muggins
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,861 
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Post by muggins on Aug 17, 2019 12:44:49 GMT
Short back story - I lived in a neighbourhood for 10 years. My neighbor is awesome and we are good friends. We moved overseas for 6 years. We just bought the house next door to our other house. The new one is bigger and has a saltwater pool.
We bought the house in May, but only moved in last week. I told my neighbor she and her family could use the pool anytime.
She learned how to take care of the pool and when we returned gave us all the paperwork and receipts from the pool store. She spent almost $400 on chemicals - mostly because the previous owner had turned off the salt flow and the pool became murky.
Of course I tried to reimburse her but she’s refusing to accept the check. She feels like it’s payment for allowing them to use the pool for a couple of months. I feel like costs relating to my pool are my responsibility and I would never have invited her to use the pool if I had known how much it would cost her.
So, I don’t want her to be $400 out of pocket but she refuses to accept the money. We are going to invite her family out for dinner as a thank you, but I still feel guilty about the money. WWTPD?
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Post by gar on Aug 17, 2019 12:50:34 GMT
You spelled neighboUr wrong...just saying'....  Seriously I don't know what else you can do. You can offer again and the meal out is a nice thing to do and will make you feel better  |
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Post by mustlovecats on Aug 17, 2019 12:54:14 GMT
I would offer three times. If she continues to refuse, I would make it an open invitation to use the pool during summers to come and leave it at that.
The amount she spent is about the equivalent of a pool membership for a year here. So I would just return generosity with generosity.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Aug 17, 2019 12:56:44 GMT
Invite her to continue to use the pool (of course since you're actually living in the house now it can't be total free for all, but if you're working and she's a SAHM she could still bring the kids during the day or whatever). Take them to dinner and thank them profusely but then let it go. For her you saved them the cost of a pool membership plus the hassle of going elsewhere all summer plus she's probably just happy to have you back  |
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Post by christine58 on Aug 17, 2019 13:02:01 GMT
She feels like it’s payment for allowing them to use the pool for a couple of months It probably would have cost them that much to join a place. I have learned not to argue with people when they first refuse payment. Take them out like you mentioned and maybe allow them to continue to use the pool (maybe just have them give you a heads up) |
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Aug 17, 2019 13:09:57 GMT
Do not push it.... Invite them over whenever! Take them to dinner and leave it!
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Post by librarylady on Aug 17, 2019 13:14:58 GMT
Odd that she would present the receipts and then refuse the money.
Perhaps you can offer again--if she refuses, then split the cost, if not, purchase a visa gift card for her.
Nice that she wants to be responsible for using the pool.
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Aug 17, 2019 13:21:27 GMT
Sometimes I wonder if people have a reason they're refusing. Like they broke a pump piece being careless, or someone threw up and it needed to be shocked. Because there's been times I won't/can't tell a whole story and would feel tremendously guilty accepting the money anyway if that makes sense. Repeated offers can actually get uncomfortable.
Offer again, and if they refuse, you'll just have to accept dinner out as repayment. Sounds like you have great neighbors and friends!
(Side note, I find handing someone actual cash in a note is far more agreeable than asking if they would like a check. Asking how they want the money feels like business and impersonal. And checks are easy to ignore and be passive about, cash isn't. So maybe just offer a nondescript thank you note with cash next time.)
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peabay
Prolific Pea
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 17, 2019 13:30:15 GMT
What does she want or need that would be equal to 400? Could she use free babysitting? Do they like a certain restaurant in your town and you could give her gift cards every month? Spread it out and do nice things for her that she can really use.
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SabrinaP
Pearl Clutcher
Busy Teacher Pea
Posts: 4,350
Location: Dallas Texas
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Post by SabrinaP on Aug 17, 2019 13:31:40 GMT
You offered and she refused. Let it go. It was a mutually beneficial arrangement.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 2, 2024 15:27:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2019 13:33:41 GMT
You spelled neighboUr wrong...just saying'.... It's not misspelled. It depends on which version of English is being used.  As for repaying the money - kill her with kindness. Dinner (as you are doing), small gifts, baked good along the way. Basically, you have found a treasure for a next door neighbor (American English spelling). You are very lucky. |
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ellen
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,498
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Post by ellen on Aug 17, 2019 13:40:26 GMT
Odd that she would present the receipts and then refuse the money. Perhaps you can offer again--if she refuses, then split the cost, if not, purchase a visa gift card for her. Nice that she wants to be responsible for using the pool. This is a new pool for them, so I can see where she would want them to know what they did with it. She obviously feels like this is a good deal for them. My husband mows lawns for three neighbors at the lake all summer. The lawns aren't big and he has a riding lawnmower. He has done this for years. One neighbor lets us use their really nice guest cabin when we have overnight visitors. Another says thank you. Another gives him a couple cases of beer. One insisted we go out to eat with them and we did it the first year. It was somewhat awkward because we didn't feel ok with them paying for everything. We don't feel like they owe us anything. They've invited us to join them for dinner other times and we've always had something else going on. They now know that the beer payment works for us. It's a fair enough trade that happens to be a smoking' deal for them. Seriously, people need to accept that sometimes people just do something nice for them and quit trying to make it even. My husband is a nice guy and he'll mow your lawn. Don't ruin that for him. |
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peaname
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,389
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Post by peaname on Aug 17, 2019 13:55:48 GMT
As a generous person I hate it when someone simply cannot accept my generosity. I know it's hard to receive but remember when you accept someone's gift you give them the gift of being able to freely give and receive appreciation. I also like knowing that my past generosity means that if I need something in the future I will have people I can rely on.
