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Post by kelly316 on Oct 31, 2019 0:56:50 GMT
But I’m going to ask. What are your thoughts on Find Friends app on iPhone for tracking purposes? In general, but more specifically for the child of divorced parents? I obviously have my thoughts on privacy, but want to be sure I consider other opinions.
ETA: a better explanation of Find Friends.
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Post by librarylady on Oct 31, 2019 1:00:12 GMT
I'm out of the loop on this. Is this a new app or what are you talking about?
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Post by monklady123 on Oct 31, 2019 1:05:06 GMT
I have no idea what "find friends" means. You didn't capitalize it, like if it was an app or something. So I have no idea what you mean.
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Post by myshelly on Oct 31, 2019 1:05:54 GMT
Are you asking about using a gps tracking app while the child is with the other parent?
I’m not really understanding.
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 31, 2019 1:06:48 GMT
The phone app? I hate it for me. I won't use it on my family and they don't use it on me. My son and husband do use it for each other.
In the divorced situation... that is tricky. For the most part, I think people deserve to have their space. Now if I happened to be worried about my kid disappearing, perhaps my thoughts would change. But it would be easy for a phone to get "left" somewhere if needed.
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Post by hop2 on Oct 31, 2019 1:13:35 GMT
Well, we’ve used it for years. But I don’t allow Ex for my phone nor did I when we were married. He was controlling enough he had no need of my every where abouts.
Yes, I know he can approximately see where I am if I’m with the children and he can see where their phones are - but barring cases where there was abuse or harassment doesn’t a parent have a right to know where his children are? ( to a point ) I don’t know I just never felt the need to hide our children from him. I know other people’s situations are different.
ALSO we are all four aware of the inaccuracies of find my friends specifically because I’ve been sitting right next to my child playing on their phone when find my friends said their phone was 1/2 mile away.
At least I know about find my friends & could shut it off if I ‘needed’ to there are many ways for someone to hide a tracker you won’t kniw about if they really want to.
Just a warning or PSA - Remember find my friends can go both ways. And that’s not always good. My biggest issue with find my friends was the time the asshole forgot to turn his locations off and lied about where he was so my children were put in the awkward position of knowing he lied to me and any conclusions they might have drawn from that. I don’t think children need to be the ones to point out something ‘fishy’ to their cheated on parent or to cover for the cheating parent.
Honestly for all the things he did to me or ‘against’ me this is the one thing I can never forgive him for. Worse than the actual cheating.
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Post by kelly316 on Oct 31, 2019 1:16:41 GMT
Well, we’ve used it for years. But I don’t allow Ex for my phone nor did I when we were married. He was controlling enough he had no need of my every where abouts. Yes, I know he can approximately see where I am if I’m with the children and he can see where their phones are - but barring cases where there was abuse or harassment doesn’t a parent have a right to know where his children are? ( to a point ) I don’t know I just never felt the need to hide our children from him. I know other people’s situations are different. ALSO we are all four aware of the inaccuracies of find my friends specifically because I’ve been sitting right next to my child playing on their phone when find my friends said their phone was 1/2 mile away. At least I know about find my friends & could shut it off if I ‘needed’ to there are many ways for someone to hide a tracker you won’t kniw about if they really want to. Just a warning or PSA - Remember find my friends can go both ways. And that’s not always good. My biggest issue with find my friends was the time the asshole forgot to turn his locations off and lied about where he was so my children were put in the awkward position of knowing he lied to me and any conclusions they might have drawn from that. I don’t think children need to be the ones to point out something ‘fishy’ to their cheated on parent or to cover for the cheating parent. Honestly for all the things he did to me or ‘against’ me this is the one thing I can never forgive him for. Worse than the actual cheating. Person in question is not aware of inadequacies. He knows no boundaries and is beyond controlling. |
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Post by kelly316 on Oct 31, 2019 1:18:44 GMT
Are you asking about using a gps tracking app while the child is with the other parent? I’m not really understanding. Yes, I edited to explain it as an iPhone app for tracking. |
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Post by librarylady on Oct 31, 2019 1:25:20 GMT
We don't have iphones, so..........
However, our DIL uses it on their son, who is in college. Checks him all the time. I think that is unhealthy.
I even told DH I felt like giving the grandson a second phone so he could leave the one his mother is tracking in the dorm and go out and feel freedom. I would not do that, but I think she is over the top with wanting to control her son and be in his business too much.
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Post by tentoes on Oct 31, 2019 1:26:55 GMT
well, when my husband died, my daughter bought me an iphone. My daughter and my son put the ap on MY phone. It gives them a sense of security to know where I'm at. They also put their phones on my phone so I can track them too--and it's been fun actually. I know when my son is on the way over to visit--and when I don't answer the home phone, they look to find out where I am! It is fine. I am impressed that they want to know where I am--and that I am safe.
