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Post by catmom on Jul 22, 2020 18:50:17 GMT
DH has a friend from high school who he hasn't seen in nearly 20 years. I've met her once. She lives on the other side of the country. She invited us to her socially distanced wedding, where we'll be viewing it on FB live. I don't know if this matters, but its a second marriage and they've lived together a few years now.
I just realized DH has given 0 thought to getting a card and what gift should be sent. She doesn't appear to be registered anywhere and I don't know her at all. I'm lost as to the gift giving etiquette and what someone getting married at this stage would want or expect as a gift. Maybe a GC for a dinner out to a restaurant? So what's appropriate? Any ideas?
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caangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,025 
Location: So Cal
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Post by caangel on Jul 22, 2020 18:52:52 GMT
My go to is cold, hard cash. Easy for them to quarantine it if they feel the need. Easy for me to send. I'm all for practical and less stuff.
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kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
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Post by kibblesandbits on Jul 22, 2020 18:55:39 GMT
Why on earth were you two invited? How strange.
Send congrats card. Or flowers for the day of event.
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Post by mnmloveli on Jul 22, 2020 19:05:24 GMT
Why were you invited? Do you keep in contact with her? Did you go to her first wedding?
Depending on the situation, this might be a polite decline only; no gift necessary.
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Post by ~summer~ on Jul 22, 2020 19:08:00 GMT
I assume he hasn’t seen her in 20 years - but they have kept in touch? I would ask if they are registered anywhere - if not registered I would honestly just send a card. Second wedding for both I assume they don’t need (or want anything) other than your well wishes.
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Post by katiekaty on Jul 22, 2020 21:13:33 GMT
$25 amazon gift card sent ina card if you don’t plan to go.
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SabrinaP
Pearl Clutcher
Busy Teacher Pea
Posts: 4,467
Location: Dallas Texas
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Post by SabrinaP on Jul 22, 2020 21:57:59 GMT
Maybe I’m a cold hearted B - - - - but if I got a wedding invite for someone that I haven’t seen in 20 years I would assume gift grab and would send nothing. How completely odd!
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Post by jenjie on Jul 22, 2020 22:01:49 GMT
It does sound like a gift grab. If you want to give a gift, cash would be appropriate. For a second marriage, they likely have what they need as far as setting up housekeeping.
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,948
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Post by scrapngranny on Jul 22, 2020 22:07:02 GMT
I would skip the whole thing. I wouldn’t send anything more personal than an Amazon gift card if I felt I had to do something. Zero thought, zero effort.
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,948
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Post by scrapngranny on Jul 22, 2020 22:07:14 GMT
I would skip the whole thing. I wouldn’t send anything more personal than an Amazon gift card if I felt I had to do something. Zero thought, zero effort.
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Post by lisae on Jul 22, 2020 22:08:33 GMT
It used to be that 2nd weddings didn't require gifts. I think most people do gift but in this case I would not. Would you be invited if this were not an internet based event? And I'm assuming you probably wouldn't travel across the country to see someone you haven't seen in 20 years. Send a congratulatory card. That's all I would do.
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Post by AussieMeg on Jul 22, 2020 22:13:30 GMT
Why on earth were you two invited? How strange. My cynical thought is that it is a freakin Zoom wedding, so they can invite as many people as they want (even those whom they haven't seen for 20 years), and they can in turn get lots of gifts without having to spend a single cent on meals for the guests. Ugh. I wouldn't "attend". |
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Post by mrssmith on Jul 22, 2020 22:21:36 GMT
Did they just invite all of their FB friends to the FB Live?
Unless your DH is really fond of her, I wouldn't send anything. Otherwise send an Amazon GC or something if she's not local.
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snyder
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,493
Location: Colorado
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Post by snyder on Jul 22, 2020 22:24:48 GMT
I would send a card and be done with it, if that. They probably invited everyone on their FB friends list. To me, this is a 2nd marriage, not a close friend at all, and not a formal invite, therefore it doesn't warrant my attention.
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Post by lesley on Jul 22, 2020 22:26:49 GMT
Why on earth were you two invited? How strange. My cynical thought is that it is a freakin Zoom wedding, so they can invite as many people as they want (even those whom they haven't seen for 20 years), and they can in turn get lots of gifts without having to spend a single cent on meals for the guests. Ugh. I wouldn't "attend". Bingo!  |
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MaryMary
Pearl Clutcher
Lazy
Posts: 2,976
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Post by MaryMary on Jul 22, 2020 22:28:56 GMT
A Facebook live wedding for someone that you haven’t seen for 20 years?? That is a serious gift grab. I would use the opportunity to teach myself a new skill/craft and gift them the results. “Congratulations on your marriage! Please enjoy this DIY birdhouse/knitted toilet paper cozy/plastic spoon chandelier we made just for you!”
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jul 22, 2020 22:35:41 GMT
Wow - I think people are making a huge assumption about the nature of the OP's husband's friendship. My husband has several very, very good friends that he would absolutely attend their wedding that he hasn't seen in 20 years.
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milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,899
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
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Post by milocat on Jul 22, 2020 22:42:27 GMT
Cash, it goes with everything. If you feel obligated or close enough to send anything to an online second wedding.
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Post by sam9 on Jul 22, 2020 23:04:03 GMT
Is an RSVP necessary?
