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Post by sunnyd on Aug 24, 2019 5:47:01 GMT
I live across the country & they are not having any service until next Spring. I don't want to send flowers. I've mailed a card and talked to and texted her everyday. I'd love to send her something useful but not sure what. If I lived there I would take her meals and visit in person. She is heartbroken and I know there is nothing I can do that will make it better but I want her to know that she is loved. Any ideas of something I could mail her? TIA!
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Aug 24, 2019 6:04:18 GMT
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Aug 24, 2019 6:10:12 GMT
I thought more along the line of useful... What about a grocery delivery? Walmart charges just $10, but I believe it's free if you use the code DELIVERY. You could include paper plates, cups, bowls, toilet paper, Kleenex, some of her favorite snacks, good chocolate, muffins, a cozy blanket, flavored coffee to try, maybe some bath salts. I love fall/Halloween so I'd probably put in something fall related. (Walmart will add anything from the store if you're wondering, doesn'thave to be food). After the card and flowers, this is what I'd send my best friend.
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Post by sunnyd on Aug 24, 2019 7:00:05 GMT
Thanks so much, PrettyInPeank I never thought of Walmart delivery. It looks like they don't deliver in her area but I'm definitely going to use that for my dad in the future because they deliver in his city. I love the idea of a blanket and bath salts and favorite snacks. I can ship that to her. I appreciate your post! |
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Post by chrissyc72 on Aug 24, 2019 9:31:20 GMT
Can you find out if there are any local restaurants that she likes that deliver? Then you can order and pay over the phone and have delivered. Just make sure to do a tip and make sure they know to tell her the tip was taken care of so she doesn’t go looking for money.
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peaname
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Post by peaname on Aug 24, 2019 10:44:26 GMT
Plan a visit. Any time. This is marathon grief.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 24, 2019 11:45:27 GMT
Did you know her mom at all? Ever meet her? If you did, write a note with a memory about her mom. Can be anything, as long as it is positive.
"Your mom had a heartwarming smile.."
" ...was kind and genuine... "
"Her cookies were delicious..."
Any little anecdote.
When my brother died this year, what meant the absolute most was when two of his friends came by one night and talked about him for an hour.
As soon as they left I literally wrote down much of what they said. Things I hadn't even known about him. But it made me feel so good to hear about him and know someone else cared and was touched by him.
Also, I'm a huge fan of reaching out weeks & months down the line, with notes in the mail, to let the person know you're thinking of them. Holidays, especially Mother's day and Christmas, may be difficult for her.
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 24, 2019 12:07:04 GMT
LavenderLayoutLady Your ideas are wonderful. It was really sweet of your brother's friends to visit you and talk about him. I am so glad you have that happy memory.
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edie3
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,463
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Post by edie3 on Aug 24, 2019 13:51:36 GMT
Do they have Postmates delivery in her area? They will deliver anything, I think. That way if she needs food or paper goods, etc. they can deliver it.
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peabay
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 24, 2019 14:13:51 GMT
Gift cards for food delivery from restaurants she likes. The best thing anyone did for me was leave a pot of soup and homemade bread in my downstairs refrigerator. We came in one night very late from my mom's wake and we were all starving and that soup was literally chicken soup for the soul.
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moodyblue
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Location: Western Illinois
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Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Aug 24, 2019 14:50:17 GMT
Gift cards for food delivery from restaurants she likes. The best thing anyone did for me was leave a pot of soup and homemade bread in my downstairs refrigerator. We came in one night very late from my mom's wake and we were all starving and that soup was literally chicken soup for the soul. Anything like this. Things that will help her get through the day without having to make much effort, because that’s difficult when you are grieving. Food delivery, gift cards, etc. are good. Reaching out to her in an ongoing way. She isn’t going to have the energy to reach out to you for help and support, so being there for her in whatever way you can over time. |
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zella
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Post by zella on Aug 24, 2019 15:03:30 GMT
Sending a card in a month when pretty much everyone else will have gone back to life as normal. Maybe a card every month for the first year. Now THAT is appreciated, I know.
Is there a FB page where people are talking about her mom and leaving their thoughts for your friend? I once typed up every FB comment about a friend's husband who'd died suddenly, put them in an album with photos of him, and gave it to the friend. That is a very personal, very special way to say you care. And since FB comments are hard to find after a few days, it lets her read them when she's ready.
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Post by brynn on Aug 24, 2019 19:02:50 GMT
My father died suddenly over 25 years ago. Keep up the phone calls and texts. The suggestions of gift cards, grocery delivery, ect. are wonderful.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Aug 24, 2019 20:01:56 GMT
Ice cream!!!!
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Post by izzyscraps on Aug 25, 2019 0:11:35 GMT
My momma died May 31st. It meant so much to me to just have my friends text me that they were thinking about me and offering help.
There was nothing anybody could do, but it was sweet of them to reach out. Your friend and I are different. I shut down completely. I didn’t want to eat or anything. My Sunday School class provided meals when I got home and since I shut down, it was very much appreciated.