Also, pool memberships run $1,000/summer and not having to drive your kids to swim is pretty awesome.
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Post by h2ohdog on Aug 17, 2019 13:55:56 GMT
You spelled neighboUr wrong...just saying'.... It's not misspelled. It depends on which version of English is being used. As for repaying the money - kill her with kindness. Dinner (as you are doing), small gifts, baked good along the way. Basically, you have found a treasure for a next door neighbor (American English spelling). You are very lucky. I’m pretty sure ”you spelled neighboUr wrong" with a winking face meant she was kidding. After all, muggins also wrote "neighbourhood". |
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hannahruth
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Location: Adelaide, Australia
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Post by hannahruth on Aug 17, 2019 14:03:15 GMT
I have tried to reimburse friends for something they may have paid out for - they don't want to accept this so I just say to take the money and spend it on the kids or grandies or take someone else for coffee or lunch.
This seems to work for me but if they really insist they won't take the money then I let it go.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Aug 17, 2019 14:07:28 GMT
What does she want or need that would be equal to 400? Could she use free babysitting? Do they like a certain restaurant in your town and you could give her gift cards every month? Spread it out and do nice things for her that she can really use.  I agree with this. Take them to dinner and then find a suitable thank you gift. They seem like excellent neighbors! I would be the same as your neighbor and not take the money if I had benefited from the use of your pool all summer. I would have also been one to tell you what treatments I did to the pool because I'd want to know what additives/work had been done on my own pool, as well as have the receipts for my files. It's not misspelled. It depends on which version of English is being used. I'm pretty sure that @gar was just joking with muggins (the winking emoji was a clue). Muggins speaks/writes fluent bi-lingual English (British/American) as she has lived in the US for a number of years (and is in the process of moving back across the pond once again if I remember correctly. |
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muggins
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,861
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Post by muggins on Aug 17, 2019 14:08:51 GMT
It's not misspelled. It depends on which version of English is being used. As for repaying the money - kill her with kindness. Dinner (as you are doing), small gifts, baked good along the way. Basically, you have found a treasure for a next door neighbor (American English spelling). You are very lucky. I’m pretty sure ”you spelled neighboUr wrong" with a winking face meant she was kidding. After all, muggins also wrote "neighbourhood". Gar and I are British and met at a pea meet up. She’s just poking fun at my use of American spelling since I’ve only been back in the US for a week! |
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muggins
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,861
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Post by muggins on Aug 17, 2019 14:10:27 GMT
I have tried to reimburse friends for something they may have paid out for - they don't want to accept this so I just say to take the money and spend it on the kids or grandies or take someone else for coffee or lunch. This seems to work for me but if they really insist they won't take the money then I let it go. When she refused the check I told her to donate to her favourite (@gar) charity but she refused that too. |
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muggins
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,861
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Post by muggins on Aug 17, 2019 14:15:33 GMT
As a generous person I hate it when someone simply cannot accept my generosity. I know it's hard to receive but remember when you accept someone's gift you give them the gift of being able to freely give and receive appreciation. I also like knowing that my past generosity means that if I need something in the future I will have people I can rely on. Also, pool memberships run $1,000/summer and not having to drive your kids to swim is pretty awesome. I understand what you mean as I try to be generous with my friends without expecting anything in return. However this was an unexpected expense that she had to make since the pool water was going murky. Not to mention the weekly trips to the pool store to have the water analysed. |
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Post by Basket1lady on Aug 17, 2019 14:19:43 GMT
What if you found some cute hooded beach towels or monogrammed towels for the kids with some dive sticks or other pool toy? Package it up in a cute pool tote and gift it with a thank you card extending the offer to swim in your pool again next summer. Add a gift card if you think that’s not enough. Lands’ End, Hanna Anderson, or the Company Store may still have pool towels in stock.
