on their own - they don't need a car to do that.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 22:23:34 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2019 12:52:45 GMT
I'm also with peabay on this, and I'm not quite sure why this thread is bugging me so much. LOL. We are a "no car at school" family, and the assumptions about that decision are pretty wrong. Why is there the assumption that the mom is a micromanager just because she says her daughter doesn't need to leave campus? People are assuming that's equivalent to her saying she forbids or even doesn't want her daughter to leave campus. Can't it just mean "She doesn't need to leave campus - everything you can need is right there, it's great! Food options, entertainment options, clubs to join, intramural sports to play, you can mail a package, get prescriptions delivered to your dorm, get healthcare at campus health" This is all true at my sons' schools. Why take a car when it's unnecessary? They are still running their own lives and branching out on their own - they don't need a car to do that. I think maybe, it is because the wording is much the same as "My husband won't let me ___ " Insert whatever activity in the blank that other women routinely do. My 18+ year old daughter doesn't need a car.... my wife doesn't need a car. Everything can be delivered.
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iowgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,145
Jun 25, 2014 22:52:46 GMT
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Post by iowgirl on Jul 24, 2019 13:05:22 GMT
BUT she goes to college in a BIG, BUSY city with terrible traffic and we live very rurally - so she needs to get some experience driving on 6-lane roads, expressways, and interstates beforehand. As a parent of 'rural' kids - this was a challenge! lol Holy Cow! My kids had plenty of practice driving in rain and snow and ice. But the thought of the 'big city' driving scared me most! I did take them to Des Moines (yea - not too intense) to try and get them some experience with it, so they weren't going into it without some exposure. The kid going to school in Iowa is taking the car and the kid going to school in New York will do without. Winter driving might be a challenge! Make sure you have GOOD tires - really good tires! Tell them to just not drive when it is icy. If they are in Ames or Iowa City, they should be able to grab a bus if they need it, but the snow and ice can be tricky if you don't have any experience. No matter if you have good tires, or 4wd - NO one can stop any better than the next person. Keep the speed SLOW. I was always relieved when each kid put the car in the ditch. Every time is was a slow speed and shallow ditch.. it was a lesson learned!
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artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,051
Jun 26, 2014 1:59:10 GMT
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Post by artbabe on Jul 24, 2019 13:06:59 GMT
I didn't have a car when I was in college. I went to Ohio University, though, and Athens is a total college town. I could walk everywhere and did. It never even occurred to me to have a car.
The walking kept me thin and I never had to worry about drinking too much or dealing with drunk drivers.
I used to take the Greyhound bus home but I never went home very much. I liked OU too much to go home except in the summers.
My parents got me a car the second half of my senior year when it was time to go job hunting.
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Post by auntkelly on Jul 24, 2019 14:37:00 GMT
My kids both went to out of state schools. My son didn’t have a car his freshman year. My daughter did have a car her freshman year.
Different kids. Different schools. Different circumstances.
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ellen
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,516
Jun 30, 2014 12:52:45 GMT
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Post by ellen on Jul 24, 2019 15:33:04 GMT
My daughter had a car all through college. Her school was a rare one that did not charge students to park their cars. She was 3.5 hours away from school and we appreciated that we did not have to pick her up or deliver her back to school during breaks. She did not come home all that often for regular weekends, but we liked that she did not have to depend on others for transportation home. Her car made it easy for her to get a job off campus. She could easily buy groceries the years she lived off campus. Our younger daughter will also have a car when she goes to college.
My daughter quit giving rides to people from our area who attended her college. They often asked to be accommodated in ways that were a hassle to my daughter. If she was ready to leave campus at noon, she was not going to wait to leave until you were done with choir practice at 6:00 and do the whole drive in the dark. She did not appreciate the guy from a town 10 minutes away expecting to be dropped off and picked up at grandma's house adding 20+ minutes to her already long drive. Yes, they chipped in for gas, but their $20 for gas was nothing compared to her costs of car ownership. When my husband's cousin was telling us about how his daughter would get rides from others to get home, we told him to make sure that she was an easy passenger and to be generous with the gas money to make it worth it the driver's time.