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Post by peasapie on Oct 31, 2019 1:36:00 GMT
You mean parents are divorced and want to GPS their kid, right?
It would depend on age and what the kid thinks. My kids are adults and share their location with me and I with them. They also share it with their father.
I’m not clear what difference it makes if parents are divorced. But I don’t think you can force a kid to be tracked by phone any more than you can force them to spend time with a parent they don’t want to see.
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Post by kelly316 on Oct 31, 2019 1:44:36 GMT
You mean parents are divorced and want to GPS their kid, right? It would depend on age and what the kid thinks. My kids are adults and share their location with me and I with them. They also share it with their father. I’m not clear what difference it makes if parents are divorced. But I don’t think you can force a kid to be tracked by phone any more than you can force them to spend time with a parent they don’t want to see. In this situation, it is a control situation to know where the child (not yet an adult) is. |
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Post by kelly316 on Oct 31, 2019 1:45:09 GMT
well, when my husband died, my daughter bought me an iphone. My daughter and my son put the ap on MY phone. It gives them a sense of security to know where I'm at. They also put their phones on my phone so I can track them too--and it's been fun actually. I know when my son is on the way over to visit--and when I don't answer the home phone, they look to find out where I am! It is fine. I am impressed that they want to know where I am--and that I am safe. In your case, I get it! This sounds like a healthy relationship! |
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Post by pierkiss on Oct 31, 2019 1:51:07 GMT
I like the app. I like that I can click on it and check to see where my husband is if he is out late. I have anxiety and I worry about him. Especially in the winter when he is playing hockey an hour away at night in the middle of a snow storm. My husband likes it for when I am out and about with my friends at night. We like to make sure the other is ok. We do not use it to stalk the other one, not do we particularly care about where the other person is at.
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basketdiva
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Post by basketdiva on Oct 31, 2019 1:58:35 GMT
My husband and I have it since he works out of town a lot. It’s nice to know he is safe. And whento start dinner😁
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Post by originalvanillabean on Oct 31, 2019 2:21:58 GMT
DH and I don't use it but are surprised by a lot of couples that do. We just don't see the need.
If we had kids, it might be a different story.
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Post by Merge on Oct 31, 2019 2:50:06 GMT
You mean parents are divorced and want to GPS their kid, right? It would depend on age and what the kid thinks. My kids are adults and share their location with me and I with them. They also share it with their father. I’m not clear what difference it makes if parents are divorced. But I don’t think you can force a kid to be tracked by phone any more than you can force them to spend time with a parent they don’t want to see. My teens (one in high school, one in college) know that continuing to share their location with me is a condition of getting to use the phone I pay for. So yeah, I can force them to be tracked. I use it to make sure they get somewhere safely when they're driving themselves or taking an Uber, or to check if they're sitting in traffic and likely to be late without calling and distracting them while driving. When my older and less trustworthy daughter was in high school, I could check that she was where she said she would be, but that's not an issue since she's in college. I can't see why this would be any different if DH and I were divorced. ETA: DH also shares his location with me, mostly so I can see if he's still at work or on his way home, and how close he is. There are no trust issues for me around his location - I'm not checking up on him; I just want to know if I need to move our dinner reservation. |
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Post by workingclassdog on Oct 31, 2019 2:59:15 GMT
We have it but really never use it. Once and a blue moon DH will joke and say something like what are you buying at Hobby Lobby or whatever ... that has happened maybe twice in years. DH is a truck driver so if I forget where he is at I can look but he usually sends me a daily map thing showing where he is at just in case.
My DD is on it too but yeah again we really never use it
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Post by supersoda on Oct 31, 2019 3:03:22 GMT
I don’t think tracking the kid while with the other parent would fly in most divorced relationships. Seems like the kind of thing that might need to be addressed in a custody order. No chance I’d agree if the other parent was controlling or abusive.
For our immediate family (3 college kids and parents) we all have it—mostly for safety. I don’t check up on or track my kids without a reason and when they they know about it. I mainly use it when they’re driving long distances. I respect their privacy and recognize that they’re adults and they keep it on. They can turn it off if they want, but it gives some comfort in case they get into trouble and has come in handy on occasion.
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rickmer
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Post by rickmer on Oct 31, 2019 3:17:01 GMT
i have never used it and never accessed it for my kids. i ask them to text me when getting where they are going (if far or someplace not 100% familiar with) and when on their way home. until someone gives me a reason not to trust them, i do trust them. not sure that would be my first "go to" if they weren't 100% honest with me either. but that's just me and my kids - everyone gets to parent how they choose.
great episode of black mirror that addresses the dark side of her mother needing to know/control way too much of her daughter's life, even though her decisions were made with love (spoiler - she loses her daughter).
i would resent if my ex used it to always know where the kids and i were.... which has not even occurred to me.
