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Post by librarylady on Oct 30, 2019 16:49:04 GMT
(Hard drive crashed and I have to recreate my Christmas card list)
Do you use Mr/Mrs? I quit several years ago, yet it seems not right that I give no title to either person, just first name/last name. I use Her name, his name and last name for couples. If they don't share the last name then 2 lines on the envelope for each person. Most women get Ms as a title unless I know that the woman will go into orbit over that. What are the younger than I am folks doing? |
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moodyblue
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Post by moodyblue on Oct 30, 2019 17:29:15 GMT
I don’t usually use Mr. and Mrs. on envelopes anymore.
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craftykitten
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Post by craftykitten on Oct 30, 2019 17:38:14 GMT
Most of my friends seem to have dropped titles and surnames entirely, so joint letters are addressed to "Chris and Kate".
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Post by workingclassdog on Oct 30, 2019 18:06:27 GMT
No I never used Mrs. (that is my MIL.. blech)
If I have to I have used Ms.
There is a gal here at work that ALWAYS calls me Mrs. Last Name. I even told her to use my first name.. She refuses.. She calls everyone by Mr./Mrs. Last Name. She could even just use my last name with no title.. which is normal here at work. Everyone calls each other by last name.
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Post by littlemama on Oct 30, 2019 18:10:40 GMT
I always use Mr and Mrs for a married couple. For single, but living together, i use Mr John Smith and Ms Mary Jones
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Post by Linda on Oct 30, 2019 18:16:54 GMT
Married couples sharing a surname - Mr and Mrs John Doe
Married couples not sharing a surname or unmarried couples Mr John Doe and Ms. Jane Smith
Widows Mrs John Doe
Divorcees Mrs Jane Doe (older women who retained a married surname) or Ms Jane Smith (younger women)
Singles Ms. Jane Smith (for women in the post-college to pre-retirement age range) Miss Jane Smith (young ladies or elderly singles)
Men are Mr. John Doe unless they are young boys then Master John Doe
Obviously if someone has expressed a preference, I use that preference. I've found that Ms. seems to be preferred by many in the 20s-60s age range over Miss or Mrs (hence my distinctions above)
edited to add - I'm 49 so not sure if I'm older or younger than you - I suspect older though - and I've been accused of being a bit of an old fogey/traditionalist
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StephDRebel
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Post by StephDRebel on Oct 30, 2019 18:22:29 GMT
I put first and last names
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schizo319
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Post by schizo319 on Oct 30, 2019 18:22:30 GMT
First name Last name - no Mr./Mrs.
I really can't remember the last time I sent a letter to anyone other than my grandma though.
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Post by librarylady on Oct 30, 2019 18:40:34 GMT
linda Linda, Linda--come on! Let the woman have/use HER name, please! BTW, I'm old enough to be your mother, if you are 49.
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Post by gillyp on Oct 30, 2019 18:52:29 GMT
I’m on the bench with linda although I never use Ms unless I don’t know the status of the lady. I realise I’m old AND old fashioned. |
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GiantsFan
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Post by GiantsFan on Oct 30, 2019 18:58:23 GMT
If I'm addressing to one person then Jane Smith.
To more than one person with the same last name then The Smith Family.
To an address with different last names or an unmarried couple then it's The Smith/Johnson Family.
I haven't used Mr, Mrs or Ms in ages.
I think I read this in an etiquette advice column. If I can find it I'll link to it.
ETA: I thought I had it bookmarked but couldn't find it. Sorry.
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Post by Linda on Oct 30, 2019 19:11:31 GMT
linda Linda, Linda--come on! Let the woman have/use HER name, please! BTW, I'm old enough to be your mother, if you are 49. lol - the widows I write to are between mid-80s and 102 and they've always used Mrs John Doe not Mrs/Ms Jane Doe - if I were writing to someone who preferred her own name, then I would certainly use it. But my mum will be 83 next week and has been widowed longer than she was married (20yrs married, widowed for 30 years) and she would be horrified if I addressed an envelope to her with her first name because to her that implies she's divorced not widowed. |
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Post by slowrunner70 on Oct 30, 2019 19:13:23 GMT
The Smith Family ( married couple with one kid or more ) Jane and John Smith ( married couple ) Jane Doe and John Smith ( unmarried, but living together ) Jane Doe ( single person ) Jane Doe, John Smith and John Jr ( unmarried couple with child ) I grew up addressing single women as Fräulein ( I am german ), but years ago a very close friend of mine gave me shit for doing just that. She had been in a relationship with the same guy for the same time that I had been with my husband. The only difference was that they were not married. She accused me of using the term "Fräulein" to "rub in" the fact that I was married, but she wasn't. I was like WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.  ? That had never even occurred to me. It's just what I was taught in school (and she was, as well, since we're the same age ). |
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Oct 30, 2019 19:14:10 GMT
For invites and thank you notes, I still use personal titles in a fairly formal style because that's how I was taught etiquette wise. For casual correspondence (birthday card to a friend, for ex), I use first and last name.
I fully understand why some people dislike gender-defining honorifics and prefer not to use them. As that change happens though, it can be challenging. One person is offended if you don't address her as Mrs. John Doe while the next is offended if you do.
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Post by maryland on Oct 30, 2019 19:15:58 GMT
I usually use The Smith Family, but occasionally I use Ms. and Mr. Smith.
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compeateropeator
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Post by compeateropeator on Oct 30, 2019 19:17:47 GMT
I do not use Mr, Mrs, or Ms. I generally will address both first names and the last name. Or if it is going to a family I will use The Smith family (for example). I never was one for using the Mr/Mrs/Ms if I knew their full name when addressing a piece of mail. I am sure it offends someone either way. I prefer someone using just my name so that is how I do it.