I like to pay my expenses, but she’s refusing. Obviously she got something out of it as well. But she wasn’t just maintaining the pool; she had to make it usable first. So I wouldn’t worry about the tote being worth $400, (esp since it’s likely to all be on clearance) but it’s a nice gesture.
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Post by gar on Aug 17, 2019 14:33:57 GMT
It's not misspelled. It depends on which version of English is being used. As for repaying the money - kill her with kindness. Dinner (as you are doing), small gifts, baked good along the way. Basically, you have found a treasure for a next door neighbor (American English spelling). You are very lucky. I’m pretty sure ”you spelled neighboUr wrong" with a winking face meant she was kidding. After all, muggins also wrote "neighbourhood". And muggins is English 😉 |
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Post by gar on Aug 17, 2019 14:34:58 GMT
I’m pretty sure ”you spelled neighboUr wrong" with a winking face meant she was kidding. After all, muggins also wrote "neighbourhood". Gar and I are British and met at a pea meet up. She’s just poking fun at my use of American spelling since I’ve only been back in the US for a week! I am 😀😉 |
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Deleted
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May 2, 2024 15:27:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2019 14:55:53 GMT
Maybe she’s hoping that her generosity will grant them continued use of the pool? If you don’t mind that, then I’d let them know how appreciative you are, invite them over for a swim party, give them a gift basket/giftcard and tell them they are welcome to come back to use the pool.
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Post by littlemama on Aug 17, 2019 15:12:25 GMT
Short back story - I lived in a neighbourhood for 10 years. My neighbor is awesome and we are good friends. We moved overseas for 6 years. We just bought the house next door to our other house. The new one is bigger and has a saltwater pool. We bought the house in May, but only moved in last week. I told my neighbor she and her family could use the pool anytime. She learned how to take care of the pool and when we returned gave us all the paperwork and receipts from the pool store. She spent almost $400 on chemicals - mostly because the previous owner had turned off the salt flow and the pool became murky. Of course I tried to reimburse her but she’s refusing to accept the check. She feels like it’s payment for allowing them to use the pool for a couple of months. I feel like costs relating to my pool are my responsibility and I would never have invited her to use the pool if I had known how much it would cost her. So, I don’t want her to be $400 out of pocket but she refuses to accept the money. We are going to invite her family out for dinner as a thank you, but I still feel guilty about the money. WWTPD? You have offered, she has said it wasnt necessary. Let her have her good deed |
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Post by ~summer~ on Aug 17, 2019 16:04:51 GMT
I guess I don’t understand why you have to “do” anything. She wouldn’t have spent the money if she didn’t want to. Our pool membership runs a lot more than that... So instead of acting guilty and put out that you can’t pay her back (not saying you are doing that) - I would just gush with appreciation that she was able to help you figure out some issues with your pool |
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Post by h2ohdog on Aug 17, 2019 16:19:12 GMT
Are you and gar British? muggins   My smartazz first reply was just informational. I knew the scoop! The second comment above is just smartazz |
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snyder
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,940
Location: Colorado
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Post by snyder on Aug 17, 2019 16:22:13 GMT
I would offer one more time, but with let me pay half because some of the expense was due to needed to more or less start up the process due to the murky water. If she refuses, then take her to dinner as you mentioned. Allow future use of pool as long as they don't interfere with your lifestyle.
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Post by MichyM on Aug 17, 2019 16:32:56 GMT
I love the idea of having a beach tote filled with towels, pool toys, flip flops, and other poolside accoutrements waiting for her and the kids when they come over to swim. The kids will dive into it and hopefully she won’t be able to say no. As far as it being equal to what she spent in the pool, I’d let that part of the equation go.
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muggins
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,861
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Post by muggins on Aug 17, 2019 16:35:04 GMT
Invite her to continue to use the pool (of course since you're actually living in the house now it can't be total free for all, but if you're working and she's a SAHM she could still bring the kids during the day or whatever). Take them to dinner and thank them profusely but then let it go. For her you saved them the cost of a pool membership plus the hassle of going elsewhere all summer plus she's probably just happy to have you back They already have keys to the pool and free access whenever they like. But I think dinner out and perhaps some flowers might have to suffice. |
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Post by MalleyCat on Aug 18, 2019 3:26:58 GMT
Why did she give you the receipts, if she didn’t want to be reimbursed?
I would put a $100 restaurant gift card inside a thank you note and leave it on her counter, the next time you are at her house. 😉
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I agree with this. Take them to dinner and then find a suitable thank you gift. They seem like excellent neighbors! I would be the same as your neighbor and not take the money if I had benefited from the use of your pool all summer. I would have also been one to tell you what treatments I did to the pool because I'd want to know what additives/work had been done on my own pool, as well as have the receipts for my files. 
