MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,506 
Location: Central Pennsylvania
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Post by MorningPerson on Oct 16, 2014 19:11:35 GMT
Do you have anyone in your life that is super sensitive to "correction"? I have a cousin whom I love and is like a sister to me who tends to butcher the English language with her pronunciations.
I should first say I know that I'm not perfect and I know I make mistakes. But whenever I pronounce something wrong, I appreciate it when someone informs me of the correct pronunciation. It's kind of like, if I have a chive between my front teeth I want to be told so that I can take care of it and avoid embarrassment.
This person is educated and does well in her professional career, but she gets extremely offended when told (nicely, discretely, and without a big deal made out of it) that something should be pronounced another way. She'll say something like "you know what I meant!" And that's true, but who doesn't want to know about something that is simple to correct, if only for avoiding a faux pas in their professional setting? And believe me, she mispronounces so many words, I'm sure she's doing it at work.
I know it's not my business. She's an adult and can do whatever she wants. And I do respect that if she doesn't want to be told, I should just back off. (And I have.) But I really don't understand the mentality of not wanting to know about something like this.
Or is her reaction more common than I think?
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IPeaFreely
Full Member
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Location: Castle Frankenstein
Jun 26, 2014 8:32:27 GMT
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Post by IPeaFreely on Oct 16, 2014 19:13:40 GMT
How about "Then OK, BE an asshole" when she says "you know what I meant" Do you think that is delicate enough to not offend her?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 2, 2024 6:14:00 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2014 19:15:53 GMT
I think it is rude to correct another adult (for things like grammar, spelling, etc). You are not her mother nor her boss. You know she doesn't take it well so just let it be.
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breetheflea
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,944
Location: PNW
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Post by breetheflea on Oct 16, 2014 19:23:00 GMT
I correct my DH and my 9 year old I don't think I'd correct anyone else.
The 9 year old mispronounces the word "though" as "thot". I'll wear my coat but I'll be too hot, thot. I've corrected her at least a 100 times and now my 7 year old is saying it that way...
My DH mixes up words and sometimes I have no idea what he is talking about unless I stop and ask him.
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Post by scrapsotime on Oct 16, 2014 19:29:02 GMT
My dh cannot, no matter how hard he tries, pronounce the word volume. It always comes out as valume. No amount of correcting will fix that. He knows he pronounces it wrong. I've learned to accept it as one of his quirks.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Oct 16, 2014 19:58:57 GMT
It sounds like she is sensitive about it and although you know each other well, it still hits a nerve for her. Personally, I would want to know but not everyone is like that. You tried and you meant well, but I would let it be.
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 6:14:00 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2014 20:01:34 GMT
I think people don't like feeling stupid or embarrassed, and no matter how politely someone's pronunciation or speech is corrected, people are bound to feel stupid or embarrassed.
I know I would rather be corrected -- and I have. And it was embarrassing, every time. But I'd rather know than not know how to pronounce something properly.
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Post by disneypal on Oct 16, 2014 20:04:31 GMT
I agree with you - If I am saying something wrong, I would rather someone tell me so I don't later embarrass myself pronouncing it incorrectly. I guess some people just don't like it - you are wise just to lay off as you are doing and not correct her since you know she doesn't like it.
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AllieC
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,059
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Post by AllieC on Oct 16, 2014 20:07:09 GMT
I think it is rude to correct another adult (for things like grammar, spelling, etc). You are not her mother nor her boss. You know she doesn't take it well so just let it be. I agree with this. Although many may like to be corrected, you are aware that she does not so I don't understand why you would want to persist. I know that it obviously bugs you but it isn't your job to worry about it. |
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smartypants71
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Posts: 5,714
Location: Houston, TX
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Post by smartypants71 on Oct 16, 2014 20:09:07 GMT
It depends on who it is. My very close circle of friends? Totally correcting them. My bff calls the elliptical machine, the eucalyptus machine. You better believe I'm correcting that! LOL!
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Post by mzza111 on Oct 16, 2014 20:19:30 GMT
It depends on who the person is but typically unless they are mispronouncing my name, I wouldn't correct anyone.