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Post by miominmio on Jul 24, 2019 15:46:14 GMT
Car or not, the other Parent in question....sounds like a micromanaging control freak. I bet, her Daughters phone has a tracking app on it, so her Mom knows her every move/location. Yup, moms like that certainly exist. My sister tracks her 23 yo DD.....
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Post by cannmom on Jul 24, 2019 15:47:16 GMT
DS will be starting his 2nd year at college and he didn't have a car for the first year and probably won't have one this year either. The town his school is located in has a good bus system that is free for students and most things are in walking distance. Freshman aren't allowed a car due to a lack of of parking, but he will most likely not take his car this year. It's not a control issue with us, but it saves money by not having to buy the parking permit and paying less in insurance.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Jul 24, 2019 19:56:29 GMT
I'm also with peabay on this, and I'm not quite sure why this thread is bugging me so much. LOL. We are a "no car at school" family, and the assumptions about that decision are pretty wrong. Why is there the assumption that the mom is a micromanager just because she says her daughter doesn't need to leave campus? People are assuming that's equivalent to her saying she forbids or even doesn't want her daughter to leave campus. Can't it just mean "She doesn't need to leave campus - everything you can need is right there, it's great! Food options, entertainment options, clubs to join, intramural sports to play, you can mail a package, get prescriptions delivered to your dorm, get healthcare at campus health" This is all true at my sons' schools. Why take a car when it's unnecessary? They are still running their own lives and branching out on their own - they don't need a car to do that. My Post was based solely off what was posted in the original post >>> "I don't know.. but she stated "I won't let her take her car.".. I was like 'really?, how come?' and she said something like "she doesn't need to have that freedom or need to go off campus". My opinion based on these words, is that the Parent in question comes across as a micromanager control freak. The Parent wants to control the Daughter and not have her leave campus. Car or not, that is trying to micromanage and control from afar. The reality is, the Mother in question doesn't seem to want to her Daughter to leave campus. Despite the Mothers efforts, if the Daughter wants to leave campus and go somewhere she will.....via walking, bus, uber, ride with friends, etc...
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Post by lucyg on Jul 24, 2019 21:18:44 GMT
I'm also with peabay on this, and I'm not quite sure why this thread is bugging me so much. LOL. We are a "no car at school" family, and the assumptions about that decision are pretty wrong. Why is there the assumption that the mom is a micromanager just because she says her daughter doesn't need to leave campus? People are assuming that's equivalent to her saying she forbids or even doesn't want her daughter to leave campus. Can't it just mean "She doesn't need to leave campus - everything you can need is right there, it's great! Food options, entertainment options, clubs to join, intramural sports to play, you can mail a package, get prescriptions delivered to your dorm, get healthcare at campus health" This is all true at my sons' schools. Why take a car when it's unnecessary? They are still running their own lives and branching out on their own - they don't need a car to do that. My Post was based solely off what was posted in the original post >>> "I don't know.. but she stated "I won't let her take her car.".. I was like 'really?, how come?' and she said something like "she doesn't need to have that freedom or need to go off campus". My opinion based on these words, is that the Parent in question comes across as a micromanager control freak. The Parent wants to control the Daughter and not have her leave campus. Car or not, that is trying to micromanage and control from afar. The reality is, the Mother in question doesn't seem to want to her Daughter to leave campus. Despite the Mothers efforts, if the Daughter wants to leave campus and go somewhere she will.....via walking, bus, uber, ride with friends, etc... You know, that “she doesn’t need to leave campus,” spoken to a complete stranger with whom she was having a brief conversation in passing, could just be shorthand for a whole long list of reasons that she really didn’t need to get into. I probably would have said the same thing, and the real answer would have been a lot longer and more boring. And trust me, I wasn’t a controlling helicopter mom. If anything, I probably should have paid more attention, not less, to my kids in college. But I didn’t think they needed a car at college, I wasn’t about to supply one, and I fail to see how that makes me (and the more than half the peas who responded to this poll) a control freak.