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GiantsFan
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Post by GiantsFan on Oct 30, 2019 19:20:52 GMT
linda Linda, Linda--come on! Let the woman have/use HER name, please! BTW, I'm old enough to be your mother, if you are 49. lol - the widows I write to are between mid-80s and 102 and they've always used Mrs John Doe not Mrs/Ms Jane Doe - if I were writing to someone who preferred her own name, then I would certainly use it. But my mum will be 83 next week and has been widowed longer than she was married (20yrs married, widowed for 30 years) and she would be horrified if I addressed an envelope to her with her first name because to her that implies she's divorced not widowed. My husbands aunt always writes her return address with Mrs. John Smith and she has been widowed for four or five years. I just thought it was because she had been that name for 60+ years. But your widowed vs divorced makes sense. |
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 30, 2019 20:00:50 GMT
If I am sending a card to someone, I know them well. No Mr. or Mrs.
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garcia5050
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Post by garcia5050 on Oct 30, 2019 20:06:57 GMT
For Christmas cards? Always “The Smith Family.” Doesn’t matter if it’s only a husband wife. That unit is still a family.
Actually, a single person living alone would be just the first and last name.
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Post by gillyp on Oct 30, 2019 20:19:10 GMT
linda Linda, Linda--come on! Let the woman have/use HER name, please! BTW, I'm old enough to be your mother, if you are 49. lol - the widows I write to are between mid-80s and 102 and they've always used Mrs John Doe not Mrs/Ms Jane Doe - if I were writing to someone who preferred her own name, then I would certainly use it. But my mum will be 83 next week and has been widowed longer than she was married (20yrs married, widowed for 30 years) and she would be horrified if I addressed an envelope to her with her first name because to her that implies she's divorced not widowed. *lighting the blue touch paper and retiring* My understanding of writing Mrs John Doe is because women were considered the ‘property’ of their husband. I have never held that belief but the elderly women in my life when I was growing up had been brought up this way and I was taught this was the correct way to address a married woman. I automatically use it for any woman older than me. |
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QueenoftheSloths
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on Oct 30, 2019 20:25:32 GMT
I just go first name, last name. I don't get into "Smith Family" and all that. Half of the people I send a Christmas card to don't send me one, so I don't get the opportunity to see how they might want to be addressed.
When I sent cards to the royal family last year, I did use HRH, etc but that probably doesn't apply to most of your Christmas card list. And when the Queen replied, she (her secretary) used a Ms. with my name, while I had just used first name, last name.
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Post by Mel on Oct 30, 2019 20:30:08 GMT
I usually use The Smith Family, but occasionally I use Ms. and Mr. Smith. This is what I do too. If I know they aren't married, but there are children in the home (no matter whose they are lol), I address it "The Jones & Williams family"(this is what would fit for me since I live with my SO and my kids live with us). If it's just a couple who aren't married, "John Jones & Mary Williams" or if they are married, "John & Mary Jones". |
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Post by just PEAchy on Oct 30, 2019 22:00:00 GMT
I only use Mr/Mrs for people of my parents generation, so in their 70s/80s. However, for something more formal like a wedding, I’d use Mr/Mrs/Ms for everyone depending on their situation.
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Post by AussieMeg on Oct 30, 2019 22:35:08 GMT
I never use Mr or Mrs. If I'm sending something to a couple, I might address it as R & M Smith. But usually it would be to one person, and I would address it as Mary Smith. Reading some of these other replies..... oh man. What a lot of (antiquated) rules!!  My poor head is spinning! Luckily nobody that I am sending letters to is old fashioned or stuffy enough to require me to follow those rules, so my 83yo widowed aunt will get a birthday card addressed to Beverley Smith, and not Mrs Kevin Smith.  |
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Post by lucyg on Oct 30, 2019 23:01:21 GMT
Left to my own devices, I would do it as described by Linda, and no doubt Spongemom Scrappants, too, although she didn’t list many details. But I GET her.  HOWEVER, most of the people I know take offense at being addressed as Mrs. Mary Smith, let alone Mrs. John Smith. Sometimes I use Ms. but I guess I don’t really love it. So I mostly stick to Mary Smith or John & Mary Smith, or The Smith Family or Smith/Jones Family. I don’t mind being addressed as Mrs., but I don’t prefer it, either. I guess I don’t really care or notice most of the time. For those who are interested in these details, the really old-style way to address a divorcee was by using Mrs. followed by her maiden name (in place of a first name) and then her married name. So, Mrs. Jones Smith. That’s how they used to do it in the women’s pages of the newspaper when I was a kid. Back when there were women’s pages. And newspapers. |
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rickmer
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Post by rickmer on Oct 30, 2019 23:37:51 GMT
M Smith or Martin Smith... if a couple, M & S Smith or if two different last names - the same as the previous but often on two lines if names too long.
i do a lot of handwritten cards in my job and never use Mrs or Mr. unless the person identifies themselves as Mrs Smith.... then i take their cue.
and i *hate* having to check off a box for a credit card or whatever. i grudgingly chose "Ms" but it still pisses me off.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Oct 31, 2019 0:10:08 GMT
Thank heavens somebody does!!! |
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Post by Rainy_Day_Woman on Oct 31, 2019 2:38:50 GMT
It would never occur to me to write Mr or Mrs, or Ms or Miss or Master for that matter. Maybe it is regional or generational, maybe both. It is just not something I would ever write.
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My poor head is spinning! Luckily nobody that I am sending letters to is old fashioned or stuffy enough to require me to follow those rules, so my 83yo widowed aunt will get a birthday card addressed to Beverley Smith, and not Mrs Kevin Smith. 