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Post by turangaleela on Oct 16, 2014 20:26:51 GMT
It depends on who it is. My very close circle of friends? Totally correcting them. My bff calls the elliptical machine, the eucalyptus machine. You better believe I'm correcting that! LOL! I might start calling it that!  |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 16, 2014 20:57:26 GMT
I think people don't like feeling stupid or embarrassed, and no matter how politely someone's pronunciation or speech is corrected, people are bound to feel stupid or embarrassed.  She'd rather risk future embarrassment than experience current embarrassment. |
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by MerryMom on Oct 16, 2014 21:00:33 GMT
When someone has clearly indicated to you that she really doesn't want or appreciate the unsolicited correction, then I think you are incredibly rude to persist.
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iluvpink
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Posts: 4,298
Location: Michigan
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Post by iluvpink on Oct 16, 2014 21:03:24 GMT
It depends on who it is and how close we are etc.
One thing to consider is are you doing it when alone or in a group? I know for me, I get very embarrassed if corrected/criticized in front of others (unless they too are people I know very well). And some people are just the know it all, high and mighty and make a big deal of things. Maybe you come across like that? Anyway she isn't receptive to your corrections so in this case, I'd just stop them.
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Post by samcro on Oct 16, 2014 21:05:50 GMT
I'd rather be clued in by a friend than look dumb to strangers. But, it obviously bothers her to be corrected so I'd just stop doing it.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Oct 16, 2014 21:36:32 GMT
My nephew LOVES to correct me and my sisters! He thinks it is HYSTERICAL the way we pronounce some words.... some are just wrong but the way we grew up saying them, for example.. pamphlet we all pronounce it pamplet no ffff sound.
Other things are just our accents... he thinks we all mispronounce Nancy, his mother's name.
I get that pamp-let is incorrect, but the way we pronounce Nancy is not! The last time he went around the family asking and laughing at people I gave him a pretty stern talking to.. he is 17 and his behavior was rude!
I told him that he knows that when he corrects me, I do not appreciate it, so therefore the polite thing to do is STOP correcting me. Keep his opinions on my pronunciation to himself.
OP-I imagine your cousin might like to say something similar to you. so I would just stop and let her get on with it.
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Post by peasful1 on Oct 16, 2014 22:04:36 GMT
What would your cousin's post look like?
I have a cousin whom I love but she is always correcting my pronunciation. She does it with such regularity that I don't feel like she "hears" me when I speak, she'd rather correct me than really listen to what I am actually saying. I don't get why it is so much more important for her to correct me than to just enjoy my company. I don't look forward to spending time with her as much any more.
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 6:14:00 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2014 22:23:20 GMT
I REALLY dislike it when someone corrects my speech. You may feel like it saves you from being embarrassed. I don't share that opinion. And some of what I have been corrected for correct in the first place. My speech police has it wrong.
Consider it a jerky behavior. She isn't a child needing to be tutored. You are being a show-off jerk. Let it go.
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Dalai Mama
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Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Oct 16, 2014 22:29:08 GMT
I find that working the word into a follow-up comment is typically taken better than the 'you're pronouncing that incorrectly' approach.
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,506
Location: Central Pennsylvania
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Post by MorningPerson on Oct 16, 2014 23:48:16 GMT
There are so many comments here that I'd like to directly address, but I can't figure out how to quote multiple posts in one reply. As I said in my OP, I've backed off and I don't say anything to my cousin any more. Some of you however correctly read between the lines that it still does bother me. Not that she mispronounces stuff, but that she's SO adamant that she doesn't want to know about it. We're very close, and believe me she knows that I'm a doofus in many ways, so there is absolutely not a smidgeon of superiority on my part. I guess I'm just so strong in my feelings that I want those closest to me to let me know if there's something I can simply fix to avoid embarrassing myself. One night a few years ago this same cousin and I were out socializing with a few people that we had recently met. When she and I got in my car after dinner I felt something in my front tooth and looked in the car mirror. I was embarrassed to see an obvious bit of dinner in my tooth. When I asked her if she had noticed it she said that she had but SHE DIDN'T WANT TO EMBARRASS ME BY SAYING ANYTHING.  Instead, she let me be like that for God knows how long BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT TO EMBARRASS ME??? WTF? I feel the same way about mispronunciations. If I'm saying something incorrectly, why wouldn't I want those who care about me to let me know so that I can avoid future embarrassment? If you care about me, don't you want the best for me? Maybe in my OP I didn't stress enough how close she and I are. As a comparison, if you're still reading this, would you feel the same way if I had said it was my spouse instead of my cousin? Again, I've let this go (at least outwardly) and don't say anything to her any more. And for the record, I only mentioned it to her privately and worked it into our conversation, making it no big deal. I'm not one to say "hey dumbshit, it's pronounced ______ not ______." Thank you for all your responses. As I said in a thread a day or two ago, this board is awesome because it lets a person see the many ways of looking at the same issue, and I do appreciate everyone's input and perspective.
