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Post by workingclassdog on Jul 23, 2019 19:13:28 GMT
I am a parent of a college kid. She went off to another school for just one semester otherwise she has been at a university close to home and lives at home, other than that one semester. I was somewhere with DD and a mom saw her key chain with the school she went to for that semester so we talked a little about that.
She told me her and her daughter were flying down there. I kinda went along with it and asked her 'well how are you getting all her stuff there?' (we are about 12 hours from the school).. I can't remember exactly how she said it.. maybe they were just getting everything from Amazon.. I don't know.. but she stated "I won't let her take her car.".. I was like 'really?, how come?' and she said something like "she doesn't need to have that freedom or need to go off campus" I was like okay and didn't say much.
I even kinda forgot about it and then DD brought it up and we discussed it later and couldn't figure out the reason why (unless there was some kind of legal issues that mom didn't want to discuss), but she just acted like DD was not going to leave campus and keeping a very close eye on her.
I am in the camp that DD is off to college and will learn any lessons because she needs to be an adult at some point. Since 16 DD has been driving her own car and taking care of it. She's been responsible for the most part and any little things it's up to her to fix. Do you think that this mom was over the top with this IF there is no other circumstances and it was the daughter's own car that would warrant this?
Or is this kinda of a normal thing?
I'm not saying there is a right or wrong answer... just curious.. maybe I was to relaxed but honestly it didn't even register.. kid packs car and heads to college (I drove with her to help drive and flew back home)
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DEX
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Post by DEX on Jul 23, 2019 19:15:59 GMT
Some colleges feel the same way and won't let Freshmen have cars on campus.
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Post by workingclassdog on Jul 23, 2019 19:18:14 GMT
So if the college has that restriction.. then obviously I get that.
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Post by ~summer~ on Jul 23, 2019 19:19:34 GMT
Most colleges we’ve looked at don’t allow freshmen to have a car. My son is off to school out of state in the fall and he won’t have a car. I went to school on the opposite coast and never had a car.
Edited - yes I think it’s normal.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2019 19:21:48 GMT
I am a parent of a college kid. She went off to another school for just one semester otherwise she has been at a university close to home and lives at home, other than that one semester. I was somewhere with DD and a mom saw her key chain with the school she went to for that semester so we talked a little about that. She told me her and her daughter were flying down there. I kinda went along with it and asked her 'well how are you getting all her stuff there?' (we are about 12 hours from the school).. I can't remember exactly how she said it.. maybe they were just getting everything from Amazon.. I don't know.. but she stated "I won't let her take her car.".. I was like 'really?, how come?' and she said something like "she doesn't need to have that freedom or need to go off campus" I was like okay and didn't say much. I even kinda forgot about it and then DD brought it up and we discussed it later and couldn't figure out the reason why (unless there was some kind of legal issues that mom didn't want to discuss), but she just acted like DD was not going to leave campus and keeping a very close eye on her. I am in the camp that DD is off to college and will learn any lessons because she needs to be an adult at some point. Since 16 DD has been driving her own car and taking care of it. She's been responsible for the most part and any little things it's up to her to fix. Do you think that this mom was over the top with this IF there is no other circumstances and it was the daughter's own car that would warrant this? Or is this kinda of a normal thing? I'm not saying there is a right or wrong answer... just curious.. maybe I was to relaxed but honestly it didn't even register.. kid packs car and heads to college (I drove with her to help drive and flew back home) It would amaze you how many parents feel like the other mom. Reality is, she is leaving her dd dependent on someone else (usually a boy) to take her places. Not having a car will not keep a college student locked to campus. Period. We don't have a good mass transit but students without cars still find rides to any place they want to go. IMO, no stats to back it up, but it puts young women in a much more vulnerable position. I think you were right to let your dd take her own car. |
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 23, 2019 19:21:50 GMT
My mom drove me to student teaching my senior year for a few weeks before I got my first vehicle. I didn't have a car in college. My dad offered to bring me my bike. The walk to some classes was over 30 minutes in freezing cold Nebraska winters. Definitely helped with exercise.
Lots of parents don't send a car with the kids. I know my kids parking permit was $400 a semester. And yes, the kids with cars have a little more opportunity to get into trouble (not that they can't be a passenger though).
