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Post by giatocj on Dec 24, 2019 13:28:13 GMT
I'd love to, but my two grandsons are 15 years apart so the 20 year old's gifts are just more expensive than the 5 year old's. Luckily, the little one doesn't really get the whole money thing yet...he just wants to open gifts
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Post by crafty on Dec 24, 2019 13:39:59 GMT
We do the same amount for each and try to keep it similar in pile size but last year the youngest (21) had a request that used her whole budget and she was ok with that.
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Post by Linda on Dec 24, 2019 14:15:18 GMT
This is where the 9 year age gap is a double edged sword. When you have one kid getting electronics and video games and the other getting preschool toys it’s going to be lopsided in both value and quantity. I would try to make the amount of unwrapping equalish so I’d wrap several things together for yds and stretch out ods by wrapping everything separately (Santa wraps here too). On the other hand we had a conversation with ods as soon as he stopped believing (right around the time yds came along) that his gifts were more expensive so he would have fewer gifts. We also didn’t worry much about dollar value because the one who might be able to do the math got way more spent on him. As they’re getting older it’s easier to keep things relatively equal but in a ballpark sense not exactly science. yes this exactly - I have a 8.5yr gap and then a 6.5 year gap...when kid#2 came along I talked to my oldest about how baby toys were bigger and less expensive than big kid toys and not to be surprised or unhappy if it looked like the baby was getting more presents. When kid #3 came along, I had a similar talk with #2. We've never had an issue. We also only do Santa until age 18 - Santa doesn't wrap in our house - so as one reached 18, his/her presents were all wrapped vs some wrapped from us and some unwrapped from Santa. No one has ever questioned why mum and dad buy more for grown ups than kids, lol. So this year we have 13, 20, and 28 and they are all home for Christmas for the first time. 13 is getting 3 pretty spendy gifts - one from santa and two from us (although one of them isn't as spendy as she would expect because I got an awesome deal). 20 is getting one identical gift to 13 and quantity-wise probably the most gifts overall (she asked for a big pile of classic books). 28 is getting less money and quantitywise. I don't expect any complaints - 28 isn't the sort to begrudge his sisters' their gifts and he mostly buys what he wants so is a little harder to buy for - he'll like what he's getting though. This is probably the last 'big' present year for 20 and next year, her gifts will look more in-line with her brother's. We went overboard on 13 this year but she didn't ask for much and what we're getting her are things she'll use daily and for years to come.
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Post by Linda on Dec 24, 2019 14:22:03 GMT
I never understood the everyone gets two presents for example and your two might total $50 while someone else's might be $150 when i had a toddler (2), an school-age kid (8) and a teen (17) - the toddler could have a heap of presents and still not come close in value to ONE present for the teen and with so many hand-me-down toys, I wouldn't want to buy $150 worth of toddler toys. Now if my kids were close in age? and wanting the same general level of gifts? then yes, I would aim for closer values.
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Sarah*H
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Jun 25, 2014 20:07:06 GMT
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Post by Sarah*H on Dec 24, 2019 14:26:13 GMT
We keep the dollar amount AND the number of presents equal. This year that means wrapping ridiculous things for my dd to open - hair scrunchies as an example.
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janeliz
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Jun 26, 2014 14:35:07 GMT
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Post by janeliz on Dec 24, 2019 14:31:08 GMT
I like to make sure the two of them have a fairly even number of things to unwrap, but I don’t worry too much about the prices of the items. It’s just gotten too hard to work out as they’ve gotten older. My oldest DD is that kid who gives me a very long, specific list every year with a lot of brand names, and my youngest always has a very short list of smaller items.
My in-laws started this weird thing years ago where they didn’t want my family and my brother-in-law’s family to open Christmas gifts together because they worried some of us would be upset that certain people were getting more expensive items. I don’t want my daughters to continue that kind of bizarro behavior around gifts.
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Post by ceepea on Dec 24, 2019 14:38:16 GMT
yes, pretty much. Not down to the dollar or anything like that but around the same amounts. They know if they want something more expensive they will get less packages under the tree but that was never a problem.
