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Post by vspindler on Dec 14, 2019 2:14:22 GMT
I’m looking for a little perspective because I’m finding myself slightly annoyed by the card we received today. At Thanksgiving we did a spur of the moment casual picture of the grandparents, their kids & spouses and the grandkids. (Not planned ahead of time, no coordinating outfits, etc. Heck, I didn’t even wear makeup.) Today we received a photo card using the picture and signed “the ‘Smith’ Family”. I don’t know if it rubs me the wrong way because it was signed from the family as a whole, or if it is because I didn’t know that picture was going to be sent to their friends (though it was on FB) or what. I can’t put my finger on it exactly as to what about it doesn’t sit right with me. My daughter wasn’t happy about it either, but her dislike stems from not liking how she looking in pictures in general I think.
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Post by jackietex on Dec 14, 2019 2:17:59 GMT
My inlaws send out a similar photo every year. I figure that in a 4x6 photo of 23 people, I'm not going to show up very well. I would try not to let it annoy you, but you could mention that you were surprised to see it in your card.
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pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by pilcas on Dec 14, 2019 2:18:25 GMT
Who sent it? If it were the grandparents then I would be perfectly fine with it. Otherwise I do see your point but it probably wouldn’t bother me too much. (Unless I looked terrible in the photo!)
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Post by femalebusiness on Dec 14, 2019 2:19:06 GMT
I would be livid that someone mailed out pictures of me and my family without my permission. I would be having a little talk with the mailer and I would let them know in no uncertain terms how unacceptable that is.
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johnnysmom
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Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Dec 14, 2019 2:26:59 GMT
I agree with you though my family is a bit different.
We are not the big loving family my mother likes to portray to the world. She insists on family pics (often not done by a photographer, just a self timer) at thanksgiving. Dh hates it. I have an autistic niece who hates it. There are several others who really dislike it but choose not to ruffle feathers. My dad has tried telling her (though probably not tried very had) to no avail. They use this as their Christmas card every year. The first year or two they sent it of signed from “the Smiths”. Dh was pissed (and my BILs weren’t pleased either). They ended up changing it to “Joe and Suzy and family”. I’d rather they just not do it at all but unless/until we just stop going to any family gatherings it won’t end.
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amom23
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Post by amom23 on Dec 14, 2019 2:56:09 GMT
My inlaws send out a similar photo every year. I figure that in a 4x6 photo of 23 people, I'm not going to show up very well. I would try not to let it annoy you, but you could mention that you were surprised to see it in your card.
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amom23
Drama Llama
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Post by amom23 on Dec 14, 2019 2:57:38 GMT
I would be livid that someone mailed out pictures of me and my family without my permission. I would be having a little talk with the mailer and I would let them know in no uncertain terms how unacceptable that is.
So you'd bitch out your MIL for sending a photo card of her family? Really? Livid huh? 
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scrappinspidey2
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Mar 18, 2015 19:19:37 GMT
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Post by scrappinspidey2 on Dec 14, 2019 3:12:43 GMT
I would be livid that someone mailed out pictures of me and my family without my permission. I would be having a little talk with the mailer and I would let them know in no uncertain terms how unacceptable that is.
So you'd bitch out your MIL for sending a photo card of her family? Really? Livid huh? 
Yes I would be livid and my family is well aware of my feelings on the issue. Just because someone has a frank discussion about an issue doesn't mean its a bitching out. I do not like to take photos with family anymore because too many of them run and put it on social media which is the last place I want it. If you are going to use other people in a photo and sent it out, you need to ask if they are okay with it. Same with posting it on social media. Your immediate family? Thats on you. If you extend it out you need to talk to the person first. It's the polite thing to do. What the OP describes is very rude in my opinion and if it were a family member of mine, we would be having a talk. |
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GiantsFan
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Post by GiantsFan on Dec 14, 2019 3:33:41 GMT
If it was the grandparents that sent it out then I wouldn't be upset. They're probably proud of their family and didn't realize anyone was not wearing make-up or didn't like the clothes they had on or whatever. They just saw family. KWIM?
If it was anyone else I might say "Hey I didn't realize you were going to send that family photo out as a Christmas card. Maybe next time we can do individual families so you can send yours out with out us being in it."
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likescarrots
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Post by likescarrots on Dec 14, 2019 3:40:56 GMT
I guess I think it's kind of sweet that they would include everyone in their holiday card. I don't know, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me.
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used2scrap
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Post by used2scrap on Dec 14, 2019 3:50:57 GMT
I dunno, but I kind of feel like once you consent to pose for a photo, you’ve lost control of the image. If you don’t want to be in the photo, don’t sit for the photo?
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Dec 14, 2019 4:17:42 GMT
I would be a little peeved if I, or any member of my immediate family, looked horrible. For example, a few years back, my stepmom and her husband decided to take a family pic at Christmas. We ended up going outside (in the cold) and it was a lot more formal than I envisioned. Two of my kids had athletic shorts on at the time and looked way out of place in the pics (it also was not organized in a way that would hide them). I probably would have been a little irritated if that was sent out, but not livid.