The fact that she is 12 hours away pretty much says she isn't driving home for a quick weekend and really doesn't need a car. With Uber and Lyft, and taxis so easily accessible, the kid has options.
Some college campuses don't even let freshman bring a car.
I'm sitting on not over the top for lots of reasons (even though both of my kids had their cars).
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Post by Merge on Jul 23, 2019 19:22:17 GMT
I guess it depends. I'd be unlikely to send my kid off to a college without a car unless there is safe and reliable public transportation in the city. I do think it's unreasonable to expect that a student would never leave campus.
But then, I'm sending my kid 20 minutes away to college with a car because of the lack of good public transportation in our city. So my viewpoint may be different than others. We expect her to hold down a job while she's in school, and that wouldn't really be possible here without a car.
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Post by katlady on Jul 23, 2019 19:23:17 GMT
One son did not have his car at college. There was no need. Plus, he would have had to pay for parking. The other had a car in his senior year because he had an off campus internship he had to get to, and he lived off-campus so there was no problems with parking the car.
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cycworker
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Post by cycworker on Jul 23, 2019 19:23:22 GMT
I think my frame of reference from my own experience is too skewed. If I had gone down to Victoria as I had originally planned, I'm not sure that I would've had a car either. I am not a confident highway/freeway driver even now. Would have been far too stressful at that age.
The notion of never leaving campus is unrealistic, imo. I would've left campus even w/o a car, and I'm in a dang wheelchair. If I could figure it out, I'm sure she can.
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Post by underwatermama on Jul 23, 2019 19:23:29 GMT
I would have been rolling my eyes. My DS doesn't have a car, but the school includes a bus pass with the cost of his tuition. He's seen more of the city than we have. Not to mention Uber and Lyft which are always coming and going from their dorms. DS is attending a college in a big city, no way would we give him a car because it's expensive to park.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2019 19:25:02 GMT
It is a different matter if the school doesn't allow certain students to not have cars because of parking issues. Or if a parent doesn't feel the student's car will safely make the trip from home to school and back. But, if you think no allowing your kid to have a car IN ORDER TO PREVENT THEM FROM LEAVING CAMPUS, you are delusional.
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bethany102399
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Post by bethany102399 on Jul 23, 2019 19:27:14 GMT
My parents rule was no car your freshman year. That was the rule when they went to school (college rule) and they thought it was a good one. I went to school several states away from home so it's not like I could drive home at a moments notice. I had been driving since I was 16, so my 18 year old self would tell you that suddenly losing that freedom was hell. The one person on our floor who did have a car quickly felt like she was being used for her car (which was not invalid).
Now keep in mind this is well pre-internet Amazon days so no just ordering stuff online and have it show up at your door. We did have a decent bus system which I did learn to navigate, but my parents felt like I needed to "make friends" with someone who had a car. A. I was and am a total introvert. Making friends does not come easy to me, and I fail (even now) to see why they thought I'd magically change and be able to easily friend someone. B. NO ONE had a car except the one person on our floor and she rightfully became pissy about anyone asking to use it.
Today, I'd have to look at several factors. Do you expect your student to work? On campus or off? how close are they to home? what's their emotional state (meaning if given the opportunity will they come home every weekend) what's the mass transit situation in the city? those kinds of things would drive my answer (no pun intended)
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kate
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Post by kate on Jul 23, 2019 19:29:31 GMT
It's hard to know why the mom is thinking like that. Maybe she doesn't want the girl to have to drive 12 hours at the beginning and end of the school year. Maybe she's worried about drunk driving. Maybe she's worried that other kids will pressure the girl to drive them places or (worse) to let them borrow the car. Maybe she wants the girl to have her car available at home when she's there for school breaks.
I see it from a different angle because my kids don't drive, much less have a car. They are all very experienced in using public transportation, taxis, and Uber. I understand why kids would *like* to have a car at college, but I believe that at many campuses, a car is really not necessary. Obviously, there are circumstances where a parent might want the kid to have a car at school, but not having one seems perfectly normal to me.