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Post by cmpeter on Dec 24, 2019 14:45:55 GMT
We keep the dollar amount and number of gifts somewhat close, but don’t overly stress about it.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 24, 2019 14:59:05 GMT
I’ve always spent the same amount on each child. I think it’s a great way for them to learn value/quality vs quantity even at Christmas . My oldest son has only 4 small gifts to open as he wants money to finish a tattoo (😫), my youngest wanted expensive x box games, whilst my daughter is a sweetheart and lets me just buy what I think she wants ( it’s not hard lol) and has more things to open as they aren’t so expensive . Having watched my kids rip open tons of stuff when younger, only really to value a couple of things I’ve long since given up thinking they need loads of things to open to be happy . ETA we’ve never done the ‘turn taking ‘ present opening . Part of the fun has been them diving into their sacks ( we don’t do stockings never have ) and ripping stuff open. My youngest is on the autistic spectrum as well, and wouldn't be able to handle that sort of attention. DH’s family always did it that way and I HATED it! (DH did, too.) His mom liked to have a big pile of stuff for each person to open, and 99% of it was stupid filler stuff nobody wanted so the whole process was just painful. “Another calendar! Thaaaanks.” (NOT.) “You shouldn’t have.” Seriously, you shouldn’t have. A lot of the stuff she wrapped up was the free junk she got when she donated money to various “charities” that were constantly hitting her up for cash, and she donated to a LOT of places (many of them questionable). We found a whole closet full of that stuff in her house after she passed away. We did things way different in my family growing up. We opened family gifts on Christmas Eve. I don’t remember doing things one by one but maybe we did. We had to wait until my aunts and uncle came over for dinner and then after we ate we’d open the gifts. With eight kids in the family, each kid only got a couple things each plus a couple things from extended family so even at that it took a while. Santa gifts weren’t wrapped so we just came down on Christmas morning and found the stuff with our name on it (the older ones helped the younger ones find their stuff) because my parents didn’t want to have to get up at 5:00 am on Christmas, LOL.
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Post by walkerdill on Dec 24, 2019 14:59:07 GMT
I try to be even on dollar amount spent. So one kid may have 6 presents & the other only 2 depending on what they asked for. Last year my kid got the new Xbox and 1 game. My other kid had way more presents but the dollar amount was the same.
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rickmer
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Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Dec 24, 2019 15:11:37 GMT
i have always made sure the number of gifts seems fairly similar, keeping in mind cost. but not adding up exactly how many dollars.
this year i am doing all the shopping for my kids. i have $150 from my mom, $100 from my dad and then my budget. i was trying to make "this" from grandma" and "these two things from grandpa" but i gave up. i have wrapped everything and they will know all these gifts are from the three of us!
DD will be getting about $150 in cash- the most expensive thing i got her was a pair of birks sandals. she wants to save up for a trip. YDS is getting a lap top and MDS is getting a keyboard thingy for electronic music and a carrying bag for it. so i do try to make it fair.
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msliz
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Jun 26, 2014 21:32:34 GMT
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Post by msliz on Dec 24, 2019 15:20:07 GMT
It's important to DH that we spend evenly on the three, so two get cash gifts to even it out.
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Post by maryland on Dec 24, 2019 15:33:18 GMT
We keep the dollar amount very close. Not the gift amount. My kids are 16, 20 and 22, and sometimes they want one expensive item or sometimes several less expensive items. So if one wants a new phone, and the other wants some clothes from American Eagle 40% off sale, that child who wants the clothes gets more. We want to get them what they really want (and in the budget), so sometimes one gets more than others. And everyone is fine with this process!
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Post by librarylady on Dec 24, 2019 15:35:54 GMT
At one time I didn't worry so much, but once a particular DIL came into the family, she practically gets out the calculator to determine that things are even. So, if she is going to be here and see what others get--I make sure it is very even.
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johnnysmom
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Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Dec 24, 2019 15:38:46 GMT
I never understood the everyone gets two presents for example and your two might total $50 while someone else's might be $150 when i had a toddler (2), an school-age kid (8) and a teen (17) - the toddler could have a heap of presents and still not come close in value to ONE present for the teen and with so many hand-me-down toys, I wouldn't want to buy $150 worth of toddler toys. Now if my kids were close in age? and wanting the same general level of gifts? then yes, I would aim for closer values. Precisely! I'd say this year and last year were pretty close in cost/quantity for my boys (now 9 and 18) but that's mostly because they have everything . There's no need for new gaming systems or cell phones (oldest has one, youngest is too young) etc. I expect that as youngest enters tween/teen and oldest starts setting up for his first apartment in a couple years things might shift the other direction with oldest getting bigger, cheaper things (appliances, bedding, etc) and youngest will be getting smaller, more expensive things (cell phone, laptop, etc). But each family is different. I know my mom went to great lengths to make sure us 4 kids had equal (quantity and value) gifts on Christmas morning. But we were close in age (4 kids in just over 5 years) so our interests weren't so vastly different.