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Post by workingclassdog on Jul 24, 2019 21:27:01 GMT
My Post was based solely off what was posted in the original post >>> "I don't know.. but she stated "I won't let her take her car.".. I was like 'really?, how come?' and she said something like "she doesn't need to have that freedom or need to go off campus". My opinion based on these words, is that the Parent in question comes across as a micromanager control freak. The Parent wants to control the Daughter and not have her leave campus. Car or not, that is trying to micromanage and control from afar. The reality is, the Mother in question doesn't seem to want to her Daughter to leave campus. Despite the Mothers efforts, if the Daughter wants to leave campus and go somewhere she will.....via walking, bus, uber, ride with friends, etc... You know, that “she doesn’t need to leave campus,” spoken to a complete stranger with whom she was having a brief conversation in passing, could just be shorthand for a whole long list of reasons that she really didn’t need to get into. I probably would have said the same thing, and the real answer would have been a lot longer and more boring. And trust me, I wasn’t a controlling helicopter mom. If anything, I probably should have paid more attention, not less, to my kids in college. But I didn’t think they needed a car at college, I wasn’t about to supply one, and I fail to see how that makes me (and the more than half the peas who responded to this poll) a control freak. For me it wasn't my decision to 'let' daughter take her car or not. It's her car. And the way that mom talked it was also her daughter's own car. So for me that leaves me out of the discussion. It's DD decision just as everything else... It doesn't matter what "I" think.. her car, she is over 18. Other than issues like that are stated in this thread, not allowed on campus, don't have their own car, parent's paying the extra costs, etc. why would it be up to me to decide if she takes her car. I am not paying for it, she did. It seems controlling to me.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 22:23:34 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2019 21:54:05 GMT
For me it wasn't my decision to 'let' daughter take her car or not. It's her car. And the way that mom talked it was also her daughter's own car. I've referred to my son's car as his car because we let him drive it, but it was our car. We paid for it, the registration was in our names, and up until he started working, we paid for the insurance. His car because it was easier to identify it that way, but for all intents and purposes, it was ours.
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Post by lucyg on Jul 24, 2019 22:05:55 GMT
You know, that “she doesn’t need to leave campus,” spoken to a complete stranger with whom she was having a brief conversation in passing, could just be shorthand for a whole long list of reasons that she really didn’t need to get into. I probably would have said the same thing, and the real answer would have been a lot longer and more boring. And trust me, I wasn’t a controlling helicopter mom. If anything, I probably should have paid more attention, not less, to my kids in college. But I didn’t think they needed a car at college, I wasn’t about to supply one, and I fail to see how that makes me (and the more than half the peas who responded to this poll) a control freak. For me it wasn't my decision to 'let' daughter take her car or not. It's her car. And the way that mom talked it was also her daughter's own car. So for me that leaves me out of the discussion. It's DD decision just as everything else... It doesn't matter what "I" think.. her car, she is over 18. Other than issues like that are stated in this thread, not allowed on campus, don't have their own car, parent's paying the extra costs, etc. why would it be up to me to decide if she takes her car. I am not paying for it, she did. It seems controlling to me. Are you sure the car actually belonged to the girl? I always spoke about “my kid’s car” and so did everyone else I know, if they had a dedicated car for the kids to drive. But those cars did not actually belong to the kids. They belonged to the parents, who also paid the insurance and gas and maintenance. When my son went off to college, his sister was just getting her driver’s license and was going to need the car here. Aside from the fact that I had no interest in supplying a car for him to take to college. Then when she went off to college, the car stayed with me. I don’t know many 18-19yo’s that own their own cars. I realize they exist, but not much in my world. I have been referring to families who supply a car for their kid to drive, not a car that is outright owned by the kid. If that were the case, I would expect the decision to be made by the kid, heavily influenced by the college location and rules, and perhaps some parental input, too. I think you need to know for sure who owns the car before you can make a call on whether the mother is too controlling.