I have a few aunts and uncles who send Christmas cards with just photos of their grandkids. I think that is a little strange, but I assume (hope) their kids are ok with that.
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Post by kels99 on Dec 14, 2019 4:31:41 GMT
The grandparents sent it out? They're just proud of their family and want to show you all off. It's nice. I might be slightly embarrassed if I didn't look my best, but honestly, no one else cares.
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Post by femalebusiness on Dec 14, 2019 5:02:15 GMT
I would be livid that someone mailed out pictures of me and my family without my permission. I would be having a little talk with the mailer and I would let them know in no uncertain terms how unacceptable that is.
So you'd bitch out your MIL for sending a photo card of her family? Really? Livid huh? 
Without asking me? You bet. |
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Deleted
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Nov 2, 2024 17:22:45 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2019 5:31:57 GMT
I agree with you though my family is a bit different. We are not the big loving family my mother likes to portray to the world. She insists on family pics (often not done by a photographer, just a self timer) at thanksgiving. Dh hates it. I have an autistic niece who hates it. There are several others who really dislike it but choose not to ruffle feathers. My dad has tried telling her (though probably not tried very had) to no avail. They use this as their Christmas card every year. The first year or two they sent it of signed from “the Smiths”. Dh was pissed (and my BILs weren’t pleased either). They ended up changing it to “Joe and Suzy and family”. I’d rather they just not do it at all but unless/until we just stop going to any family gatherings it won’t end. LOl my finger was covering your name as I read this and I thought to myself, “I know someone just like this!” And then I saw it was you 😂 |
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Post by chaosisapony on Dec 14, 2019 6:14:04 GMT
This wouldn't bother me.  |
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seaexplore
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Post by seaexplore on Dec 14, 2019 6:24:47 GMT
Not a big deal in my world.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Dec 14, 2019 11:38:26 GMT
I might not love if they hadn't mentioned that they'd be using it for their Christmas card (to give me a chance to look my best), but in the end I wouldn't stress about it.
Just curious, but were the grandparents your own parents, or your in laws? And would that change the way you feel if the other set of grandparents had used the pic for their card?
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Dec 14, 2019 11:51:54 GMT
What did you think they would do with the photo? These days I assume that any given photo might show up on social media -- that's where most of us share them. If you had any reservations about it, the photo-taking time was when you should have spoken up. For example, we were snapping photos at a Christmas party and one woman asked that none be posted of her that showed alcohol in any photo as she is a teacher in a district with a strict policy about that. We all understood and no one disrespected her boundaries about that.
The scenario you describe would not bother me. I really think it's sweet that the grandparents seem proud of their family. I can totally see myself doing the same thing!
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Post by myboysnme on Dec 14, 2019 13:30:25 GMT
This is one of those situations where people tend to fall in one camp or the other. For me, I don't care. I love to see any photos that people include in their cards. I love getting cards at all. Newsletters are wonderful.
If someone was in my family and part of a family photo then I think they have dibs on using it for this purpose or putting it on their facebook wall or whatever. Now if after they do someone remarks on it or says something in advance, like don't post this, then I will comply.
As for looking great in photos, my mother in law, now gone, had a wedding photo enlarged of me and DH in her living room that I considered extremely unflattering, especially on a day I felt so beautiful. But she thought we looked fabulous. I was appalled. So people differ on what they think looks good.
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johnnysmom
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Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Dec 14, 2019 14:25:29 GMT
I agree with you though my family is a bit different. We are not the big loving family my mother likes to portray to the world. She insists on family pics (often not done by a photographer, just a self timer) at thanksgiving. Dh hates it. I have an autistic niece who hates it. There are several others who really dislike it but choose not to ruffle feathers. My dad has tried telling her (though probably not tried very had) to no avail. They use this as their Christmas card every year. The first year or two they sent it of signed from “the Smiths”. Dh was pissed (and my BILs weren’t pleased either). They ended up changing it to “Joe and Suzy and family”. I’d rather they just not do it at all but unless/until we just stop going to any family gatherings it won’t end. LOl my finger was covering your name as I read this and I thought to myself, “I know someone just like this!” And then I saw it was you 😂 Lol, as you can see, some things never change with my family  Though based on this thread I'm clearly in the minority to be annoyed by it. I think it wouldn't bother me as much if it wasn't a "requirement" every year, I even told her this year that she'd make some people happy if she just did it every 3 years or so and she flat out said no, she wants the picture so it will happen. Due to timing it was dark out so this year's pic is all 26 of us around a post-dinner table still cluttered with dirty dishes. I give up. |
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Post by MZF on Dec 14, 2019 14:46:08 GMT
I'm not sure that I would care much if this was done in my family--I would actually be happy to see a pic of all of us together, since it hasn't happened in such a long time.