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Post by maryland on Dec 24, 2019 15:39:41 GMT
It's important to DH that we spend evenly on the three, so two get cash gifts to even it out. That's a good idea!
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johnnysmom
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Post by johnnysmom on Dec 24, 2019 15:40:09 GMT
At one time I didn't worry so much, but once a particular DIL came into the family, she practically gets out the calculator to determine that things are even. So, if she is going to be here and see what others get--I make sure it is very even. Wow, that's tacky! And as a DIL I don't expect the same value from my in-laws as dh receives (though they're pretty much equal at this point, but not sure they were in the beginning....don't really care either).
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paigepea
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Post by paigepea on Dec 24, 2019 15:43:03 GMT
I would say my family likes to keep it even for birthdays, Hanukkah, etc. With my own kids I don’t worry about it although I agree with what you say re numbers (we don’t do Xmas so numbers aren’t really an issue).
While I see why people like to keep it even I totally get your point about what the recipient is going to do with that money.
Last year for the holidays MIL gave my girls (then 13 and 9) $20 and gave the other grandkids (then 9 and 7) $80 tix to a musical that she was taking them to. We were all sitting in the living room when they opened gifts. My kids were pretty bummed but it had more to do with time spent than dollar value. Not all gifts are created equally.
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ddly
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Jul 10, 2014 19:36:28 GMT
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Post by ddly on Dec 24, 2019 15:47:12 GMT
My kids are older and this year they aren't opening at the same time. I didn't count gifts or money but I tried to make sure it seemed fair. I buy stuff I know they want and wouldn't get for themselves. For us it's not a what you need holiday, it's a time for extras.
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Deleted
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Oct 6, 2024 19:15:13 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 24, 2019 15:48:10 GMT
When they were little, we tried to get the same number of gifts. Once they were a bit older, we try to spend the same dollar amount and balance out the number of gifts with inexpensive stocking stuffers. There are exceptions, like for one year we paid off DS’s car loan and another DD’s prep course. However, the amounts were similar and will do the same for the other two at some point.
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artbabe
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Jun 26, 2014 1:59:10 GMT
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Post by artbabe on Dec 24, 2019 15:54:00 GMT
I'll start with the fact that I make more money than their mother and their father so I buy the "big" gifts since I have more disposable income.
I'm a bit concerned about the Christmas Eve Birthday/Christmas Day problem with my one nephew.
Oldest (Birthday Boy) - 2 records and a t-shirt Middle - 2 records, a t-shirt, and a bass amp (big gift). Youngest - 2 books, a t-shirt, a Fortnite bedspread, and airpods (big gift)
The oldest will get an electric piano, along with the stand and bench for his birthday. It was twice as pricey as the big gifts I gave the other two for Christmas so it will have to be his big gift for his birthday and Christmas. I'm not sure if that is the correct way to do it or not. It isn't like he won't have presents from me to open on Christmas day.
All three will get stocking stuffers, too: A Reeses candy cane, a small game (youngest gets a stuffed Fortnite llama instead) and a video game giftcard. Their mother also has stuff for their stockings so they end up with really full stockings.
So I guess I try to keep it somewhat even in quantity and price. The older two are teens and the youngest is 10 so his presents are a little different.
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Post by 16joy on Dec 24, 2019 16:24:41 GMT
My kids are 8.5 years apart. I used to focus on things they'd like and the number of things under the tree looked similar. They are both adults now and I'm about to get my son another amazon gift card to even it up a bit
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Post by lisacharlotte on Dec 24, 2019 16:50:05 GMT
I think when kids are younger an even number of gifts is more important that the cost. Once kids understand the cost, I think they need to understand that high dollar gifts mean fewer gifts. Some people are more concerned with the fairness of spending the same so keeping costs as equal as possible is the best solution. I would supplement with a gift card if necessary keep costs even. Thankful that I have one kid and don't have to worry about it. His birthday is 10 days before Christmas so now that he's an adult it's usually one big thing in December.