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 24, 2019 22:28:41 GMT
For me it wasn't my decision to 'let' daughter take her car or not. It's her car. And the way that mom talked it was also her daughter's own car. So for me that leaves me out of the discussion. It's DD decision just as everything else... It doesn't matter what "I" think.. her car, she is over 18. Other than issues like that are stated in this thread, not allowed on campus, don't have their own car, parent's paying the extra costs, etc. why would it be up to me to decide if she takes her car. I am not paying for it, she did. It seems controlling to me. Are you sure the car actually belonged to the girl? I always spoke about “my kid’s car” and so did everyone else I know, if they had a dedicated car for the kids to drive. But those cars did not actually belong to the kids. They belonged to the parents, who also paid the insurance and gas and maintenance. When my son went off to college, his sister was just getting her driver’s license and was going to need the car here. Aside from the fact that I had no interest in supplying a car for him to take to college. Then when she went off to college, the car stayed with me. I don’t know many 18-19yo’s that own their own cars. I realize they exist, but not much in my world. I have been referring to families who supply a car for their kid to drive, not a car that is outright owned by the kid. If that were the case, I would expect the decision to be made by the kid, heavily influenced by the college location and rules, and perhaps some parental input, too. I think you need to know for sure who owns the car before you can make a call on whether the mother is too controlling. I always say my son's car. Up until mine were out of college, we paid for those suckers along with insurance and upkeep. They only thing they owned in that car was the gas and probably speakers. I can't imagine a parent saying no to a kid who has bought the car and is completely independent from their parent with financial help. Yes, kids are legally independent at 18, but what a parent chooses to do with a vehicle they own is really up to them. I know of very few kids who independently own their own car at 18. A few, yes, but most kids spend money on phones and other technology and take more time to save enough to buy a vehicle compared to kids I grew up with.
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Post by workingclassdog on Jul 25, 2019 13:25:25 GMT
For me it wasn't my decision to 'let' daughter take her car or not. It's her car. And the way that mom talked it was also her daughter's own car. So for me that leaves me out of the discussion. It's DD decision just as everything else... It doesn't matter what "I" think.. her car, she is over 18. Other than issues like that are stated in this thread, not allowed on campus, don't have their own car, parent's paying the extra costs, etc. why would it be up to me to decide if she takes her car. I am not paying for it, she did. It seems controlling to me. Are you sure the car actually belonged to the girl? I always spoke about “my kid’s car” and so did everyone else I know, if they had a dedicated car for the kids to drive. But those cars did not actually belong to the kids. They belonged to the parents, who also paid the insurance and gas and maintenance. When my son went off to college, his sister was just getting her driver’s license and was going to need the car here. Aside from the fact that I had no interest in supplying a car for him to take to college. Then when she went off to college, the car stayed with me. I don’t know many 18-19yo’s that own their own cars. I realize they exist, but not much in my world. I have been referring to families who supply a car for their kid to drive, not a car that is outright owned by the kid. If that were the case, I would expect the decision to be made by the kid, heavily influenced by the college location and rules, and perhaps some parental input, too. I think you need to know for sure who owns the car before you can make a call on whether the mother is too controlling. I didn't dissect the conversation...I guess in my world most kids had their own car by 18-19.. I did. My best friend did. My kids did. All pretty much beater cars but they were owned by the kid. We all worked in high school and saved our money. You could dissect the conversation in any way at this point. I took it as her word. In that whole conversation there could have been lots of variables. Anyways, I think the point has been made.. there isn't a wrong or right answer.. I got was I was looking for. There can be lots of reasons that a kid doesn't take his car. Even a controlling parent can stop it, along with lots of other reasons that have been made.
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