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tiffanytwisted
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you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Oct 17, 2014 0:36:40 GMT
It depends on the person (I would correct my kids & teasingly correct my husband).
It also depends on what they're mangling. If it's something like a name where they clearly don't know how it's supposed to be pronounced, (like Shia LeBeauf) then I might say, "I think it's pronounced _____. I mangled that, too until someone told me!", followed by a laugh.
If it's a word that they clearly know how it should be pronounced, then I would let it go. I have a grown woman friend who says 'supposably'. Drives me up a tree!!! But she's a grown woman and has got to know how it's supposed to be said. It's like nails on a blackboard to me, but I bite my tongue.
I completely agree w/you regarding the food between your teeth thing. Far less humiliating to be told by one person that you have lipstick on your teeth or toilet paper on your shoe than to spend the day that way.
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 6:14:00 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2014 1:09:06 GMT
There are so many comments here that I'd like to directly address, but I can't figure out how to quote multiple posts in one reply. As I said in my OP, I've backed off and I don't say anything to my cousin any more. Some of you however correctly read between the lines that it still does bother me. Not that she mispronounces stuff, but that she's SO adamant that she doesn't want to know about it. We're very close, and believe me she knows that I'm a doofus in many ways, so there is absolutely not a smidgeon of superiority on my part. I guess I'm just so strong in my feelings that I want those closest to me to let me know if there's something I can simply fix to avoid embarrassing myself. To me being SO strong in your opinion that you overstep someone else's feeling IS being superior. She has adamantly expressed that she doesn't want your correction but you aren't being sensitive to her feelings on the matter. Only your superior opinion matters. You feel your cousin is obligated to operate under your feelings/opinions even though she objects to them. KNOCK it off. Not only knock off the correcting but knock off being bothered by **HER**. |
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MorningPerson
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Posts: 2,506
Location: Central Pennsylvania
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Post by MorningPerson on Oct 17, 2014 1:32:02 GMT
There are so many comments here that I'd like to directly address, but I can't figure out how to quote multiple posts in one reply. As I said in my OP, I've backed off and I don't say anything to my cousin any more. Some of you however correctly read between the lines that it still does bother me. Not that she mispronounces stuff, but that she's SO adamant that she doesn't want to know about it. We're very close, and believe me she knows that I'm a doofus in many ways, so there is absolutely not a smidgeon of superiority on my part. I guess I'm just so strong in my feelings that I want those closest to me to let me know if there's something I can simply fix to avoid embarrassing myself. To me being SO strong in your opinion that you overstep someone else's feeling IS being superior. She has adamantly expressed that she doesn't want your correction but you aren't being sensitive to her feelings on the matter. Only your superior opinion matters. You feel your cousin is obligated to operate under your feelings/opinions even though she objects to them. KNOCK it off. Not only knock off the correcting but knock off being bothered by **HER**. OK, thanks voltagain |
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Post by hennybutton on Oct 17, 2014 1:49:29 GMT
I think it is always inappropriate to correct another adult's pronunciation. If they're really butchering a word, try to work the word into your response and pronounce it appropriately instead of telling the other person they're wrong.