Just be there for her. It’s been 12 weeks and I break down a lot still.
Hugs to her.
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Post by izzyscraps on Aug 25, 2019 0:13:11 GMT
Sending a card in a month when pretty much everyone else will have gone back to life as normal. Maybe a card every month for the first year. Now THAT is appreciated, I know. |
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IAmUnoriginal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,894
Jun 25, 2014 23:27:45 GMT
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Post by IAmUnoriginal on Aug 25, 2019 0:23:09 GMT
If she’s the type that finds comfort in a massage, maybe a gift certificate for her to wherever she likes to go. When she’s ready, having all that stress and tension worked out of her will be a good hour of self-care.
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Post by Blind Squirrel on Aug 25, 2019 0:23:46 GMT
My momma died May 31st. It meant so much to me to just have my friends text me that they were thinking about me and offering help. There was nothing anybody could do, but it was sweet of them to reach out. Your friend and I are different. I shut down completely. I didn’t want to eat or anything. My Sunday School class provided meals when I got home and since I shut down, it was very much appreciated. Just be there for her. It’s been 12 weeks and I break down a lot still. Hugs to her. I'm so sorry for your loss, izzyscraps. Saying a prayer for you. |
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Post by jenjie on Aug 25, 2019 1:08:59 GMT
Did you know her mom at all? Ever meet her? If you did, write a note with a memory about her mom. Can be anything, as long as it is positive. "Your mom had a heartwarming smile.." " ...was kind and genuine... " "Her cookies were delicious..." Any little anecdote. When my brother died this year, what meant the absolute most was when two of his friends came by one night and talked about him for an hour. As soon as they left I literally wrote down much of what they said. Things I hadn't even known about him. But it made me feel so good to hear about him and know someone else cared and was touched by him. Also, I'm a huge fan of reaching out weeks & months down the line, with notes in the mail, to let the person know you're thinking of them. Holidays, especially Mother's day and Christmas, may be difficult for her. 100% this. I’m so glad they shared those memories with you. |
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Post by jenjie on Aug 25, 2019 1:11:23 GMT
Sending a card in a month when pretty much everyone else will have gone back to life as normal. Maybe a card every month for the first year. Now THAT is appreciated, I know. Is there a FB page where people are talking about her mom and leaving their thoughts for your friend? I once typed up every FB comment about a friend's husband who'd died suddenly, put them in an album with photos of him, and gave it to the friend. That is a very personal, very special way to say you care. And since FB comments are hard to find after a few days, it lets her read them when she's ready. What a special gift. ❤️ Very similar to what we did for donna’s family. |
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Post by jenjie on Aug 25, 2019 1:14:03 GMT
izzyscraps I’m so sorry about your mother. Gentle hugs.
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Post by missymarlin on Aug 26, 2019 3:11:29 GMT
I have found that you can send a really spectacular fruit basket for about the same cost as flowers. Often a grieving family may not feel like eating a regular meal, but will be fine grabbing a piece of fruit to nibble on or to have on hand for visitors. It also is my go-to-long- distance gift for after surgery/hospitalization or a serious illness diagnosis. Recipients often express their appreciation and are pleased that there usually are some unusual fruits such as kiwis. avocados, fuji apples or blood oranges in the mix. I look for companies local to the recipient when ordering and call to make sure the vendor has the same vision I do and doesn't intend to pass the order off to some other company. Once when I couldn't find a local vendor, I contacted the local grocery store and they did a fantastic job that my friends still rave about.
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Post by lily on Aug 26, 2019 13:24:47 GMT
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Deleted
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Apr 26, 2024 3:02:04 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2019 14:14:04 GMT
It's been a long time, but when someone close to me passed away, one of my friends gave me a really pretty journal to write down thoughts and memories. I loved that.
Or maybe a donation to a charity that is meaningful to her? Also, there are a bunch of beautiful ideas on pinterest if you search for 'remembrance gift'.
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Post by kiera on Aug 26, 2019 16:31:23 GMT
I love the journal idea. Gift cards to local restaurants and/or grocery delivery would be a big help as well. When my mom died I was 18 so I didn't have to worry about remembering those things so much, but if I had to go through it now I know I'd barely be able to feed myself. Is there a bakery near to her house that would make a delivery? Maybe some cookies could help comfort her. A photo book might be nice if you have access to pictures, you can make them on Snapfish. It would make her cry but it might be a nice memento as well.
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Post by mayceesgranny on Aug 26, 2019 17:50:56 GMT
From my own experience - flowers are a PIA. A few arrangements at the funeral are plenty, any extras are a hassle and are most often discarded or donated to a nursing home. Plants are a better choice, but still extra work at a time that no one needs extra work.
I've given perennials and small trees that can be planted in memory of the deceased. I usually wait until spring to deliver the plant or tree.
When my father in law died some neighbors sent over a deli tray with meats and cheeses and all the fixings for sandwiches. It was great to have on hand for the family when we all came together to plan and mourn. Much easier than casseroles!
Another nice idea is to donate to a charity in the deceased's name.
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