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Post by papersilly on Dec 24, 2019 18:33:45 GMT
yes, to a fault.
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Post by gale w on Dec 24, 2019 19:08:50 GMT
I try to keep the amounts pretty close-I fill in at the end with gift cards now that they're older. I also try to have each kid have the same number of gifts to open so some packages might contain several things.
When they were little we took turns. Now we all open one at the same time, next one at the same time, etc. That way fast openers aren't done before everyone else.
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mlana
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Jun 27, 2014 19:58:15 GMT
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Post by mlana on Dec 24, 2019 19:44:01 GMT
My kids are almost 8 years apart, so they have never really wanted the same gifts. When we open gifts, we do it one at a time, with everyone watching the gift opener open their gift. We just like to see each other open gifts and be surprised, so this is how we do it. LOL
I always made sure they had very similar numbers of gifts, but, as kids, the amount spent was usually heavily weighed in my older child's favor. By the time DS left home, DD was old enough to want more expensive gifts, so the costs were much more similar.
After DS moved to CA, and then married, all he wanted was cash. DD still asked for specific gifts, so I usually spent more on her. DD also has a birthday close to Christmas, so she also received gifts for that.
DS did protest one year, when we sent quite a bit less to him than we normally did. I pointed out that the amount was what we had that year and that his sister had also received significantly less. He was smart enough to apologize.
Later, well after Christmas, we had a discussion about the 8 years before DD was born and he received huge amounts of gifts and the 7 or so years after she was born when his gifts cost so much more than his. I did not intend to have to justify what I spent on each of them ever again, and he knew then he had really pissed me off.
He and his wife still prefer cash, so cash is what they get. DD still gives me a list in mid-November of things she'd like to have for either her birthday or Christmas and she is grateful for whatever she receives off the list. She always makes it clear that the list is just a suggestion, and I should feel free to add or subtract as my budget or mood allows.
This Christmas is going to upset DH I am sure. He and DD gave me lengthy lists and I bought several things off each. He insisted I send him a list while I was working and I could only think of 2 things at the time. I'll supplement it with a Botanical garden membership and a Kindle Unlimited subscription, but he'll be pissed there aren't as many gifts for me to open. He could, of course, have asked again or even asked DD, but that didn't occur to him I'm sure. I'm okay with this, but he won't be.
Marcy
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Post by Patter on Dec 25, 2019 0:00:26 GMT
I never understood the everyone gets two presents for example and your two might total $50 while someone else's might be $150 when i had a toddler (2), an school-age kid (8) and a teen (17) - the toddler could have a heap of presents and still not come close in value to ONE present for the teen and with so many hand-me-down toys, I wouldn't want to buy $150 worth of toddler toys. Now if my kids were close in age? and wanting the same general level of gifts? then yes, I would aim for closer values. I am sure if I had kids of different ages, I might do something different but my girls are triplets so it does make a difference there.
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Post by epeanymous on Dec 25, 2019 0:12:05 GMT
My oldest is 17 and my youngest is 4, so no. The things my younger kids want are cheaper and they don’t care that they cost less.
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Post by hmp on Dec 25, 2019 0:21:48 GMT
I keep the dollar amount equal for all the kids. They are now old enough to understand more expensive items mean fewer gifts. They are ok with that. I do this for Christmas & birthdays.
I remember my mom struggling with this concept when I was a teen. I really wanted a necklace that cost $80 for Christmas when I was 14. I told her I was ok if that was my only gift. I don’t think she really believed me and got me that necklace against her better judgement. I was thrilled Christmas morning. Didn’t care that my brother & sister had big piles of less expensive gifts. I’m still wearing that necklace all these decades later. I’ve always been a “quality over quantity” girl.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 25, 2019 6:46:44 GMT
I try to keep the number of gifts the same, within 1 gift more or less. The kids ask for different things. Some years its smaller items other years big and small. So the price difference can vary. And that is okay. I feel better with them receiving close to the same number of gifts, but don't add in filler gifts to make it even ya know?!
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