Bereavement leave from your employer

My last job provided five days, and you didn't have to take them all at once as long as it was within a 30-day time period. My new job technically has unlimited PTO so that would be up to the person, I suppose as long as they didn't abuse it.

I think we get 3-5 days. I can't imagine that is nearly enough to grieve the loss of DH. Do you have short term disability? I would look into that to see if it's possible to use that.

I doubt many businesses really give adequate time. Have you talked with your employer? Maybe there’s a short term option for fewer days or some work from home?

You are still in such a fresh stage of grief. It’s very hard.

Please see your doctor and get short term disability.  Yes, you are disabled.  You are suffering from a condition called "complicated grief".

You have had your ex-husband, your husband and one or two other close family members pass in a short period of time.  The simple fact that BOTH your ex and current husband died within a short time period is one of the markers for complicated grief.  This is a mental disability.  Do not let anyone tell you that you are NOT disabled, because you are disabled.  You are un-able to concentrate, sleep, focus and are in deep grief.
Please see your doctor and get your short term disability.  Trust me, deal with it at the beginning, because it isn't going to get any better down the road.  (((hugs)))

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this on top of everything else. Does this fall under FMLA? I assume you’re working with your HR department already.

We get 3 days but if there was a loss of spouse I think we’d be allowed as much time as we need, using all of our PTO first then the rest unpaid.

Zero days. We also do not get Jury pay. Any of that comes from our PTO days.

If your employer is large enough, look into FMLA. Emotional health counts as health for the purposes of FMLA

Please use short term disability. This definitely counts.

I believe that we get 3 days and then you would have to use your CTO time. I am not sure if it would fall under our family/medical leave?  I will say that I believe that my employer (a hospital/health network) is very good about allowing people to take time when needed, and would work with individuals to find away for them to take the time they need.

I get how you are feeling and I am so sorry.  I am going through something similar, but not a spouse.  My best friend/soul sister of over 32 years unexpectedly passed away recently.  I talked to or saw her every day for 32 years, never did it go more than a couple of days (and that was only if someone was away). It has now been 40 days since I have seen or talked to her, how can that be?  I have a taken a day, and then 3 vacation days that I requested last year for a Halloween trip with her. I was going to cancel them but decided I needed a few days off.  While it was nice to not have to deal with work it really didn’t make anything better. Sorry to ramble.

I hope you find a way to take the time you need.  I wish you peace and happiness again...eventually...although I understand how that does not seem even remotely possible now and I totally agree that I don’t understand how it ever can or will. I am so sorry.

We get varying amounts depending on the relationship - like one day for someone unrelated to us, and five for closer family members.

My husband died January 24. I used sick days after I had used the five bereavement days and did not go back until the middle of March, after spring break. I had been home with him from Thanksgiving when we learned he had a met to the brain. I was lucky to have hundreds of sick days available and school administration who believe family comes first.

I postponed my return by a couple weeks. Instead of going back the week before break, which the superintendent had suggested (so I’d come back for a week and then have a week off - to ease into it) because I was starting some grief support at the beginning of March and didn’t think I could handle that on top of returning to work. Having a schedule was good in some ways, but I was not operating at full capacity. I’m still not in some ways, although I’m doing much better at school now.

Sleep is a huge issue and I’m not surprised that you are struggling.

I was absolutely exhausted all the time when I did return, to the point that I wasn’t sure I could force myself out of bed some days. And active grieving can be as strenuous as a physical workout. Crying is also dehydrating.

Beyond that, grief is an emotional roller coaster. There are triggers everywhere and you don’t know when some little comment, a glimpse of something or a flashback is going to take you instantly into tears or full out sobbing. I am nine months out and still struggle with feeling like this can't be real, that Vince cannot be gone and gone forever.

You are still in super early grief. You are not okay and it’s okay to NOT be okay. Some people find that they can’t go back right away and others find they are helped by having that routine and some part of their old life. Truth is, everything changes when you lose a spouse - the present AND the future. You have to build a new life around the edges of the gaping hole at the center of your world. Just surviving right now is a success. Getting up and getting dressed may be your big accomplishment for the day - and sometimes that’s not even possible.

Have you talked with your superior? Are there any options for you? Working from home, or using sick days when you are having a horrible day? Is short term disability an option - this kind of trauma is debilitating to many people.

We got 5 days (I was a teacher)..anything longer (with a dr. note) came out of our sick leave,

I think we get five days like many others. It’s actually three days or five days, depending on the relationship.

I hope you are able to get on disability to give you some more time 

oh man, I'm coming up on a year, and so thankful I am retired, and I didn't have to add WORK to my schedule. Sending hugs to you. You need to take care of YOU right now. People say it gets easier--I'm waiting for that.

You've been through one death after another this year. It's been a series of heartbreak and devastation. 5 days isn't even close to the time you need to heal. I truly think you need more time and more support. I 2nd the suggestion about going to a support group for people who have lost their spouse. In some ways, you should stick to your normal routine, but right now you probably feel anything but normal. It's too soon to expect you to be farther along than you are. Do you want to talk to a grief counselor? Do you want to talk to other spouses who have lost their wife/husband? Do you want to be on Short Term Disability in order to process this and heal or is it better to have that daily routine? You have options. A grief counselor can guide and help you move forward. You can get acute care. Just google it.

Meanwhile, remember that you have lots of friends all over the world who are there 24/7. You are not alone.