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Post by auntkelly on Dec 14, 2019 15:00:38 GMT
It wouldn't bother me a bit. I assume that every time I pose for a group pic, it might end up on Facebook or someplace else. I've had some very unflattering pics posted and some surprisingly good ones posted. I think I'm probably the only one who cares whether it's a flattering photo. Most people glance at the photos and move on.
My kids are 25 and 27 and I still send out photo cards of the family at Christmastime. Someday I hope to include my kids' spouses after the kids get married. I would definitely want to include any future grandkids! I probably would send the photo to both families first and make sure they were okay with me using that particular picture though. I admit I would be hurt if one of the inlaws said "don't include me in your Christmas card."
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Post by librarylady on Dec 14, 2019 15:29:45 GMT
It would not bother me at all. I might give it 5 seconds thought if I looked particularly bad, but then the moment would pass.
FWIW, we get a card from 3 friends each year that includes their grands and sometimes their actual children.
I have come to expect it and notice how the grands are growing.
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pilcas
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Post by pilcas on Dec 14, 2019 15:39:49 GMT
What did you think they would do with the photo? These days I assume that any given photo might show up on social media -- that's where most of us share them. If you had any reservations about it, the photo-taking time was when you should have spoken up. For example, we were snapping photos at a Christmas party and one woman asked that none be posted of her that showed alcohol in any photo as she is a teacher in a district with a strict policy about that. We all understood and no one disrespected her boundaries about that. The scenario you describe would not bother me. I really think it's sweet that the grandparents seem proud of their family. I can totally see myself doing the same thing! The school districts dictates that she can not have a drink in her spare time? Having a drink is legal as far as I know. |
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pilcas
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Post by pilcas on Dec 14, 2019 15:44:11 GMT
I receive a lot of cards with pictures of people’s grandkids. It’s always fun to watch them grow. When my kids were little I used to make up the picture cards of the kids and order for me and my mother. I think a lot of the annoyance might have to do with ones feelings for the in-laws. My late MIL tended to be controlling so it would have pissed me off if she sent out pictures of my kids.
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Post by elaine on Dec 14, 2019 15:45:28 GMT
It wouldn’t bother me either.
Like others, I assume that group photos are going to end up on social media and/or cards. If I didn’t want my photo shared, I wouldn’t pose in the picture.
The recipient opens the card, spends 20-30 seconds looking at the photo and reading the card - if that - and then it sits somewhere until it is recycled.
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Post by malibou on Dec 14, 2019 15:54:43 GMT
Dh, ds and I went on vacation with dh brother, wife and 3 kids several years ago. By the end of the trip I was massively sick and didn't get in on the last minute family photos that were taken. We were in Sedona during Spring break and it was warm out. My bil photo shopped a picture of me into the family photo. Now I know I'm not very photogenic, and try to avoid having my picture taken without being obnoxious about it, so maybe he didn't have a lot to choose from, but he picked a picture of me that was at least 15 years old and I'm in winter wear. My in-laws sent it out at Christmas! Many people chuckled over it, as did I. It was so weird looking.
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Post by librarylady on Dec 14, 2019 15:54:51 GMT
What did you think they would do with the photo? These days I assume that any given photo might show up on social media -- that's where most of us share them. If you had any reservations about it, the photo-taking time was when you should have spoken up. For example, we were snapping photos at a Christmas party and one woman asked that none be posted of her that showed alcohol in any photo as she is a teacher in a district with a strict policy about that. We all understood and no one disrespected her boundaries about that. The scenario you describe would not bother me. I really think it's sweet that the grandparents seem proud of their family. I can totally see myself doing the same thing! The school districts dictates that she can not have a drink in her spare time? Having a drink is legal as far as I know.
In my time in the schools, it was not something you wanted your administration nor parents to know. I worked in schools in the south and teachers having a drink was just not something that was done out in the open.
Once, someone snapped a photo of me at a party. I had a mixed drink in my hand, and behind me were several glasses on the counter. It seemed obvious what was going on. My older sister, a teacher, gave me a lecture on never having a photo taken with alcoholic beverages in it.
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Deleted
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Nov 2, 2024 17:22:45 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2019 15:57:51 GMT
At a family gathering I assume photos will be taken. If clothing or make up is important to me I make sure to wear it.
People often complain about unflattering photos but honestly unless the photo is specifically of your butt or with your mouth wide open, your "unflattering" photo is the way other people see you ever single day of your life. I have never scrutinized a person's looks the same way they scrutinize themselves. Also mirrors are a reversed image so the way you see yourself is backward to the way other people see you......so the photos look off to you.
Don't agree to pose for photos if you don't want them shared. Once it is taken you have lost control over who sees it.
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Though based on this thread I'm clearly in the minority to be annoyed by it. I think it wouldn't bother me as much if it wasn't a "requirement" every year, I even told her this year that she'd make some people happy if she just did it every 3 years or so and she flat out said no, she wants the picture so it will happen. Due to timing it was dark out so this year's pic is all 26 of us around a post-dinner table still cluttered with dirty dishes. I give up.