I will have to say that some of the examples given further down in the thread aren't necessarily mispronunciation, but may just be a difference in pronunciation. For example, someone brought up the word "pamphlet". I sat here wracking my brain trying to figure out what was wrong with saying pamp-let vs. pamf-let. Sure, the "ph" should be pronounced as an "f", but I don't think I've ever heard it pronounced with the f sound. I check the pronunciation online and said the word out loud myself and realized that I do use the f sound, but the dictionary voices and I both pronounce the sound so softly that it's almost indistinguishable from pamp-let. So, anyone who says pamp-let gets a pass from me.
I'm going to add that I have a huge reading vocabulary, but I'm sure I mispronounce some words only because I've never heard them spoken. I've been listening to audiobooks for a few years and sometimes hear a narrator read a word that I've read before but haven't heard. It takes me a second to figure out what the word is. On the other hand, there was one series of books I listened to that had so many mispronunciations, I got seriously annoyed. Seriously, Rafe does not rhyme with laugh, and Ciudad is not pronounced Soo-dad. Audiobooks also let me hear different regional/national pronunciations. I can always tell who the Canadian narrators are by the way they pronounce -ou- words. And, British pronunciation sometimes makes me go "Huh?" (How can the look at the word "lieutenant" and pronounce it "left-tenant"? I know the "lieu" is French for "left", but really?) So, I have a high tolerance for people who pronounce things differently than I do.
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Post by mcscrapper on Oct 17, 2014 1:56:50 GMT
A few of my best buds in my running / triathlon group mispronounce words on purpose just to piss this one girl off. We love her to death but we know it drives her nuts when we say....
momen-ti-um instead of momentum
transmission instead of transition
swim helmet instead of swim cap
elect-ta-lytes instead of electrolytes
I'm sure there are several more but I'll spare you. I do think it is kinda rude to correct another adult for mispronunciations. Execpt my ex. I correct his dumb arse all the time.
meredith
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,506
Location: Central Pennsylvania
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Post by MorningPerson on Oct 17, 2014 2:07:58 GMT
If they're really butchering a word, try to work the word into your response and pronounce it appropriately instead of telling the other person they're wrong. Yes, good advice. That's exactly what I always tried to do. But again, have totally backed away from. |
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scrapaddie
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Post by scrapaddie on Oct 17, 2014 2:13:53 GMT
I think it is rude to correct another adult (for things like grammar, spelling, etc). You are not her mother nor her boss. You know she doesn't take it well so just let it be. So adults shouldn't learn?!!at what age does learning stop? 19?! 21? I appreciate people letting me know if I'm doing something incorrectly. Momentary embarrassment is much better than realizing I've been doing something incorrectly for years. True, there are people I would not correct. But for people that I know well and care about, I would gently correct them. And, they will correct me! |
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 6:14:00 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2014 2:28:39 GMT
I think it is rude to correct another adult (for things like grammar, spelling, etc). You are not her mother nor her boss. You know she doesn't take it well so just let it be. So adults shouldn't learn?!!at what age does learning stop? 19?! 21? I appreciate people letting me know if I'm doing something incorrectly. Momentary embarrassment is much better than realizing I've been doing something incorrectly for years. True, there are people I would not correct. But for people that I know well and care about, I would gently correct them. And, they will correct me! Did I say adults shouldn't learn? I don't think I did. I just don't think it is polite to correct another adult about something as trivial as this. Just my opinion. |
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 6:14:00 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2014 3:04:09 GMT
I think it is rude to correct another adult (for things like grammar, spelling, etc). You are not her mother nor her boss. You know she doesn't take it well so just let it be. So adults shouldn't learn?!!at what age does learning stop? 19?! 21? I appreciate people letting me know if I'm doing something incorrectly. Momentary embarrassment is much better than realizing I've been doing something incorrectly for years. True, there are people I would not correct. But for people that I know well and care about, I would gently correct them. And, they will correct me! I don't think anyone should stop learning. BUT, not everyone is the appropriate teacher either. If someone has expressed a dislike for being corrected then that should be honored. Even if you don't agree with it or understand it. As adults their preferences for being corrected takes precedence over your desire to correct/teach them. Being a "teacher" is being superior to the "student". |
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