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Post by MichyM on Jul 22, 2020 23:24:13 GMT
A Facebook live wedding for someone that you haven’t seen for 20 years?? That is a serious gift grab. I would use the opportunity to teach myself a new skill/craft and gift them with the results. “Congratulations on your marriage! Please enjoy this DIY birdhouse/knitted toilet paper cozy/plastic spoon chandelier we made just for you!” This made me giggle. Especially the chandelier! Which also reminds me of all the “paint chip art” that was so big back in the day. |
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Post by lucyg on Jul 22, 2020 23:39:20 GMT
Unless they would have invited you to an in-person wedding and you would have been willing to travel to attend ... I would not bother with a gift. Send a card if you like. If your DH insists on sending a gift, let him deal with it. Cash (check, actually) or Amazon gift card. I wouldn’t even bother watching the wedding with him, unless I had some project to work on while we were watching.  (I’m assuming you barely know this person and don’t care one way or the other about her wedding.) |
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Post by AussieMeg on Jul 22, 2020 23:43:39 GMT
Wow - I think people are making a huge assumption about the nature of the OP's husband's friendship. My husband has several very, very good friends that he would absolutely attend their wedding that he hasn't seen in 20 years. Yeah true. My assumption was that when she said her husband hasn't seen her in 20 years, that there had been no contact in 20 years. But I guess they could have been in contact, but just not seen each other face to face. My assumption was based on my own experience - people here don't move around the country as much as they do in the US, and every single one of my friends from the last 50+ years still lives here in Melbourne. We're a boring bunch haha! catmom has your husband been in regular contact with her? That might change my view of it being nothing more than a gift grab!  |
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Post by shelby on Jul 22, 2020 23:56:07 GMT
You haven't had any contact with her in 20 years. Do you think you will ever have contact with them in he future? A nice card wishing them well would be what I would send. I'm surprised they didn't say "no gifts please" being as this is the second wedding.
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Post by catmom on Jul 23, 2020 2:41:47 GMT
Thanks for all the replies. So, I met her once 20ish years ago. DH reminded me tonight he did actually see her about a decade ago when he was home. We're all FB friends (I have no idea how I ended up being FB friends with her). They have chatted a few times over the years, but he noticed he was always the one to call and gave up trying to maintain the friendship a couple years ago. So the wedding invite came very much out of the blue.
Unfortunately, when I received the invite I automatically RSVP's because ... well what else are we going to be doing that day + an excuse to wear not-yoga pants. Had I known they weren't even in touch I would have declined. Stupid me. DH wanted to give them a card and that's it but I could hear my mother's voice in my head and just can't do it.
I agree - probably a gift grab. Live and learn.
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Kath
Full Member
Posts: 446
Jun 26, 2014 12:15:31 GMT
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Post by Kath on Jul 23, 2020 2:48:30 GMT
Facebook Live wedding for someone that hasn’t been seen in a decade? Oh, that’s funny. Nope. I wouldn’t send her a darn thing.
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QueenoftheSloths
Drama Llama
Member Since January 2004, 2,698 forum posts PeaNut Number: 122614 PeaBoard Title: StuckOnPeas
Posts: 5,955
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on Jul 23, 2020 3:08:32 GMT
If you are interested enough to actually watch the wedding, it would be nice to send a card.
One of the problem with FB is that it provides life support to friendships that in the past would have been let die in the natural course of things.
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Post by bothmykidsrbrats on Jul 23, 2020 3:26:00 GMT
I would send a nice card. If your DH insists on a gift, I would make a monetary donation to the couples local food bank.
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melanieg
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,611
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Post by melanieg on Jul 23, 2020 3:34:36 GMT
A card w 'a donation in your name has been made to (insert your charity of choice here)'
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Post by Basket1lady on Jul 23, 2020 14:28:16 GMT
Thanks for all the replies. So, I met her once 20ish years ago. DH reminded me tonight he did actually see her about a decade ago when he was home. We're all FB friends (I have no idea how I ended up being FB friends with her). They have chatted a few times over the years, but he noticed he was always the one to call and gave up trying to maintain the friendship a couple years ago. So the wedding invite came very much out of the blue. Unfortunately, when I received the invite I automatically RSVP's because ... well what else are we going to be doing that day + an excuse to wear not-yoga pants. Had I known they weren't even in touch I would have declined. Stupid me. DH wanted to give them a card and that's it but I could hear my mother's voice in my head and just can't do it. I agree - probably a gift grab. Live and learn. Based on this information, a pretty card would be what I would send. I would not send a gift or money. If your DH hasn’t spoken to her in years, I feel that is what is appropriate. If you wouldn’t have been invited to the wedding in person, no gift is necessary now. |
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Post by lucyg on Jul 23, 2020 20:54:26 GMT
Thanks for all the replies. So, I met her once 20ish years ago. DH reminded me tonight he did actually see her about a decade ago when he was home. We're all FB friends (I have no idea how I ended up being FB friends with her). They have chatted a few times over the years, but he noticed he was always the one to call and gave up trying to maintain the friendship a couple years ago. So the wedding invite came very much out of the blue. Unfortunately, when I received the invite I automatically RSVP's because ... well what else are we going to be doing that day + an excuse to wear not-yoga pants. Had I known they weren't even in touch I would have declined. Stupid me. DH wanted to give them a card and that's it but I could hear my mother's voice in my head and just can't do it. I agree - probably a gift grab. Live and learn. I don’t know what your mom told you exactly, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t that you’re obligated to give a gift to someone you barely know, who invites you to their Facebook wedding, and probably would NOT have invited you to their real, in-person wedding. I think you’re off the hook. |
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