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Post by busy on Jul 23, 2019 19:32:47 GMT
My parents didn’t allow me to take my car to college. And my college didn’t allow freshman to have cars (except in “storage” where you could only access a few times a year, for breaks). There are a number of reasons. One of the biggest is to encourage students to socialize ok campus/with college friends vs going back home all the time. (Not an issue for me - I was 2000 miles from home.) It also reduces the risk of drunk driving. My parents didn’t want me to have a car because I am from the nw and not used to driving in snow (I went to college in MN.) Plus the insurance issues, liability issues of driving other kids, etc.
I never missed having a car. There were buses to the Twin Cities, there were shuttles into town, etc.
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Post by workingclassdog on Jul 23, 2019 19:33:14 GMT
Good points I didn't think of. She paid for her parking. I didn't realize a lot of colleges don't allow Freshman to drive (she wasn't a Freshman but still the situation would have been the same in our case). Her school was not in a great neighborhood so I definitely wouldn't liked her to use the public transportation!! The campus was awesome but the surrounding area was very iffy. (She went to GCU)
I would have rather her have her own car than to depend on anyone if she was somewhere without a ride. Uber and Lyft are okay but that worries me more than her having her own car. Her car was also dependable.
She did have a bike.. but I wouldn't want her to ride it outside the school at all.
The vibe I got from this mom was 'my daughter will be staying on campus and we will get her back and forth to home'. I was like ummmm okay.
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Post by workingclassdog on Jul 23, 2019 19:40:18 GMT
Glad I asked!!! Lots of points that I didn't think of.. A lot that doesn't really pertain to us, but I can definitely see how there are different situations there are.
Driving back and forth to home was not really a thing since it was a long drive. She flew home a few times for things she needed to do (HA.. like once was a concert she bought tickets for).. but yeah she came home three times in a semester because once the campus was closed and she couldn't be there over Thanksgiving and again at Christmas and the concert.
She never did public transportation here so I wouldn't really expect her to do that there.. and plus it is a creepy area. Even once she went to a fast food place close by with a friend and that one experience was enough.. so if she was going off campus it would be at least a 20 minute drive..
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Post by jassy on Jul 23, 2019 19:41:23 GMT
No, not OTT, at all!
My son will be a junior this year, and is living off campus - this will be the first time he will have his car at school.
A number of reasons:
1). We are two hours away. My experience is that kids who have access to a car and live in a driveable distance to home, often come home on the weekends -especially if there is a high school significant other - rather than get to know and experience "college life". My son's friend who took his car freshman year and is also two hours away (different direction) comes home nearly every weekend and doesn't seem at all connected to life at his school. My son seems very well connected to his - obviously this is different with a kid 12 hours away.
2) "His car" is actually MY car. I pay for it, want access to it, and his little brother drives it when big brother is away at school. They share when they are home.
3). I work at a college where most kids live very far away - very few bring cars to campus. It's just a super residential place with everything in walking distance. The ones who do have cars are constantly pressured by friends to borrow their cars to go to out of town concerts, events, job interviews, etc. Nope! Not happening with his (actually MY) car ;-) This is based on experience of how badly a bad accident can mess up car insurance for a young male driver.
4). Plenty of transportation options around campus - shuttles that run for shopping, etc,
He never seemed to miss having a car. Glad to have it this year, but only because he's living off campus.
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Post by questioning on Jul 23, 2019 19:44:22 GMT
We're dealing with this now. Freshmen are required to live on campus, and parking is limited. They don't restrict underclassmen from having cars but they make it difficult. As a freshman he would be assigned a lot 15-20 minutes walk from his dorm.
There is an extensive shuttle system for both town and campus. We don't think DS will be limited without his car. After growing up in the suburbs, it will be good for him to experience everyday life without one.
My heli-mom reaction isn't about his maturity it's about his winter driving skills. We have the kind of winters where the city shuts down for a day if it's a light powder. He's never had to drive in real snow and ice, I'd like him to be fully adjusted to college-life before we cross that bridge. I take that back, maybe it is about his maturity -he'd be the guy turning doughnuts and trying to skid on the ice in a parking lot.
Edit to add:
Does the Mom in the OP expect her DD to literally not leave the boundaries of campus?
DS's campus is surrounded by service, bar/restaurant and retail areas along the campus borders. Some are closer than his parking lot.
