I’ve ticked off DH

My gut reaction is that he wanted to get this for you and he wanted to surprise you.

I am sorry he is upset with you. Hope you work this out. Sometimes men don’t communicate very well.

Sounds to me like that is what he ordered already for your Christmas and is trying to not spoil the surprise then you stomp him with the get it from Game stop for the points (which he didn't do maybe?) so what he was doing as a fun/exciting surprise is now a battle ground. Don't try to spend money right now on things you want. Your bonus will still be there after Christmas.  We hate it when men go shopping for the thing they want right before Christmas... don't do it to him.

Anyone else Google oculus??? Just wondering... i didnt know what it was...

I really don't either!  But at my daughter's Univ. of Maryland acceptance day, we learned that the founders of oculus developed it in their dorm room freshman year!  Hopefully it's the same oculus?

Since this is something you both discussed previously, I don't think he is grumpy because you spoiled a surprise. How can it be a surprise if you have already discussed it? He might be grumpy because he was feeling pushed and then could not do anything right to please you.

I've learned that men have a relaxed idea of time and deadlines in a lot of things. My husband waits to the last minute to get my presents and then finds that he cannot get what I want cause it is all sold out. The other day he was so surprised that I did not want to hand around half the day waiting on him to be ready to go grocery shopping. I wanted to go and get it done and then have time to do some sewing. (We grocery shop together on his insistence cause he does not like me going on my own.)

If he was getting it for Christmas for you, why would you expect him to tell you about it (re:your comment about giving him an opening).

You may have ruined his surprise Christmas gift to you, and for men it’s often difficult to “surprise” the spouse or land something they really want.

I do t think it’s a “communication issue” being that it’s so close to Christmas. Secrecy and surprises are expected. It sounds more like a micromanagement issue.

To me it sounded like he had decided to get that for you for Christmas and is upset because he has to pick out something else. Not being there or knowing the tone I don’t know that you did anything wrong, and he is possibly mad at the situation and taking it out on you. As far as being upset about you pointing out that doing it a certain way would be more beneficial? Again, not knowing the tone...to me it just makes sense to get the most benefit. But it can cause issues with my DH who has a huge need to be perfect/right. I certainly don’t want to hurt his feelings or stomp on his ego, but I’m not going to keep quiet all the time when I have ideas/thoughts that will benefit us. It’s a hard line to walk.


I often find that being corrected feels like criticism to DH, no matter how it is presented. We’ve discussed it many times, and he’ll mostly acknowledge that the presentation was just fine and that I’m not actually criticizing him, but with his issues it feels that way. I try to be cognizant of that.

As far as being particular, if I may offer the other side of the coin? I am also very particular, I like useful gifts and I research most purchases way beyond what most people would to find something that will work the best for me, make me happiest, and very often make my life easier. While I appreciate any gift and the thought that goes behind it, it’s very frustrating when I have specific needs and desires - but because someone else gave me a similar product, I have to settle for that so it doesn’t hurt their feelings. It’s a bummer when I really had my mind set on something else and that other item would work so much better for me. So I do give details when discussing things like this, as I would appreciate them from others because I want to get them what they really want. Does that make sense? 

Don't sweat it. There are so many times in a marriage where we talk right on past each other. We are so different that where we are each coming from is completely different and misunderstandings happen. Sometimes it's better to let it go and then revisit at a later time when the line of communication is more open.

I could see this very same scenario playing out in my house.