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snyder
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Post by snyder on Oct 31, 2019 3:30:01 GMT
It is on our phones, but we don't use it, but want it there in case we loose one of the phones. They don't have what they call Find my phone anymore, so you need to have that active if you would ever need to locate your phone. Well, that's how I interpreted it when trying to figure out to find grandson's phone a few weeks ago and couldn't find the Find My Phone App. Grandson and I were messing with it and son thought we were nuts until he looked as well and we no longer can find the Find My Phone App, so we assume that it is now called Find Friends.
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 6:03:04 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2019 3:39:50 GMT
In a divorce situation, if someone with younger kids, is using a "find friend/phone" on the child's phone they are also keeping tabs on where the other parent is. I would not be happy with my es having it on our young kids phone because if he sees they are at WM, then I am also likely at WM. I can see it being a problem in a lot of divided family situations. Yes, it can be turned off IF you know it is on and don't forget to turn it off.
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 6:03:04 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2019 4:05:49 GMT
With the latest update it’s called Find My—a combine of Find My Phone and Find Friends. I require it of my child, who uses a phone I pay for. I believe in knowledge over privacy until dear child becomes an adult and pays for the phone.
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TheOtherMeg
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Jun 25, 2014 20:58:14 GMT
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Post by TheOtherMeg on Oct 31, 2019 5:23:29 GMT
This is not something that I'm interested in having on my phone, nor am I interested in having it on my kids' phones. If someone wants to know where I am, they can text me and I will reply (and I will even tell the truth if they ask nicely and provide a good reason for needing to know where I am).
My older kids are in their late 20s, married, and living out of state; I don't see a reason for me to be tracking them. My younger kids are seniors in high school and have yet to do something that inspires me to track them, so they drive between home, school, work, and hockey completely off my radar. They're good about replying to my texts when I need to know when they're leaving some place/when they'll be home, so until they give me a reason to track them, they're running silent & deep.
Apps like ProgressBook, used to monitor/track students' daily schoolwork, and the phone apps used to track someone's location 24/7 are just two of the reasons I'd hate to be under 20 again.
I get that the tracking apps are useful and give many people a lot of comfort, but they are just too Big Brother for me at this point. (And I say this as someone who has and loves her Alexa and smart watch.)
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Post by gar on Oct 31, 2019 7:40:40 GMT
Tracking makes it sound more controlling/stalker-ish/invasive of privacy than applies in my household. DD2 lives a couple of hours away - I have a quick look to see she's home safe after she's been here for the weekend...or I might look to see if DH has left yet so I know whether to put the potatoes on for dinner. We don't stalk each other - it's an occasional aid to timing or a quick reassurance without the need to bother them with a text.
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Post by hop2 on Oct 31, 2019 11:12:57 GMT
In a divorce situation, if someone with younger kids, is using a "find friend/phone" on the child's phone they are also keeping tabs on where the other parent is. I would not be happy with my es having it on our young kids phone because if he sees they are at WM, then I am also likely at WM. I can see it being a problem in a lot of divided family situations. Yes, it can be turned off IF you know it is on and don't forget to turn it off. All the other parent has to do is put a tracker in the lining of the kids coat or something. The trackers are getting pretty small now a days. If they want to track you they will. They can get one the size of a pen cap for $50 and you’d never know about it. Better he use find my friends & you learn how to spoof it ( google is your friend ) I don’t know how easy it is I haven’t tried it. I just shut off locations when I care if people know where I am. |
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Oct 31, 2019 11:26:10 GMT
I've never used Find My Friends even with a spouse or my kids. I see no reason for it.
There's no way I would have agreed to it with ex-dh before, during, or after the divorce. He put a GPS tracker on my vehicle once after we were legally separated. My car mechanic found it during a routine servicing. She suggested putting it on a truck she had going out of town and that's exactly what we did. I hope the private eye billed him dearly for the loss of their device.
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Post by christine58 on Oct 31, 2019 11:27:44 GMT
So if I wanted to know where my elderly parents were ,they would have to share etc with me? I found it on my phone and am wondering if I should have them enable this?
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Post by kelly316 on Oct 31, 2019 11:33:14 GMT
So if I wanted to know where my elderly parents were ,they would have to share etc with me? I found it on my phone and am wondering if I should have them enable this? Yes, it would need to be enabled on their phones. |
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Post by koontz on Oct 31, 2019 11:58:45 GMT
How you described it, I think it's a very big no! We do have it but I seldom use it anymore. I use it mostly when one of my student kids has lost their phone again and asked me to find it (you can remotely play a sound on the other device) and once when my son left his phone on the train. The lost my phone feature was really useful then. I did use it more when the kids were younger, but only if they were much later than agreed and didn`t respond to texts.
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