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Post by dewryce on Jul 23, 2019 19:50:58 GMT
I’m with voltagain. If she wants to leave campus, she’s leaving campus. She is 18 so chances are she’s all about freedom. Since the reasons she listed were all about control not safety or other issues, and not knowing anything about the child, I say over the top. And if the mom has reason to believe there would be a problem with her daughter having a car and needing those type of controlling restrictions due to behavior, sending her 12 hours away probably isn’t the best idea.  |
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Post by hop2 on Jul 23, 2019 20:02:58 GMT
A - many campuses don’t allow cars.
B- voltagain is right if a kid wants to leave campus they will. And sometimes in a less safe manner than their own car.
C- sometimes you can do everything right & crap still goes wrong with or without a car. I’ve seen some ridiculously scary things that makes me loose sleep. This college thing is hard on a parent. Each parent has to do what they think will help them sleep at night. That’s different for everybody. If I knew what I know now 4 years ago I’d have lost way more sleep than I did.
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amom23
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Post by amom23 on Jul 23, 2019 20:06:27 GMT
I think it really depends on where you are going to college. Here in ND just about every freshman will have a car. Campuses have plenty of parking space near the dorms. Parking passes are cheap. Not the greatest public transportation available in our state. Riding a bike to get around doesn't work so great in the winter. Yes kids will drive home a lot on weekends, but since the dorms really clear out it can pretty lonely spending every weekend in the dorms.
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 23, 2019 20:11:54 GMT
It is a different matter if the school doesn't allow certain students to not have cars because of parking issues. Or if a parent doesn't feel the student's car will safely make the trip from home to school and back. But, if you think no allowing your kid to have a car IN ORDER TO PREVENT THEM FROM LEAVING CAMPUS, you are delusional. I don't think most parents would think this. I mean, not those in reality. I didn't have a car and didn't leave campus very often though. Not having a car definitely limits your plans. The OP asked if it is a normal thing. Do we think it is over the top? Perhaps she meant what the parent thought or perhaps she was asking about taking a car to college. |
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RosieKat
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Post by RosieKat on Jul 23, 2019 20:15:26 GMT
So 5 million years ago when I went to college, I was in a major city and lived on campus. Most freshmen did (and in fact, living on campus was so popular that most of the colleges would hold a lottery for the available spaces). However, the dining service on campus did not serve dinners on Saturdays and Sundays. I can't figure out for the life of me how my parents anticipated I would eat! There was a lot of delivery pizza, and I (truly coincidentally) got a upperclassman, car-owning boyfriend pretty early on. We couldn't really walk anywhere from there (it just wasn't safe) so I'm truly at a loss trying to figure it out!
Anyway, all of that is to say that assuming your kid will stick to campus if she doesn't have a car is pretty naive.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2019 20:16:07 GMT
Not having our kids take cars when they went off to college had nothing to do with limiting their freedom/independence. First there really wasn't a convenient and free place to park their vehicles. If you wanted to park on campus, you had to pay. Second, traffic in the area wasn't the best and they've always lived within walking or free shuttle services to the colleges. Third, if they needed to go somewhere it was much cheaper and easier for them to take Uber vs. paying (expensive) car insurance for them to remain as active drivers. DS2 did take a car in his junior year because he found a job that was about 30 minutes away, but if not for that, there really wasn't a need.
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Post by Pahina722 on Jul 23, 2019 20:20:19 GMT
To me, it’s over the top. DS is in college 7 hours away; we never considered not sending him with his car—especially since he’s living in off campus housing. While UCF has shuttle service, I don’t want him stuck if he’s on campus after shuttles stop running, or not able to get the supplies he needs for classes that the bookstore doesn’t sell, or lugging his groceries on a bus or wasting money on Uber to go to the movies and concerts. We are actually pretty pissed that his girlfriend’s parents shipped her off to UCF as well, apparently trusting that either our DS or her roommate would always be available and willing to ferry her around.
When I went off to college, freshmen weren’t allowed cars; I made it to Thanksgiving without mine. Even with the activities on campus, I was going stir crazy not being able to leave campus. My college was slap in the middle of a residential area, with NO shopping, restaurants, entertainment within walking distance. So, while I understand why some colleges restrict freshmen from having cars, I don’t think it is a great solution.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jul 23, 2019 20:29:32 GMT
I don’t agree with the thought that no car would equal staying on campus. But both of my kids are in out-of-state schools and neither has/had cars for their undergrad. DS was the first to go and it would have been us paying $500 a semester for parking, insurance, gas, etc. He had a job on campus and their was a bus that ran between the Minneapolis and St Paul campuses every 15 minutes, with Target/hair cuts/restaurants/etc was a block from the Minneapolis campus. He took an Uber to and from the airport, but the $30 twice a year was still cheaper than having a car on campus. He also Ubered to interviews when it came time for that. He’s grown up in big cities and is used to public transportation. He’s in grad school now and does have a car. But he also has a real job and needs daily transportation to and from there. Some days he is back and forth a few times. So the additional cost of the car is outweighed by his salary.
When DD went off to school, she had a more legitimate claim to “needing” a car on campus as she’s in a more rural school. But there’s a bus that runs into town (and Target) a few times a day. We sent her off, ready to reevaluate if needed. But her best friend has a car and the campus also has loaner cars that she can rent for a few hours. And she works on campus. So for now, we are saving that money. Would she like a car? Absolutely. But she doesn’t need one and it would take her spending money for her to maintain a car. Since she likes clothes and makeup, she’s making do.
For some kids, a car is a necessity. Or a luxury that the family chooses. For us, we decided that a little bit of inconvenience wasn’t worth the expense.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2019 20:31:51 GMT
To me, it’s over the top. Was it expensive for your DS to take the car with him? Car insurance rates here are crazy high and parking permits run around $100/mo. For us, adding parking/gas/insurance would have increased our monthly cost by at least $300/mo. Add that to a $30K+ tuition/housing we were already paying and it just wasn't something we could do even though it would have made their lives a bit easier. |
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Post by katlady on Jul 23, 2019 20:37:55 GMT
I just want to say that some schools do not even have enough parking for both commuters and dorm residents. The college I went to, parking was based on your home zip code and how many units you have completed. So when I went, even though my commute would take me almost an hour, because I lived only 10 miles away (if you drew a straight line) I was pretty low on the list for getting a permit my first couple of years, and this was ages ago. Freshmen are pretty much out of luck getting a permit. Dorm residents get permits based on need (I.e. off-campus job) and units you have completed. Parking is a problem at schools in big cities.
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iowgirl
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Post by iowgirl on Jul 23, 2019 20:38:09 GMT
It's weird to me. My kids were all driving legally to school at 14.5 (directly to and from school only) . At 16 they had their full license and could go anywhere. They were actually driving some vehicle of some type way before they were 14 on the farm.
They all went to college about 2 hours from home. They all took their cars. As freshmen, the parking was a LOOONG way from the dorm, so they really didn't use their cars that much. They didn't come home that often either. DS moved to college in August and said "see you at Thanksgiving" .. lol - and we really didn't see him that much until then.
My kids all had a lot of responsibilities in their life long before they went to college. I never for one minute didn't trust them with cars or any other situations in life. I also pushed them to take charge of things in their life at an early age. They drove themselves to orthodontist appointments, etc. as soon as they hit 16. They were responsible for scheduling their appointments and keeping them too.
Parents who micromanage every moment of their kids lives are setting them up to fail, IMO.
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Post by questioning on Jul 23, 2019 20:42:22 GMT
It's weird to me. My kids were all driving legally to school at 14.5 (directly to and from school only) . At 16 they had their full license and could go anywhere. They were actually driving some vehicle of some type way before they were 14 on the farm. They all went to college about 2 hours from home. They all took their cars. As freshmen, the parking was a LOOONG way from the dorm, so they really didn't use their cars that much. They didn't come home that often either. DS moved to college in August and said "see you at Thanksgiving" .. lol - and we really didn't see him that much until then. My kids all had a lot of responsibilities in their life long before they went to college. I never for one minute didn't trust them with cars or any other situations in life. I also pushed them to take charge of things in their life at an early age. They drove themselves to orthodontist appointments, etc. as soon as they hit 16. They were responsible for scheduling their appointments and keeping them too. Parents who micromanage every moment of their kids lives are setting them up to fail, IMO. This could be an entire thread in itself! |
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